Obi a wo ne no hyɛɛ aseɛ berɛ korɔ no bɔɔ adeɛ kɛseɛ bi ho dawuru nnawɔtwe yi, na woakenkan dawurubɔ no mprɛnan. Ɛnyɛ ahoɔyaa nti. Na worehwehwɛ afa a ɛkyerɛkyerɛ mu, kasamu a ɛka sɛdeɛ ɔyɛeɛ, na na ɛnni mu, ɛfiri sɛ dawurubɔ nkura saa asɛm no da.
Ma saa ɔpɛ no ntena hɔ. Sɛ wopɛ sɛ wohwɛ obi a ɔdi w'anim yie no nyɛ suban mu mfomsoɔ a ɛsɛ sɛ wode aseda ho nsiesieɛ siesie. Ɛyɛ ɔkwan teta a nnipa fa so hunu deɛ ɛbɛtumi aba ne deɛ ɛsɛ sɛ wɔyɛ akyire yi, na wɔn a wɔwɔ botaeɛ kɛse yɛ saa pii ɛfiri sɛ wɔn na wɔrebɔ mmɔden ampa sɛ wɔbɛtu mpɔn. Ɔhaw no nnyɛ sɛ wode totoo ho. Ɛyɛ sɛ wode deɛ ɛmfata na ɛtotoo ho. Deɛ ɛba wieeɛ no ne afa a ɛda adi na ɛho nni mfasoɔ. Ɔkwan a wɔfaa so no ne afa a wobɛtumi asua, na ɔkwan a ɛyɛ nokware wɔ hɔ a wobɛfa so anya.
Adɛn nti na sɛ mede me ho toto ho a, ɛma me werɛ ho kyekyere?
Ɛfiri sɛ ntotoho a yɛtaa yɛ no de deɛ ɛbaa wieeɛ toto deɛ ɛbaa wieeɛ ho, na deɛ ɛbaa wieeɛ yɛ dodoɔ baako a nkyerɛkyerɛmu biara nka ho. Gerber, Wheeler ne Suls boaboaa mfeɛ aduosia nhwehwɛmu a ɛfa sɛdeɛ nnipa de wɔn ho toto afoforɔ ho ano, na wohunuiɛ sɛ nnipa dodoɔ no ara yi sɛ wɔde wɔn ho bɛtoto wɔn a wɔdi wɔn anim ho, na deɛ ɛtaa ba ne sɛ wɔhunu nsonsonoeɛ na ɛnyɛ nkuranhyɛ, na emu den kɔ so kɛse wɔ sɛdeɛ wɔbu wɔn ankasa tumi ne wɔn akoma mu tebea ho.
Enti sɛ wo bo tu no, ɛyɛ deɛ ɛtaa ba wɔ akontabuo mu, na ɛnyɛ wo ankasa mfomsoɔ. Ɛkyerɛ nso deɛ ɛnti a afotuo a ɛka sɛ gyae ntotoho no ntumi nnyina onipa a ɔwɔ botaeɛ kɛse anim. Ntotoho ne ɔkwan a wofa so susu wo ho, na worennyae wo ho a wobɛsusu.
Deɛ ɛsesa deɛ ɛfiri mu ba ne deɛ wode toto ho. Lockwood ne Kunda hunuiɛ sɛ obi a ɔyɛ adeɛ yie hyɛ nkuran berɛ a ne nkonimdie no yɛ sɛ obi bɛtumi aduru hɔ, na ɛma abamubuo berɛ a ɛnte saa, na ɛba wɔ baabi a ɛfa deɛ ɔhwɛfoɔ no ani gye ho ankasa. Sɛ obi bɛtumi aduru hɔ anaa ne sɛntɛreɛ no. Deɛ ɛbaa wieeɛ no daa ara te sɛ deɛ obi ntumi nnu hɔ, ɛfiri sɛ worehwɛ adeɛ a wɔawie a atwedeɛ biara nka ho. Ɔkwan a wɔfaa so no deɛ, ɛte sɛ deɛ wobɛtumi aduru hɔ ɛfiri sɛ wɔde Benada nna na ayɛ.
Ɛdeɛn ankasa na mɛbisa wɔn?
Asɛmmisa baako: berɛ a na wowɔ baabi a mewɔ seesei no, na woreyɛ dɛn? Afei baako a ɛtɔ so mmienu a ɛbɛn: abosome nsia a ɛdii yi anim no, dɛn na woyɛeɛ?
