Amathiphu asheshayo
- Yisho ngokuthula ukwesaba kwakho ukuze uzole.
- Bonga noma ngubani okulethela izindaba ezimbi.
- Beka isikhathi sokunquma, bese ubuyela kuso.
Ifoni ikhala ngehora elingalungile. Isivumelwano siyabhidlika, uhlelo luyawa, izinombolo zibuya zingalungile, kukhona olimalayo. Noma kunjani, ungezwa ikamelo liphendukela kuwe, lilindele. Mhlawumbe unesikhundla esikwenza ubhekane nomthwalo. Mhlawumbe nje uwena umuntu omi eduze kakhulu nenkinga. Noma kunjani, amahora ambalwa alandelayo azonqunywa, ngokwengxenye enkulu, indlela ozibamba ngayo.
Kuyinto esindayo ukuyifunda ngesikhathi isisu sakho sesehlile. Ngakho ake siqale ngokwethembeka ngesimo. Wesabile, noma okungenani ushaqekile, futhi ukwenza sengathi akunjalo kuzokudla amandla amaningi kunalawo okuwasindisayo. Injongo lapha akukhona ukuthi ungezwa lutho. Kungukuhlala usebenza kahle ngenkathi ukuzwa, nokuba umuntu abantu abakuzungezile abangazizinzisa ngaye.
Kukhona ucwaningo lwangempela ngokuthi lokho kudinga ini. Akuyona imfihlakalo enkulu njengoba kubukeka.
Okokuqala, buyisa ubuchopho bakho
Ngaphansi kwengcindezi enkulu, umzimba wakho wenza into ewusizo ekubalekeleni isilo esidla ezinye, kodwa engelusizo ekuqhubeni umhlangano. Ingxenye yobuchopho bakho ebona ingozi, i-amygdala, isebenza ngokushesha nangokuzwakalayo, futhi ikwenza lokho ngaphambi kokuba ingxenye ehamba kancane necabangela kahle, i-prefrontal cortex, ifike. Amahomoni engcindezi ayagcwala. Ukugxila kwakho kuyancipha. Kanye lokho kucabanga okudinga kakhulu, ukukala izinketho, ukufunda abantu, ukukhetha amagama, kuba nzima ukukufinyelela ngqo ngesikhathi lapho izinto zisezingeni eliphakeme khona.
Ngakho isinyathelo sokuqala kunoma iyiphi inhlekelele akulona iqhinga. Singesomzimba. Kufanele wehlise uhlelo lwakho kancane ngaphambi kokuba ukwazi ukuhola olwabanye.
Kukhona ithuluzi elilula lalokhu elinobufakazi obuhle ngokumangazayo obungemuva kwalo. Yisho lokho okuzwayo. Ucwaningo lwe-UCLA lwe-neuroimaging olwaholwa nguMatthew Lieberman lwathola ukuthi isenzo esilula sokubeka umuzwa ngamagama, ukubiza ubuso ngokuthi "buthukuthele" noma "buyesaba," kwehlisa ngokulinganisekayo umsebenzi we-amygdala kuyilapho kuletha ingxenye ecabangayo yobuchopho ekusebenzeni. ULieberman wakuqhathanisa nokucindezela amabhuleki. Akudingeki ukumemezele ekamelweni. Uma uzitshela ngokuthula ukuthi, "kulungile, ngiyesaba futhi inhliziyo yami iyagqamuka," kuqala ukubuyisela izintambo kuwe.
Hlanganisa lokho nokuphefumula okukodwa okuphumayo ngokungejahi. Izinyawo phansi. Bese uthatha isinyathelo esilandelayo esikhundleni sokuthatha sonke ngesikhathi esisodwa.
Yini abantu abayidinga ngempela kuwe
Uma usukwazi ukucabanga, isilingo ukudlala ukuqiniseka. Ungakwenzi. Ucwaningo lokuhola ezikhathini ezinzima lukhomba enye indlela, oluya ekwethembekeni.
