Ukuba Ukuzola Esiphephweni Sabo: Indlela Yokuzinzisa Umuntu Ohlakazekayo

Umuntu omkhathalelayo uyahlakazeka phambi kwakho. Mhlawumbe ngumuntu omphethe emsebenzini emva kokuqhuma kwephrojekthi, izwi likhuphuka, amehlo amanzi. Mhlawumbe yingane yakho eyintsha etafuleni lasekhishini, noma umngane efonini ngo-11 ebusuku, noma ithimba lakho lonke likubukile emva kokufika kwezindaba obekungabikho ozibonile ziza. Bakubukile. Futhi enye ingxenye yakho icabanga: angazi ukuthi ngithini.

Nakhu ukukhululeka kulokho. Kaningi awudingi ukusho into elungile. Okuzinzisa umuntu okhukhulekile akuwona umusho ohlakaniphile. Kuwumuzwa ozwakalayo wokuthi kukhona umzimba ozolile eduze ongesabi isiphepho sabo. Ungakunikeza lokho kudala ngaphambi kokuba usayithole namunye amazwi nhlobo.

Lolu ngolunye lwezindlela ezithule kunazo zonke, ezisiza kunazo zonke zobuholi ezikhona, futhi luhambelana kancane kakhulu nesihloko. Noma ubani ohlala ezinzile lapho izinto ziphambana uba umuntu igumbi elizihlelela ngaye. Ake sikhulume ngokuthi kungani lokho kusebenza, nokuthi ungakwenza kanjani ngempela.

Ukuzola kuyinto abantu abayithathelanayo

Qala ngeqiniso elishintsha indlela obona ngayo lonke igumbi elinengcindezi ozake ungene kulo: imizwelo iyathelelana. Sithatha izimo zomunye nomunye ngendlela esithatha ngayo ukuzamula, kaningi singanqumi ukukwenza. Futhi abantu babuka umuntu ozole kunabo bonke noma omdala kunabo bonke egumbini ngokusondele kunabo bonke. Njengoba enye indaba ye-Harvard Business Review yokuxhumana ngaphansi kwengcindezi ikubeka, uma uwumuntu omdala kunabo bonke egumbini, ithimba lakho lithatha izinkomba kuwe zokuthi lenzeni nokuthi lizizwe kanjani.

Lokho kusika ngazo zombili izindlela. Ngena uphethe ukwethuka kwakho futhi awukuzwa nje. Uyakukhipha, futhi kuyaphindeka. Ngena uzinzile bese unika abantu abakuzungezile into abangayibolekayo. Isexwayiso sabo kufanele sizivumelanise nomzimba osegumbini ongethukanga ngokusobala.

Yingakho futhi umzwangedwa wokulingisa amandla omuntu okhathazekile uphambana. Lapho othile enomsindo futhi exhamazela, kungazwakala njengokuthi ukuhlangana naye kulelo zinga kufakazela ukuthi umthatha njengobalulekile. Akunjalo. Kwengeza nje uhlelo lwesibili olunomsindo, oluxhamazelayo egumbini futhi kuqinisekise emzimbeni wabo ukuthi kukhona ngempela okwethusayo. Into esizayo iphambene nokulingisa. Uhlala uzole ngesinyathelo esisodwa kunesimo, bese ubambelela lapho.

Kunongqimba olujulile ngaphansi kolwezenhlalo. Izinhlelo zethu zezinzwa zakhelwe ukufundana ukuze ziphephe njalo, ngaphansi kwezinga lokucabanga okuqaphelayo. Umcwaningi uStephen Porges ukubiza lokhu ngokuthi i-neuroception, ukuskena okuthulile, okuzenzakalelayo kobuchopho kwezinkomba ezifana nethoni yezwi, ukubukeka kobuso, nesivinini ukuze kunqume ukuthi kuphephile yini ukuzola. Lapho umuntu oseduze kwethu ezinzile, ukuphefumula kwabo okuhambisa kancane, izwi eliphansi, nobuso obuthambile kubhaliswa njengezimpawu zokuphepha, futhi uhlelo lwethu luqala ukulandela. Ubiza uhlobo lwabantu ababili lwalokhu ngokuthi ukuzolisana: ngempela sisiza imizimba yomunye nomunye ithole igiya elizinzile. Yingakho ingane eyethukile izola ezingalweni ezizinzile ngaphambi kokuba iqonde ngisho igama elilodwa elishiwoyo, futhi akuyeki ukusebenza uma sesikhulile. Nje siba ngcono ekufihleni ukuthi sisakudinga.

