Unalo iphuzu. Ulicubungule ngenkathi uhamba uza lapha, uyayazi inombolo elisekelayo, futhi usuqede imisho emine ulisho ngezwi elizwakalayo lapho izwi elikhulu kunelakho lehlela phezu kwelakho. Ngesikhathi lelo zwi liqeda, igumbi selidlulele kwenye into, futhi into enhle kunazo zonke obuzoyisho namuhla isasemlonyeni wakho.
Lowo mzuzu akulona ivivinyo lobuntu bakho futhi akubona ubufakazi bokuthi awunalo igunya. Kuyinkinga yesikhathi, futhi izinkinga zesikhathi zinamasu. Bheka abantu abaphinde balithole ithuba labo lokukhuluma emihlanganweni bese ubona ukuthi cishe abalokothi babe ngabakhuluma kakhulu egumbini. Bagcina izwi labo lisezingeni elifanayo, babambelela emagameni abo okugcina ambalwa, base bebuya ngomusho owodwa omfushane owenza ukungenelwa kubukeke njengephutha kunomphumela. Konke lokhu okuthathu kungafundwa ngentambama eyodwa, futhi uzokusebenzisa eminyakeni engamashumi amabili ezayo.
Uthini ngomzuzwana olandela lapho umuntu ekungena emlonyeni?
Sho ibhuloho, hhayi isikhalazo. Umugqa osebenzayo umfushane, awukhathazekile, futhi umayelana newashi kunokuba umayelana nomuntu: "Kubambe lokho, ngisele imizuzwana eyishumi ukuphetha."
Wenza izinto ezintathu ngasikhathi sinye, futhi akukho nokukodwa okuyimpi. Utshela igumbi ukuthi ususeduze nokuqeda, ngakho ukukuvumela uqhubeke akubizi lutho. Ubeka iphuzu lomunye umuntu endaweni ephephile esikhundleni sokulishaya lisuke, yingakho "kubambe lokho" kufinyelela kude kunokuthi "ake ngiqede." Futhi kufaka inombolo esicelweni, okuwumehluko phakathi kokuncenga nohlelo. Abantu bayazivumela izinhlelo.
Kunezinguqulo ezimbili okufanele uzilungiselele, ngoba umusho ofanayo masonto onke uqala ukuzwakala njengethuluzi elifundelwe. "Umugqa owodwa nje bese kuba ngowakho" yinguqulo efudumele, elungele abantu obathandayo. "Imizuzwana engamashumi amathathu, bese ngilinika wena ngqo" yinguqulo yegumbi elivele selisemuva ngesikhathi. Zontathu ziphetha ngendlela efanayo, ithuba lokukhuluma libuyela kuwe futhi kungekho muntu okumele alahlekelwe yilutho ukuze alinikeze.
Indlela oyenza ngayo ibaluleke njengamagama uqobo. Gcina isivinini sakho sisenkundleni ebesikuyo, ungavumeli isifiso sokusheshisa ucindezele okusele kwephuzu lakho. Ukujaha yisona sibonakaliso. Yiyo into etshela igumbi buthule ukuthi ukungenelwa kusebenzile.
Kungani ukuphakamisa izwi kukulahlekisela igumbi?
Ngoba izwi eliphakeme yisibonakaliso igumbi elisifunda njengokucindezeleka, futhi ukucindezeleka kuphambene nqo nalokho ozama ukukubonisa. Izwi eliphakeme yiyona nto eyodwa egumbini wonke umuntu angayidonsa, yingakho kanye ukuyidonsa kungaxazululi lutho.
Kunesizathu esiphathekayo sokuthi kungani kubuyela emuva. Ukucindezela kungumsebenzi, futhi lowo msebenzi uyezwakala. I-National Institute on Deafness and Other Communication Disorders ikubeka kucace ukuthi kubiza kanjani: ukuzama ukukhuluma ngaphezu komsindo kubangela ukucindezeleka ezwini, futhi ukukhuluma ngezwi eliphakeme kakhulu kuyalicindezela. Igumbi liwuzwa umzamo kudala lingakawuzwa umbono lowo mzamo owuphetheyo, ngakho inguqulo enomsindo omkhulu yephuzu lakho ivamise ukufika iyincane.
