Ukuba Ngozolile Egumbini

Inombolo embi ifika emhlanganweni. Noma uhlelo luyawa. Noma othile usho into ekungekho obefuna ukuthi ishiwo ngokuzwakalayo, futhi igumbi lithule ngaleyo ndlela ethile. Bheka okwenzeka ngokulandelayo. Amehlo abantu aqala ukunyakaza. Baskena ukuthola ukuthi bakhathazeke kangakanani, futhi bazothatha inkomba yabo kunoma ubani obukeka enayo.

Lokho kuskena kuzenzakalela, futhi kudala kunanoma yisiphi isihloko somsebenzi. Sihlola ubuso bomunye nomunye ngaphambi kokuhlola amaqiniso. Ngakho umuntu ohlala ezinzile ngaleso sikhathi akagcini nje ikhanda lakhe. Unika igumbi izinga lokushisa elihlukile lokuzolela kulo. Lokho kuwuhlobo lobuholi, futhi ungakwenza usesihlalweni sanoma yisiphi etafuleni.

Kungani wonke umuntu efuna umuntu ozolile

Kunendlela yangempela ngaphansi kwalokhu, futhi inegama elifanele ukulaziwa: ukuzolisana. Uhlelo lwakho lwezinzwa ngolwezenhlalo. Luhlala lufunda abantu abaseduze kwakho luzilungisa, kaningi ngaphansi kwezinga lokucabanga okuqaphelayo. Sithatha ithoni yezwi, isivinini sokuphefumula komuntu, ukubekeka kwamahlombe abo, isivinini sokunyakaza kwabo, futhi imizimba yethu iyafanana ngokuthula.

Imibhalo yenhlalakahle ichaza ukuzolisana njengohlelo olulodwa lwezinzwa oluzinzisa olunye ngalezo zimpawu ezincane (izwi elihambisa kancane, ukuphefumula okungasheshi, ubuso obungalungeleli inhlekelele). Ukuzola kuhamba ngale ndlela. Kunjalo nokuphambene nakho. Ukuba eduze komuntu obophekele kuvame ukukubophela, futhi ukuba eduze komuntu ozinze ngempela kukusiza wehle isinyathelo, kaningi ngaphambi kokuba uqaphele ngokugcwele ukuthi ubuthuthumele.

Yingakho umuntu oyedwa ozinzile engashintsha igumbi elinengcindezi ngendlela engalingani nesikhundla sakhe. Awunikezi inkulumo. Unika umzimba wawo wonke umuntu into ephephile kakhulu yokuvumelana nayo.

Ingcindezi yenzani ekucabangeni kwegumbi

Kunentengo yegumbi elishisayo, futhi akukhona kuphela ukuthi izinto zizwakala zingemnandi. Kuwukuthi abantu baba babi ekucabangeni.

Nansi inguqulo emfushane ye-biology. Lapho ubuchopho bakho buqaphela ingozi (futhi ikhasimende elithukuthele noma umnqamulajuqu owawayo kuyabalwa), isakhiwo esincane esibizwa ngokuthi i-amygdala sidubula isignali yosizi. I-hypothalamus iyasithatha bese iqalisa ukusabela kwengcindezi, umfudlana iningi lethu esiwaziyo njengokulwa noma ukubaleka. Isilinganiso senhliziyo siyakhuphuka, ukuphefumula kuyasheshisa, amahomoni angena ukukulungiselela isenzo. I-Harvard Health ikuchaza njengohlelo lokusinda olusheshayo kangangokuba luqala ngaphambi kokuba izikhungo zakho zokubona zikuqonde ngokugcwele nokwenzekayo.

Lolo hlelo luhle kakhulu ekubalekeleni ingozi. Lubi kakhulu ekwehlukaniseni imininingwane. Lapho isexwayiso sinomsindo, ingxenye ecophelelayo, ecabangayo yengqondo yakho iba thulile, futhi izinketho zakho zincipha zibe yinto eseduze nokulwa, ukubaleka, noma ukuqhaqhazela. I-Cleveland Clinic iphawula ukuthi konke lokhu kusabela kuqhutshwa uhlelo lwezinzwa oluvusayo, isishayeli somzimba. Iziningi izinkinga zomsebenzi empeleni azidingi isishayeli. Zidinga amabhuleki nekhanda elicacile.

Ngakho uma uhlala uzinzile ngesikhathi esinengcindezi, uvikela okungaphezu komzwa. Ngokunikeza izinhlelo zezinzwa zabantu into ezolile yokufunda, usiza ukugcina izingxenye ezicabangayo zobuchopho babo zisebenza, kanye lapho inkinga ephambi kwabo idinga ukucabanga kwangempela.