Ukubuyekezwa kobuholi ngesikhathi sokuqala sobhubhane, okwashicilelwa ephephabhukwini lezokwelapha nguBeilstein nozakwabo, kwakhipha imithetho embalwa yokuxhumana eyamelana nengcindezi yangempela. Xhumana kaningi kunalokho okubonakala kudingeka. Cacisa umehluko phakathi kwalokho okwaziyo nalokho okuqagelayo. Phinda umyalezo oyisisekelo, ngoba abantu abangaphansi kwengcindezi abazitholi kahle izinto ngokokuqala. Kwenze kuphephe ukuba abantu bakutshele okwenzeka ngempela, kufaka phakathi nezindaba ezimbi.
Leyo yokugcina ibaluleke ngaphezu kwalokho okuzwakala ngakho. Enhlekeleleni, ulwazi luwumoya-mpilo, futhi ulithola iqiniso kuphela uma abantu bengesabi ukukunika lona.
Kukhona igama lesimo esenza lokho kwenzeke. U-Amy Edmondson, ofunda ngamaqembu e-Harvard Business School, usibiza ngokuthi ukuphepha kwengqondo: umuzwa ohlanganyelwe wokuthi ngeke ujeziswe noma uhlaziswe ngokukhuluma ngombuzo, ukukhathazeka, noma iphutha. Umsebenzi wakamuva ka-Edmondson wenza icala eligxile lokuthi uma izinto ziba nzima nezabelomali zincipha, abaholi bavame ukubheka ukuphepha kwengqondo njengento eyimpahla enhle engasuswa. Uthi kunjengokuphambene nalokho. Lapho isimo sesinzima kakhulu, yilapho udinga khona kakhulu abantu abazimisele ukuthi "lokhu akusebenzi" ngaphambi kokuba kube sekwephuze kakhulu ukwenza okuthile ngakho.
Ngokwenzeka, ngesikhathi senhlekelele, lokho kubukeka njengezinketho ezimbalwa ezincane eziphindwayo ngaphansi kwengcindezi.
- Buza ngaphezu kokusho. Ukuthi "yini engiyishiyayo?" kukunika ulwazi olungcono kunokuthi "nakhu esikwenzayo."
- Bonga umuntu okulethela izindaba ezimbi, ngezwi eliphakeme, ngisho noma izindaba zimbi kabi. Uqeqesha wonke umuntu obukele ngalokho okuphephile ukukusho.
- Hlukanisa inkinga nokusola. Kunesikhathi sokuphenduliswa kamuva. Manje njena udinga amaqiniso, futhi ukwesaba kufihla amaqiniso.
Nquma, bese uqhubeka unquma
Izinhlekelele zijezisa amaphutha amabili aphambene. Elinye ukuma nse, ulinde ukuqiniseka okungezi. Elinye ukubambelela ohlelweni lwakho lokuqala uphike ukuphakamisa amehlo.
Ucwaningo lobuholi bobhubhane lwabeka indlela engcono njengomjikelezo kunesinqumo esisodwa esikhulu. Ubona ngaphambili okungenzeka kulandele, wenze isinqumo esingcono ongasenza ngolwazi onalo, utshele abantu ngokucacile lokho okukhethile nokuthi kungani, bese uhlala uthobekile ngokwanele ukusishintsha njengoba isithombe sishintsha. Izinqumo ezinhle zenhlekelele zivame ukungapheleli. Zisenza ngesikhathi, ziyachazwa, futhi zingabuyekezwa.
Izinto ezimbalwa zenza lokhu kube lula ngaleso sikhathi:
- Yisho isinqumo sangempela okufanele senziwe manje njena, bese usihlukanisa kweziyishumi ezingalinda ihora.
- Beka isikhathi sokunquma, ngisho nesilinganiselwe. Ukuthi "sizokhetha maphakathi nemini" kungcono kunokulinda ukucaca okungafiki.
