Amathiphu asheshayo
- Yandisa ukukhipha umoya kwakho kudlule ukungenisa umoya.
- Biza umuzwa ngokuthula: kulungile, ngithukuthele.
- Cela imizuzu engamashumi amabili, bese uyabuya.
Kukhona umzuzu othile cishe owuqondayo. Ingxoxo iyagxobha. Umzuzwana odlule ubukhuluma, manje usuyaziqinisa. Ubuso bakho buyashisa. Inhliziyo yakho iyashesha. Noma yini omunye umuntu asanda kuyisho isakhala ezindlebeni zakho, futhi impendulo isivele iyakheka oyisola ukuthi uzoyisola. Awukanqumi ukulwa. Umzimba wakho unqume egameni lakho.
Lowo mzuzu ufanele ukuqondwa, ngoba cishe konke okuhamba kabi engxoxweni eshisayo kuhamba kabi khona lapho, emizuzwaneni embalwa ngemva kokugxuma nangaphambi kokuba ukhulume. Uma ukwazi ukwenza okuthile okuwusizo kulelo gebe, ingxenye esele yengxoxo inethuba. Uma ungakwazi, uvame ukusho into ephendula ukungavumelani kube inxeba.
Izindaba ezinhle ukuthi ukuhlala uzolile kulezo zikhathi ikakhulukazi ngamakhono amancane afundekayo. Hhayi ubuntu owazalwa nabo. Hhayi amandla entando. Amakhono.
Kungani ingxoxo enzima ithumba umzimba wakho
Qala ngalokho okwenzeka ngempela, ngoba kwenza okunye kungabi yimfihlakalo kangako.
Ekujuleni kobuchopho bakho kuhlala isakhiwo esincane esibizwa nge-amygdala, futhi omunye wemisebenzi yaso ukuskena ingozi bese sishaya insimbi yesexwayiso ngokushesha. Asilindi ingxenye ecabangayo yobuchopho bakho ukuba ibeke elayo. Uma sizwa ingozi, sivusa isimiso sakho semizwa esizwelayo, impendulo yokulwa-noma-yokubaleka. Ukushaya kwenhliziyo kuyakhuphuka, ukuphefumula kuba ngokungajulile, amahomoni engcindezi ayagcwala, imisipha iyaqina. Lesi yisona kanye isimiso esingakusiza ukugxumela emuva emotweni. Inkinga ukuthi asikwazi njalo ukuhlukanisa phakathi kwemoto yangempela nethoni yezwi lomlingani wakho.
Uma leyo nsimbi inomsindo, ingxenye yobuchopho bakho oyidinga kakhulu ekungqubuzaneni, ingxenye ekala amazwi, ifunde omunye umuntu, futhi ibambe umbono ongaphezu kowodwa ngasikhathi sinye, iba thulile. Abantu ngezinye izikhathi babiza inguqulo ephezulu ngokuthi ukuthunjwa kwe-amygdala. Uke wakuzwa. Kungumzuzu osho okuthile okubukhali nokuhlakaniphile futhi okuyiqiniso ngengxenye kuphela, into eyehla kahle kakhulu, bese ubuka ubuso bomunye umuntu buvaleka.
Abacwaningi bobudlelwane banegama lalesi simo esigqilaziwe nabo. Basibiza ngokugcwala. Uma ugcwele, umzimba wakho usemvuselelweni ephezulu kangangokuthi ingxoxo enemiphumela, exazulula izinkinga ivele isuke etafuleni. Awenzi lukhuni. Isimo somzimba wakho sesiphume ekamelweni.
Lokho kubuka okuyinhloko ngenye indlela. Uma ingxoxo ishisa, umsebenzi wakho wokuqala akukhona ukunqoba iphuzu noma ngisho ukuba nengqondo. Ukuletha umzimba wakho phansi ngokwanele ukuze ingxenye enengqondo yakho ibuye.
Bamba ukugxuma kusenesikhathi
Awukwazi ukulawula igagasi ongazange ulibone likheka. Abantu abaningi bayaphuthelwa yizimpawu zokuqala zokugcwala futhi baqaphele kuphela ukuthi babekhukhulwe kamuva, bekuphinda emshawareni.
