Amathiphu asheshayo
- Phefumulela ngaphandle isikhathi eside kunokungenisa umoya, kabili.
- Qamba iphutha, bese ukhomba isixazululo.
- Yeka ukuliphinda uma usulilungisile.
Uthumele i-imeyili kumuntu ongalungile. Ucaphune inombolo engalungile phambi kweklayenti. Uyiphuthelwe into obethembise ukuthi uzoyibamba, futhi manje othile ukugqolozele, noma okubi kakhulu, akakasho lutho. Kukhona uhlobo oluthile lokushisa olungena ngaso leso sikhathi. Ubuso obufudumele, imicabango ejikelezayo, isifiso esinamandla sokuthi noma unyamalale noma ulungise yonke into emizuzwaneni engamashumi amathathu elandelayo.
Lowo mzuzu yiwo le ndaba emayelana nawo. Hhayi ukuthi ungawagwema kanjani amaphutha, awukwazi, kodwa ukuthi ungahlala kanjani uzinzile ngaphakathi kwalelo osanda kulenza.
Iningi lethu asikaze sikufundiswe lokhu. Safundiswa ukuba nokuqapha, ukuhlola kabili, ukungoni. Ngakho lapho soni noma kunjalo, iskripthi esinaso kuphela ukwethuka nokuzihlasela. Ikhono okungekho okunika lona ukuzola ngakolunye uhlangothi lwephutha, ikhono lokugcina ikhanda lakho ngenkathi isithunzi sakho, engqondweni yakho, sivutha. Liyafundeka. Futhi libaluleke ngaphezu kwephutha ngokwalo.
Imizuzwana engamashumi ayisithupha yokuqala imayelana nomzimba wakho, hhayi indaba yakho
Lapho uqaphela ukuthi wenze iphutha elikhulu, uhlelo lwakho lwezinzwa lusabela sengathi usengozini, ngoba ngokwenhlalo, enye ingxenye yakho ikholelwa ukuthi usengozini. Isivinini senhliziyo siyakhuphuka. Ukuphefumula kuba yingcosana. Ingxenye ecabangayo yobuchopho bakho, ingxenye oyidinga kakhulu njengamanje ukwenza ukulungisa okuhle, iba thulile ngenkathi isixwayiso siba nomsindo.
Yingakho isinyathelo sakho sokuqala singeke sibe esihlakaniphile. Awukho esimweni sokuba uhlakaniphe okwamanje. Isinyathelo sakho sokuqala ukubuyisa umzimba wakho.
Ukuphefumulela ngaphandle okukodwa okuhambisayo, okude kunokungenisa umoya, kwenza okuningi kunalokho okuzwakala sengathi kufanele. Izinyawo zithe patha phansi. Amahlombe ehlile asuke ngasezindlebeni zakho. Uzithengela imizuzwana embalwa okuthatha yona ukuze ukwahlulela kwakho kubuye kusebenze. Cishe akukho ephutheni okudinga ngempela ukusabela emizuzwaneni eyishumi elandelayo, ngisho noma yonke inzwa iphikelela okuhlukile.
Melana nogqozi olubili olusheshayo. Olokuqala ukudubula ukulungisa okusheshayo, oluphuthumayo, i-imeyili elungisiwe enamachashazi amathathu okumangala, ukuxolisa okuphaphazayo okwenza wonke umuntu angakhululeki ngokwengeziwe. Olwesibili ukunyamalala, ukuthula uthemba ukuthi kuzonyibilika. Kokubili kuvela esixwayisweni, hhayi kuwe.
Hlukanisa iphutha nokubaluleka kwakho
Nakhu lapho abantu abaningi belahlekelwa ihora elilandelayo, ngezinye izikhathi iviki elilandelayo. Iphutha liyenzeka, futhi phakathi kwemizuzwana liyeka ukuba yinto *oyenzile* libe yinto *oyiyo*. "Ngenze iphutha" ngokuthula kuphenduka "anginakekeli," "angilungele lokhu ngokwanele," "bazothola ukuthi angifanele ukuba lapha." Umcwaningi uKristin Neff ubiza lokhu ngokuzihlonza ngokweqile, indlela esivumela ngayo isehlakalo esidlulayo siqine sibe isigwebo esingunaphakade phezu kwethu.
