Ukuzethemba Ngaphandle Kokuzidla

Cabanga abantu ababili bengena emhlanganweni ofanayo. Owokuqala ukhuluma kuqala, ukhuluma kakhulu, futhi akubonakali engabaza igama eliphumayo. Owesibili uyalalela, ubuza umbuzo owodwa omuhle, usho ngokusobala akucabangayo, futhi avume into eyodwa angaqiniseki ngayo. Iningi lethu safundiswa ukufunda umuntu wokuqala njengozethembayo. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, usebenza nabo bobabili, ufunda ukuthi imuphi omethembayo ngempela.

Ukuzethemba kunenkinga yesithunzi. Sivame ukukucabanga njengomsindo nokuqiniseka, umuntu ongalokothi athuthumele. Ngakho lapho umuntu ekhathazeka ngokuthi "abukeke ezidla," iseluleko abasithola imvamisa ukuzehlisa, bathathe indawo encane, bazivikele kukho konke. Lokho ukulungisa okungalungile. Okuphambene nokuzidla akusikho ukuncipha. Kuwuhlobo oluzinze kakhulu, oluwusizo kakhulu lokuzethemba olungadingi izethameli.

Akuwona amaphuzu amabili emugqeni ofanayo

Iphutha elivame kakhulu ukuphatha ukuzethemba nokuzidla njengento efanayo, izilinganiso nje ezehlukene. Okuncane kuhle, okuningi kakhulu kuwela ekuzidleni. Ngalowo mqondo uhlala uphephile ngokugcina isikali siphansi.

Empeleni ziyizinto ezehlukene ezikhomba izindlela ezehlukene. Ukuzethemba kakhulu kumayelana nawe nomsebenzi: ngabe ngiyakholelwa ukuthi ngingakuxazulula lokhu, futhi ngabe ngizimisele ukuzama. Ukuzidla kakhulu kumayelana nabanye abantu: ngingcono kunawe, angiwudingi umbono wakho, angizukubuzwa. Okunye kukuvula. Okunye kukuvala. Ungazethemba ngokujulile futhi uthobeke ngokuphelele ngesikhathi esisodwa, futhi abantu abahle kunabo bonke osebenze nabo bavame ukuba njalo.

Kukhona uhlobo oluthule kakhulu lwaleli phutha, futhi. Ukuzethemba kulula ukukwenza mbumbulu futhi kulula ukukudidanisa nekhono. Usokusayikholoji webhizinisi uTomas Chamorro-Premuzic ukubeka ngqo: ikhono ukuthi ungcono kangakanani ngempela entweni, kanti ukuzethemba nje ukuthi ukholelwa ukuthi ungcono kangakanani, futhi lezi zombili azihambisani ngokuthembekile. Abantu abaningi bazwakala beqinisekile kanti banephutha. Abantu abaningi abanekhono ngokuthula bacabanga ukuthi bangabakhohlisi. Ngakho umuntu onomsindo kakhulu egumbini akuyona inhlanhla ephephile, futhi akunjalo nokucabanga ukuthi ukungazethembi kwakho kusho ukuthi awulungile ngokwanele.

Lapho into yangempela ivela khona

Uma ukuzethemba kungebona ubuntu obubhajwe nabo, kuvela kuphi? Usokusayikholoji u-Albert Bandura wachitha amashumi eminyaka embonweni ohlobene kakhulu awubiza ngokuzikholelwa ekwenzeni, inkolelo yakho yokuthi ungakwenza ngempela into ethize. Umsebenzi wakhe, ofinyezwe i-American Psychological Association, ukhomba izindawo ezimbalwa leyo nkolelo eyakhelwa kuzo, futhi akukho namunye wazo "okuwukunquma ukuzizwa uzethemba."

Enkulu kunazo zonke ukwenza nje izinto ezinzima usinde kuzo. Isikhathi ngasinye lapho uthatha into engaphezudlwana kwakho uphume ngakolunye uhlangothi, uqoqa ubufakazi. Ukubuka abantu abanjengawe bekwenza kuyasiza futhi. Kanjalo nesikhuthazo esiqotho esivela kumuntu okwahlulela kwakhe okuthembayo. Qaphela okungekho kulolo hlu: ukuqhosha. Awuzikhulumeli ukuzethemba kwangempela. Ukuzuza ngokuphindaphinda okuncane, futhi isizathu sokuthi kungajiki kube ukuzidla ukuthi ukhumbula ukuthi bekungakabi kudala ungakwazi ukwenza le nto.

Yilokho okuhlanzeke kunazo zonke okwehlukanisa lokhu kokubili. Ukuzidla kuntekenteke. Kumele kuvikele isithombe somuntu osevele wazi konke, ngakho akukwazi ukumela imibuzo, izimpendulo, noma amaphutha. Ukuzethemba kuhlala isikhathi eside. Kuhlala phezu kuka-"ngike ngaxazulula izinto ezinzima ngaphambili, futhi ngingakwenza futhi," okusho ukuthi akunalutho okulahlekelwa ngakho ngokuthi "liphuzu elihle, bengingakucabangi lokho."

