Amathiphu asheshayo
- Hlela ukubuka imali ngeSonto, hhayi ukumzuma.
- Shintshanani ngezindaba zemali ngaphambi kokushintshana ngemibono.
- Yisho uhlelo lokusebenzisa imali esikhundleni sesabelomali.
Ngokuvamile kuqala kancane. Inkokhelo esitatimendeni obungayilindele. Ukububula lapho omunye umuntu ethatha ikhadi lakhe. Ibhili efika ngomzuzu ongafanele. Phakathi komzuzu noma emibili anisakhulumi ngempela ngamadola angamashumi amane. Nikhuluma ngenhlonipho, noma ubulungiswa, noma ukuthi ubani onquma izinto, futhi kungekho noyedwa wenu oqinisekile ukuthi nifike kanjani lapha.
Uma lokho kushelela okujwayelekile, usebudlelwaneni obujwayeleke kakhulu. Imali ingenye yezinto ezivame kakhulu imibhangqwana ephikisana ngazo, futhi izingxabano zemali zinobuhlungu obuthile. Ziyabuya. Ungaxazulula ukungezwani ngemisebenzi yasendlini bese uzizwa uqedile ngakho. Ingxabano yemali efanayo inendlela yokuphinde ivele esitatimendeni esilandelayo, ekhefini elilandelayo, ekuthengeni okukhulu okulandelayo, igqoke izingubo ezehluke kancane.
Izindaba ezinhle ezigqityelwe kulokho yilezi: ukuphindeka kwalezi zingxabano akulona uphawu lokuthi ubudlelwano bakho buphukile. Kuwuphawu lokuthi imali ithinta okuthile okubalulekile kini nobabili. Iqhinga ukufunda ukukhuluma ngento engaphansi.
Izingxabano zemali zivame kancane ukuba ngezemali
Lapho nixabana ngento eyithengiwe, cishe anilwi ngento uqobo. Nilwa ngalokho imali ekumelayo. Ukuphepha. Inkululeko. Ukuthathwa ngokungathi sína. Ukukwazi ukukhululeka. Ukwesaba ukuhlala ngaphandle omunye wenu angabe wakhula nakho, noma engazange abe nakho.
Okuningi kwalokho esikukholelwayo ngemali sakumunca kudala ngaphambi kokuhlangana neqabane lethu, endlini esakhulela kuyo, ekubukeleni abantu abadala abasizungezile bekhathazeka noma bemosha imali noma bethula njalo lapho lesi sihloko sivela. Umuntu oyedwa wafunda ukuthi ukonga yindlela yokuhlala uphephile. Omunye wafunda ukuthi ukusebenzisa imali kancane yindlela ekugcineni ojabulela ngayo impilo owayisebenzela. Akukho kulokho okungalungile. Kuyizindaba nje ezimbili ezihlukene ngokuthi imali eyani, zihlezi etafuleni elifanayo lasekhishini, kaningi kungekho noyedwa oqaphelayo ukuthi basebenza ngeskripthi esabhalwa eminyakeni edlule.
Yingakho ingxoxo yemizuzu emihlanu ngokubhalisela i-streaming ingaqhuma. Komunye wenu kungamadola amahlanu. Komunye kuyisimiso, ukushelela, ubufakazi bokuthi anikho ekhasini elifanayo. Ngamunye wenu uvikela igugu, hhayi inombolo.
I-Gottman Institute, esiye yafunda ngendlela imibhangqwana exabana ngayo amashumi eminyaka, yenza iphuzu elifanayo ngamagama acacile: lapho amaqabane engavumelani ngemali, ukungavumelani ngokuvamile kumele okuthile okujulile, ukwesaba, ithemba, umuzwa wokuthi impilo enhle ibukeka kanjani. Phikisana ezingeni ledola bese uzungeza. Ba nelukuluku ngephupho noma ukwesaba okuhlezi ngaphansi kwako bese yonke ingxoxo ishintsha isimo.
