Amathiphu asheshayo
- Faka ukuskrola ewindini elilodwa elifushane.
- Phakamisa ikhofi langempela ngaphakathi kwezinsuku.
- Bala ukuphuma njengokunqoba.
Ngokuvamile kuqala njengokububula okuncane. Uthatha ifoni yakho ukwenza okunye, ibheji le-app libamba iso lakho, futhi ngaphambi kokuba unqume noma yini usuyaskrola. Emva kwemizuzu embalwa ubeka ifoni phansi uzizwa ungcono kancane kunalapho uyithathe khona, futhi ubungeke ukwazi ukusho ncamashi ukuthi kungani. Akekho obenonya. Akukho okwenzekile. Cishe leyo yinkinga. Akukho okuqhubeka kwenzeka, kaninginingi, futhi ndawana thile kuko konke lokho kungabikho ithemba lakho liya lincipha.
Lowo muzwa ophansi, oyisicaba, ongenathemba unegama manje. Abantu bakubiza ngokukhatha kwe-app yokuqoma, futhi kungokoqobo ngokwanele kangangokuba abacwaningi baqale ukukulinganisa. Inguqulo emfushane: ama-app kwakumele enze ukuthola umuntu kube lula, futhi kubantu abaningi awenze ngokuthulile kwaba khandlayo kakhulu esikhundleni salokho.
Uma yilapho okhona, useqenjini elivamile kakhulu. Enhlolovweni yezwe lonke, abantu baseMelika ababesanda kusebenzisa isayithi noma i-app yokuqoma babenethuba elikhulu lokuphuma bezizwa becasukile kunokuthemba. Lena akuyona inkinga yakho. Kuyisici sendlela lawa mathuluzi asebenza ngayo.
Kungani ukufuna uthando kuqala ukuzwakala njengomsebenzi wesibili
Cabanga ngalokho ama-app akucela ngempela kuwe. Uskrola udlule ubuso obudengezi, ulinganisa ngamunye ngomzuzwana noma emibili. Ubhala umugqa wokuqala ofanayo osuwubhale ikhulu lezikhathi. Ugcina izingxoxo ezimbili noma ezintathu ezingaphelele zihamba kanyekanye, iningi lazo elifiphala libe ukuthula. Uyahlangana, bese uyashiywa. Uyalinda. Uthola umyalezo ongayi ndawo. Uqala futhi kusasa.
Lokho, ngokwesakhiwo, kufana kakhulu nomsebenzi wamashifthi. Futhi ukukhatha, ngomqondo wezokwelapha, kwaqala kwafundwa kubasebenzi: ukukhandleka, ukungabaza, umuzwa okhwelayo wokuthi akukho okwenzayo okwenza umehluko. Iqembu labacwaningi e-Arizona State lalandela abantu abaseduze nabangamakhulu amahlanu abasebenzisa ama-app bebodwa amasonto ayishumi nambili bathola ukuthi, ngokwesilinganiso, ukukhandleka komzwelo kwabantu nomuzwa wabo wokuthi "lokhu akusebenzi noma yini engiyenzayo" wakhwela njengoba beqhubeka nakho isikhathi eside. Abantu abangena sebevele bethwele ukukhathazeka, ukucindezeleka, noma isizungu bavame ukukuzwa kakhulu.
Kunezinto ezimbalwa ezithize ezikukhandlayo, futhi kuyasiza ukuziqamba.
Umdlalo wezinombolo unentela
Amathuba amaningi kuzwakala njengento enhle. Ngale kwendawo ethize kuyeka ukuba yiyo. Lapho iphrofayela ngayinye iyi-swayipha eyodwa isuka kwelandelayo, ubuchopho bakho bushelela buye kwimodi yokuthenga, buqhathanisa bulinganisa bungakaze bufike. Isinqumo ngasinye esincane sincane. Wenza amakhulu ambalwa awo. Ekugcineni ukhandlekile futhi awukhethanga muntu.