Saa mmienu no na wɔyɛ adwuma no dodoɔ, na wɔbua, ɛfiri sɛ worebisa afa a nnipa de hoahoa wɔn ho na wɔntaa nnya kwan nka ho asɛm. Dawurubɔ no yɛ deɛ ɛbaa wieeɛ. Abosome nsia a ɛdii n'anim no yɛ ɔkwan a wɔfaa so, na nnipa dodoɔ no ara bɛka mu nsɛm nyinaa akyerɛ wo sɛ obi bisa a.
Ebi nso a ɛma nsɛm pɔtee ba na ɛnyɛ nyansasɛm:
- Ɛdeɛn na wogyaeɛ yɛ na wode kwan maa yi?
- Hwan na ɔboaeɛ, na ɛyɛɛ dɛn na saa onipa no behunuu wo?
- Ɛdeɛn na wodi kan yɛɛ no mfomsoɔ?
- Ɛfiri gyinaeɛ no berɛ kɔsii berɛ a ade a ɛda adi dii ɛkan bae no, ɛgyee berɛ sɛn?
Sɛ wontumi mmisa wɔn tee a, fa nsɛm a ɛda adi si so: deɛ wɔtintimiiɛ, baabi a wɔpuee, ne ɔhyehyɛeɛ a wɔfaa so. Hwɛ nna no. Mfeɛ mmienu a ɛda obi gyinaeɛ ne ne dawurubɔ ntam no ne nokwasɛm a ɛhyɛ nkuran sene biara, na ɛno ne afa a dawurubɔ no gya no daa.
Mɛyɛ dɛn de deɛ mesua no adi dwuma a menkɔfa wɔn asetena nyinaa?
Fa su baako pɛ na yɛ no bosome baako. Baako. Mfomsoɔ a ɛwɔ ha nnyɛ sɛ wobɛfa kakraa bi dodo, ɛyɛ sɛ wobɛfa obi asetena nhyehyɛeɛ nyinaa nnawɔtwe baako mu na woagyae ne nyinaa mu da a ɛtɔ so du.
Yi su a ɛdi nsɔhwɛ mmiɛnsa yi so: ɛwɔ wo tumi ase, wobɛtumi ayɛ no ketewa wɔ wo da bɔne mu, na ɛma biribi da adi wɔ nnawɔtwe nnan mu. Sɛ wode adeɛ pue nnawɔtwe biara. Nkɔmmɔbɔ baako da biara. Nsiesieɛ nnɔnhwerɛ mmienu ansa na woabue wo email. Afei twerɛ nsɛntitire a ɛtɔ so mmienu a mfasoɔ wɔ so kɛse: adeɛ a ɛyɛ wɔn dea a wɔanhyɛ da worentiri no akyi: wɔn kuro, sɛdeɛ wɔpɛ sɛ wɔtu kwan anadwo ahanu afe biara, sɛdeɛ wɔpɛ adwuma a ɛdi nnawɔtwe awieeɛ. Saa nsɛntitire no na ɛdane ntotoho no nhyehyɛeɛ na ɛnnyɛ mmirikatuo a ɛnkɔ baabiara.
Afei hwɛ berɛ no mu nokware mu. Sɛ wɔadi mfeɛ nwɔtwe na wo deɛ woadi mmienu a, ntotoho a ɛfata ne wɔn afe a ɛtɔ so mmienu no, na saa berɛ no na ɛnyɛ fɛ saa nanso mfasoɔ wɔ so kɛse.
Ɛsɛ sɛ megyae wɔn akyi die anaa?
Ɛtɔ da, sɛ ade a wode bɛdi dwuma berɛ tiawa a da bi wɔ so. Sɛ obi nsɛm sɛe wo anɔpa nnɔnhwerɛ mmienu daa a, mia no bosome baako berɛ a woreyɛ wo su baako no, na fa awieeɛ da to so sɛdeɛ wode da bɛto biribiara a woasi ho gyinaeɛ so no.
Deɛ ɛnyɛ ne sɛ ɛyɛ nhyehyɛeɛ kɛseɛ. Sɛ womia a, ɛyi nsɛm no fri hɔ ka yea no ho, na nsɛm no na enti a na worehwɛ mfitiaseɛ. Obi a ɔdi w'anim mfeɛ mmienu wɔ w'adwuma no ankasa mu no yɛ nsɛm nnibea a ɛsom bo sene biara a wobɛnya da, kwa, na ɔrekyerɛkyerɛ ne kwan mu wɔ badwa mu. Sɛ wodum saa afebɔɔ sɛnea ɛbɛyɛ a wo ho bɛtɔ wo Benada bi a, ɛyɛ nsesagyeɛ a ne boɔ yɛ den.
