Indlela Yokulalela Ngempela Ukuze Omunye Umuntu Azizwe Ezwiwe

Umuntu omthandayo ukutshela okuthile okubalulekile kuye, futhi ungazwa uyandinda. Ingxenye yakho iyanqekuzisa ikhanda. Enye ingxenye isivele yakha impendulo, isixazululo, isibonelo esiphila kwakho esifakazela ukuthi uyaqonda. Ngesikhathi beqeda, usulungile. Uyaphendula. Futhi okuthile ebusweni babo kuvaleka kancane.

Ubungazami ukubadelela. Cishe ubuzama ukusiza. Kodwa umuntu ophambi kwakho akatholanga into ngempela abeze ngayo, okuwukuzwiwa. Lelo gebe, phakathi kokuhlosa okuhle nokufika kahle, yilapho ubuseduze obuningi buchitheka khona ngokuthule ebudlelwaneni bethu.

Izindaba ezinhle ukuthi ukulalela kwangempela kuyikhono, hhayi uhlobo lobuntu. Abanye abantu bakuthola kalula. Wonke umuntu angaba ngcono kukho. Futhi kufanele ube ngcono kukho, ngoba ukuzizwa uqondwa ngomunye umuntu akuyona into ethambile enhle nje. Abantu abazizwa belalelwa futhi bazisekile ebudlelwaneni babo bavame ukungacindezeleki kakhulu, ukungabi nesizungu kakhulu, futhi babe ngabazinzile ngokuphelele. Uhlangothi oluphambene lungokoqobo ngokufanayo: lapho umuntu ezizwa engezwiwa isikhathi eside, kuyamkhandla.

Ukuthi ukuzwiwa kwenzani ngempela emuntwini

Kuyalinga ukufaka ukulalela ngaphansi kwenhlonipho, into eyenziwa abantu abanenhlonipho. Umphumela ujula kunalokho.

Lapho umuntu ezizwa ezwiwe ngempela, ingcosana yengcindezi iyasuka kuye. Akadingi ukuqhubeka ecindezela ukuze enze iphuzu lakhe. Angayeka ukuzilungisela. Ungakubuka kwenzeka ngesikhathi sangempela, emahlombe, emphefumulweni. Lokho kudedelwa kuyingxenye yokuthi kungani ukulalelwa kungenye yezinto ezizolisa kakhulu umuntu angazinika omunye, nokuthi kungani abantu abaningi beshiya ingxoxo enhle bezizwa belula kunalokho amaqiniso odwa angakuchaza.

Ucwaningo lusekela ukuthi kubaluleke kangakanani. Ezifundweni zodokotela neziguli, umehluko phakathi kokuzizwa ulalelwa nokuzizwa udelelwa uvela yonke indawo lapho ulinganiswa khona. Lapho iziguli zizizwa udokotela wazo elalele ngempela futhi ebonisa uzwelo, zabika ukwaneliseka kakhulu nokwesekwa kakhulu. Lapho zizizwa udokotela wazo engalalelanga, umphumela wemizwa waba mubi kakhulu ngendlela elinganisekayo. Leso yisimo sokwelapha, kodwa isifundo sihamba ngqo siye ekhishini lakho nasezingxoxweni zakho zeqembu: ukuzwiwa akusona umhlobiso phezu kobudlelwano. Kuyingxenye yendlela ubudlelwano obenza ngayo umsebenzi bawo.

Kukhona nenzuzo ethule kakhulu, futhi ingeyakho. Lapho uyeka ukuzikhandla ukwenza impendulo ephelele bese umane umamukela umuntu, izingxoxo ziba ngezingakhathazi kakhulu. Awusaphethe imisebenzi emibili ngasikhathi sinye, ukulalela nokuvivinya. Wenza kuphela owokuqala.

Kungani sibaxaka kangaka kukho (nokuthi kungani lokho kungelona iphutha lakho)

Ukulalela kuzwakala kungenzi lutho. Hlala unganyakazi, uthule, uvumele amagama angene. Uma kwakuyilokho kuphela okudingekayo, besingaba sonke sikuhle kukho.