Inkinga yokuthula
Nakhu ukuguquka okubamba imibhangqwana eminingi ingalindele. Abantu abangaphansi kwengcindezi yezimali enkulu kunazo zonke ngokuvamile yibona abakhuluma ngayo kancane kunabo bonke.
Abacwaningi base-Cornell babhekisisa kanye lokhu bathola ukuthi ingcindezi yezimali ivame ukuthulisa imibhangqwana kunokubagqugquzela ukuba bahlele ndawonye. Lapho imali incishene futhi ukukhathazeka kuphezulu, abantu bahoxa engxoxweni kanye lapho beyidinga khona kakhulu. Ingxenye yayo ukuthi ingcindezi idla amandla engqondo adingwa yingxoxo enzima. Ingxenye yayo ukwesaba: ucabanga ukuthi izophenduka impi, ngakho awusho lutho, futhi ukuthula buthule kuba uhlobo lwako lwebanga.
Ucwaningo olufanayo lukhomba okusizayo. Lapho imibhangqwana iqala ukubona inkinga yemali njengokuthile ababili bekubhekana nakho ndawonye, kunokungqubuzana okungapheli phakathi kwabo, baba nokuzimisela okwengeziwe kokukhuluma ngempela. Lolo shintsho, kusuka ku-"mina ngimelene nawe" kuya ku-"thina simelene nalokhu," kuvela kwenza umsebenzi omningi onzima.
Izingxabano ezingaphansi kwezingxabano
Amaphuzu ambalwa avutha aphindaphinda avela njalonjalo, futhi kuyasiza ukuwabona ngokuyikho, ngoba ngalinye empeleni kuwukungqubuzana kwezindaba ezimbili ezinengqondo.
Umongi nomsebenzisi wemali
Lokhu ukuhlangana okudala, futhi imibhangqwana ivame ukuthola omunye komunye kanye kulo mugqa. Omunye wenu ubuka ibhalansi azizwe ezolile ngokwengeziwe njengoba ikhuphuka. Omunye ubuka impilo idlula bese efuna ukujabulela okunye kwayo manje. Ngamunye uvame ukufunda omunye njengenkinga. Umongi akabukeki eyisidlova kunoma ubani futhi ubukeka enesibopho kuye ngokwakhe; umsebenzisi wemali ubukeka engenanjabulo ngesihlalo esisodwa futhi ehlakaniphile ngesinye. Ngeke uyinqobe le ngxabano ngokuphikisa. Ungayiqonda kuphela nihlangane endaweni ethile emaphakathi, okuvame ukusho imali ethile evikelekile nemali ethile ekhululekile ngempela ukuyijabulela ngaphandle kwempikiswano ngenkomishi ngayinye yekhofi.
Okwakho, okwami, nokwethu
Indlela oyibamba ngayo imali, ama-akhawunti ahlangene, ahlukene, noma inhlanganisela ethile, akumayelana namalungiselelo kangako kunalokho kuzwakala. Kumuntu oyedwa, ukuhlanganisa konke kuyilo lonke iphuzu lokuba yiqembu. Komunye, ukugcina okuncane kwakhe yindlela abambelela ngayo emuzweni wobuyena. Kokubili kungaba yiqiniso embhangqwaneni ofanayo. Akukho sakhiwo esisodwa esilungile, kuphela leso nina nobabili enisikhetha ngamabomu futhi enikwazi ukuphila naso. Ingozi akusiwo lawo malungiselelo. Kungukuntwela kuwo ngokuzenzakalelayo bese uwazonda kamuva.
Igebe lomholo
Lapho omunye wenu ehola kakhulu, noma omunye wenu engaholi lutho isikhathi esithile ngenkathi ekhulisa izingane noma efuna umsebenzi, imali ithatha buthule amandla amaningi. Umuntu ohola okuncane angazizwa elahlekelwe yivoti. Umuntu ohola okuningi angazizwa nomthwalo ongashiwongo angazange awucele. Ukukusho lokhu ngokuzwakalayo, ngokusobala, ngaphambi kokuba kuqine kube yinzondo, kususa iningi lobuthi bakho. Ikhaya lisebenza ngokwengaphezu kwalokho okuvela ephaketheni lomholo, futhi ukukubiza ngegama kugcina ibhodi lezikolo lingaphathi ubudlelwano.
