Amathiphu asheshayo
- Yisho uthi ake ngiphindele kuwe.
- Kubize: leli yicala, hhayi ukulimaza.
- Hlola umugqa ngokwezimiso zakho.
Usho umusho owuzijwayezile. "Angikwazi ukukuthatha lokho njengamanje." Bese, cishe ngaphambi kokuba omunye umuntu asabele, isisu sakho siyehla. Izwi elincane liyaqala: unobugovu, ubadumazile, kufanele nje uthi yebo ubhekane nakho. Umngcele ubunengqondo. Icala lifika noma kunjalo.
Uma lokho kujwayelekile, usemphakathini omuhle kakhulu. Abantu abaningi abacabangelayo, abaphanayo bathola ukuthi ingxenye enzima kunazo zonke yokubeka umkhawulo akuyona ingxoxo. Yingxenye yehora ngemva kwalokho, lapho ukungakhululeki kungena bese kukulinga ukuthi ukubuyise konke. Sifuna ukucacisa okuthile kusaqala: ukuzizwa unecala akusho ukuthi wenze okuthile okungalungile. Lezo zinto ezimbili sezikhungulukile, futhi iningi lale ndaba limayelana nokuthi kungani, nokuthi wenzeni ngenkathi ulinde umuzwa ukuba uzinze.
Kungani ucha oluyimpilo lungazwakala njengokukhaphela
Umngcele umane uwumugqa ocacile ngalokho okulungile kuwe nokungalungile. I-Cleveland Clinic ichaza imingcele njengohlaka olubekayo lwendlela ofuna ukuphathwa ngayo. Uma kushiwo kanjalo ngokusobala, kuzwakala kusobala. Ngakho kungani ukudweba omunye kubuhlungu?
Ingxenye yakho yizinsimbi zangaphakathi. Abantu bakhelwe ukuhlala besezingeni elihle neqembu labo, futhi iningi lomlando wethu lelo zinga laliyindaba yokusinda. Ukudumaza umuntu kungaqalisa insimbi encane yangaphakathi ethi ukuxhumana kusengozini. Leyo nsimbi ayihloli ukuthi isicelo sakho besinobulungisa yini. Imane ikhale.
Enye ingxenye indala kunaleli sonto. Uma wafunda kusenesikhathi ukuthi uthando kwakuyinto oyizuza ngokuba lula, ngokubona kusengaphambili izidingo, ngokungabi ngumthwalo, khona-ke ucha lungazwakala sengathi wephula umthetho owawufundiswe ukuphila ngawo. Icala akusona isigwebo phezu komngcele. Kuwumkhuba omdala, owenza kanye lokho owaqeqeshelwa kona.
Futhi enye ingxenye ukuthi icala ngezinye izikhathi liyasizwa. Uma ukuphikisa kuvela emuntwini omthandayo, owaziyo kanye lapho uthambe khona, kwehla kanzima kakhulu. Lokho akwenzi umngcele ube ngongalungile. Kuvame ukusho ukuthi ubalulekile.
Izindleko zomngcele ongawubeki
Kuyasiza ukukhumbula ukuthi ukuthi yebo kukho konke nakho kunentengo. Kumane kuthule, futhi ukhokha kamuva.
I-Mayo Clinic Health System yenza iphuzu ngokungagwegwesi: iningi lokukhathazeka abantu abakuthwalayo livela ekuthatheni isibopho semizwa, ukuziphatha, nemicabango yabanye abantu. Uma ungenamugqa, ugcina uphethe izinto ezazingekho ezakho ukuzithwala. Inzondo iyakhula. Ukukhathala kuba yizinga elijwayelekile. Uqala ukuzizwa usetshenzisiwe kancane ngabantu, empeleni, abangakaze bakucele ukuthi uzishiye, uvele wakwenza ngokuzenzakalelayo wakubiza ngomusa.
Odokotela abafunda ngalokhu bachaza imiphumela ngokusobala. Uma ungavikeli isikhathi sakho namandla akho, uvame ukuba mubi kukho konke okubalulekile kuwe, ekhaya nasemsebenzini, futhi lokho kuguga kungabonakala njengobuthongo obubi, isimo somoya esiphansi, nohlobo lwenkungu yengqondo. Umngcele akulona udonga olimisela abantu. Yindlela ohlala uphile ngokwanele ngayo ukuqhubeka nokuvela kubo.
Okumele ukusho ngempela
Amagama abaluleke kancane kunalokho abantu abakwesabayo, kodwa imikhuba embalwa yenza umzuzu uhambe kangcono.
- Kwenze kufushane. Umngcele olethwa ngomusho owodwa noma emibili ecacile ubambelela kangcono kunowombalwe esigabeni sokuxolisa. "Angikwazi ukwenza lokho" kuwumcabango ophelele. Awukweletwa isifundo eside.
- Melana nesifiso sokuchaza ngokweqile. Lokhu okukhulu. Uma sizizwa sinecala, sinqwabelanisa izizathu, sithemba ukuthi ukuzithethelela okwanele kuzokwenza omunye umuntu avume ukuthi sivunyelwe. Kuyivelakancane ukuthi kwenzeke. Kuvame ukumema ukuxoxisana, ngoba sonke isizathu osinikezayo umnyango umuntu angakuphikisa ekubuyisela ngawo. Iseluleko se-Cleveland Clinic ukuba uqondile futhi ucacile kunokusikisela: "Angihloli imilayezo yomsebenzi ngemva kwamahora omsebenzi; leso sikhathi ngesomndeni wami" kwehla ngokuhlanzekile. Sho umugqa; ungazivivinyeli imvume.
