Amathiphu asheshayo
- Yeka ukuzingela iphutha elibulalayo.
- Zikhulumele njengomngane.
- Thumela umuntu umyalezo, bese wenza uhlelo.
Umyalezo uyangena bese uwufunda kabili. "Umuhle, kodwa angizwa nhlansi." Mhlawumbe umnene kunalokho. Mhlawumbe akulutho nhlobo, ingxoxo nje ebifudumele ngoLwesibili yathula ngoLwesihlanu. Noma kunjani, kukhona okuwela esifubeni sakho. Uqala ukufunda kabusha imiyalezo emidala ufuna umzuzu okwaphambana ngawo. Uyazibuza, kafushane, ukuthi kukhona yini into engalungile ngokuyisisekelo ngawe.
Uma leyo mpendulo izwakala ingalingene nomuntu obumazi amasonto amathathu, awenzi drama. Ubuchopho bakho benza ncamashi lokho obakhulela ukukwenza. Inkinga ukuthi bukwenza esimeni obungakaze bakhelwe kuso, lapho abantu ongabazi beswayipha bedlula ebusweni bakho ngengxenye yesekhondi futhi idethi inganyamalala ngaphandle kwencazelo.
Ake siqale ngokuthi kungani kufika kanzima kangaka, ngoba uma usukuqonda lokho, ukululama kuba nengqondo kakhulu.
Ukwenqatshwa empeleni kubhaliswa njengobuhlungu
Lokhu akusona isifengqo. Lapho abacwaningi befaka abantu kumshini oskena ubuchopho babenza badlale umdlalo olula wokuphonsa ibhola owawenzelwe ukubaqhelisa ngokuzumayo, izindawo ezakhanyayo bezifana nalezo ezihileleka ebuhlungwini bomzimba, ikakhulukazi i-anterior cingulate cortex. Lolo cwaningo, oluholwa uNaomi Eisenberger nozakwabo lolushicilelwa ku-Science, lwasiza ukuqalisa uchungechunge lonke locwaningo olukhombisa ukuthi ubuchopho buphatha inxeba lomphakathi ngamasekethe abusebenzisa nawo ohaqwe uzwane noma ukushiswa.
Kunesizathu salokhu kwembozana, futhi akusona isihluku. Esikhathini esiningi somlando wesintu, ukunqanyulwa eqenjini lakho bekuyingozi ngempela. Ukuba ngowaleli qembu bekusho ukudla, ukuphepha, nokusinda. Ngakho uhlelo lwakho lwezinzwa lwafunda ukuphatha ukwenqatshwa njengesimo esiphuthumayo nokukwenza kube buhlungu ngokwanele ukuze unake. Ubuhlungu obuzwayo emva kwedethi engaphumeleli yi-alamu endala eyenza umsebenzi wayo kahle kakhulu kancane.
Ukwazi lokhu kwenza okuthile okuwusizo. Kususa ubuhlungu esigabeni sokuthi "ubufakazi bokuthi angithandeki" kukuse esigabeni sokuthi "umzimba wami usabela ngendlela imizimba esabela ngayo." Ungazwa ukuhlaba usazi ukuthi akusona isinqumo sokwahlulela.
Kungani abanye abantu bekuzwa kubuhlungu kabili
Ukwenqatshwa okufanayo kungacishe kungamlimazi umuntu oyedwa kodwa kudicilele omunye. Ingxenye yalokho iwayarhi. Abanye abantu bathwele lokho odokotela abakubiza ngokuzwela ukwenqatshwa, lapho i-alamu yobuchopho ishisa amabhuleki angavamise ukukuzolisa engabambi kahle. I-Cleveland Clinic ichaza enye inguqulo yalokhu, evamile kubantu abane-ADHD, njengohlobo lwenki yevolumu ebhajwe ezingeni eliphezulu ngokubuhlungu. Ukusabela ngokomzwelo kungokwangempela, kunamandla, futhi akulona iphutha lesimilo.
Uma uhlale uzwa ukwenqatshwa ngokubukhali kunabantu abakuzungezile ababonakala bekuzwa, lokho kufanele ukuqanjwe, hhayi ukwahlulelwa. Akusho ukuthi wephukile noma uningi kakhulu. Kusho ukuthi i-alamu yakho ethize inomsindo, futhi ungadinga amathulusi ambalwa engeziwe kunomuntu ovamile ukuze uyehlise. Lawo mathulusi akhona, futhi ungawafunda.
Okusiza emahoreni okuqala anzima
Umgomo ngemva nje kokwenqatshwa akukona ukuzizwa kahle. Ukugcina umzuzu ungakhuli ube yindaba ngakho konke ukubaluleka kwakho. Izinto ezimbalwa ezisiza ngempela:
- Vumela umuzwa ube khona ngaphandle kokuwondla. Qamba lokho okuzwayo, ngokusobala. "Lokho kuhlungile. Ngidumele." Ukuqamba umzwelo kuvame ukususa okunye ukushisa kuwo. Ukuwuqhelisa ngokuvamile kwenza okuphambene.
- Ungayi uzingele ubufakazi obumelene nawe. Isifiso sokufunda kabusha wonke umyalezo bese uthola iphutha elibulalayo sizwakala njengokuxazulula inkinga. Akunjalo. Kuwukucabangisisa, futhi lapho uzungeza inkinga ongeke uyilungise, umsele uba ujulile.
- Melana nendaba esheshayo. Inhlansi iyinto yabantu ababili, yekhemistri yomzuzu. Umuntu oyedwa ongayizwa ukutshela ngokuhambelana phakathi kwenu nobabili. Ayikutsheli ukuthi awukhangi, awuthandeki, noma umiselwe ukuba wedwa, yize ubuchopho bakho buzokunika kokuthathu mahhala.
