Amathiphu asheshayo
- Yeka ukuskrola embhedeni noma usaphaphama kancane.
- Thatha ikhefu langempela ukuze ugcwaliseke kabusha.
- Khuluma nawe njengomngane.
Kunohlobo oluthile lokukhathala olungaveli osukwini olude. Luvela ethembeni eligcina libuyiselwa kuwe. Uvula i-app ngomkhuba, isithupha sakho senza umsebenzana waso omncane, futhi ndawana thile endleleni yonke into iyeka ukuzwakala njengethuba yaqala ukuzwakala njengomsebenzi wesibili ongazange usifake isicelo. Awunantshisekelo encane othandweni. Ukhandlwe nje ukufuna.
Uma yilapho okhona, kufanele wazi izinto ezimbili phambili. Awuphukanga, futhi awuwedwa kukho. Izinhlolovo ziqhubeka zithola iphethini elifanayo: iningi elikhulu labasebenzisi bama-app okuqoma isikhathi eside libika ukuzizwa likhathele noma likhandleke ngokomzwelo yinqubo. I-Pew Research yathola ukuthi phakathi kwabantu ababesebenzise lawa ma-app onyakeni odlule, abaseduze nabayisishiyagalolunye kubayishumi bazizwa bedumele okungenani ngezinye izikhathi, futhi kaningi kakhulu bazizwa bedumele kunokujabula. Ukukhathala akulona uphawu lokuthi ukwenza kabi. Cishe kuyisimo esizenzakalelayo sendlela ukuqoma kwesimanje okwakhiwe ngayo.
Kungani kukukhandla ikakhulukazi
Kuyasiza ukuqamba lokho okukukhandlayo ngempela, ngoba "ukuqoma" kwenza umsebenzi omningi njengegama elilodwa. Izinto ezimbalwa ezehlukene zenzeka kanyekanye.
Eyokuqala ubuningi obukhulu. Iphrofayela ngayinye iyisinqumo esincane, futhi ama-app akunika ulayini ongapheli wazo. Osazi bengqondo babiza lokho okwenzeka okulandelayo ngokukhathala kwesinqumo, indlela ukwahlulela kwakho kuba kubi khona nesineke sakho kuncipha lapho ubekelela izinketho eziningi ngokulandelana. USusan Albers, usazi sengqondo e-Cleveland Clinic, ukhomba ukuthi ukuhlela nokuhlela kabusha abalingani abangaba khona ngempela kucwilisa ubuchopho. Awucabangi umuzwa onenkungu, ocasukayo emva kwesikhathi eside sokuskrola. Yingqondo ekhathele, hhayi iphutha ebuntwini bakho.
Eyesibili ukushayeka komzwelo. Umyalezo omuhle, bese kuthula. Idethi yokuqala enhle, bese kungabi lutho. Ifomethi ikuqeqeshela ukutshala amanani amancane ethemba kaninginingi, nokumumatha ukulahlekelwa okuncane okuningi. Ezinyangeni, lokho kulahlekelwa okuncane kuyaqoqana kube okuthile okuzwakala kakhulu njengosizi, nakuba akukho okukhulu okwake "kwenzeka."
Eyesithathu iyacashile kakhulu. Ama-app akhelwe ukusetshenziswa, hhayi ngempela ukukukhipha kuwo. Kulula ukuba ukuskrola kushelele kusuka ekufuneni umuntu kuye endleleni yokuthulisa isimo somoya esinzima, into oyifinyelelayo lapho udikibele noma unesizungu noma uphansi. Umeluleki wezocansi uSari Cooper uchaza lokhu njengokuskrola okuba umsebenzi wokulawula isimo somoya kunokufuna ukuxhumana. Lapho lokho kujika kwenzeka, ungachitha isikhathi namandla amaningi bese ugcina uzizwa ungcono kancane, hhayi useduze nomuntu.