Ngakho funda izimpawu zakho. Ezawo wonke umuntu zihluke kancane. Ezivamile:
- Ukushisa okuzumayo ebusweni bakho noma esifubeni
- Inhliziyo yakho igquma noma ukuphefumula kwakho kuba ngokushesha nokungajulile
- Umhlathi oqinisiwe, amahlombe aqinile, noma inqindi obungahlosanga ukuyenza
- Lowo muzwa wokubona okumumethe lapho omunye umuntu eyeka ukubukeka njengomuntu omthandayo aqale ukubukeka njengophikisayo
- Isifiso sokuphazamisa, sokuba nesiqondile ngokushesha, noma sokuphuma
Akukho kwalezi okusho ukuthi ungumuntu omubi noma umlingani omubi. Kumane kuyizibani zedeshibhodi. Iphuzu lokuzazi yisikhathi. Lapho ubamba ukugxuma kusenesikhathi, yilapho usenezinketho eziningi. Uma usugcwele ngokuphelele, izinketho zakho zincipha ziye kwezimbi.
Izinto ezimbalwa ezisiza ngempela ngaleso sikhathi
Lezi akusona iskripthi sokusebenzisa ngokulandelana. Khetha eyodwa noma ezimbili ezikufanele wena nomzuzu.
Yenza ukukhipha umoya kancane
Isikhwelo esisheshayo kunazo zonke onaso emzimbeni ogijimayo ukuphefumula kwakho, ikakhulukazi ukukhipha umoya okude, kancane. Ngenisa umoya ubale cishe kane, bese uvumela ukukhipha umoya kwelule kudlulele, cishe isithupha, kuthambile futhi kungaphoqiwe. Imizuliswano embalwa yalokho ithumela uphawu lwangempela esimisweni sakho semizwa lokuthi isimo esiphuthumayo siphelile. Ungakwenza ngenkathi omunye umuntu esakhuluma. Akekho okumele azi.
Biza lokho okuzwayo, kuwe
Lokhu kuzwakala kulula kakhulu ukuthi kungasebenza, kodwa akunjalo. Uma ubeka ngokuthula igama emuzweni, "kulungile, ngithukuthele," noma "lokho kuhlabile," kushintsha okuthile okulinganisekayo. Ocwaningweni lokuthwebula ubuchopho olwaholwa uMatthew Lieberman e-UCLA, isenzo sokubeka uphawu emzweni sehlisa umsebenzi e-amygdala futhi saletha ingxenye ecabangayo, elawulayo yobuchopho ngokwengeziwe. Ukubiza umuzwa ngegama akuwenzi unyamalale. Kususa unqenqema, ngokwanele nje ukuze ucabange. Kuwumehluko phakathi kokuba yintukuthelo nokuqaphela intukuthelo.
Yeka ukuqiniseka umzuzwana
Phakathi nokugcwala, ubuchopho bakho bukunika indaba: ngiqinisile, benza okungenabulungisa, yilokhu abayikho njalo. Leyo ndaba izwakala njengeqiniso. Iphathe njengokulotshwe okwesikhashana. Awudingi ukukholelwa incazelo enomusa kunazo zonke engenzeka. Vele uxegise ukubamba kwakho kweyona embi isikhathi eside ngokwanele ukuze uhlale unelukuluku. Umbuzo wangempela, obuzwa ngezwi langempela, ungashintsha lonke izinga lokushisa: "Ungangisiza ngiqonde ukuthi ubusho ukuthini ngalokho?"
Tshala umzimba wakho
Ngeke ucabange indlela yakho uze uzole ngenkathi umzimba wakho usesesexwayisweni. Ngakho sebenza umzimba ngqo. Izinyawo zicabe phansi. Amahlombe ehle asuke ezindlebeni zakho. Yeka ukuqinisa umhlathi wakho. Thambisa izandla zakho. Akukho kukho okuhlaba umxhwele, futhi konke kutshela isimiso sakho semizwa into efanayo: akusona isimo esiphuthumayo sangempela.
Uma isinyathelo esifanele kuwukuma
Ngezinye izikhathi ubamba ukugxuma sekwephuze kakhulu, noma kumane kukukhulu kakhulu. Into eneqiniso kunazo zonke, enothando kunazo zonke ongayenza kuleso simo ukumisa ingxoxo, ngamabomu, ngokunakekela.