Kubukeka kanjani ekwenzeni

Umehluko phakathi kwalokhu kokubili akuwona umuzwa. Kuvela ezenzweni ezincane, ezibonakalayo. Ezimbalwa ezifanele ukuzijwayeza:

• Yisho "angazi" ngaphandle kokuthuthumela. Bese usho ozokwenza ukuze uthole. Ukuvuma umphetho walokho okwaziyo kufundwa njengokulondeka, hhayi ubuthakathaka, ngoba kuphela umuntu okhululekile ekumeni kwakhe ongakwenza kalula.
• Cela umbono bese uwusebenzisa ngempela. Ukuzidla kubuza ngokungadingi mpendulo, sekuvele kunqumile. Ukuzethemba kubuza ngoba abanye abantu babona izinto ongakwazi ukuzibona, futhi ukushintsha umqondo wakho ngokusabela kungamandla, hhayi ukuhlehla.
• Nikeza udumo ngesandla esivulekile. Lapho uqiniseka ngokubaluleka kwakho, ukunqoba kwabanye abantu akukubizi lutho. Ukuqongelela udumo cishe kuhlala kuwuphawu lomuntu ozizwa engalondekile kunalokho abukeka ngakho.
• Yamukela amaphutha ngokusobala. "Ngikuphambanisile lokho, nakhu engikushintshayo" ngomunye wemisho yokuzethemba kakhulu umuntu angawusho, nomunye ovelakancane kunayo yonke. Ucwaningo ngabaholi luthole ukuthi labo abangavuma ukwehluleka bavame ukubonakala bezethemba ngempela ngokwengeziwe, hhayi kancane.
• Bamba umbono wakho uhlale uvulekile ngesikhathi esisodwa. Ungasho kanye lokho okucabangayo usakuqonda lapho ubuza ukuthi wonke omunye umuntu ubonani. Lokhu kokubili akuphikisani. Leyo nhlanganisela iyingxenye enkulu yalokho esikushoyo ngomuntu ozinzile.

Akukho kwalezi okudinga ukuba nomsindo omkhulu. Iningi lazo lithule kakhulu.

Lapho inkinga incane kakhulu, hhayi eningi kakhulu

Abantu abaningi abacabangayo bafunda indaba enjengale bakhathazeke ngesiphetho esingalungile sesikali. Abasengozini yokuzidla. Bacophelela kakhulu ukuze bangabukeki bezigcwele baze bathengise ngokungaphansi ikhono langempela, bahlale bethule emakamelweni lapho umbono wabo ungasiza, bavumele izwi elinomsindo omkhulu linqobe ngokuzenzakalela.

Uma lokho kunguwe, ukufihla ikhono lakho akusikho ukuthobeka. Kuyizindleko nje igumbi lonke elizikhokhayo. Ukuthengisa ngokungaphansi lokho okwaziyo akukwenzi uthandeke kakhulu, futhi kwephuca abantu usizo abaludingayo. Ukuzethemba okuthule kusamele kuzwakale. Yisho into. Thatha umsebenzi okwethusa kancane. Zivumele ubonakale unekhono. Ungakwenza konke lokho usalalela kakhulu kunanoma ubani, usanikeza ithimba lakho udumo, usashintsha umqondo wakho. Yilelo lonke iphuzu, lokhu kokubili akuzange kube okuphambene.

Inothi ngezinsuku ezinzima kakhulu

Kukhona umehluko phakathi kokuthobeka okunempilo nezwi elikutshela ukuthi ungumkhohlisi kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ufezani. Iningi lethu linalo elinye lalelo zwi, futhi ukudla okuhlala njalo kokunqoba okuncane kuyalithulisa ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Kwabanye abantu, nokho, linomsindo omkhulu futhi lihlala njalo, uhlobo lokungazethembi olungapheli olungenela endleleni olala ngayo, osebenza ngayo, nendlela oziphatha ngayo.

Uma umgxeki wakho wangaphakathi eseyekile ukuba ngowezikhathi ezithile waqala ukuqhuba isiteji, leyo akuyona inkinga yokuzethemba ongazijwayeza uphume kuyo wedwa, futhi kufanele ithathwe ngokungathi sina. Ukukhuluma ngayo nodokotela wengqondo akusikho ukuvuma ukwehluleka. Kungenye yezinyathelo zokuzethemba ezikhona, ukukhetha ukuthola usizo lwangempela esikhundleni sokuzibambela ngamandla. Umgomo awuzange ube ukuzizwa uqinisekile ngaso sonke isikhathi. Kuwukwethemba ukuthi ungabhekana nokuzayo, nokuvumela abantu abakuzungezile bakusize ukukuthwala.

Imithombo

• Harvard Business Review, Less-Confident People Are More Successful
• Harvard Business Review, If Humility Is So Important, Why Are Leaders So Arrogant?
• American Psychological Association, Self-efficacy: The theory at the heart of human agency