Amathiphu asheshayo
- Khetha isikhathi esizolile, hhayi umzuzu odlulayo.
- Vula ngokuthi "bengovalwa ukukuveza lokhu".
- Sho okwakho, bese ubuza "Ubona kanjani?".
Uyayazi leyo. Into obulokhu uhlose ukuyitshela umlingani wakho, umzali wakho, umngane wakho, umphathi wakho. Usuyizijwayeze endaweni yokugeza. Usubhale umyalezo wawususa. Mhlawumbe usunqume izikhathi ezintathu ezehlukene ukuthi namuhla usuku, bese namuhla luthule luba isonto elizayo.
Ingxoxo ihlala mahhala esifubeni sakho. Ikhona uma ungakwazi ukulala, futhi ikhona ekuxwayeni okuncane okuzwayo njalo uma useduze komuntu isihloko silenga emoyeni, singashiwongo.
Sifuna ukusho okuthile okumnene kuqala. Ukukugwema akusho ukuthi uyigwala. Kusho ukuthi ubuchopho bakho benza ncamashi lokho obakhulela ukukwenza.
Kungani umzimba wakho uphatha ingxoxo njengosongo
Ingxenye yobuchopho bakho ephatha ingozi ayidwebi umugqa ohlanzekile phakathi kosongo lomzimba nolomphakathi. Ithuba lokungqubuzana, lokungaqondwa, lomuntu omthandayo edonsela kude, kubhaliswa njengengozi. Inhliziyo yakho iyashaya. Isisu sakho siyaqina. Ingqondo yakho iqala ukukhiqiza imibhalo yezimo ezimbi kunazo zonke, ngayinye inobhubhane kunelandulele.
Ngakho wenza into eyenza i-alamu ithule ngokushesha kunazo zonke. Uyagwema. Futhi kuyasebenza, isikhathi sasemini. Ukukhululeka kungokwangempela, okuyiso kanye isizathu sokuthi umkhuba unamathele.
Inkinga yilokho ukugwema okukwenzayo ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Into engashiwongo ayincibiliki. Iyaqina. Izinzondo ezincane ziyanqwabelana. Ibanga liyakhula egebeni lapho ingxoxo bekufanele ibe khona, futhi lapho ulinda isikhathi eside, into yonke iba nkulu neyethusayo kakhulu engqondweni yakho. Ugcina wesaba isilo osizakhele wena.
Ingxoxo esengqondweni yakho imbi kunaleyo eyangempela
Nakhu okutholakele okufanele ukubambelele kukho, ngoba kuphikisa ngamandla indaba ukukhathazeka okuyitshela yona.
Abacwaningi abaholwa uNicholas Epley e-University of Chicago benza uchungechunge lokuhlolisisa becela abantu ukuba babikezele ukuthi izingxoxo ezinenjongo, eziqotho zizohamba kanjani, base bekala ukuthi zihambe kanjani ngempela. Abantu ngokungaguquki bebelindele ukuthi lezi zingxoxo zizoba nokungakhululeki okwengeziwe kunalokho ezaba yikho. Bebezilungiselele ukubukwa okuze nokuthula. Abakuthola esikhundleni salokho ukuxhumana. Kuwo wonke ukuhlolisisa, abantu babengalindele ukuthi omunye umuntu ubezothakasela kangakanani kulokho ababefuna ukukusho.
Cabanga ukuthi lokho kusho ukuthini ngengxoxo oyigwemayo. Inguqulo edlala engqondweni yakho, lapho omunye umuntu ezivala, eba nokuzivikela, ehamba, cishe ngokuqinisekile imnyama kunalokho okuzokwenzeka ngempela. Umcabango wakho awuwona umlandi ongachemile. Uma ukhathazekile, ubhala izinto ezesabekayo.
Lokho akwenzi izingxoxo ezinzima zibe lula. Kusho ukuthi ukuzungeza kwesimo esibi kunazo zonke engqondweni yakho kungubufakazi obubuthaka. Ubikezela inhlekelele onesizathu esincane kakhulu sokuyilindela.
Ngaphambi kokusho igama
Ukulungiselela okuncane kwenza okungaphezu kokupholisha amazwi akho. Kuzolisa umzimba wakho, ukuze ungene uzinzile.
UJoseph Grenny, obhale kanye incwadi ethi *Crucial Conversations*, wenza iphuzu elishintsha konke buthule: cacisa ukuthi ufunani ngempela ngaphambi kokuqala. Hhayi ukunqoba. Umgomo wangempela. Ingabe ufuna ukuzizwa usondelene nalo muntu? Ukuxazulula inkinga ethile? Ukuqondwa? Uma wazi inhloso yakho yangempela, uyeka ukuzilungiselela impi bese uqala ukugxila emphumeleni owukhathalelayo.
Izinto ezimbalwa ezisiza ngaphambi kokuba umnyango uvuleke:
- Qamba lokho okufunayo, ngomusho owodwa, kuwe. "Ngifuna siyeke ukuxabana okufanayo" kungumgomo. "Ngifuna ukunqoba" kungugibe.
- Zibuze ukuthi omunye umuntu angacabanga ukuthi inkinga yini. Akudingeki ube uqinisile. Ukuxegisa nje ukubamba kwakho enguqulweni yakho kukwenza umlaleli ongcono.
- Khetha isikhathi nendawo yangempela. Hhayi ngokudlula, hhayi ngomyalezo, hhayi ekupheleni kosuku olukhathazayo. Isimo esizolile sehlisa izinga lokushisa ngaphambi kokuba kukhulume umuntu.
