Ukuba ngumuntu ophendula kahle lapho kukhona okonakele kungelinye lamakhono abaluleke kakhulu ibhizinisi elincane elingaba nawo, futhi konke cishe kuncike emushweni wokuqala. Hhayi ukubuyiswa kwemali. Hhayi incazelo. Umusho wokuqala, othunyelwe ngaphakathi kosuku, ngamazwi ekhasimende uqobo.
Abantu abaningi abaphethe okwabo bavele bekuhle kulokhu uma bebhekene nomuntu ubuso nobuso. Ubuso nobuso ubuzonqekuzisa ikhanda, uphinde lokho okwenzekile, bese usho ukuthi uzokwenzani ngakho. Kukhona okuthile ngesikrini okususa kokuthathu lokhu. Umlayezo uyafika, awunabo ubulungiswa okungenani kwenye indawo, futhi impendulo eyakhekayo ekhanda lakho iwukuzivikela okusemthethweni.
Ungabhala umusho omuhle esikhundleni salokho. Uyafundeka, uthatha cishe imizuzwana engamashumi ayisishiyagalolunye, futhi ungenye yezinyathelo ezishibhe kunazo zonke kule ndaba: umugqa onembile nosuku olugciniwe kunquma ukuthi konke okusele kuyisilungiso noma yimpikiswano.
Ngibhalani ngempela emushweni wokuqala?
Sho okonakele, ngamazwi abo, ngaphandle kokuzivikela. I-oda lakho lafika sekwedlule izinsuku eziyisishiyagalolunye futhi ibhokisi laliphihlizekile ngumusho wokuqala ophelele, futhi wenza umsebenzi omkhulu kunesigaba ngasinye soxolo.
Ukusho into ngokusobala akulona uvumo lokuthi unecala futhi akukhona ukunikela. Kuyisenyathelo esiqeda ukukhula kwenkinga, ngoba okuningi kwalokho okubukeka njengentukuthelo kungumuntu ongaqiniseki ukuthi ngabe usezwakele yini futhi okhulisa izwi kuze kuqinisekise. Kunengxenye enhle yesayensi yobuchopho eduze. Lapho abantu bebeka umuzwa emagameni acacile, impendulo yobuchopho engozini iyathula ngendlela ekalekayo. Lolo cwaningo lumayelana nokusho umuzwa wakho siqu kunokuba omunye akusho egameni lakho, ngakho kuthathe njengesikhombisi kunokuba ubufakazi, kodwa sikhomba endleleni efanele: amagama anembile enza umsebenzi amagama athambisayo angawenzi.
Sebenzisa amabizo abo. Uma bebhale ukuthi umbala awufani nhlobo nesithombe, wena ubhala ukuthi umbala awufani nhlobo nesithombe, hhayi ukuthi ubunokukhathazeka okuthile ngesigqi sombala. Isikhalazo esihunyushiwe sifundeka njengokuphatha. Esiphindiwe sifundeka njengomuntu.
Sinye isixwayiso. Ungaqali ngokuthi uxolo kuphela. Uxolo olungenalutho olubaliwe lufundeka njengencwadi eyifomu, futhi ikhasimende kumele libhale libuyele ukuze lithole ukuthi ngabe uyiqondile yini nhlobo inkinga. Sho into kuqala, bese uxolisa kuwo lowo mlayezo uma uxolo lufanele.
Bese uyama. Ungaxhumi u-nokho. Ungaxhumi isizathu okwamanje. Umusho wokuqala unomsebenzi owodwa, futhi ukuwunika umsebenzi wesibili yikho okwenza abantu bathukuthele nakakhulu.
Kufanele ngiphendule ngokushesha okungakanani?
Ngaphakathi kosuku, ngisho noma ukulungisa kuzothatha isonto. Isivinini nesixazululo yizinto ezimbili ezihlukene: impendulo esheshayo yokubambelela isusa ukwesaba ukushaywa indiva, futhi lokho kwesaba yikho okuguqula isikhalazo sibe ngumbuko wasobala.
Awudingi impendulo ukuze uphendule. Ngiyifunde kahle le nto, nakhu okonakele, futhi ngizoba nesu ngoLwesine ngumlayezo ophelele nowethembekile. Ubiza imizuzu emihlanu bese uthenga izinsuku ezintathu.
Imizuzu engamashumi amabili ngaphambi kokuba uwubhale yiyona ebalulekile. Uma isivinini senhliziyo yakho siphezulu, umusho wakho uzoba mude futhi ube mubi. Yenza into engokomzimba kuqala, noma ngabe iyiphi eyakho: ukuhamba uzungeza ibhulokhi, ukuphakamisa okusindayo, ukwenyuka izitebhisi kabili. Umzimba osushise wonke u-adrenaline ubhala umusho omfushane kunomzimba osawuphethe, futhi okufushane yikho kanye okufunayo lapha. Nalesi yisizathu esisobala sokugcina ukuzivocavoca esontweni lakho lapho uphethe into wedwa. Akukhona ukuphambuka kwempilo. Yingakho unobuchopho obusebenzayo ngo-9 ekuseni ngoMgqibelo.
Bese ubhala impendulo, uyifunde futhi kanye ufuna igama ngalinye ongalisusa.