Kwabesifazane abaningi ukugajwa kuhamba nangolunye uhlangothi futhi. I-Pew yathola ukuthi abesifazane ababesebenzise ama-app muva bebenethuba elikhulu kunamadoda lokuzizwa becwilile ubuningi bemiyalezo, ngengxenye engokoqobo ithi bavame ukuzizwa becwilile ubuningi ababuthola. Ukukhetha okuningi noma ukunakwa okuningi, kokubili kukushiya uphelile.
Ukwenqatshwa ngaphandle kobuso
Ukushiywa kuyinhlungu yako eyodwa ethize. Ingxoxo ebizwakala ifudumele ivele ime, futhi awulwazi ukuthi kungani. Akukho ukuvala ongafinyelela kukho, ngakho ingqondo yakho ibhalela wena isiphetho, futhi indaba eyibhalayo ngokuvamile imayelana nokubaluleka kwakho. Njengoba omunye usazi sengqondo we-Cleveland Clinic esho, ukuqoma ku-inthanethi kuyinkemba ebukhali nhlangothi zombili: kuvula ukuxhumana kwangempela, futhi kungalimaza ngokuthulile ukuzethemba kwakho ngesikhathi esifanayo.
Nakhu okufanele ukubambe. Ukungaphenduli ku-app kungenye yezingcezu ezingathembekile kunazo zonke zolwazi ngawe ezikhona. Abantu banyamalala ngoba baba matasa, babuyelana noweasekhona, bagajwa yibhokisi labo lemiyalezo, noma bebengathathi kancane kwasekuqaleni. Cishe akulokothi kube isinqumo ngawe njengoba kuzwakala ngo-11 p.m.
Umdlalo awupheli
Iphrofayela isikhangiso esincane sakho ngokwakho, futhi ukugcina eyodwa isebenza kusho ukuthi njalo, ngendlela ethile ephansi, uyasebenza. Ukukhetha izithombe ezifanele. Ukuzwakala uthokozisa ngaphandle komzamo. Ukufunda imiyalezo ufuna umqondo ofihliwe. Leyo yintela yangempela, eqhubekayo ekunakekeleni kwakho, futhi iyingxenye yesizathu sokuthi ukuvala i-app kuvame ukungazwakali njengokuphumula.
Indlela yokuqhubeka uqoma ngaphandle kokukubiza kakhulu
Akukho kulokhu okusho ukuyeka. Kubantu abaningi ama-app aholela ngempela endaweni ethile enhle. Umgomo ukuqoma ngendlela engakuqedi kancane. Izinto ezimbalwa ezisiza ngempela:
- Faka ama-app ebhokisini. Nquma ukuthi uzowasebenzisa nini nokuthi awuzukuwasebenzisa nini. Imizuzu engamashumi amabili emva kwesidlo sakusihlwa, ake sithi, bese ifoni iyabekwa phansi. Ukuqoma okuvulekile, indlela okuvuza ngayo kuwo wonke umzuzu ongenzi lutho, yikho okukuphenyula kube ukugaya. Isitsha sibuyisa okunye kwosuku lwakho.
- Ikhwalithi ngaphezu kobuningi, ngamabomu. Akudingeki uskrole udlule wonke umuntu. Hlangana nabantu abambalwa uphinde ukhulume nabo ngempela. Ingxoxo embalwa yangempela izokutshela okuningi kakhulu, ikukhandle kancane kakhulu, kunemidwebo yokuqala eyikhulu engayi ndawo.
- Yiya empilweni yangempela kusenesikhathi. Ukubhalelana okungapheli yilapho amandla evuza khona. Uma umuntu ebonakala ethembisa, phakamisa ikhofi elingenangozi enkulu noma ikholi yefoni ezinsukwini ezimbalwa. Uzofunda emizuzwini eyishumi ubuso nobuso lokho isonto lokubhalelana elingakwazi ukukutshela, futhi uzochitha okuncane kwakho ukukuthola.
- Thatha ikhefu langempela lapho ulidinga. Ukusuka isonto noma inyanga akukona ukudela. Kuwukugcina. Susa i-app esikrinini sakho sasekhaya, noma uphume ngokuphelele, uqaphele ukuthi isimo sakho somoya sishintsha kanjani lapho ungalinganiswa usuku lonke. Umuntu ofanele uyobe usatholakala uma ubuya.