- Zinzisa umzimba wakho kuqala. Ukuphefumula okukodwa okuncane, izinyawo phansi, amahlombe ehlile. Awukwazi ukucabanga ngokucacile ngenkathi uhlelo lwakho lusesimeni se-alamu.
Awudingi umbhalo. Udinga isiqondiso nomzimba ozole ngokwanele ukuze uwulandele.
Indlela yokuyivula ngempela
Ingxenye enzima kakhulu umusho wokuqala. Ngakho wenze ube mncane futhi uqotho.
Akudingeki uqale ngaso sonke isisindo sento. Ungaqamba ukuthi kunzima. "Kukhona into ebengifuna ukukhuluma ngayo, futhi bengovalwa ukuyiveza" kungukuvula okuhle ngokuphelele. Kuyiqiniso, akunadrama, futhi kukhombisa ukuthi uza ngoxolo.
Kusukela lapho, izinyathelo ezimbalwa zigcina izinto zingaweli ekuxabaneni:
- Khuluma isipiliyoni sakho, hhayi ngokusola. "Uma izinhlelo zishintsha ngomzuzu wokugcina, ngigcina ngizizwa sengathi ngiyinto ecatshangwa muva" kufika ngokwehluke kakhulu kuno "njalo uyangikhansela." Okunye kuvula umnyango. Okunye kuyawuvala ngamandla.
- Sho into ngokusobala, bese uyeka ukukhuluma. Melana nesifiso sokuchaza ngokweqile noma ukuyithambisa ibe undendende. Okucacile nokunomusa kwedlula okungacaci nokugqokisiwe.
- Bese ulalela, ngempela. Odokotela be-Cleveland Clinic bakhomba ukuthi lapho abantu bezizwa bezwakala ngempela, bayeka ukuzilungiselela impi. Buza umbuzo wangempela. "Ubona kanjani?" Bese uvumela kube nokuthula ngenkathi bephendula.
- Hlala uzimele ngaphandle kokushisa. Umgomo unomusa, ucacile, futhi uzolile. Uma uzizwa ugcwala, kulungile ukuthi, "Ngifuna ukuqhubeka ngikhuluma ngalokhu, kodwa ngidinga umzuzu." Ukuma akukhona ukulahlekelwa.
Ngeke ukwenze konke lokhu ngokushelela. Akekho okwenzayo. Uzokhubeka emushweni, izwi lakho lingase lithuthumele. Lokho akukona ukwehluleka. Yilokho nje okubukeka kanjalo ukwenza into enesibindi ngenkathi unovalo.
Uma kungahambi kahle
Ngezinye izikhathi omunye umuntu akakalungeli. Baba nokuzivikela, noma bathula, noma basho okuthile okuhlabayo. Kuyenzeka, futhi akukususi ukubaluleka kokuba uzamile.
Ungaqamba umzuzu ngaphandle kokuwuphoqa. "Ngiyabona ukuthi lokhu kuningi. Singabuyela kukho kusasa?" kunika nobabili indlela yokuphuma ngesithunzi. Umgomo wengxoxo eyodwa uvame ukungabi ukulungisa konke. Ukuvula isihloko ukuze sigcine sinyakaza.
Futhi nakhu okuthile ukugwema okungakaze kukutshele: ngisho nengxoxo enobuthutha ngokuvamile izwakala ingcono kunokuthula ebikuvalele. Ukwesaba obulokhu ukuthwele kuvame ukusinda kunengxoxo ngokwayo.
Nini ukuletha usizo
Izingxoxo eziningi ezigwenywayo zijwayelekile, zinzima, futhi ziyasindeka ngokuphelele wedwa. Ezinye azinjalo, futhi kufanele ube qotho ngokuthi yiluphi uhlobo obhekene nalo.
Uma ubudlelwano buhilela noma yiphi iphethini yokulawula, ukwethuselwa, noma ukwesaba ngokuphepha kwakho, iseluleko lapha yithuluzi elingalungile, futhi impilo yakho iza kuqala. Uma ingxoxo oyigwemayo njalo ihlezi phezu kosizi, ukucindezeleka, noma umuzwa wokuthi konke kuningi kakhulu, akudingeki ukuxazulule lokho wedwa ngaphambi kokuba uvunyelwe ukucela ukwesekwa. Udokotela wengqondo noma umeluleki angakusiza ulungiselele ingxoxo ethile, futhi udokotela wengqondo wezithandani noma womndeni angabamba ezinzima ukuze zingawohloki ziwele ekuxabaneni okudala okufanayo.
Ukufinyelela usizo akuwona uphawu lokuthi wehlulekile kulokhu. Kuwuphawu lokuthi uthatha ubudlelwano, nawe, njengokubalulekile ngokwanele ukuze ukwenze kahle.
Ingxoxo ibilokhu ilindile. Izoqhubeka ilinde, isinda kancane isonto ngalinye oyishiya ngalo. Akudingeki ungabi novalo ukuze uqale. Kufanele nje usho umusho omncane wokuqala, bese uvumela okusele kulandele.
Imithombo
- American Psychological Association, Getting beyond small talk: Study finds people enjoy deep conversations with strangers
- Cleveland Clinic, 10 Tips To Deal With Difficult People
- Harvard Business Review, 4 Things to Do Before a Tough Conversation
- Harvard Business Review, How to Have Difficult Conversations When You Don't Like Conflict