- Zithengele isikhathi lapho ungakwazi. Awudingi ukuphendula ngaleso sikhathi. "Ake ngiphindele kuwe ngalokho" ungenye yemisho ewusizo kunayo yonke ekhona. USah, umcwaningi ofunda ngokuthi kungani siwohloka ezicelweni ngokumelene nokwahlulela kwethu okungcono, uncoma kanye lolu hlobo lokuma, ngoba ingcindezi yokuvuma ivame ukuba namandla kakhulu emizuzwaneni embalwa yokuqala.
- Sebenzisa u"mina" kuno"wena." "Ngidinga ukuhamba ngehora lesithupha" kuhlala kalula kunokuthi "uhlala ungibambelela isikhathi eside." Enye isho umkhawulo wakho. Enye iqala impi.
- Lindela ukungakhululeki, futhi ungakuphathi njengolwazi olusha. Icala cishe lisezofika. Kulungile lokho. Ungalizwa ungenzi ngalo. Kuwumuzwa, hhayi ivoti.
Ukuvumela icala lidlule ngaphandle kokukubuyisa
Nansi ingxenye okungekho okutshela yona: ukubeka umngcele kuyisinyathelo sokuqala. Ukubekezelela indlela okuzwakala ngayo ngemva kwalokho kuyisinyathelo sesibili, futhi yisona esinzima.
Ukudonseka kokuchitha umkhawulo kunamandla kakhulu ehoreni ngemva nje kokuwubeka, lapho omunye umuntu edumele futhi isimiso sakho semizwa sifunda lokho kudumala njengenkinga okumele ilungiswe. Uma ukwazi ukubhukuda kulelo windi ngaphandle kokuzihlehlisa, umuzwa uvame ukulahlekelwa ukubamba kwawo. Awucindezeli icala. Uyalivumela lihambe kuwe ngenkathi ugcina izwi lakho.
Izinto ezimbalwa ezisiza kulelo windi:
- Kubize lokho okwenzekayo kuwe. "Leli yicala, futhi icala akusona ubufakazi bokuthi ngilimazile." Ukubeka ulimi emuzweni ngokuthembekile kususa okunye kokushisa kuwo.
- Ziphathe ngomusa njengoba ungenza kumngane osanda kwenza kanye lokho. Lokhu akusona okwengeziwe okuthambile. Ucwaningo luxhumanisa uzwelo ngokwakho nehlazo necala eliphansi, nokukhathazeka nokucindezeleka okuncane ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Ukuzikhulumisa ngobumnene kwenza umsebenzi wangempela, hhayi ukuzikhipha ohukwini.
- Hlola umngcele ngokwezimiso zakho, hhayi ngesimo somoya wakho. Buza: esontweni elizayo, ngizojabula yini ukuthi ngiwubambile lo mugqa? Icala likhuluma kakhulu ngaleso sikhathi. Izimiso zakho zigcina irekhodi elide.
Futhi khumbula ukuthi ukungakhululeki kwesikhashana, kodwa iphethini oyakhayo akunjalo. Imingcele iyikhono, futhi njenganoma yiliphi ikhono iba lula ngokuzijwayeza. Ucha lweshumi lubiza okuncane kakhulu kunolokuqala.
Uma kungaphezu kwecala
Kukhona umugqa ofanele ukuchazwa. Uma ukuthi cha kungazwakali kungakhululekile nje kodwa kuzwakale kungaphephile ngempela, uma umuntu empilweni yakho ejezisa imingcele yakho ngentukuthelo, izinsongo, ukuthula okuhlala izinsuku, noma ngokukwenza ungabaze inkumbulo yakho, lokho akusona icala elivamile futhi akusiyona eyakho ukukuphatha wedwa. Lokho kufanele kuxoxwe ngakho nochwepheshe ongakusiza ucabange ngokuphepha, hhayi nje ngokuxhumana.
Futhi uma uthola ukuthi awukwazi ukubeka ngisho imikhawulo emincane ngaphandle kokugcwaliswa yicala, noma ukujabulisa abantu kujule kangaka kangangokuthi usulahlekelwe indlela yalokho ofuna ngempela, umelaphi angasiza ngalokho ngokuqondile. Kokubili i-Cleveland Clinic ne-Mayo ziphawula ukuthi lokhu kuyona kanye into i-therapy yokukhuluma enhle kuyo. Ukufuna lolo sizo akusona uphawu lokuthi wehlulekile emingceleni. Kuwuphawu lokuthi uqaphele iphethini ekubizayo, wanquma ukuthi ufanelwe inkathazo yokuyishintsha.
Ngokulandelayo uma ubeka umkhawulo bese icala livela njengokujwayelekile, ungalivumela lihlale lapho. Alitholi ivoti. Usuvele wenze isinqumo, ngezizathu ezinhle, futhi umuzwa umane uyizinsimbi ezindala ezifika emuva. Zinike imizuzu embalwa. Liyadlula. Umngcele uyahlala.
Imithombo
- Cleveland Clinic, How To Set Boundaries in Healthy Ways
- Mayo Clinic Health System, Setting boundaries for well-being
- American Psychological Association, The benefits of better boundaries in clinical practice
- National Library of Medicine (PubMed), Self-Compassion, Anxiety and Depression Symptoms: the Mediation of Shame and Guilt