Amathiphu asheshayo
- Thulisa owakwakho wangaphambili ukuze uyeke ukuvula kabusha isilonda.
- Phumela ngaphandle imizuzu eyishumi namuhla.
- Thumela umyalezo emngane esikhundleni sokuthumela kubo.
Kukhona uhlobo oluthile lwasekuseni oluza ngemva kokuhlukana. Uyavuka, futhi cishe imizuzwana emithathu yonke into ijwayelekile. Bese kuphinde kufike. Umuntu akasekho, izinhlelo azisekho, ikusasa obusulakhe hafu ekhanda lakho alisekho, futhi kufanele uvuke ube umuntu noma kunjalo.
Uma yilapho ukhona njengamanje, siyajabula ukuthi ulapha. Amaviki amabili okuqala ngokuvamile ayingxenye enomsindo kunazo zonke. Hhayi ngoba ubuthakathaka noma wenza kabi, kodwa ngenxa yalokho okwenzeka ngempela ngaphakathi kuwe. Le ndatshana imayelana nokudlula kulezo zinsuku. Hhayi ukukwedlula, hhayi ukukudlula, ukudlula nje phakathi. Kwanele okwamanje.
Kungani kubuhlungu kangaka
Kuyasiza ukwazi ukuthi ubuhlungu abulona uphawu lokuthi wephukile noma wenza umdlalo. Ukuhlukana kuwukulahlekelwa kwangempela, futhi ubuchopho bakho bukuphatha njengakho.
Lapho abacwaningi base-Rutgers, abaholwa yisazi sabantu uHelen Fisher, befaka abantu ababesanda kwaliwa emshinini oskena ubuchopho babe bebakhombisa izithombe zomuntu owayehambile, ukuskena kwakhanya ezindaweni eziboshelwe emvuzweni, ekugqugquzelekeni, nasekunxaneleni. Izindawo ezifanayo ezivutha ekuthengeleni okubi. Lokho akuwona umfanekiso. Ukulahlekelwa umuntu obophezelene naye kungabeka ubuchopho bakho entweni esondele ekuhoxeni komuthi, okuyisizathu sokuthi ungase uzizwe ungakhululekile, ubanjwe amathambeka, ungakwazi ukudla noma ukulala, ubheka iphrofayela yabo ngo-2 ekuseni umelene nesahlulelo sakho esingcono. Awulona ihlazo. Usesikhaleni umzimba wakho ongasizwa.
Kukhona okutholakele okunomusa kakhulu okufihlwe kulolo cwaningo olufanayo. Ngokwengeziwa kwezinsuku ezadlula selokhu kwenzeka ukwaliwa, kwaya kwathula amasekethe okubopheka. Isikhathi ngempela sehlisa umsindo. Akuzwakali kanjalo ngosuku lwesithathu. Kodwa kuyenzeka, kancane, ngaphansi, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi usukwazi ukukuzwa noma cha.
Kusemzimbeni wakho futhi, hhayi ekhanda kuphela
Abantu abaningi bayamangala ukuthi ukuhlukana kuzwakala kungokomzimba kangakanani. Isifiso sakho sokudla siyanyamalala, noma ukudla akunambitheki. Ubuthongo bakho buyahlakazeka, ulala uvukile udlala ingxoxo efanayo, noma ulala amahora ayishumi bese uvuka ukhathele. Isifuba sakho siyaqaqamba. Isisu sakho sinamafindo. Awukwazi ukugxila endimeni yemeyili. Akukho kwalokho okuwukuba ntekenteke kwakho. Kungumthwalo ofanayo wengcindezi-nokuhoxa oskena kobuchopho okubambayo, uvela emzimbeni okumele uwuthwale usuku lonke.
Kufanele kubizwe ngegama ngoba, kuleso sikhathi, lezi zimpawu zingazwakala njengobufakazi bokuthi kukhona okungalungile kakhulu ngawe. Akunjalo. Ziyimpendulo ejwayelekile ekulahlekelweni kwangempela, futhi zehla njengoba amaviki edlula. Okwamanje, phatha umzimba wakho ngobumnene, ngendlela obungakwenza ngayo ukube unomkhuhlane. Yehlisa umkhawulo. Yidla ukudla okulula uma kuyikho kuphela ongakwazi. Phuza amanzi. Lala isihlwathi. Zixolele ngomsebenzi obungakwazi ukugxila kuwo. Ululama entweni, ngisho noma kungekho isibopho esiwukhombisayo.