- Ungadluliseli ukubaluleka kwakho esaziseni. Inani lakho njengomuntu labekwa kudala ngaphambi kokuba wenze iphrofayela, futhi ibhokisi lemiyalezo elihamba kancane alikuthinti. Lapho ukuskrola kuqala kuzwakala njengokuvota ngawe, leyo yisignali yokuvala i-app, hhayi ukuskrola kanzima kakhulu.
- Yeka imidwebo yokuqala yomshini wokuhlanganisa. Uma ukopisha uncamathisele "hheyi, unjani impelasonto yakho" kuwo wonke umuntu, izingxoxo ziyozwakala njengomsebenzi womshini wokuhlanganisa ngoba yilokho eziyikho. Thumela imiyalezo embalwa uvumele owodwa ngamunye uphendule ngempela kumuntu, umbuzo owodwa wangempela ngokuthile ephrofayela yakhe. Ukushintshiselana okumbalwa, okufudumele kukhandla kancane kunamashumi amabili anemibhalo, futhi kuvame ukuya kude.
- Gcina impilo ama-app angeyona ingxenye yayo. Isivikelo esisodwa esihle kunazo zonke sokukhatha kokuqoma yimpilo egcwele ngokwanele kangangokuthi ukuqoma kuyinto eyodwa enhle kuyo, hhayi into konke okugibela kuyo. Abangane, umsebenzi owukhathalelayo, umzimba onyakazayo, into oyifundayo. Abantu abatshala kokunye kwezimpilo zabo bavame ukuthatha ukwenqatshwa kungabi ngokomuntu, ngoba umuzwa wabo wobuntu awuhlali ku-app ulinde ukulinganiswa.
Indlela emnene yokugcina isibalo
Ubuhlungu obuningi buvela ekulinganiseni into engalungile. Uma wahlulela isikhathi ngasinye ngokuthi utholile yini Lowo, cishe sonke isikhathi kuwukwehluleka, futhi kunjalo uyakhatha. Zama ukulinganisa okuthile ongakulawula ngempela. Ingabe ufinyelele komuntu obebonakala enomusa? Ingabe ube nengxoxo eyodwa enhle? Ingabe uphumile lapho ushilo ukuthi uzokwenza, esikhundleni sokuskrola ubhujiswa elinye ihora? Lokho kuwukunqoba. Bekelela okwanele kwako bese inqubo iyeka ukuzwakala njengomshini we-slot oqhubeka ulahlekelwa kuwo.
Kuyasiza futhi ukukhumbula ukuthi ama-app ayithuluzi, hhayi indawo. Ayindlela eyodwa yokuhlangana nabantu, futhi kwenzeka ukuba ngendlela eyakhelwe ukubamba ukunaka kwakho isikhathi eside kunokukuhle. Abangane basabethula abangane. Abantu basahlangana ejimu lokugibela, eshifthini yokuzithandela, ekilasini, edlweni. Ukukhulula ukubamba kwakho ama-app akukona ukukhulula ukubamba kwakho ekutholeni umuntu. Kuwukwandisa inethi.
Ugibe lokuqhathanisa, nenganekwane yenhlansi esheshayo
Kunohlobo oluthule lomonakalo ama-app aluwenzayo, futhi luphathelene nendlela akufundisa ukubona abantu ngayo, kuhlanganise nawe. Lapho wonke umuntu enciphiswa waba yigridi lezithombe zeengele engcono nomugqa owodwa ohlakaniphile, uqala ukunika abantu amamaki ngendlela obunganika ngayo imikhiqizo amamaki. Uphinde uqale ukucabanga ukuthi uyalinganiswa ngendlela efanayo, futhi yilapho ukuzethemba kuthola inhlungu. Uqala ukuzibuza ukuthi yisiphi sezithombe zakho "esisebenzayo," ukuthi i-bio yakho ihlakaniphe ngokwanele yini, kungani umuntu obebonakala enentshisekelo aye wathula. Kuyindlela eyinqaba, enesizungu yokuzicabanga, futhi ama-app ayikhuthaza ngokuthulile usuku lonke.
