Amathiphu asheshayo
- Thumela umlayezo omncane: ngiyakukhumbula.
- Hlosa ingxoxo eyodwa yangempela, hhayi konke.
- Thela uthando olusele esibophweni esiseduze.
Kukhona uhlobo oluthile lokulahlekelwa olungatholi igama. Umngane owawuke uxoxe naye nsuku zonke. Awuqiniseki ukuthi kwaguquka nini. Kwakungekho kuxabana, kungekho kukhaphela, kungekho okungakhomba uthi yilapho okwaphuka khona. Izimpendulo zisheshe zaba nwabuzelayo. Amasu ayeka ukwenziwa. Ngolunye usuku uyabona ukuthi awukhumbuli ingxoxo yangempela yokugcina onawo, kanti umcabango ufika nobuhlungu obuncane, obumfishane.
Uma ubukade ukuthwele lokho ngokuthula, uzibuza ukuthi wenzeni okungalungile, nakhu okokuqala okubalulekile ukukuzwa: cishe akukho. Ubungane obuphelayo ngaphandle kwengxabano yenye yezinto ezijwayeleke kunazo zonke ezenzeka kubantu, futhi bekulokhu kwenzeka selokhu abantu banobungane. Kuyivelakancane ukusho ukuthi kukhona owehlulekile.
Ubungane bakhelwe ukudinga ukunakekelwa
Izibopho zomndeni zivame ukubambelela ngisho lapho uzinganaki. Ungangamshayeli udadewenu unyaka wonke usengumfowabo. Ubungane abusebenzi ngaleyo ndlela. Busebenza ngokuxhumana, ngemizuzu emincane, evamile yokuhlangana, futhi lapho leyo mizuzu ima, isibopho siqala ukuxega cishe ngokwaso.
Usomqondo uRobin Dunbar, ochithe amashumi eminyaka efunda ukuthi ubudlelwane babantu busebenza kanjani ngempela, wathola ukuthi ubungane buyabola lapho uyeka ukubona umuntu, futhi bubola ngokushesha okumangazayo. Thula nomngane oseduze unyaka ophakathi bese ukusondelana okuzwakalayo kuyashelela. Yeka iminyaka embalwa idlule kungekho kuxhumana kwangempela bese umuntu owayeke waba umngane omuhle uvame ukushelelela esigabeni sowaziyo nje. Hhayi ngonya lomuntu. Ngokungabikho nje.
Lokho kufanele uhlale nakho, ngoba kubeka kabusha icala. Ubungane obuphola emva kokuba nobabili nomatasa, nithuthile, naba nezingane, nishintshe imisebenzi, akulona uphawu lokuthi uthando lwalungelona iqiniso. Kuwuphawu lokuthi ubungane buyinto ephilayo edinga ukondliwa, kanti impilo yaba nomsindo omkhulu ngokwanele ukuze isibhoshe ukondla.
Kungani obuhle budedelana
Ubungane obuningi bubanjwe yinto eyabelwe. Nanikleyisini elilodwa, ehhovisi elilodwa, endaweni eyodwa, esahlukweni sempilo esisodwa. Susa into eniyabelanayo bese amandla adonsayo ayabuthakathaka.
Abacwaningi abafunda ukuthi ubungane buphela kanjani baqhubeka befika ezizathwini ezimbalwa ezifanayo, futhi cishe akukho phakathi kwazo esimangazayo.
- Izimo ziyaguquka. Umuntu uyathutha. Ikolishi liphela. Umsebenzi uyashintsha. Into eyayinifaka egumbini elilodwa izikhathi ezintathu ngesonto isihambile, futhi akukho okuvukayo ukuyithathela indawo.
- Nikhula ngezindlela ezihlukene. Abantu bayaguquka. Ngezinye izikhathi abantu ababili baguquka ngezindlela ezingasavumelani, bese izingxoxo ezaziyimnandi ziqala ukuzwakala njengomsebenzi.