- Nyakazisa umzimba wakho, noma kancane. Ukuhamba, ukugeza, umculo omkhulu ngokwanele ukuphazamisa ukuzungeza. Awukwazi ukucabanga indlela yakho eya ekuzoleni ngenkathi uhlelo lwakho lusesesimeni se-alamu, kodwa ungenza indlela yakho eya kukho.
Zikhulumele njengomuntu ongempela ongathandana naye
Nansi ingxenye abantu abaningi abayenza ngokuphambene. Uma silimele, sivame ukwengeza. "Ngidinga kakhulu. Ngihlala ngenza kanje. Impela akuzange kusebenze." Sikholelwa ukuthi ubudlova busigcina siqotho. Ngokuvamile busimane busigcina sopha.
Usazi-ngqondo uKristin Neff uchithe amashumi eminyaka efunda enye indlela, ayibiza ngokuthi ukuzwelana nawe, futhi ucwaningo luyavumelana: abantu abasabela ezingqinambeni zabo ngomusa balulama kangcono futhi bazimisele ngokwengeziwe, hhayi ngokuncane, ukuzama futhi. Uyihlukanisa ibe izingcezu ezintathu ezilula ukuzikhumbula ngomzuzu ophansi. Yiba nomusa kuwe ngendlela ongaba nawo kumngane. Khumbula ukuthi ukwenqatshwa kuyingxenye yokuba umuntu, akusona into eyenzeka kuwe kuphela. Futhi bamba umuzwa obuhlungu ekuqapheleni okuzinzile esikhundleni sokugcwala kuwo noma ukwenza sengathi akulutho.
Uvivinyo olusheshayo olusebenza ngesikhathi sangempela: cabanga ukuthi umngane omuhle usanda kuthola umyalezo ofana ncamashi nowawutholile. Ubungeke ubatshele ukuthi abathandeki ngokuyisisekelo. Ubungabatshela ukuthi kuyahlaba, ukuthi ukulahlekelwa komunye umuntu kungokwangempela, nokuthi ofanele ubengeke adinge ukuncengwa. Kusho lokho kuwe. Akulona iqhinga. Kumane kuwukunemba obungakwelulela kwabanye abantu kuphela ngokuvamile.
Hlala uxhumene, futhi uhlale emdlalweni
Umuzwa ngemva kokwenqatshwa ngokuvamile ukudonsela ngaphakathi bese uthula. Kuyaqondakala, futhi ngezinye izikhathi kulungile ubusuku obubodwa. Kodwa ucwaningo ngokululama ebuhlungwini bomphakathi lukhomba ngakolunye uhlangothi. Ukuxhumana okuqinile, okufudumele nabanye abantu kungenye yezinto ezithembeke kakhulu ezisisiza simunce ukushaywa siphinde sibuye. Ngakho thumela umngane umyalezo. Yenza uhlelo. Vumela abantu asebekuthanda bakhumbuze uhlelo lwakho lwezinzwa ukuthi ungowaleli, ngoba unguye.
Bese, uma usukulungele, phuma futhi. Hhayi ukufakazela okuthile, futhi hhayi ngobusuku obufanayo. Ukuthandana, ngokusobala, kungumdlalo wezinombolo owakhelwe ukuhambelana. Iningi lokuhambelana ngeke lisebenze, kini nobabili, futhi lokho kuwumklamo, hhayi ukungasebenzi. Wonke umuntu ongafanele uwulwazi, hhayi ukhetho. Abantu abenza kahle kulokhu ngokuhamba kwesikhathi akuwona lawo angakaze enqatshwe. Yilawo avumela kubuhlungu, aziphathe kahle, ahlale evulekile noma kunjalo.
Uma kungaphezu kwesikhathi esinzima
Kukhona umugqa phakathi kokuhlaba okujwayelekile kokudumala nento esindayo, futhi kufanele ukuqashelwe. Uma ukwenqatshwa njalo kukungenisa ekuzungezeni okuthatha izinsuku, uma ukwesaba kwakho kwenza ugweme ukuthandana noma abantu ngokuphelele, uma uzithola ukholelwa ukuthi awunamsebenzi noma ukuthi izinto ngeke zibe ngcono, lokho akuyona inkinga yamandla entando futhi akuyona into ozoyibekezelela wedwa. Udokotela wengqondo angakusiza usebenze nohlelo lwe-alamu oluzwelayo futhi uxazulule izindaba ezindala ngaphansi kwalo. Ukufinyelela kulolo hlobo losizo akukona ukuvuma ukwehlulwa. Kuyinto efanayo nokubona udokotela ngobuhlungu obungapheli. Uvunyelwe ukufuna ukuthi buyeke ukuhlaba, futhi uvunyelwe ukucela umuntu akusize ufike lapho.
Ukwenqatshwa ekuthandaneni kungobunye bobuhlungu obumbalwa cishe wonke umuntu adlula kubo futhi cishe akekho okhuluma ngabo ngokuqotho. Kuyohlaba. Akudingeki kukuchaze, futhi akutholi izwi lokugcina kulokho okusenokwenzeka kuwe.
Imithombo
- PubMed (Science), Does rejection hurt? An fMRI study of social exclusion
- PubMed Central, Social pain and physical pain: shared paths to resilience
- Cleveland Clinic, Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD): Symptoms & Treatment
- Self-Compassion (Dr. Kristin Neff), Exploring the Meaning of Self-Compassion and Its Importance