Iselapho akukona ukuzama kanzima kakhulu emdlalweni wokunika amamaki. Kuwukuphuma kuwo. Zikhumbuze, kaningi ngangokudinga kwakho, ukuthi iphrofayela iwucezu lomuntu. Umuntu ohlekisayo, onomusa, oyaluza kancane, ophelele ngokwezinhlangothi ezintathu ngakolunye uhlangothi angeke angene ezithombeni eziyisithupha, futhi nawe ungeke ungene. Izinto ezithakazelisa kakhulu ngabantu cishe azilokothi zivele egridi.
Kunenganekwane ehlobene efanele ukuthatha umhlalaphansi: umbono wokuthi umuntu ofanele kufanele akushaye masinyane, ukuthi uzokwazi ezithombeni, ukuthi ikhemistri yangempela izimemezela emiyalezweni emithathu yokuqala. Ngezinye izikhathi iyenza. Ngokuvamile ayenzi. Ubudlelwane obuqinile obuningi baqala ngombono wokuqala ofudumele kancane nedethi yesibili enikeziwe ngenxa yobunqaba obuncane. Lapho ufuna inhlansi esheshayo kusukela esikrinini, uskrola udlule abantu abaningi ababengaba ngabahle ngempela kuwe, futhi uzigcina esondweni likagundane ujaha umuzwa ifomethi engakhelwanga ukuwuletha. Ukunika umuntu ihora elivamile, elibuso nobuso ngokuvamile kuyisibhambatho esinomusa, kubo nasekuhlanyeni kwakho.
Lapho ukukhathala kuphenduka kube okusinda kakhulu
Ukukhatha kokuqoma, kukukodwa, kuyaphakama lapho uphumula futhi ushintsha indlela osebenzisa ngayo ama-app. Ngezinye izikhathi kukhomba okuthile okungaphansi kwako, nokho, futhi lokho kufanelwe ukuthathwa ngokungathi sína.
Uma isimo somoya esiphansi singaphakami lapho ubeka ifoni phansi, uma usebenzisa ama-app ngendlela ezwakala iphoqa futhi kunzima ukuyeka, noma uma ukwenqatshwa ku-inthanethi kushaya indawo ejulile kukushiya uzizwa ungenanani noma ungenathemba izinsuku, lokho kukhulu kunokukhathala kokuskrola. Ucwaningo olufanayo olwalandela ukukhatha ngokuhamba kwesikhathi lwaphinde lwathola ukuthi ukucindezeleka, ukukhathazeka, nesizungu kukwenza kufike kanzima, okusho ukuthi into enomusa kunazo zonke ongayenza ukunakekela lokho ngokuqondile. Ukukhuluma nomeluleki wengqondo akulona uphawu lokuthi wehlulekile ekuqomeni. Kuyindlela yokuqinisekisa ukuthi ukufuna ukuxhumana akukuqedi ngokuthulile izingxenye zakho ukuxhumana okumele kuzigcwalise.
Futhi uma uke uzithole endaweni ezwakala imnyama ngempela, lapho ukuphelelwa yithemba kukhulu kunokuqoma, ngicela ufinyelele kumuntu omethembayo noma kuchwepheshe wempilo yengqondo. Akudingeki ukuxazulule lokho wedwa, futhi akufanele.
Ama-app azokutshela ukuthi impendulo njalo iyi-swayipha eyodwa engeziwe. Ngokuvamile akunjalo. Ngokuvamile impendulo ukuphakamisa amehlo esuka efonini, ukhumbule impilo osuvele unayo, uvumele ukuthola umuntu kube yinto oyenza usendaweni yokugcwala esikhundleni sendlala.
Imithombo
- Pew Research Center, The experiences of U.S. online daters
- Cleveland Clinic, Dealing With Dating App Despair
- Liesel L. Sharabi, Paige A. Von Feldt & Thao Ha, Burnt out and still single: Susceptibility to dating app burnout over time (New Media & Society)