Lokhu akufani nokuhamba ngolaka noma ukuthula ukuze ujezise umuntu. Kuyiphikisana. Umehluko ukuthi usho lokho okwenzayo futhi wethembise ukubuya. Okuthile okunjengokuthi: "Ngifuna ukukwenza lokhu kahle nawe, futhi ngicasuke kakhulu ukukwenza kahle khona manje. Singathatha imizuzu engamashumi amabili bese sibuyela kukho?"
Imizuzu engamashumi amabili ibalulekile, futhi hhayi ngokungahleliwe. Ucwaningo lwe-Gottman Institute lwathola ukuthi amakhemikhali engcindezi okugcwala athatha isikhathi sangempela ukusuka emzimbeni wakho, cishe imizuzu engamashumi amabili noma ngaphezulu, ngaphambi kokuba ukwazi ngokomzimba ukukhuluma kahle futhi. Futhi nakhu okucashile abantu abaningi abakuphuthelwayo: ikhefu lisebenza kuphela uma uzivumela ngempela ukuba uzinze. Uma ulichitha uzijwayeza impendulo yakho yokubuya bese ondla isikhalo, umzimba wakho awuze wehle. Lichithe entweni ekuthobisa ngempela, ukuhamba, umculo, ukuphefumula kancane, noma yini ngaphandle kokuphinda. Kolunye ucwaningo lwabo, izithandani ezama zafunda omagazini isigamu sehora zabuya nokushaya kwenhliziyo okuphansi nengxoxo efudumele ngokuphawulekayo, enemiphumela engcono.
Bese ugcina izwi lakho ubuye. Ikhefu ongabuyi kulo limane ukushiya ngegama elihle kakhudlwana.
Izinga elimnene kunelithi "ungalokothi ulahlekelwe"
Uzolahlekelwa ukuzola kwakho ngezinye izikhathi. Wonke umuntu uyakwenza, ikakhulukazi nabantu abaseduze nathi, ngoba lezo yizingxoxo ezibaluleke kakhulu nezifinyelela kithi ngokujulile. Umgomo awuzange ube ukuba ngumuntu ongezwa lutho engxoxweni enzima. Lowo muntu ubengeke azole. Ubengeke abe khona.
Lokho okwakhayo esikhundleni salokho yikhono lokuqaphela igagasi, ukugibela phezu kwalo ngaphandle kokuwiswa phansi, nokulilungisa uma ushelela. Ukuthi "bengibukhali umzuzu odlule, futhi ngiyaxolisa, akuyona indlela engifuna ukukhuluma ngayo nawe" kwenza okuningi ebudlelwaneni kunokusebenza okuphelele, okulawulwayo. Ukulungisa nakho kuyikhono, futhi mhlawumbe yilona elibaluleke kakhulu.
Uma uthola ukuthi ukungqubuzana njalo kuphenduka kube okwesabekayo, uma ukushisa ezingxoxweni zakho kuchichima kube izinsongo, ukwedelela okungapholi, noma noma yini ekushiya wena noma omunye umuntu ezizwa engaphephile, lokho kufanele okungaphezu kokuvivinya ukuphefumula. Umelaphi wezithandani noma umeluleki angasiza uma yona kanye impi iqhubeka yenzeka kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uzamani. Futhi uma ubudlelwane buyekile ukuzwakala buphephile, ukufinyelela kuchwepheshe noma kumuntu othenjwayo akukhona ukusabela ngokweqile. Kuyinto enengqondo ongazenzela yona.
Nokho, izingxoxo eziningi ezishisayo akuzona izimo eziphuthumayo. Kumane kuyabantu ababili abakhathalayo, ababanjwe emsingeni ofanayo omdala imizuzu embalwa. Bamba ukugxuma, thambisa umzimba wakho, bese uhlala isikhathi eside ngokwanele ukuze ukhumbule ukuthi nisohlangothini olulodwa. Lokho ngokuvamile kwanele.
Imithombo
- Cleveland Clinic, Amygdala: What It Is and What It Controls
- The Gottman Institute, Weekend Homework Assignment: Physiological Self-Soothing
- Lieberman et al., Putting Feelings Into Words: Affect Labeling Disrupts Amygdala Activity in Response to Affective Stimuli (Psychological Science, via UCLA Social Affective Neuroscience Lab)
- Harvard Health Publishing, The nature of anger