Akukho kulokhu okusho ukuthi uyabaza noma ukuthi uthando lufile. Kusho ukuthi ithuluzi linomsindo futhi inqubo iyalahleka, futhi impendulo ekhathele kuyo iyimpendulo ehluzekile.
Uvunyelwe ukuma isikhashana
Nakhu ingxenye abantu abayeqayo, ngoba kuzwakala njengokuyeka. Ukuthatha ikhefu akukona ukudela uthando. Kuwukugcina.
Lapho ukhathele, uvela emadethini uphelile, ucishe uthembe ukuthi ngalinye lehluleke ukuze uye ekhaya. Ufunda imibhalo engathathi hlangothi njengokwenqatshwa. Ungumngane omubi kunalapho uyikho ngempela, futhi uba nesikhathi esibi kunalokho okufanelwe. Ukuma kwangempela, amaviki amabili, inyanga, isikhathi sonyaka, kuvumela umthombo ugcwaliseke. Iseluleko sika-Albers sisobala: uma uzizwa ukhathele noma ucasukile, sula, ngaphandle kokushiya ukuqoma unomphela. Umgomo ukubuya njengawe, hhayi njenge nguqulo ekhathele ebilokhu ibambelele ngezinzipho.
Ikhefu lisebenza kuphela uma lingelangempela. Susa ama-app efonini yakho, noma okungenani uwasuse esikrinini sangaphambili uvale izaziso. Tshela umngane ukuthi uthatha ikhefu ukuze ungabi nethuba lokugaqela emuva ngo-11pm ngenxa yesizungu. Bese, futhi yileli iphuzu langempela lokuphumula, faka isikhathi esikhululekile ezintweni ezikugcwalisayo esikhundleni sokukukhandla. Bona abantu asebekuthanda. Nyakazisa umzimba wakho. Yenza okuthile. Inhloso akukona "ukusebenza kuwe" ukuze ufanelwe uthando. Kungukukhumbula ukuthi impilo yakho ingumngane omuhle ngokwayo.
Uma ubuya, buya kancane
Uma futhi lapho ubuya, impendulo ngokuvamile akukona okwengeziwe, kungokuncane nokuncane. Izinto ezimbalwa zenza umthwalo ube lula ngempela:
- Faka uthango kukho. Khetha iwindi, ake sithi imizuzu engamashumi amathathu, izintambama ezimbalwa ngeviki, uhlale ungaphandle kwe-app isikhathi esiseleyo. UCooper uphakamisa ngokukhethekile ukungaskroli embhedeni ngaphambi kokulala noma into yokuqala ekuvukeni, lapho ukwazi kancane kunazo zonke ukulawula imizwa ekuvusayo. Kuphathe njengomsebenzi onokuqala nokuma, hhayi ithebhu evulekile engqondweni yakho.
- Ikhwalithi ngaphezu kobuningi. Awudingi ikhulu labantu ohlangana nabo. Udinga izingxoxo ezimbalwa eziya ngempela endaweni ethile. Kulungile ukuskrola ngokukhetha kakhulu uvumele okunye kudlule.
- Yiya empilweni yangempela ngokushesha. Ukubhalelana okungapheli yilapho amandla eyofela khona. Uma umuntu ebonakala ethembisa, phakamisa ukuhlangana okufushane, okungenangozi enkulu masinyane kunakamuva. Ikhofi elisheshayo likutshela okuningi emizuzwini engamashumi amabili kunamasonto amathathu okubhalelana.
- Ungenzi i-app ibe yiyona ndlela kuphela. Ezinye zezindlela ezikhandla kancane kunazo zonke zokuhlangana nabantu zihamba ngezinto obungazenza noma kunjani, ikilasi, ishifthi yokuzithandela, abangane babangane. Ingcindezi ephansi, umongo wangempela, akukho bhodi lezikoa.