Okwenzeka ngempela ukuthi ingqondo yakho isheshayo futhi ingxoxo ihamba kancane. Ungacabanga izikhathi eziningi ngokushesha kunokuba omunye umuntu akhulume, futhi lawo mandla asele kufanele aye ndawana thile. Ngakho aya ekwahluleleni, ekuqhathaniseni, ekulungiseleleni impendulo yakho, ekunqumeni ukuthi baqinisile yini. Abacwaningi bachaza ukulalela kwangempela njengenqubo esebenzayo enezingxenye eziningi ezinyakazayo: ukwamukela amagama, ukufunda umuzwa ongaphansi kwawo, bese ubonisa omunye umuntu ukuthi ukutholile kokubili. Odokotela ngezinye izikhathi bakuhlukanisa kube izigaba ezintathu, ukuzwa lokho isikhulumi esikushoyo (kuhlanganise nezingxenye ezingazishongo ngokuzwakalayo), ukukucubungula, nokuphendula ngendlela efakazela ukuthi ubukhona. Qaphela ukuthi kungakanani kwalokho okungumsebenzi. Akukho kukho okuwukungabi nomzamo.

Kukhona nomzwelo osebenza ngokumelene nawe. Lapho umuntu esiletha inkinga, iningi lethu lifinyelela ngqo esixazululweni, ngoba ukuxazulula kuzwakala njengokukhathala futhi ukuthula kuzwakala kungelusizo. Kwesinye isikhathi isixazululo yikho kanye okufunwayo. Kaningi akunjalo. Isixazululo esisheshayo singafika njenge-"asikuqedele lokhu," ngisho noma ubuchaza ukuthi "ngifuna ukukwehlisela umthwalo wakho."

Kubukeka kanjani ukuzwiwa ngempela

Cabanga ngesikhathi sokugcina uzizwa uqondwa ngokuphelele ngomunye umuntu. Cishe babengababukisi. Babengenaso iseluleko esikhazimulayo. Babemane bekhona ngokugcwele nawe. Ubungawuzwa umehluko.

Nakhu lowo muntu cishe abekwenza.

Basusa iziphazamiso, kuhlanganise nesibe sesandleni sabo

Awukwazi ukulalela uhhafu bese kubalwa. I-Cleveland Clinic ibeka ukuba khona ngengqondo eduze naphezulu ohlwini lwayo, futhi isitha esikhulu kunazo zonke sokuba khona yifoni. Yibeke ibheke phansi, noma kwelinye igumbi. Phendulela umzimba wakho kumuntu. Bavumele babe namehlo akho. Akukho kulokhu okumayelana nokubukeka unenhlonipho. Kumayelana nokunika omunye umuntu ukunaka kwakho kwangempela, abangakuzwa ngomzuzu abanakho nangomzuzu abangenakho.

Bayeka ukwakha impendulo yabo

Lena inzima, ngoba yenzeka ngokuzenzakalela. Ngomzuzu oqala ukwakha impendulo yakho, usushiye ingxoxo, ngisho noma usahlezi kuyo. Zama lokhu esikhundleni salokho: vumela omunye umuntu aqede ngokuphelele ngaphambi kokuba unqume ukuthi ucabangani. Uzobamba izinto obungaziphuthelwa, futhi ukuthula okuncane ngenkathi ucabanga ngamagama abo kubatshela ukuthi ngempela uwakalile. Ukuthula akusona ukwehluleka ukuphendula. Kuyingxenye yokuphendula.

Bakubuyisela emuva

Yilesi isinyathelo esenza okuningi kunazo zonke futhi esiqhutshwa kancane kunazo zonke. Ngemva kokuba umuntu abelane ngokuthile kwangempela, phinda usho lokho okuzwile, ngamagama akho. "Ngakho kuzwakala sengathi awuthukuthelele nakancane umnqamulajuqu, ulimele ukuthi abakubuzanga kuqala." Yilokho. Awuvumelani, awulungisi, awunikezi ibanga. Uyahlola.