Okumele ukwenze ngempela leli viki (nalokho okungakumele)
Asikugcine kukuncane, ngoba yonke into izwakala isinda njengamanje.
Akudingeki ubone ukuthi konke kwakusho ukuthini. Akudingeki unqume ukuthi nizoba abangane yini, ukuthi wenze iphutha yini, ukuthi uyophinde uthande umuntu yini. Leyo yimibuzo yangempela futhi akuyona imibuzo yaleli viki. Umsebenzi waleli viki muncane kakhulu: zigcine udliwe, zigcine uphumule kancane, futhi ugcine ibanga elithile esilondeni ukuze siqale ukuvaleka.
Nakhu okuvame ukusiza ngempela ezinsukwini zokuqala.
1. Beka ibanga elithile phakathi kwakho nowakwakho wangaphambili
Lena yileyo enzima, futhi yiyona ebaluleke kakhulu. Isazi sengqondo se-Cleveland Clinic u-Adam Borland ukubeka ngokusobala: ekuqaleni ngemva kwesehlakalo, qaphela ukufinyelela kwakho eqabaneni lakho langaphambili. Bathulise, ungabalandeli, mhlawumbe susa inombolo okwamanje. Hhayi ngenxa yentukuthelo noma ubumpofu benhliziyo. Ngoba ukubheka ngakunye kufidi yabo kuwukushaywa okuncane okusetha kabusha iwashi lokuhoxa futhi kugcina isilonda sivulekile.
Uma uqhubeka uzwa isidonso sokufinyelela, thola umuntu oyedwa ongamthumela umyalezo esikhundleni. U-Borland usikisela ukuba nohlobo lomxhasi, umuntu ongamthumela umyalezo uthi, "Ngifuna ngempela ukubashayela njengamanje," ukuze isifiso sibe nendawo yokuya engeyona inombolo yabo. Ukunxanela kuzoza ngamagagasi. Kudlula ngokushesha kunalokho obungakucabanga uma ungakondli.
2. Yakha uglogo lohlelo lwansuku zonke
Lapho isakhiwo ubudlelwano obabusinika izinsuku zakho sinyamalala, amahora angaphelelwa isimo futhi lokho kuwuhlobo lwako lokwesabekayo. Awudingi uhlelo oluphelele. Udinga amaphuzu ambalwa amile. Isikhathi ovuka ngaso. Isidlo osidla ngempela. Uhambo olufushane. Ukulala ngehora elicishe libe ejwayelekile ngisho noma ubuthongo bungezi kalula.
Iphuzu akukhona ukukhiqiza. Kungukuthi izenzo ezincane, ezingaphindwa zikunika lapho ubambelela khona lapho yonke into enye izwakala isengathi iyashelela. Ngayinye oyiqedayo iwubufakazi obuncane obuthulile bokuthi usangakwazi ukuphatha impilo yakho.
3. Nyakazisa umzimba wakho, ngisho nakancane
Lokhu kuzwakala njengento yokugcina ofuna ukuyizwa futhi kungenye yezinto ezithembeke kunazo zonke ezisebenzayo. I-NHS iphawula ukuthi ukunyakaza okuvamile kungaphakamisa isimo sakho somqondo, nokuthi awudingi ijimu noma uhlelo. Ngisho nohambo olusheshayo lwemizuzu eyishumi lungahlanza ikhanda lakho lwehlise ukuqina kancane. Ukunyakaza kunika ubuchopho bakho umthombo ohlukile, onempilo kakhulu wamakhemikhali okumanje okusweleyo. Uhambo oluzungeza indawo ngeke lulungise inhliziyo yakho. Lungakudlulisa ehoreni elilandelayo, futhi njengamanje ihora elilandelayo libalulekile.