Nsɛnhwehwɛ a ɛyɛ pa no de nsɛm no su na ɛkyekyɛ, na ɛnnyɛ onipa no. Ma akaunt a ɛkyerɛ adwuma a ɛrekɔ so na ɛkyerɛkyerɛ sɛdeɛ wɔyɛ no mu no ntena hɔ, na yi akaunt a ɛkyerɛ deɛ ɛbaa wieeɛ nko ara no fi hɔ. Saa nsonsonoeɛ no ne ahoɔyaa nni hwee yɛ, ɛfa sɛ wobɛtumi de deɛ worekenkan no ayɛ biribi anaa ho.
Nka a ɛwɔ me mu no deɛ, mɛyɛ no dɛn?
Ka biribi kyerɛ wɔn, wɔ dawuru so, na ɛnyɛ pɔtee, fa deɛ wɔyɛeɛ ankasa ho. Ɛno ne ɔkwan a ɛyɛ ntɛm sene biara a wobɛfa so adane onipa a wode wo ho toto ne ho no onipa a ɔnim wo din, na ɛgye kasamu baako pɛ.
Mmara no fata sɛ woma ɛtena wo tirim: ayɛyie a emu nna hɔ yɛ dede kwa, na sɛ woka deɛ obi yɛeɛ ankasa, wɔ nnipa a wɔn adwene fa wɔn ho no anim a, ɛyɛ adwuma mu asɛm kɛseɛ a ɛnnye deɛ ɔreka no hwee. Ɛnyɛ mo ne amo kwa. Biribi a ɛbɛn yi: afa a wosane siesiee sɛdeɛ nnipa foforɔ wura mu ansa na woayi adeɛ no adi no, ɛno na ɛma dodoɔ no sesaeɛ, na mekaa saa kyerɛɛ kuo no.
Adanseɛ wɔ hɔ a ɛkyerɛ ɔkwan a ɛfa so. Grant ne Gino hunuu wɔ nsɔhwɛ ɛnan mu, a sukuufoɔ a wɔboaboaa sika ano ho adwuma ka ho, sɛ sɛ wɔda obi ase a, ɛma ɔboa nnipa kɛse akyire yi, na deɛ ɛma ɛba saa ne sɛ ɔte nka sɛ nnipa bu no, na ɛnyɛ sɛ ɔte nka sɛ ne tumi adɔɔso.
KEEP CALM hyɛaseɛni no de ka wɔ n'ankasa kwan so: ɔka sɛ ahintasɛm baako a ɛmaa ɔnyaa nkɔsoɔ ne sɛ na ɔhwehwɛ akwannya sɛ ɔbɛkyerɛkyerɛ, atu fo, apagya, akamfo na wagyina nnipa a wɔatwa ne ho ahyia akyi, na ɔyɛɛ saa firi aseɛ kɔsii soro, na ɛnyɛ ɛberɛ a ɔduruu soro ansa. Deɛ ɔnyaeɛ no yɛ mmɔho du sene deɛ ɔde bɔɔ mu. Ɛno yɛ n'ankasa adwuma ho asɛm, na ɛnyɛ mmara a obi bɛtumi ahyɛ wo bɔ. Deɛ akyinnyeɛ nni ho ne ne boɔ: kasamu pɔtee baako a woka wɔ baabi a ɛfata.
Ntotoho yɛ adwinnadeɛ, enti sɔ n'abaa mu
Yi mu biara nka sɛ pɛ kakraa bi anaa yi w'ani. Kwan a ɛma woyɛ papa no yɛ tiawa na ɛyɛ ɔkwan pɔtee.
Bisa deɛ wɔyɛeɛ berɛ a na wɔwɔ baabi a wowɔ. Fa su baako na yɛ no bosome baako. Bɔ ade baako a ɛyɛ wɔn dea a worentiri no akyi din. Fa kasamu pɔtee baako a ɛfa adwuma no ankasa ho kɔma wɔn.
Yɛ saa mprɛnsa anaa mprɛnan afe biara wɔ nnipa a wɔdi w'anim kakra ho, na biribi kɛseɛ bɛsesa. Wobɛnya ɔkwan a wofa so, gyinaeɛ ahodoɔ a wosii no wɔ nhyehyɛeɛ mu na ɛnyɛ kwa, ne nnipa kuo ketewa a wɔdi w'anim na wɔnim wo yie. Afe a ɛtɔ so nnum mu no, deɛ ɛtwa toɔ no som bo sene su biara a ɛwɔ nhwɛso no so.
Nsɛm a wɔgyee firii mu
- Psychological Bulletin, A social comparison theory meta-analysis 60+ years on
- Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Superstars and Me: Predicting the Impact of Role Models on the Self
- Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, A little thanks goes a long way: Explaining why gratitude expressions motivate prosocial behavior