Lolo shintsho luzwakala njengokuziphendulela. Akunjalo. Kuyinto ephambene. Lapho umatasa uba umkhohlisi ekhanda lakho, awunakunaki okusele okusetshenziswa ekulungiseni kwangempela. Ukuzihlasela akukwenzi ube nesibopho ngokwengeziwe. Kukwenza ube nosizo oluncane, ngoba kukukhukhula ngqo lapho udinga ukucabanga.
Kukhona indlela ethamba kakhudlwana esebenza kangcono, futhi ubufakazi buyayeseka. Abantu abahlangabezana nokwehluleka kwabo ngomusa othile, kunokuzishaya, balulama ngokushesha futhi bazimisele kakhulu ukwamukela okuhambe kabi. Ebhala ku-*Harvard Business Review*, usokusayikholoji uChristopher Germer uchaza ukuzwelana nawe njengokunezingxenye ezimbili ezisebenza ndawonye: ukufudumala obungakunika umngane osemzabalazweni, bese isikhuthazo sokuthatha isinyathelo sangempela. Induduzo kanye nokuziphendulela. Hhayi induduzo esikhundleni sokuziphendulela, futhi impela hhayi ukuziphendulela okulethwa njengesijeziso.
Ukuhlolwa okusheshayo yilokho osukwaziyo. Uma ozakwenu obumhlonipha enze leli phutha ncamashi weza kuwe ethuthumele, ubungeke umbize njengongenanzuzo. Ubuzosho okuthile okuzinzisayo, bese umsiza ukulilungisa. Lelo zwi liyatholakala nakuwe. Nje aliyona umkhuba manje.
Kwamukele ngokuhlanzeka, bese uyeka
Lapho sekuyisikhathi sokubhekana nephutha nabanye abantu, uhlobo olunamandla kunazo zonke lufushane futhi lucacile kunalokho uvalo lwakho olufuna lube yikho.
- Liqambe ngaphandle kokuligqokisa. "Ngiwaphambanisile amanani kulowo mbiko. Nawu umlando olungile." Ukwamukela okuhlanzekile kufundwa njengokuzethemba, hhayi ubuthakathaka. Ukuxolisa okuthuthumelayo, okuchazwe ngokweqile yikho okudla ithemba ngempela, ngoba kwenza abantu baphathe imizwa yakho phezu kwenkinga.
- Yeqa ukuzishaya. "Ngiyisiphukuphuku kangaka, angikholwa ukuthi ngikwenzile lokhu" kuphoqa wonke umuntu okuzungezile ukuba akuqinisekise. Lokho kuphendula iphutha lakho libe umsebenzi wabo. Thatha isibopho sephutha, hhayi senduduzo yezibukeli.
- Yiya esixazululweni. "Nakhu esengikwenzile, nakhu engingakuphakamisa okulandelayo." Ukukhomba indlela eya phambili yiyona ndlela eyodwa esheshayo yokwehlisa amazinga okushisa egumbini. Kutshela abantu ukuthi isimo sinomuntu omdala ngaphakathi.
- Ungaxolisi ngokweqile ngokuphindaphinda. Kusho kanye, ngokucacile, ukuqonde, bese ukuvumele kufike. Ukukuphinda akukwenzi kube neqiniso kakhulu. Kugcina inxeba livulekile.
Ukuqinisekiswa okuxakayo kukho konke lokhu: iphutha elamukelwe kahle livame ukushiya abantu bekwethemba *kakhulu* kunalokho ukube alizange lenzeke. Manje sebebonile ukuthi uziphatha kanjani lapho izinto zihamba kabi, okuyinto ababengeke baqiniseke ngayo ngaphambili.