Ngakho uma uzizinzisa phambi komuntu ojikelezayo, awuzenzisi ukuthula ukuze ubukeke kahle. Uthumela emzimbeni wabo umyalezo wangempela, wenyama: ingozi ayikho kuleli gumbi.

Kungani bengeke "bavele bazole"

Kuyasiza ukwazi ukuthi kwenzekani ngaphakathi komuntu ophambi kwakho, ngoba kuchaza ukuthi kungani izinyathelo ezisobala ziphenduka zibe zimbi.

Lapho umuntu ezizwa esengozini ngempela, umzimba udubula ukusabela kwawo kwengcindezi. I-Cleveland Clinic ichaza lo mfudlana ngokusobala: ubuchopho buqonda ingozi, uhlelo lwezinzwa oluvusayo lugcwalisa umzimba ngamahomoni engcindezi, inhliziyo ishaya kanzima, ukuphefumula kuba sheshayo futhi kungajuli, imisipha iqinile ukuze inyakaze. Lolu hlelo lusheshayo, lundala, futhi aluhlakaniphile kangako. Alukwazi ukwehlukanisa phakathi kwebhere nokubuyekezwa okunonya komsebenzi. Luvele lukhale isexwayiso.

Ngesikhathi leso sexwayiso sikhala, ingxenye ecabangayo yobuchopho iyathula. Ingxenye eyakhelwe ukucabanga ngokucophelela, ukuhlela, nokukala izinketho iminyaniswa yingxenye eyakhelwe isivinini nokusinda. Yingakho umuntu okhukhulekile engakwazi ukuzicabangela indlela yokuphuma ngaleso sikhathi, engakwazi ukubona isithombe esikhulu, engakwazi ukuthatha iseluleko sakho esihle. Umshini walokho awukho okwesikhashana.

Okuyikho kanye okwenza "zola" no "usabela ngokweqile" kufika njenguphethiloli. Unikeza ingqondo ubuchopho obungakakwazi ukuyisebenzisa, futhi ukwedelela kwengeza ingozi entsha phezu kweyokuqala. Ukulandelana kwezenzo yiwona wonke umdlalo. Imizimba izinza kuqala. Ukucabanga kubuya kabusha kwesibili. Ukuxazulula izinkinga kuza ekugcineni ngempela. Weqe phambili bese ulahlekelwa umuntu.

Zizinzise ngaphambi kokuba ubazinzise

Ukulandelana kusebenza nakuwe. Awukwazi ukuzolisa umuntu usesimweni sokwethuka. Uma ukhukhulekile, umhlathi wakho oqinile nezwi lakho elinqamukayo kusakaza ingozi kungakhathaliseki ukuthi imisho yakho iqinisekisa kangakanani.

Ngakho isinyathelo sokuqala ngesangaphakathi, futhi sisheshayo.

• Yehlisa amahlombe akho bese welula ukuphefumula kwakho okuphumayo. Ukuphefumulela ngaphandle kancane, okude kunokuphefumulela ngaphakathi, kuyisibambo esisheshayo kunazo zonke onaso ohlelweni lwakho lwezinzwa. Ezimbili noma ezintathu zalokho ngaphambi kokuba ukhulume kaningi kwanele.
• Gxumeka izinyawo zakho bese uzwa uphahla. Ngokwangempela. Kudonsa ukunaka kwakho kukhiphe ekujikelezeni kubuyisele emzimbeni wakho, lapho ukuzola kanye kuqala khona.
• Yehlisa izwi lakho bese uhamba kancane. Hhayi kuze kube ukuhleba. Isinyathelo nje esisodwa ngaphansi kwezinga nesivinini sakho esivamile. Lokhu kuyakuzinzisa, futhi ngenxa yendlela i-neuroception esebenza ngayo, kungenye yezinkomba zokuphepha eziqine kunazo zonke ongazithumela komunye umuntu.