Kukhona nesizathu sesikhundla. Ukulinganisa izwi lomunye umuntu kwamukela imigomo yakhe futhi kuguqula umhlangano wokusebenza kube umqhudelwano okumele ukhiphe umnqobi. Ungawunqoba lowo mqhudelwano kodwa uchithe okuthile obukudinga kamuva kuleli sonto. Ukuhlala lapho obukhona khona kubukeka njengesinyathelo esibiza kakhulu, ngoba wonke umuntu egumbini uyezwa ukuthi ubunalo ithuba kodwa awulithathanga.
Kuthiwani uma igumbi selidlulele phambili?
Linda ikhefu langempela elilandelayo bese uvula umnyango ngomusho owodwa: "Ngaphambi kokuba siqhubeke, kukhona into eyodwa evela ephuzwini lami." Bese usho leyo nto eyodwa, hhayi yonke inkulumo kabusha.
Ukulinda kahle kusho ukwazi ukuthi ulindeni. Ingxoxo isebenza ngezikhala ezimfushane kakhulu kunalokho abantu abakucabangayo. Isampula yomhlaba wonke yezilimi eziyishumi, eyahlolwa ku-Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, yabonisa ukuthi isikhathi sokushintshana kwabakhulumi siyefana ngokumangalisayo kuyo yonke indawo lapho salinganiswa khona, isikhala esimaphakathi salimi ngalunye phakathi kokuma komkhulumi oyedwa nokuqala komunye singaphansi cishe kwengxenye yesine yomzuzwana esilinganisweni esihlanganisa zonke izilimi. Ukuthula okwenzeka ngokwemvelo akulona iwindi elihlala livuliwe uze unqume. Kuyingxenyana yomzuzwana, futhi kufanele ufike kuyo usuvele ulungile.
Ngakho misa indawo yakho yokubuyela ngaphambi kokuba uyidinge. Bamba amagama akho amathathu okugcina ekhanda lakho ngenkathi omunye umuntu ekhuluma, bese eba yihuku olengisa kulo ukubuya kwakho. "Ngibuyela ohlelweni lokubuyisela emuva" ngamagama ambalwa nje, futhi usungaphakathi emushweni wakho futhi.
Ungakwenzela kanjani lokhu umuntu ongezwakali?
Ngendlela efanayo ncamashi, ngamagama amane, egameni lakhe: "Ake sime, uDana ubengakaqedi." Bese ubheka uDana kunokubheka umuntu ongenile, ukuze ithuba lokukhuluma lehlele lapho ulithumele khona.
Lena yiyunithi encane kakhulu esebenzisekayo yento enkulu kakhulu. I-Catalyst, ecwaninga indlela abantu abathuthuka ngayo ngempela emsebenzini, idweba umugqa oqinile phakathi komeluleki, onikeza isiqondiso somsebenzi, nomxhasi, osebenzisa ithonya lakhe ukusiza omunye athuthuke. Bambalwa kakhulu abantu asebeke bachazelwa lowo mehluko. Umeluleki ukhuluma nawe. Umxhasi ukhuluma ngawe, emagumbini ongekho kuwo, futhi umugqa we-Catalyst uthi ukweluleka kubalulekile kodwa kukukodwa akwanele ukuthuthukisa abesifazane.
Okwenza inguqulo yamagama amane ingabizi ukuthi ithatha umusho owodwa wesikhathi sokukhuluma, akukho okunye. Okwenza kufanele ukuyenza ukuthi wonke umuntu uyizwile. Umuntu oyenzelwe uvame ukuyikhumbula iminyaka, futhi igumbi libona lowo oyenzile njengomuntu ozizwa ephephe kunabo bonke etafuleni, ngoba umuntu ongakhathazekile ngesikhundla sakhe kuphela onikela ngengxenye yaso.