4. Vumela abantu bangene
Umuzwa wemvelo ngemva kokuhlukana ngokuvamile ukunyamalala, ukungabi umthwalo, ukulinda uze "ube ngcono" ukuze ubone umuntu. Zama ukumelana nalokho. Tshela abantu ababili noma abathathu obathembayo ukuthi kwenzekeni nokuthi usesikhathini esinzima. Akudingeki wenze sengathi ukhululekile. Bavumele bakulethele ikhofi, bahlale ocingweni nawe, bakukhiphe ukuze ifulethi lingabi thule kangaka. Isizungu senza yonke into ibe nomsindo. Ubudlelwane buyayehlisa.
Kuzwe, ngokwezilinganiso
Kukhona inganekwane yokuthi kufanele ukhale konke kanyekanye noma uhlale uqinile ungalokothi wephuke. Akukho okuwumgomo. Usizi luvame ukuza ngamagagasi, futhi akudingeki ugibele ngalinye kuze kube sekugcineni kwalo.
Zinike imvume yangempela yokuzizwa udabukile. Ukukhala akukhona ukuhlehla. Kunguhlelo lwakho lucubungula ukulahlekelwa, futhi ukukuvimbela ngaphakathi kuvame ukukugcina ubambekile isikhathi eside, hhayi esifushane. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, uvunyelwe ukuhleka ihlaya, ukujabulela isidlo esihle, ukuba nehora lapho ukhohlwa. Lokho akukhona ukukhaphela ukuthi kwakubuhlungu kangakanani. Kungukwelapha kwenza umsebenzi wakho othulile.
Uma imizwa iba mikhulu kakhulu ngomzuzu othile, kulungile ukuyibeka phansi isikhashana. Faka uhlelo lwethelevishini. Shayela umngane. Hamba lolo hambo. Ungabuyela osizini kamuva. Luyolinda. Akudingeki uzwe yonke into namuhla.
Into eyodwa engeziwe ngemizwa: ungazethembi iziphetho ezikunika zona njengamanje. Usizi ngumlandi onomsindo. Phakathi kwako, ingqondo yakho ingase igcizelele ukuthi uyohlala uwedwa, ukuthi wonile konke, ukuthi akekho oyoke akuthande kanjalo futhi. Leyo micabango izwakala njengamaqiniso ngoba iza nesisindo esikhulu kangaka ngemuva kwayo. Akunjalo. Kuwubuhlungu obukhulumayo, futhi ubuhlungu abulona ufakazi othembekile ngekusasa lakho. Ungawuqaphela umcabango, ngisho usho ukuthi "lolo wusizi, hhayi iqiniso," bese uwuvumela udlule ngaphandle kokusayina igama lakho kuwo.
Izinto ezimbalwa ezifanele ukuzigwema
Akekho othola izinsuku zokuqala zihlanzeke ngokuphelele, ngakho zifunde lezi njengezivikelo ezimnene, hhayi imithetho okumele wehluleke kuyo.
- Umyalezo wango-2 ekuseni. Noma yini ofuna ukuyithumela lapho ungakwazi ukulala, yibhale ku-app yamanothi akho esikhundleni sebhokisi lomlayezo. Cishe awukho umyalezo wasebusuku obudlule kowakwakho wangaphambili owenza ukusa kube ngcono.
- Ukusebenzisa okuthile ukuze ukudambise. Ukubamba iziphuzo ezengeziwe, noma noma yini enye, ukuze ubuthise ubuhlungu kuyaqondakala futhi kuvame ukumba umgodi ujule kakhulu. U-Borland ukhomba ukusetshenziswa kwezidakamizwa njengengozi yangempela kulesi sikhathi. Ziphathe ngokuqaphela kancane lapha.
- Ukugijimela komunye umuntu omusha. Ukubuyela emuva ngokushesha kungazwakala njengempumuzo ubusuku obubodwa. Kuyavela kancane ukunika ukulahlekelwa isikhathi ekudingayo ngempela ukuze kuzinze.
- Ukudlala kabusha izikhumbuzo ezinhle. Ingqondo yakho izokunika izikhumbuzo ezinhle kunazo zonke ngokuphindaphinda. Uma kusiza, gcina inothi elifushane, eliqotho lokuthi kungani lokhu kwaphela, bese ulifunda lapho ukuphindaphinda kuqala ukusonta indaba lapho konke kwakuphelele.