Akukho kulokhu okudinga ukuthi uzizwe uzolile. Kudinga nje ukuthi wenze into ezolile kuqala bese uvumela umuzwa ufike, okuvame ukwenza.

Indlela yokuba ngozinzile, isinyathelo ngesinyathelo

Uma usuzinze ngokwaneleyo, nalu ulandelo olusebenza ezimweni eziningi, kusukela ekuhlakazekeni emsebenzini kuya enganeni esezinyembezini kuye emngane osebunzimeni.

1. Hambisa yonke into kancane. Melana nokudonseleka ekulingiseni isivinini sabo. Khuluma kancane kunalokho okuzwakala kungokwemvelo. Shiya ukuthula okuncane. Isivinini sakho sinikeza uhlelo lwabo lwezinzwa isivinini sokuzolela kuso.
2. Qamba lokho okubonayo, ngobumnene ngaphandle kokuhlonza isifo. "Lokhu kukushaya ngempela," noma "Yebo, lokho kuningi." Awubatsheli ukuthi bazizwa kanjani. Ubakhombisa ukuthi abazibodwana kukho, nokuthi ungabheka ngqo ekukhathazekeni kwabo ungazwe uvalo.
3. Yiba ohlangothini lwabo, hhayi olwenkinga. "Ngilapha nje." "Sizokuxazulula lokhu, kodwa hhayi kulo mzuzwana." Ngaphambi kokuba noma ubani alungise noma yini, umuntu udinga ukuzwa ukuthi kukhona onaye.
4. Buza umbuzo owodwa omncane, obambekayo. "Uyafuna ukuhlala phansi?" "Uke wadla namuhla?" "Uyafuna ukuhamba ngesikhathi sikhuluma?" Imibuzo emincane, ephendulekayo imema ngobumnene ubuchopho obucabangayo bubuye ngaphandle kokubukhandla.
5. Bambelela ezixazululweni size sehle isiphepho. Le yingxenye enzima kakhulu kubantu abanamakhono, ababheke ekulungiseni. Iseluleko sakho esihle singesangempela, futhi sizosebenza kangcono kakhulu emizuzwini eyishumi kunalamanje. Bheka ukuthi umzimba uyazola, ukuphefumula kuyehla, amahlombe ayehla, ngaphambi kokuba uye kulokho okulandelayo okuzokwenza.
6. Uma sebezinzile kakhulu, babuyisele amandla athize. "Yini ezwakala njengento encane elandelayo?" Abantu baphuma esikhukhuleni bezizwa bengenamandla. Isinyathelo esisodwa esenzekayo siyazinzisa ngokwaso.

Ngeke uzenze zonke eziyisithupha isikhathi ngasinye, futhi akufanele uzenze njengohlu lokuhlola. Ziseduze nomuzwa: kancane, kufudumele, kanye nabo, kungajaheki ukulungisa.

Lapho uzinzisa iqembu lonke

Ithimba esikhathini esinengcindezi liwuhlobo olufanayo lokusebenza ngobukhulu, futhi ukuzinza kwakho kuhamba kude nakakhulu ngoba abantu abaningi bakufundile. Ezimbalwa izinto zibaluleke kakhulu neqembu.

Yiba qotho ungabi lusizi. Abantu bayabona uma ujabule ngokungeqiniso, futhi kufundeka njengenkomba yengozi, hhayi induduzo. Isenzo esisebenzayo esimweni esibucayi ngezinye izikhathi sibizwa ngokushesheza okuzolile: uyavuma ukuthi isimo sibucayi futhi ukwenza ngezwi elizinzile, unecebo noma okungenani isinyathelo esilandelayo. Leyo nhlanganisela itshela abantu ukuthi kungokwangempela futhi kungasindeka ngasikhathi sinye. Qhathanisa izivulo ezimbili zethimba elifanayo elithuthumelayo. "Yonke into ilungile, ungakhathazeki ngakho" ifika njengamanga, futhi igebe phakathi kwamazwi akho namaqiniso asobala lenza abantu bakhathazeke kakhulu, hhayi kancane. "Lena ishaya ebuhlungu futhi angizukuzenzisa okunye. Nakhu esikwaziyo, nakhu esingakwazi, futhi nakhu into eyodwa esiyenzayo ehoreni elizayo" ifika njengeqiniso livela kumuntu onezinyawo zakhe ngaphansi kwakhe. Owesibili uzolisa igumbi. Owokuqala uyalizamazamisa.