Umsunguli we-KEEP CALM uchaza lowo mkhuba njengesinye sezizathu ezenza izinto zamhambela kahle. Yonke indlela eya phezulu, hhayi lapho esefikile, wayebheka amathuba okuqeqesha, ukweluleka, ukuncoma nokumela abantu ababemzungezile, futhi uthi ukwesekwa okwabuya kuye kwaphindwa kayishumi. Lokho kungukulandisa kwakhe ngeminyaka yakhe engamashumi amabili, akulona izinga lenzuzo umuntu angalithembisa. Kubalulekile ukukwazi noma kunjalo, ngoba yisona sinyathelo esisodwa kulesi sihloko esimahhala.
Kuthiwani uma kunguye lowo muntu ofanayo masonto onke?
Kuxazulule ngaphandle komhlangano, kanye, cishe ngemizuzwana eyishumi nanhlanu. Ngaphakathi egumbini unemigqa emibili engenhla futhi izokusiza. Ngaphandle kwalo uthola ithuba lokulungisa iphethini esikhundleni sokulungisa isigameko esisodwa.
Gcina isicelo sicacile futhi sisincane. "Kule mihlangano ngilahlekelwa isiphetho sephuzu lami cishe kabili ngomhlangano ngamunye. Ungangivumela yini ngiliqede bese ungena ngokushesha emva kwami?" Awukho umlando, awekho amagama okuhlobisa, alukho uhlu lwamasonto ayisithupha adlule. Abantu abaningi ngempela abazi ukuthi bayakwenza, futhi labo abaziyo abazilungiselele isicelo esilula kangaka ukusivuma.
Uma kungashintshi lutho, shintsha indlela umhlangano owenziwa ngayo esikhundleni sokushintsha umuntu. Thumela iphuzu lakho ngokubhaliwe ngobusuku obandulela umhlangano ukuze likhona noma ngabe ukwazile yini ukuqeda ukulisho, bese ucela lowo ophethe umhlangano ukuthi akubize ngegama. Akukho nokukodwa kulokhu okuwukuhlehla. Kokubili kuyindlela yesibili eya emphumeleni ofanayo, wokuthi ukucabanga kwakho kubalwe.
Ukugcina ithuba lokukhuluma kwenzelwani ngempela
Isizathu sokuba nekhono kulokhu akusikho ukuthi ukungenwa emlonyeni kuzwakala kubi. Ukuthi ufuna izinto, zizothatha iminyaka, futhi imibono ongazange uqede ukuyisho ayibalwa nakweyodwa yaleyo minyaka.
Izwi elingashintshi. Amagama amathathu abanjwe ekhanda. Ibhuloho elilodwa elifushane lokubuya. Kubukeka njengokuzibamba kodwa kusebenza njengethuluzi lomsebenzi: kugcina ukucabanga kwakho okungcono kakhulu ngaphakathi emagumbini lapho kuthathwa khona izinqumo, ngoLwesibili olujwayelekile lapho ukhathele futhi umhlangano udonsa isikhathi, futhi kusasebenza ngonyaka wesihlanu nangonyaka weshumi nanhlanu. Yiso sonke leso isizathu sokuzola lapha. Akuyona indlela encane yokufuna izinto. Yiyona nto ekuvumela ukuthi uqhubeke uzicela ngaphandle kokushisa igumbi liphele, futhi lapho ithuba lokukhuluma selibuyela kuwe njalo, usunento efanele ukuyinika omunye umuntu.
Imithombo
- Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, Universals and cultural variation in turn-taking in conversation
- National Institute on Deafness and Other Communication Disorders, Taking Care of Your Voice
- Catalyst, Build Effective Workplace Sponsorship and Mentoring Programs