- Qaphela umzimba wakho. Isifuba esiqinile noma umhlathi obambekile ngesikhathi uskrola kuyilwazi oluhle. Yisistimu yakho ikutshela ukuthi usudlule ngokwanele namuhla. Yilalele ngaphambi kokuba usuthanjisiwe.
Vikela umuzwa wakho ngawe
Umonakalo othuleyo wokukhathala kokuqoma yilokho okwenza endleleni ozibona ngayo. Emva kokuthula okwanele nezindlela ezifile, kulula ukuqala ukufunda yonke into njengesinqumo, sengathi ukungabikho kwezimpendulo kwakulinganisa ukubaluleka kwakho. Akunjalo. I-swayipha isihambi esisabela ezithombeni ezimbalwa nomushwana, kunkundla eyakhelwe ukubagcina bebheka ngale kwakho. Lokho akuyona idatha ngokuthi uyathandeka yini.
U-Albers ukubeka kalula: ukuzibalulekisa kwakho akuboshelwe emphumeleni walokhu okuhlangana nakho. Bambelela kulokho, ngoba yiyona nto inqubo ekugugulayo kuqala. Zama ukugcina imithombo embalwa yencazelo engahlangene nothando, umsebenzi okucwilisayo, ubungane obuya ekujuleni, into okuya uyilungisa. Abantu abagcina impilo egcwele ngesikhathi beqoma bavame ukumelana nokwenqatshwa kangcono, ngengxenye ngoba akukho kungaphenduli okukodwa okuvunyelwe ukusho okuningi.
Kuyasiza futhi ukukhuluma nawe ngendlela obungakhuluma ngayo nomngane odlula kokufanayo. Ubungeke umtshele ukuthi akathandeki ngoba insizwa ethile imshiyile. Ubungamtshela ukuthi ukulahlekelwa kwakhe, futhi ubungakusho ngeqiniso. Zinike wena inhlonipho efanayo. Kuzwakala kuthambile. Empeleni yiyona nto ekugcina emdlalweni ngaphandle kokukubiza ukuzihlonipha kwakho.
Lapho ukukhathala kuphenduka kube okusinda kakhulu
Ukukhathala okuningi kokuqoma kuyaphakama ngekhefu langempela nemikhuba emnene. Ngezinye izikhathi kukhomba okuthile okukhulu, futhi lokho kufanelwe ukuthathwa ngokungathi sína kunokuphoqelela.
Uma uvalo lusabalele ludlule ukuqoma laya kwenye impilo yakho, uma uzizwa uphansi njalo, ungenathemba, ukhathazekile, noma uzwe lutho, uma ulahlekelwe intshisekelo ezintweni obuzithokozela, noma uma uzithola usebenzisa ama-app ngokuphoqa nakuba ekwenza uzizwe ungcono kancane, lokho luyimpawu yokukhuluma nomuntu. Umeluleki wengqondo angakusiza uhlukanise okuyikukhathala kokuqoma nokungaba ukucindezeleka noma ukukhathazeka okugqoke ingubo yokuqoma. Lokho kusabela kahle ekusekelweni, futhi akudingeki uzikhandle uzithola ukuthi yikuphi kokubili wedwa. Ukufinyelela akukona ukwenza ngokweqile. Kuwukwenzeka kwemvelo okufanayo okwakwenza ukhathale kwasekuqaleni, ingxenye yakho eyaziyo ukuthi ufanelwe ukuzizwa ungcono kunalokhu.
Ukufuna umlingani nokudinga ukuphumula ekufuneni akuphambani. Ungayifuna into usabeka phansi ithuluzi isikhashana. Uthando olufunayo, noma nini futhi noma kanjani luvela, luyohlangatshezwana kangcono nguwena ophumulile kunokhathele.
Imithombo
- Pew Research Center, The experiences of U.S. online daters
- Cleveland Clinic, Dealing With Dating App Despair
- Psychology Today, Swiping With Agency: Beating Dating App Fatigue