Izinto ezimbili zenzeka lapho wenza lokhu. Uma ukutholile kahle, umuntu uzwa ukukhululeka okuncane, umuzwa othize wokuqondwa. Uma ukuthole kancane kabi, bayakulungisa, futhi manje nobabili niyakuqonda kangcono kunalokho enanikuqonda umzuzu odlule. Akukho sinyathelo sokulahlekelwa. Ukubuyisela emuva, lokho ochwepheshe abakubiza ngokubonakalisa noma ukuphinda ngamanye amagama, kungenye yamaqhinga ayinhloko ocwaningweni ncamashi ngoba kusebenza ngezindlela zombili.

Balalele umuzwa, hhayi nje amaqiniso

Ngaphansi kobuso bezinto eziningi abantu abasitshela zona kunomuzwa ofuna ufakazi. Indaba ngozakwabo ongenanhlonipho empeleni imayelana nokuzizwa udelelekile. Ukulandisa okude kwe-apoyintimenti kadokotela empeleni kumayelana nokwesaba. Akudingeki ube umfundi wengqondo. Ungamane uqambe lokho okuqaphelayo, ngobumnene futhi njengokuqagela. "Lokho kuzwakala kukhathaza." "Ubukeka ukhathazeke kakhulu kunalokho okuvezayo." Uma uphaphalaza, bazokutshela. Uma useduze, ubabonisile ukuthi ingxenye ebibaluleke kakhulu ibiyingxenye obuyilandela.

Babuza, esikhundleni sokucabangela

Imibuzo emihle iwuhlobo lokuphana. Hhayi uhlobo lokuphenya, uhlobo oluvula umnyango. "Kwakunjani lokho kuwe?" "Yini oyidingayo manje, ukukhipha imizwa noma ukuxazulula inkinga?" Owokugcina ucishe ube umlingo ebudlelwaneni obuseduze, ngoba uqeda ukungahambisani okuthule lapho umuntu oyedwa efuna induduzo omunye alethe uhlelo lwamaphuzu amahlanu. Buza, bese uyeka ukuqagela.

Kuzwakala kanjani engxoxweni yangempela

Amanyathelo ohlwini angazwakala njengomshini. Nakhu ukuthi ahlangana kanjani lapho umuntu ohlala naye efika ekhaya ekhathele ephelile.

Babeka phansi isikhwama sabo bathi umphathi omusha uhlele kabusha lonke ithimba futhi akabatshelanga kwaze kwaqedwa. Umzwelo wakho wokuqala ngosobala: lokho kuyihlaya, kufanele usho okuthile, nakhu kanye okumele ukuthumele. Bambelela kulokho.

Esikhundleni salokho ubeka phansi ifoni bese uphendukela kubo. "Kulungile. Ngitshele okwenzekile." Ubavumela bakhiphe yonke into, ngisho nezingxenye ezibuyela emuva, ngaphandle kokuqedela imisho yabo. Lapho bema, awukugcwalisi. Uhlala ekuthuleni isikhashana, bese usho lokho okuzwile. "Ngakho uthole emva kwesikhathi, emhlanganweni, phambi kwawo wonke umuntu." Bayanqekuzisa ikhanda, bese bengeza ingxenye abebengakayisho, ingxenye ehlaba ngempela: yabenza bazizwa bengabonakali.

Yilowo umucu. Uwudonsa ngobumnene. "Lokho kuzwakala kungahambisani nento yesheduli kodwa kufana kakhulu nokuthi uzwe usuliwe." Manje sebekhuluma ngempela, ngoba uwutholile umuzwa ngaphansi kwamaqiniso. Awulungisanga lutho. Bekungadingeki ukwenze. Ngaphambi kokunikeza umbono owodwa, ubuza umbuzo owodwa osindisa izingxoxo eziningi: "Ufuna sicabangisise ngokumele kwenziwe, noma umane udinga ukuthukuthela ngakho umzuzu?" Noma yini abayiphendulayo, ekugcineni ungabanika into efanele esikhundleni sokuqagela.