- Sho ngezwi eliphakeme ukuthi yini engakwenza ushintshe indlela. Kukukhulula ukuba uzibophezele manje ngaphandle kokuzenzisa sengathi awenzi maphutha.
- Tshela abantu isizathu, hhayi nje lokho okwenziwayo. Isinqumo abantu abasiqondayo yileso abangasifeza ngisho nawe ungekho ekamelweni.
Qaphela ukuthi akukho okwalokhu okudinga ukuba nempendulo. Kudinga ukuba ugcine iqembu lihamba licabanga ndawonye.
Uwena obeka izinga lokushisa
Nayi ingxenye okulula ukuyikhohlwa uma usugcwele ngaphakathi kwemininingwane. Abantu abakuzungezile bakufunda njalo, futhi isimo sakho siyasakazeka noma ukuhlose noma cha. Ukuzola kuyathelelana. Kunjalo nokwethuka, futhi ukwethuka kusakazeka ngokushesha kakhulu.
Lokhu akuyona impikiswano yokugqoka isigqoko esiqinile sobuso. Abantu bayabona uma umholi ezenzisa ukuzola, futhi kufundwa njengokungathembeki noma ukuphika. Okuzinzisa iqembu yinto ehlala isikhathi eside: umholi othinteka ngokubonakalayo kodwa esasebenza. Umuntu ongathi "lokhu kunzima, futhi nakhu esikwenzayo ngakho" ngomphefumulo owodwa. Lokho kunika abantu imvume yokuzwa ukwesaba kodwa besenza noma kunjalo, okuwukuphela kwesibindi esikhona ngempela.
Ngeke ukwenze konke lokhu ngokuphelele. Akekho okwenzayo. Uzoba nolaka komunye umuntu, noma wenze isinqumo obungasibuyisa, noma uthule ngesikhathi obekufanele ukhulume. Lokho abantu abakukhumbulayo enhlekeleleni akuvamile ukuthi ingabe umholi wabo wayengenaphutha. Kungabe umholi wayethembekile, ekhona, futhi ezimisele ukuvuma amaphutha. Ukuthi "ngakwenza kabi lokho, nasi isilungiso" kungenye yemisho ezinzisa kakhulu umuntu ongaphansi kwengcindezi angayizwa.
Nini okufanele ucele usizo olwengeziwe
Ukuhola phakathi kwenhlekelele eyodwa kuyakhathaza. Ukuhola phakathi kwende, noma zichungechunge zazo, kungakudicilela phansi ngokuthula ngezindlela ezingabonakali kuze kube kamuva. Uma ungalali, uma uvalo selube yinto ejwayelekile kuwe, uma udlwengula abantu obathandayo noma uzizwa umile ngisho nangemva kokuba isimo esiphuthumayo sidlulile, lokho kufanelwe ukubhekisiswa. Khuluma nodokotela wakho noma nomeluleki wezengqondo. Yeyama umngane othenjwayo noma ozakwenu othwele into efanayo. Ukuthwala umthwalo wabanye kungumsebenzi wangempela, futhi uvunyelwe ukudinga uxhaso ukuze uqhubeke ukwenza.
Futhi uma nganoma isiphi isikhathi izinto zizwakala zingaphezu kwalokho ongakuthwala, ukucela usizo kungumnyakazo oqinile, hhayi obuthakathaka. Ukuzinza okunikeza wonke omunye umuntu kuyinto nawe okufanele ukuthole.
Imithombo
- Harvard Business School Working Knowledge, In Tough Times, Psychological Safety Is an Asset, Not a Luxury (research by Amy C. Edmondson)
- Beilstein et al., Leadership in a time of crisis: Lessons learned from a pandemic (Best Practice & Research Clinical Anaesthesiology, via PubMed Central)
- UCLA Health, Putting Feelings Into Words Produces Therapeutic Effects in the Brain
- Lieberman et al., Putting Feelings Into Words: Affect Labeling Disrupts Amygdala Activity in Response to Affective Stimuli (Psychological Science)