Kulandelani emva komusho wokuqala?
Isenzo esisodwa nosuku olulodwa, ngaleyo ndlela, bese kulandela incazelo kuphela uma isadingeka. Isikhathi esiningi ayidingeki, ngoba ikhasimende belifuna umphumela kunesizathu.
Isakhiwo sinezingxenye ezine futhi silingana nebhokisi lomlayezo.
- Vuma, ngamazwi abo, ngaphandle kwe-nokho.
- Isenzo esisodwa. Ngithumela esinye esishintshayo. Ngibuyisela imali yokuthumela. Ngiyakwenza kabusha ngaphandle kwenkokhelo.
- Usuku olulodwa. Kuphuma ngoLwesibili. Usuku umuntu alugcinayo lubiza kakhulu kunesithembiso umuntu asedlula kuso.
- Incazelo, imfushane, ekugcineni, akuphoqi. Imisho emibili phezulu, futhi ingabi nezwi elicela ukuthethelelwa ngokuba nesonto elinzima.
Ucwaningo lokuhlolwa lokulungisa ukwethembana luthola ukuthi uxolo lwenza umsebenzi walo ngezinto ezimbili ngasikhathi sinye, ukuthi ubukeka uthembeke kangakanani manje nokuthi kusekhona ukuzwa kabi okungakanani egumbini. Kungakho amagama alezi zingxenye ezine ebaluleke kakhulu kunobukhulu besenzo esiboshelwe kuwo.
Ukubuyiswa kwemali kuyimpendulo elula, hhayi ngaso sonke isikhathi elungile. Ukubuyiswa kwemali kuqeda ukuthengiselana. Ukwenza kabusha, kuthunyelwe ngosuku olwathenjiswa, kuqeda inkinga futhi kugcine umuntu.
Ngibhalani lapho isikhalazo sisobala?
Sibhalele umfundi olandelayo, hhayi lowo othukuthele. Wonke umuntu obona umbuko wenkanyezi eyodwa empeleni ufunda impendulo yakho, futhi abakuhlolayo ukuthi ngabe uzolile futhi uqondile yini.
Imisho emithathu obala, okuphezulu. Vuma, sho isenzo nosuku, bese unikeza ukuqhubeka ngomlayezo. Akukho ukuzivikela, akukho umlando we-oda, akukho ukulungisa inguqulo yabo yezenzakalo ngisho noma inguqulo yabo ingelona iqiniso.
Impikiswano yasobala oyiwinayo isakudlela ukuthengisa kuwo wonke umuntu oyifundayo. Impendulo emfushane, engakhathazekile, enamaqiniso obonakala uyilahlekelwa ifundeka njengebhizinisi umuntu angathatha ngalo ingozi yamadola angu-40.
Phendula nakuyo imibuko emihle, ngomugqa owodwa, usebenzisa igama lekhasimende. Kuthatha umzuzu ngesonto futhi kusho ukuthi ikhasi lakho lemibuko akulona udonga lokuthula olunesikhalazo esisodwa esihlezi phakathi nendawo.
Bese uyithatha eceleni ube nomusa lapho, lapho kungekho muntu odlala umdlalo. Okutholakele okuhlala isikhathi eside kunakho konke ocwaningweni lwezinsizakalo zamakhasimende akunamibala nhlobo: abantu bavuza hhayi ukujabuliswa, kodwa umzamo omncane, okusho ukuthi inkinga ixazululwe ngaphandle kokuba badinge ukuyixosha. Ukuphendula ngokushesha nokwenza lokho okushilo kuwumkhiqizo ngokwawo.
Bhala eyakho inguqulo manje, ngenkathi kungekho othukuthele
Vula inothi namuhla bese ubhala esakho isakhiwo sezingxenye ezine, sinebhizinisi lakho kuso nezinto ezimbili noma ezintathu ezivame ukonakala ngempela emkhakheni wakho. Ngeke ukwazi ukusibhala ngekuseni okuzoba ngesikhathi usidinga, futhi lelo kuseni lihlala liwa ngoMgqibelo.
Kugcine kulula. Injongo yomugqa obhaliwe akusiwo umbhalo okukhipha engxoxweni. Ukukubamba ezingeni elifanayo ngosuku olubi njengelona ofinyelela kulo kalula ngosuku oluhle. Shintsha igama ngaleso sikhathi kusengokwakho.
Akukho kulokhu okwehlisa amazinga akho okuthi ukhulunyiswa kanjani. Ungabamba umngcele, wenqabe isicelo esingenangqondo futhi usathumele umusho ozolile, futhi eqinisweni umusho ozolile yiwo owenza umngcele ubambe, ngoba akukho lutho kuwo okungaphikiswana ngalo. Umuntu ophendula kahle lapho kukhona okonakele nguye osazothengisa eminyakeni eyishumi. Kungelinye lamakhono ambalwa kuyo yonke le ndaba ongawajwayeza ngemizuzwana engamashumi ayisishiyagalolunye.
Imithombo
- Psychological Science, Putting feelings into words: affect labeling disrupts amygdala activity in response to affective stimuli
- Frontiers in Psychology, Apologies Repair Trust via Perceived Trustworthiness and Negative Emotions
- Harvard Business Review, Stop Trying to Delight Your Customers