Amathiphu asheshayo
- Ungalokothi weqe kabili: usuku olulodwa lokungasebenzi lulungile, ezimbili ziqala iphethini.
- Zikhulumele njengomngane oshelelile, hhayi umgxeki.
- Qala kabusha ngesinyathelo esisodwa esincane namuhla, hhayi uhlelo olukhulu ngoMsombuluko.
Ubuhlose ukuyogijima. Awuzange. Kwabe sekuthi usuku olulodwa lokuphumula lwaba luthathu, futhi kwenye indawo lapho uchungechunge owawuziqhenya ngalo lwaphela ngokuthula. Manje kunalelo zwi elijwayelekile. Elithi usukumoshile, uhlala wenza lokhu, ngakho ukhathazekelani.
Lelo zwi yilo inkinga yangempela. Hhayi ukugijima okuphuthelwe. Ukugijima okuphuthelwe bekungelutho.
Wonke umuntu uyashelela. Impilo iba nomsindo, uyagula, uyahamba, into enzima ifika epuletini lakho futhi umkhuba omusha yiwo owokuqala ukuhamba. Lokho akulona iphutha kuwe. Yilokho imikhuba ekwenzayo ngaphansi kwengcindezi. Abantu abagcina imikhuba yabo isikhathi eside akubona labo abangalokothi baphuthelwe. Yilabo ababuya ngokushesha emva kokuphuthelwa.
Ukushelela akukona okukucwilisayo
Kukhona ugibe oluthule olubamba iningi lethu. Wephula uchungechunge, uzizwa sengathi usuvele wehlulekile, ucabange ukuthi "phela, sengikumoshile manje," ngakho uyayidela yonke into isikhashana. Usuku olulodwa oluyekiwe luba isonto eliyekiwe. Ikhukhi elilodwa liba ibhokisi lonke. Ukushelela uqobo bekukuncane. Indaba oyixoxile ngako yenze umonakalo.
UJames Clear, obhala ngemikhuba, ukubeka ngokucacile: ukuphuthelwa kanye kuyingozi, ukuphuthelwa kabili kuyisiqalo somkhuba omusha. Iphutha lokuqala kuyivelakancane ukuthi limoshe okuthile. Kuwukuwohloka kwamaphutha aphindaphindiwe emva kwalo okwenzayo. Ngakho ikhono langempela akukona ukuphelela. Kuwukuzibamba emva kokuphuthelwa kanye ungakuvumeli kube kabili.
Umthetho olula uyasiza lapha: ungalokothi weqe kabili. Yeqa usuku, kulungile. Ungayeqi nje olulandelayo. Akudingeki ube ngophelele. Kufanele nje wenqabe ukuvumela usuku olulodwa lokungasebenzi lube okujwayelekile kwakho okusha ngokuthula.
Yiba nomusa kuwe ngaphezu kokuzwakala kungokwemvelo
Uvelelo emva kokushelela ukuzikhandla kanzima. Bhaxabula, uzwe icala, usebenzise amahloni njengophethiloli. Kuzwakala kunesibopho. Kuvame ukubuya kubi.
Abacwaningi baye babheka lokhu kanye. Ocwaningweni olulodwa lwabantu abasebenzela imigomo yokwehlisa isisindo, labo abasabela ekushelelweni ngokuzwelana nabo esikhundleni sokuzigxeka babika ukuzethemba okwengeziwe ekhonweni labo lokuqhubeka, izinhloso eziqinile zokuqhubeka, nemizwa embalwa elukhuni ngokuhlehla. Into eyenza umehluko yayiwukwehla kwecala. Lapho icala lehla, ukuzimisela kwabuya.
Lokho kuhambisana nendlela ukuzwelana nawe okusebenza ngayo. Umcwaningi uKristin Neff ukuchaza njengezenzo ezintathu ezilula: ukuba nomusa kuwe esikhundleni sokuba lukhuni, ukukhumbula ukuthi wonke umuntu uyazabalaza futhi awuwedwa owephukile ngokukhethekile, nokuqaphela umuzwa onzima ngaphandle kokuminza kuwo. Kuzwakala kuthambile. Empeleni kuyindlela esebenza kakhulu yokuphinda unyakaze, ngoba amahloni akwenza ufune ukucasha, futhi awukwazi ukuqala kabusha umkhuba ucashile.