Ukuthola imingcele yakho futhi
Kukhona usizi oluthulile ngaphansi kwalolo olusobala. Uma ubuyingxenye yombhangqwana, ingxenye enkulu yempilo yakho yansuku zonke yakheka izungeze omunye umuntu. Ukuthi umthumela bani umyalezo lapho kwenzeka into ehlekisayo. Okubukayo ngeSonto. Amasiko amancane, amahlaya angaphakathi, uhlangothi lombhede. Uma sebengasekho, ungazizwa ufiphele ngokuxakayo, sengathi awuqiniseki ukuthi ungubani uwedwa manje.
Lesi sikhathi sokuqala akusona isikhathi sokuguqula impilo yakho noma ukuzithola ngendlela enkulu ethile. Kuncane kunalokho. Kungukufinyelela emuva ezingxenyeni zakho ubudlelwano okungenzeka baziminyanisa. Umngane obumbona kancane. Isithokoziso osiyekile. Uhlobo lomculo, indawo, uhlelo olungolwakho nje. Awukwenzi lokhu ukuze ukufakazele okuthile kowakwakho wangaphambili noma ukuqhubekela phambili ngokushesha. Ukwenza ngoba lezo zintambo zokuthi ungubani azizange zihambe ngempela, futhi ukuthatha ngisho eyodwa yazo kabusha kukukhumbuza ukuthi wawukhona ngaphambi kwalo muntu, futhi uzoqhubeka ukhona ngemva kwakhe.
Kwenze kancane. Into eyodwa encane ininingi ngeviki lokuqala. Umgomo akukhona umuntu omusha. Kungukukhumbula lowo obehlala elapha.
Lapho lokhu kungaphezu kwamaviki amabili anzima
Ukuhlukana kufanele kube buhlungu, futhi ukuzizwa uphahlazekile isikhashana kuyimpendulo enempilo ekulahlekelweni umuntu obebalulekile. Abantu abaningi bathola ukuthi unqenqema olubukhali kunazo zonke luyathamba emavikini okuqala, ngisho noma usizi luhlala isikhathi eside kakhulu.
Ezinye izimpawu zisho ukuthi kufanele ungenise usizo olwengeziwe, kusheshe kunokwephuza. Uma ungakwazi ukudla noma ukulala isikhathi eside, uma ungakwazi ukusebenza emsebenzini noma ukuzinakekela, uma isimo somqondo esiphansi sigxila singaphakami, noma uma uzithola wencika kakhulu kotshwaleni noma kwezinye izidakamizwa ukuze udlule, lezo yizizathu ezinhle zokukhuluma nodokotela noma nomelaphi. Ukufinyelela akukhona ukuvuma ukuthi ukuhlukana kukunqobile. Kungukuthola uhlobo olufanele losizo ekulimaleni kwangempela.
Futhi uma uke wafinyelela lapho ubuhlungu buzwakala bungabekezeleleki, noma uqala ukuba nemicabango yokungafuni ukuba lapha, ngicela ukuphathe njengento ephuthumayo bese utshela umuntu namuhla. Umugqa wesimo esibucayi, udokotela, umuntu omethembayo. Akudingeki ukubukhuthazele lokho wedwa, futhi akufanele.
Okwamanje, umsebenzi muncane futhi wanele. Yidla okuthile. Phuza amanzi. Phumela ngaphandle imizuzu eyishumi. Yazisa umuntu oyedwa ukuthi usokola. Ubuchopho obubuhlungu kangaka namuhla buyibona kanye ubuchopho osubuqalile, buthule, ukuvala amanxeba. Emavikini amabili kusukela manje ngeke uzizwe ngendlela efanayo ncamashi noyizwa ngayo namuhlanje ekuseni. Kunike lelo thuba.
Imithombo
- Cleveland Clinic, How To Get Over a Breakup: 11 Tips for Healing
- Rutgers University, Study Finds Romantic Rejection Stimulates Areas of Brain Involved in Motivation, Reward and Addiction
- NHS, Exercise for depression