- Ushintsho olukhulu lwempilo luhlela kabusha konke. Ubudlelwane obusha, ingane, ukuthuthela ezweni elikude, isikhathi esinzima sokunakekela. Isikhathi nokunaka kuyaqoqwa, kanti obunye ubungane ngokuthula bushelela phansi ohlwini.
- Akekho ofuna ukwenza ingxenye ehlazisayo. Abantu abadala abaningi bazokhetha ukuthula kunengxoxo engakhululekile kancane. Ngakho esikhundleni sokusho "ngiyakukhumbula, singakulungisa yini," bobabili bayakuyeka nje.
Qaphela ukuthi lolo hlu lujwayeleke kanjani. Alikho ixhwele kulo. Ubungane obuningi buphela njengomlilo ocima lapho kungasekho ofaka izinkuni. Kancane, futhi kungekho onqumayo.
Kungani kubuhlungu kakhulu kunalokho abantu abakuvumayo
Sinemikhosi ephelele yokuphela komshado kanti cishe asinayo eyokuphela kobungane. Alikho iphepha, alikho isimemezelo, akukho sitshulu esilethwa emnyango. Ngakho usizi luvame ukungakhulunywa, okungakwenza uzizwe uyisiwula kancane ngokuluzwa kangaka.
Awusona isiwula. Ukudonseleka ekuxhumaneni kufakwe kujule. U-U.S. Surgeon General wakhipha isexwayiso ngo-2023 esibiza isizungu nokuhlukaniswa njengokukhathaza kwangempela kwezempilo yomphakathi, ephawula ukuthi ukuxhumana okuqinile kwabantu kuhlobene nempilo engcono nempilo ende, kanti ukungabikho kwakho kuphethe izingozi zangempela. Ubungane akubona ubumnandi obwelekwe phezu kwempilo. Buyingxenye yesakhiwo. Lapho obungempela buphela, kukhona okuthwala umthwalo okuhamba nako, kanti ubuhlungu ngumzimba wakho okhuluma iqiniso ngakho.
Ongakwenza ngempela
Akubona bonke ubungane obuphelayo obudinga ukusindiswa, futhi akubona bonke obungasindiswa. Kodwa ngokuvamile unendawo eningi yokwenza kunalokho ukuthula okukwenza kuzwakale kunjalo.
- Nquma, ngokuqotho, ukuthi uyabufuna yini kabusha. Obunye ubungane buyaphela ngoba baqeda uhambo lwabo, kanti ukufinyelela emuva kuyoba ukufinyelela enguqulweni yempilo yakho esihambile. Obunye buphela kuphela ngoba abantu ababili abamatasa bobabili bacabanga ukuthi omunye usudlulele. Yiba qotho ngokuthi yikuphi lokhu. Ukukhumbula umuntu kungu-yebo. Ukukhumbula kuphela isahluko esidala kungahle kube ngu-cha, futhi lokho kuvumelekile.
- Yenza umnyakazo wokuqala futhi wenze uncane. Uma ubufuna ubungane, kukhona okumele aphule ukuthula, kanti ukulinda ukubona ukuthi ubani okhathala kakhulu yindlela ubungane obuhle obufa ngayo ngokuziqhenya. Awudingi isenzo esikhulu noma ukuxolisa ngento eyayingasona isono. Umlayezo olula uyasebenza: "Ungenile emqondweni wami namuhla. Ngiyakukhumbula. Ubukanjani?" Ubuncane yiphuzu. Kuwumnyango ovuliwe, hhayi isidingo.
- Hlosa umzuzu owodwa wangempela, hhayi ukulungisa okuphelele. Ungazami ukubuyisela iminyaka ngekhofi elilodwa. Thola nje ingxoxo eyodwa yangempela ekhalendeni. Ukusondelana kuyakheka kabusha ngendlela efanayo eyakheka ngayo okokuqala, ngokuxhumana okuncane okuphindaphindiwe, hhayi umzamo owodwa oyiqhawe.