Zama ukuzikhulumela ngendlela obungakhuluma ngayo nomngane omuhle oshelelile. Ubungeke utshele umngane ukuthi akanathemba. Ubungamtshela ukuthi kulungile, kuyenzeka, ake sikuqoke kusasa. Ufanelwe izwi elifanayo.
Indlela elula yokubuya
Lapho usukulungele ukuqala kabusha, kwenze cishe kube lula ngokuhlekisayo. Umgomo ukwephula umlingo, hhayi ukubuyisela isikhathi esilahlekile.
- Nciphisa isinyathelo esilandelayo size sibe sincane. Hhayi ukuzivocavoca okuphelele, vele ugqoke izicathulo zakho uhambe uye ekhoneni. Hhayi usuku oluphelele lokudla, vele idina elilodwa elihle lasekuseni. Isinyathelo esincane ngokwanele kangangokuthi awukwazi ukuziphumisa kuso.
- Kwenze namuhla, hhayi ngoMsombuluko. Ukulinda isiqalo esisha kugcina ukushelela kuphila isikhathi eside. Ithuba elilandelayo yihora elilandelayo, hhayi isonto elilandelayo.
- Ungazami "ukubuyisela" igebe. Awukwazi ukubuyisa izinsuku eziphuthelwe ngokuzijezisa ngokuphindwe kabili manje. Lokho kumane kwenza umkhuba uzwakale njengesikweletu. Qhubeka lapho ukhona uqhubekele phambili.
- Qaphela okukukhubekisile, ngomusa. Hhayi ukuzisola, kodwa ukuhlela. Ingabe bekuwukukhathala kakhulu, ukumatasa kakhulu, ukunxusa kakhulu? Inguqulo encane, ethethelela kakhulu yomkhuba ilula ukuyigcina lapho impilo iphinda iba nzima.
Iphuzu lonke ukuthola ukunqoba okulula okukodwa. Amandla okuqhubeka awaveli ekuqaleni kabusha okukhulu. Aphuma esenzweni esisodwa esincane esikutshela ukuthi usakulokhu.
Lapho ukushelela kuyingxenye yento enkulu
Ngezinye izikhathi "ngilokhu ngishelela" empeleni kumayelana nokuthile okungaphansi. Uma uphelelwe amandla kangangokuthi awukwazi ukuqhuba noma iyiphi inqubo, noma ukucabanga kokwenza konke noma ungenzi lutho kungena endleleni ozibona ngayo njengomuntu, noma yonke inhlehla ikuthumela ekwehleni kwangempela, lokho kufanele ukuthathe ngokungathi sina futhi kufanele okwengeziwe kunecebo lomkhuba.
Udokotela noma umelaphi angakusiza uhlele ukuthi ingabe okuvimbela indlela yimpilo ematasatasa nje noma okuthile njengesimo somqondo esiphansi, ukuphelelwa amandla, noma ukukhathazeka okufanele ukunakekelwa kwako. Ukufinyelela kulokho akulona uphawu lokuthi wehlulekile emandleni engqondo. Kuyisenzo esihlakaniphile, futhi esinomusa.
Kodwa namuhla, awudingi uhlelo olusha lonke. Udinga nje ukungayeqi kabili. Gqoka izicathulo. Yidla idina elihle lasekuseni. Thatha isinyathelo esisodwa esincane esikufakazela ukuthi ukushelela bekuwukushelela, hhayi ukuphela. Usalapha, futhi yilokho kuphela okudingekayo ukuze uqale futhi.
Imithombo
- British Journal of Health Psychology (via PMC), Does self-compassion help to deal with dietary lapses among overweight and obese adults who pursue weight-loss goals?
- James Clear, Avoid the Second Mistake
- Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion, What Is Self-Compassion?