Yonke le nkambisano ingathatha imizuzu emine. Akekho othole iseluleko abengasicelanga. Futhi umuntu ungene ezizwa eyedwa nakho waphuma ezizwa sengathi kukhona umuntu osohlangothini lwakhe.

Izinto ezimbalwa okumele uyeke ukuzenza

Kwesinye isikhathi ukulalela kangcono ikakhulukazi kumayelana nokususa okuvimbayo.

• Gcina iseluleko kuze kube siyafunwa. Uma ungaqiniseki, buza. "Ufuna umbono wami, noma umane ufuna ngilalele?" Abantu abaningi bayaphefumula lapho ubuza lokho.
• Melana nokuvala indaba yabo ngeyakho. "Awu, into efanayo yenzeka kimi" kuzwakala njengokuxhumana ngaphakathi futhi njengokuthumba ngaphandle. Okuncane kwakho kuyabopha. Okuningi kwakho kususa ukukhanya kukubeke kuwe.
• Ungasheshi ukulungisa umuzwa. "Ungakhathazeki," "kuzolunga," "bheka uhlangothi oluhle" kungazwakala sengathi ufuna umuzwa uhambe ukuze uphinde ukhululeke. Ukuhlala nomuntu ngomzuzu onzima kuwusizo kakhulu kunokumkhipha kuwo ngokukhuluma.
• Qaphela isifiso sokuzivikela. Lapho lokho abakushoyo kumayelana nawe, umzwelo wokuzichaza mkhulu kakhulu. Ungakwenza. Kamuva. Kuqala, qiniseka ukuthi bazizwa beqondwa, ngisho nasekungavumelaneni. Abantu bangamela ukungqubuzana okuningi uma bekholelwa ukuthi ngempela ubalalele.

Lapho ukulalela kodwa kunganele

Kunomkhawulo kulokho ukulalela okungcono okungakuthwala, futhi kuyasiza ukuba qotho ngokuthi ukuphi.

Uma ingxoxo efanayo ebuhlungu iqhubeka izungeza ingenakunyakaza, noma uma umuntu omthandayo ecwila kokuthile okunzima kunesonto elinzima, ukulalela kahle kuyisiqalo, hhayi isixazululo. Udokotela wengqondo omuhle wezithandani noma womndeni angafundisa abantu ababili ukuzwana ngezindlela okunzima ngempela ukuzifunda wedwa. Futhi uma umuntu eqhubeka ekutshela, ngamagama noma ebusweni bakhe, ukuthi uzizwa engenathemba noma engaphephile, umsebenzi wakho usuka ekuqondeni uye ekubatholeleni usizo lwangempela. Ukulalela yindlela yokuhlala useduze ngokwanele ukuze uqaphele. Akusona isikhundla sosizo lochwepheshe uma isimo siludinga.

Isikhathi esiningi nokho, izinga liphansi futhi lifinyeleleka kakhulu kunalokho esikwesabayo. Akudingeki usho into ephelele. Ikakhulukazi udinga ukubeka phansi ifoni, uyeke ukuzilolonga, bese uvumela omunye umuntu abone ukuthi lokho abakushilo ngempela kukufikile. Yenza lokho, bese ubanika into eyivelakancane kuneseluleko. Ubanika ukuzwa kokungabi wedwa kukho.

Imithombo

• Cleveland Clinic, Izindlela Ezi-7 Zokuthuthukisa Amakhono Akho Okulalela Ngokusebenza
• StatPearls / NIH National Library of Medicine, Ukulalela Ngokusebenza
• Frontiers in Psychiatry (PubMed Central), Ukuqinisekiswa kwenguqulo yesiShayina ye-Active-Empathic Listening Scale
• American Psychological Association, Ukulalela ngokusebenza, i-APA Dictionary of Psychology