- Vumela impendulo ibe yimpendulo. Ngezinye izikhathi uyafinyelela bese ukufudumala kuza kugelezela. Ngezinye izikhathi uthola impendulo enenhlonipho, ekude, noma awutholi lutho. Lokho ulwazi, hhayi isahlulelo ngokufanelwa kwakho. Wenze into enesibindi ngokufinyelela. Lokho omunye umuntu akwenzayo ngako kungokwakhe.
Futhi uma ubungane sebuphelile ngempela, uvunyelwe ukubulilela ngamabomu. Buqambe kuwe. Bubonge, ngisho ngokuthula, ngalokho obuyikho. Ukuvumela ubudlelwane buphele kahle, ngaphandle komunyu, kuwuhlobo lwako lokunakekela, kokubili komunye umuntu nakuwe.
Lapho ozobeka khona uthando olusele
Nansi ingxenye evame ukulahleka osizini. Amandla enza lobo bungane bube buhle asengawakho ngokuphelele. Ungumuntu owazi ukusondelana nomunye umuntu. Lokho akunyamalali lapho ubungane obubodwa buphela.
Ucwaningo ngokuxhumana lucacile futhi lukhulula kancane: kuwukugcwala kwezibopho zakho eziseduze okuvikela impilo yakho nesimo somoya sakho, hhayi ubukhulu bohlu lokuxhumana kwakho. I-Mayo Clinic, ifingqa amashumi eminyaka omsebenzi ngobungane nempilo, ikhomba ukuthi ubungane obumbalwa bangempela benza okuningi kuwe kunensimu ebanzi yobungane obungajulile. Ngakho uma amanye amandla akho abelokhu eya ekuxosheni ukuxhumana okuqhubeka kushelela, kungahle kube sekulungele ukuya lapho kungakwazi khona ukufika. Umngane omdala nawe owawuvumele adedelane. Omusha obulokhu uhlose ukumjulisa. Umuntu ophambi kwakho obekade elindele ukuthi ufinyelele kuqala.
Lapho ukuthula kukhulu kunobungane obubodwa
Ngezinye izikhathi ubungane obuphelayo yilokho nje, ubudlelwane obubodwa obuqeda uhambo lwabo. Ngezinye izikhathi kuyintambo oyidonsayo bese ubona ukuthi ijezi lonke lizwakala lincane. Uma uphakamisa amehlo bese uthola ukuthi ukuxhumana kwakho okuningi okuseduze sekuthule, ukuthi uzizwa unesizungu izinsuku eziningi kunalokho, noma ukuthi ukulahlekelwa yilobu bungane sekukudonsele osizini olungasukumi, lokho kufanele kuthathwe njengokubalulekile hhayi ukuqinisela wedwa.
Isizungu esizinzayo sihlale singasho ukuya emzimbeni wakho nasengqondweni yakho, kanti siyasabela ekusekelweni. Umelaphi angakusiza uqonde amaphethini endlela ubudlelwane bakho obuqala nobuphela ngayo, futhi angaba ubukhona obuzinzisayo ngenkathi wakha kabusha. Udokotela wakho uyisiqalo esilungile futhi, ikakhulukazi uma isimo somoya esiphansi sithinta ubuthongo bakho, isifiso sakho sokudla, noma ikhono lakho lokudlula usuku. Ukufinyelela osizweni lapha akusona uphawu lokuthi wehlulekile ebunganeni. Kuwuphawu lokuthi ukuthatha ukuxhumana ngokubaluleka ngokwanele ukukuvikela, okuyisona senzo esenza umuntu abe umngane omuhle kwasekuqaleni.
Umnyango oya ebantwini awuvali ngenxa yokuthi ubungane obubodwa bwenzile. Usavuliwe. Nawe uvuliwe.
Imithombo
- American Psychological Association, The science of why friendships keep us healthy
- Mayo Clinic, Friendships: Enrich your life and improve your health
- U.S. Surgeon General, Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation: Social Connection Advisory
- Simply Psychology, The Science of Maintaining Friendships: Why Adult Friendships Fade