Lapho omunye umuntu engazolile
Ukwamukela okuhlanzekile kunzima kakhulu lapho umuntu ophambi kwakho ephatheke kabi. Iklayenti elithukuthele, umphathi odumele, ozakwenu omsebenzi wakhe usanda kuwuxaka. Ukusabela kwabo kufika engxenyeni yakho esivele iluhlaza, futhi isidonso sokuzivikela siba sikhulu kakhulu.
Yile ndawo kanye lapho ukulungisa okuningi kuhamba kabi khona. Umuntu usabela ngamandla, futhi noma siwohloke sibe yisichibi sokuxolisa noma siqinise siqale ukuphikisana ngokuthi kungani kwakungelona ngempela iphutha lethu. Kokubili kwenza umzuzu ube mude.
Izinto ezimbalwa ziyabambelela ngaphansi kwengcindezi:
- Bavumele babe nomuzwa. Intukuthelo ngephutha langempela imvamisa nje iwubukhulu benkinga oyibangele, evezwe ngokuzwakalayo. Akudingeki uyimunce njengesitatimende ngesimilo sakho. "Unelungelo lokucasuka, lokhu kukubuyisele emuva" kungasusa ukushisa okuningi emoyeni ngaphandle kokuthi uwohloke.
- Ungalingani namandla abo. Uma izwi labo likhuphuka, vumela elakho lihlale liphansi futhi lilingene. Wena, ngaleso sikhathi, uhlelo lwezinzwa oluzinze kakhulu egumbini, futhi oluzinzile luvame ukudonsela olunye kulo.
- Hlala emaqinisweni nasekulungiseni, hhayi esigwebweni. "Nakhu okuhambe kabi nakhu ukuthi ngizokulungisa kanjani" ngumnyango ophumayo. Ukuphikisana ngokuthi ngabe ungumuntu onekhono kuyigumbi elingenamphumela, futhi akuyona ingxoxo edinga ukwenzeka.
- Bamba umngcele owodwa, ngobumnene. Ukwamukela iphutha akusho ukwamukela ukudelelwa noma ukuvumela umuntu abhale kabusha yonke indaba ukuze akwenze isigilamkhuba sezinto ebezingezona ezakho. Ungaba nesibopho ngokugcwele usasho, "Ngamukela iphutha embikweni. Udaba lwethaymlayini bekuyisinqumo esehlukene esasenza ndawonye." Ukunemba nakho kuyingxenye yobuqotho.
Umgomo akusikho ukunqoba. Kuwukuhlala ulawuleka ngokwanele ukuze ingxoxo ifike ndawana thile ngempela, esikhundleni sokuba iphutha lesibili elibekwe phezu kwelokuqala.
Kungani ukuzinza kunqoba ukungabi namabala
Kukhona isizathu esithule kakhulu, esihlala isikhathi eside sokufunda lokhu, futhi sidlula ukusindisa ubuso ngaleso sikhathi.
Uprofesa waseHarvard u-Amy Edmondson wachitha iminyaka ecwaninga amathimba wathola into eyammangaza. Amathimba asebenza kahle kunawo wonke awabuka *abika* amaphutha amaningi kunalawo abuthakathaka. Hhayi ngoba ayenganaki kakhulu. Ngoba ayephephile ngokwanele ukuba qotho. Kulawo mathimba, amaphutha ayengaqanjwa alungiswe esikhundleni sokufihlwa ashiywe abhonge. Abantu abamisa lelo zwi yilabo abangahlala nephutha, elabo noma elomunye umuntu, ngaphandle kokuthi igumbi lithathe umlilo.