Indlela yokuqala, ukuze kungapheli ngokulwa
Indlela ingxoxo eqala ngayo yakha ukuthi iyaphi. Ingxoxo yemali evula ngokusola cishe ayilulami. Izinto ezimbalwa zenza ukuqala kube kumnene futhi zenze okusele kukwazi ukwenzeka.
Khetha umzuzu ngamabomu. Ungayiqali enkulu lapho uphuma ngomnyango, noma ulele embhedeni ukhathele, noma usuvele ucasukile ngenye into. Beka isikhathi. "Singahlala phansi ngeSonto sibuke izinto ndawonye?" Ukubheka okuhleliwe, okunengcuphe ephansi kunqoba ukuzuma ngaso sonke isikhathi, futhi kusindisa nobabili ekwesabeni ukuzibuza ukuthi isihloko sizohlasela nini.
Shintshanani ngezindaba zemali ngaphambi kokushintshana ngemibono. Ngaphambi kokuphikisana ngokwenza, ba nelukuluku ngokuthi ngamunye wenu uvelaphi. Imali yayizwakala injani endlini yakho lapho ukhula? Yikuphi ukwesaba kwakho kwezimali okubi kunakho konke? Ukuba "nokwanele" bekungakuvumela ukwenzani ngempela? Ungathola ukuthi iqabane lakho alilawuli noma alinganaki nhlobo. Livikela okuthile okunengqondo ngokuphelele uma usukwazi ukukubona.
Biza umuzwa, hhayi isahlulelo. Zama "Ngiba novalo lapho ngingazi ukuthi kusele kuphi e-akhawuntini" esikhundleni sokuthi "uhlala usebenzisa imali ngokweqile." Owokuqala umema iqabane lakho ngaphakathi. Owesibili uliyisa ecaleni. Esinye sezinyathelo eziwusizo kakhulu kunoma iyiphi ingxoxo enengcindezi ukwenza nje inkinga ibe yinto nina nobabili enibhekene nayo, kunokubhekana omunye komunye.
Lalela ukuze uqonde, hhayi ukuze uphikise. Lapho kuyithuba leqabane lakho, melana nesifiso sokulayisha impikiswano yakho ngenkathi lisakhuluma. Akudingeki uvume ukuze uvume ukuthi uzwile. "Lokho kunengqondo" noma "Bengingazi ukuthi lokho kwakukwesabisa" kungapholisa ingxoxo ngokushesha kunanoma yiliphi iphuzu elihlakaniphile obusuzolisho.
Thambisa ulimi ngokwalo. Ukukhethwa kwamagama amancane kuthwele isisindo esimangalisayo. I-American Psychological Association iphawula ukuthi ngisho ukushintsha "isabelomali," esingazwakala njengesijeziso, ngokuthi "uhlelo lokusebenzisa imali" kungashintsha izinga lokushisa kwengxoxo yonke. Inhloso uhlelo enilubamba nobabili, hhayi incwadi yemithetho eyodwa wenu eyiphoqayo.
Thatha ikhefu ngaphambi kokuba ulidinge. Uma amazwi enu ekhuphuka nemizimba yenu iqina, senishiye indawo lapho kwenzeka khona okunemiphumela. Vumelanani ngaphambili ukuthi noma ubani wenu angabiza ukuma. "Asibuye kulokhu emva kwesidlo." Ikhefu akukhona ukugwema uma ubuya ngempela.
Kwenze umkhuba, hhayi isimo esiphuthumayo
Imibhangqwana elwa kancane kunayo yonke ngemali ngokuvamile akuyona enayo eningi kunayo yonke. Yileyo ekhuluma ngayo njalo ngokwanele kangangokuthi akukho ngxoxo eyodwa okumele ithwale sonke isisindo.