Nikeza ukukhathazeka kwakho enye indawo yokuya engewona ithimba lakho. Endabeni yakhe ye-Harvard Business Review ngokuhola ngokukhathazeka, uMorra Aarons-Mele wenza iphuzu lokuthi abaholi badinga indawo ephephile yokwesaba kwabo, umqeqeshi, ontanga, umngane, udokotela wezengqondo, ukuze bangakwethuli kubantu abathembele kubo ukuba bazinze. Ukusho ukuthi ubhekene nesikhathi esinzima kungakha ukwethenjwa. Ukwethulela isisindo sonke sokwethuka kwakho kubantu abangeke bakuthwale kwenza okuphambene.

Futhi banikeze into abazoyenza. Isenzo singenye yezindlela ezithembekile zomzimba zokuphuma ekuqhaqhazeleni. Umsebenzi wokuqala ocacile, omncane ugxilisa iqembu elihlakazekile futhi ubuyisela umuzwa wokulawula kubantu abazizwa belulahlekelwe.

Ukuzinzisa abanye ngaphandle kokuzikhipha amandla

Uma ungozinzile kaningi, le ngxenye ngeyakho, ngoba ukumunca iziphepho zabanye abantu usuku nosuku kunentengo yangempela.

Ukuzolisana akusho ukugwinya ukwethuka komuntu ukuze angakuzwa. Unikeza ubukhona obuzolile ukuze uhlelo lwabo luvumelane nabo. Awuyona isiponji. Ungahlala ufudumele futhi uzinzile ube usagcina izinyawo zakho phansi kophahla lwakho. Empeleni lowo mngcele uyingxenye yalokho okwenza ube wusizo. Umuntu okhukhulwa yisiphepho akakwazi ukuba yihange laso.

Qaphela lapho usuphelelwe. Uma uthola ukuthi awusenalutho oluzinzile lokunikeza, lokho akusona isici sobuntu. Kuwulwazi. Nawe uwuhlelo lwezinzwa, futhi olwakho ludinga ukunakekelwa, ukuphumula, abantu bakho bokweyama kubo, izindlela zakho zokubuyela ekuzoleni, ikakhulukazi uma uchitha izinsuku zakho ubambelele abanye.

Futhi yazi umkhawulo walokho ongakwenza. Ukuba ubukhona obuzinzile kunamandla ezikhathini ezijwayelekile ezinzima zokuba ngumuntu. Akulona ukwelashwa, futhi akuhloselwe ukuba kube njalo. Uma umuntu omzinzisayo esengozini yangempela, ekhuluma ngokufuna ukufa noma ukuzilimaza, ephuza noma esebenzisa izidakamizwa ukuze abhekane nesimo, noma ecwila ngaphansi kokuthile okungasuki, umsebenzi wakho uyashintsha. Awusesona isixazululo. Uyibhuloho eliya kumuntu oqeqeshelwe khona, udokotela, udokotela wezengqondo, ulayini wezimo eziphuthumayo. Ukuhlala uzolile ubasize ukuthi bafinyelele kulolo sizo ngenye yezinto ezinothando kunazo zonke, ezobuholi ozake uzenze. Akudingeki ukuthwale wedwa, nabo futhi akudingeki.

Ngokulandelayo lapho othile ehlakazeka phambi kwakho ingqondo yakho ithi du, khumbula ukuthi ukuthi du kulungile. Wawungeke ubalungise ngomusho. Uzokwenza into endala nelula. Uzoba umzimba ozolile egumbini abangeboleka kuwo kuze kubuye owabo. Lokho kwanele. Kaningi kuyikho konke.

Sources

• Harvard Business Review, Leading Through Anxiety (Morra Aarons-Mele)
• Harvard Business Review, How to Reassure Your Team When the News Is Scary (Allison Shapira)
• Clinical Neuropsychiatry / PubMed Central, Polyvagal Theory: Current Status, Clinical Applications, and Future Directions (Stephen W. Porges)
• Cleveland Clinic, What Happens to Your Body During the Fight-or-Flight Response