Lapho uhlala uzolile ngemva kwephutha lakho, awuzivikeli wena kuphela. Ufundisa wonke umuntu obukele ukuthi kwenzekani lapha lapho into ihamba kabi. Uma impendulo ithi "siyaliqamba, siyalilungisa, akekho obhujiswayo," abantu bazokulethela inkinga elandelayo kusenesikhathi, isesencane. Uma impendulo ithi "siyethuka sabele icala," bazoqala ukukufihlela izinto, futhi umonakalo wangempela kunoma iyiphi inhlangano cishe uhlala uyiphutha okungekho ozizwe ephephile ukuliphawula.
Njengoba uJim Whitehurst, i-CEO yesikhathi eside, ekubeka ku-*Harvard Business Review*, umholi ozimisele ukusho ngokusobala ukuthi wenze into ngephutha unika wonke omunye umuntu imvume yokuba qotho naye. Leyo mvume ibaluleke ngaphezu kokubukeka kokungalokothi wehluleke. Ukubukeka kuntekenteke noma kunjalo. Wonke umuntu usevele uyazi ukuthi ungumuntu.
Ngemva kwalokho: vala isiyingi, bese uyayeka
Uma ukulungisa okusheshayo sekwenziwe, kukhona imisebenzi emibili esele, futhi abantu bavame ukwenza owodwa kuphela kuyo.
Owokuqala yiwo owusizo. Bheka okwenzeke ngempela, ngokufuna ukwazi kunesiswebhu. Ingabe bekuwukushelela, uhlobo noma ubani okhatheleyo nomatasa angalwenza? Igebe enqubweni ebeyilinde ukuluma umuntu? Indawo lapho ubungaphezu kwamandla akho ngempela okwakufanele ubuze kusenesikhathi? Ngasinye sakho sikhomba isixazululo esihlukile. Akukho kuso esiphendulwa ngokunquma ukuthi umuntu omubi. Ungathatha isifundo bese ushiya isigwebo.
Umsebenzi wesibili ukuma ngempela. Yilona oyeqiwa. Ingqondo ifuna ukuqhubeka iphinda iphutha ngo-2 ekuseni, iphinda iqophayo, sengathi ukuhlupheka okwanele kuzolisusa ngandlela thile. Ngeke. Ukucabangisisa kuzwakala njengesibopho, kodwa kuvele yisixwayiso esenqaba ukucima isikhathi eside ngemva kokuba ingozi isidlulile. Uma usuliqambile, walungisa okwazi ukukulungisa, futhi wakhipha isifundo, usuwenzile umsebenzi. Ukuphinda kuwumkhuba, hhayi umsebenzi, futhi uvunyelwe ukukubeka phansi.
Uma uthola ukuthi ngempela awukwazi, uma amaphutha ekushiya ujikeleza izinsuku, uma ukwesaba ukwenza into ngephutha kunciphisa umsebenzi wakho noma ubuthongo bakho noma kukuvimba ukuzama izinto nhlobo, lokho kufanele kuthathwe ngokungathi sina. Umgxeki wangaphakathi ongapheli, ojezisayo yinto udokotela wengqondo omuhle angasiza ngayo, futhi ivame ukusabela kahle ekusekelweni. Akudingeki uzibambele wedwa udlule kulokho, futhi ukufinyelela usizo lapho kuyikhono elifanayo ebesikhuluma ngalo sonke isikhathi. Kuwukuzola nje okukhomba ngaphakathi.
Uzokwenza amanye amaphutha. Wonke umuntu ohola noma yini uyawenza. Ukuthi ngabe uyashelela akuzange kube yiyo into ebumba umsebenzi wakho. Lowo ozoba yena ngomzuzu ngokushesha ngemva kwalokho, kaninginingi eminyakeni, yiyo. Leyo ngxenye ngeyakho ukuyakha, futhi ungaqala ngelilandelayo.
Imithombo
- Harvard Business Review, Be a Leader Who Can Admit Mistakes
- Harvard Business Review, To Recover from Failure, Try Some Self-Compassion
- Amy C. Edmondson, The Intelligent Failure that Led to the Discovery of Psychological Safety (Behavioral Scientist)
- Harvard Health Publishing, 4 ways to boost your self-compassion