Ukubheka imali okufushane, okuphindaphindwayo kwenza lokhu buthule. Kanye ngenyanga, hlalani phansi imizuzu engamashumi amabili, nibuke okungenile nokuphumile, nibize noma yini eza, nilungise. Kugcineni kulula. Eminye imibhangqwana iyihlanganisa nokuthile abakuthandayo emva kwalokho ukuze yonke into ingazwakali njengokubizelwa ehhovisi likathishanhloko. Iphuzu lesigqi ukuthi izinkinga zibanjwa zisezincane, zisengumugqa ekhasini hhayi isikhalazo esesiqoqe inzalo izinyanga eziyisithupha.
Kuyasiza futhi ukubeka isithombe senu esabiwe endaweni nobabili eningasibona kuyo. Amabhili, izikweletu, imali eyongiwe, lokho ngamunye wenu akulindele buthule onyakeni oyodwa noma eminyakeni emihlanu ezayo. Ukudalula okugcwele kungazwakala kudalula, ikakhulukazi uma kunesikweletu noma umkhuba obulokhu uwuthwele wedwa futhi wesaba umzuzu obuzomele ukusho ngokuzwakalayo. Kodwa imibhangqwana eba nobuqotho ngesithombe sonke, kubandakanya nezingxenye ezingakhululeki, ivame ukwethembana kakhulu, hhayi kancane. Into obuyifihla ivame ukungehli kabi njengoba kwakuzokwenza ukufihla ngokwako, uma isitholakele. Imfihlo yiyona ekhukhulayo. Ukukhanya kwemini yikho okuzinzisayo.
Ezinye izinkinga zemali azixazululeki, futhi lokho kulungile
Nakhu okuthile okufanele wenze uxolo nakho. Akuwona wonke umehluko phakathi kwenu oyinkinga okumele ilungiswe. Umongi wemvelo nomsebenzisi wemali wemvelo bangase bangaguqulani ngokugcwele, futhi akudingeki. Ubudlelwano obuningi obuqinile, obuhlalayo buphethe ukungavumelani okungapheli, okuncane ngemali bese bukuphatha ngamahlaya nenhlonipho kunokuzama ukukunqoba.
Umgomo akukhona ukucabanga ngokufanayo ngedola ngalinye. Kungukuyeka ukuphatha umehluko njengosongo. Uma ningasho ukuthi "lokhu sikubona ngokwehlukene, futhi siyakuphatha" ngaphandle kokuba kube inhlolovo ngobudlelwano, senivele nawina ingxenye ebalulekile.
Ukuthi ningenise nini usizo
Ngezinye izikhathi izingxoxo ziqhubeka ziphela ngendlela efanayo ebuhlungu noma ngabe niziqala ngokucophelela kangakanani, noma imali isiphenduke into eniyizungeza ngokuqaphela ngokuphelele kangangokuthi senithule nya. Lokho kufanele kuthathwe ngokungathi sína. Umelaphi wemibhangqwana angakusiza ukuthola iphethini engaphansi kwezingxabano, futhi umeluleki wezimali angasusa okunye ukwesaba okuluhlaza ezinombolweni ngokukunika uhlelo ongama kulo. Ukufinyelela kuhlobo olunjalo losizo akukhona ukuvuma ukuthi wehlulekile. Kungabantu ababili abanquma ukuthi ubudlelwano babo bubaluleke kakhulu kunokuba uqinisile ngesabelomali sokudla.
Futhi uma izinkathazo zemali ziqala ukusinda kakhulu kunobudlelwano bakho, uma ingcindezi ikulandela ebuthongweni bakho, emsebenzini wakho, noma endleleni ozizwa ngayo ngokuvuka ekuseni, ngicela ungakuthwali lokho wedwa. Khuluma nodokotela wakho noma nochwepheshe wempilo yengqondo. Ingcindezi ingokoqobo, kanjalo nosizo.
Imithombo
- American Psychological Association, Happy couples: How to avoid money arguments
- Cornell Chronicle, The cost of silence: Financial stress mutes couples' communication
- The Gottman Institute, Talking About Finances: A Touchy Topic Made Easier for Couples