Ukuzola akufani nokuthula

Kufanele kucaciswe, ngoba abantu bakuthatha kabi. Ukuba ngozolile akusho ukuba yingqondo engenzi lutho, evumelanayo, noma engakhathazeki. Akusho ukugwinya lokho okuzwayo bese ukhipha ubuso obunokuthula phezu kwengcindezi ompela ngaphakathi kuyo ngempela. Abantu bayakufunda lokho. Ukuzola okungamanga kunobunjalo obuqhephukayo, futhi kuvame ukuvuza ngasohlangothini, ngemisho enqamukayo nomhlathi oqinile, ngisho noma amazwi eshelela.

Ukuzinza kwangempela kuseduze nalokhu: uzwa ukuqubuka, futhi awukuvumeli kushayele. Ungabiza inkinga ngokusobala ube usagcina izwi lakho lilingana. Ungaba yilowo osho ukuthi isimo sibucayi ngaphandle kokuba yilowo owenza kuzwakale njengokuphela komhlaba. Leyo nhlanganisela, ukuba qotho ngobungozi, ukungasheshi empendulweni, yilokho abantu abakwethemba ngempela.

Indlela yokuba umthombo wako

Ukwakha lokhu ngezikhathi ezizolile ukuze kube khona kwezinomsindo. Ezimbalwa izinto ezisiza ngempela:

• Zolisa umzimba wakho kuqala. Awukwazi ukucabanga uze uzole ngesikhathi umzimba wakho usesexwayisweni, futhi awukwazi ukudlulisela ukuzinza ongenakho. Ukuphefumulela ngaphandle okukodwa okude, okuhambisa kancane, izinyawo phansi, amahlombe ehla, ngaphambi kokuba usho noma yini. Lokho kuphefumula okukodwa kukuthengela igebe phakathi kokuqubuka nempendulo yakho, okuyilapho cishe wonke amandla akhona.
• Yehlisa izwi lakho nesivinini sakho ngamabomu. Njengoba abantu befunda izimpawu zakho noma kunjalo, banike ezinhle. Izwi eliphansi, elihambisa kancane nokunyakaza okungasheshi kutshela izinhlelo zezinzwa zegumbi ukuthi isimo esiphuthumayo siyaphathwa. Lokhu kwenza umsebenzi wangempela, hhayi ukudlala.
• Buza umbuzo ocacile esikhundleni sokusabela. "Yini esiyaziyo ngempela kuze kube manje?" idonsa igumbi elijikelezayo libuyele ekucabangeni likhwelele ekwethukeni. Futhi ikhombisa ukuthi isinyathelo esilandelayo ukuqonda inkinga, hhayi ukuthola umuntu wokuyisola.
• Qamba ukungqubuzana ngaphandle kokukukhulisa. Elilula elithi "Kulungile, lena inzima, ake siyithathe ingcezu nengcezu" lingazolisa iqembu. Uyavuma iqiniso, okukugcina uqotho, ube ubonisa ukuthi kuyasebenzeka, okugcina ubuchopho bawo wonke umuntu egumbini.
• Ungakhiqizi ukuphuthuma okungekho. Enye ingcindezi ingeyangempela enye ukushukuma okuthelelanayo okufuna umnikazi. Ukuba ngozolile ngokwengxenye kusho ukwenqaba ukudlulisa ukwethuka okungasizi muntu.

Akukho kulokhu okudinga isihloko. Umuntu osanda kuqashwa obuza umbuzo owodwa ozinzisayo ekungxoleni kwecingo uyalihola lelo cingo. Abantu bayakhumbula ukuthi babengathembela kubani uma izinto ziba nzima, futhi leyo nkumbulo yindlela ukwethenjwa okwakheka ngayo, ngokuvamile kudala ishadi lenhlangano lingakaqapheli.

Uhlobo lwegumbi olakha ngokuhamba kwesikhathi

Kunenzuzo ende lapha, futhi imayelana nalokho okwenzeka lapho abantu bengalungelele ukushayeka eduze kwakho.

U-Amy Edmondson, umcwaningi wase-Harvard ongemuva kombono wokuphepha kwengqondo, uchithe iminyaka ekhombisa ukuthi amaqembu enza umsebenzi wawo omuhle kunayo yonke, oqotho kunawo wonke lapho abantu bezizwa bephephile ngokwanele ukukhuluma, ukubuza umbuzo oxakayo, nokuvuma iphutha ngaphandle kokulindela ukujeziswa ngalo. Lolo hlobo lokuphepha alukhuli egumbini elishisayo, elisabelayo. Lukhula egumbini lapho ukuhlala uzinzile lapho okuthile kuhamba kabi kuyinto ejwayelekile, lapho inkinga ingabekwa etafuleni ibhekwe esikhundleni sokuqalisa ukugijimela.

Ufaka isandla kuleso simo njalo lapho uhlala uzinzile ngaphansi kwengcindezi. Ngempendulo eyodwa ezolile ngesikhathi, ufundisa abantu abakuzungezile ukuthi kuphephile ukuba qotho lapha, ukuthi amaphutha ayasindeka, ukuthi izinto ezinzima zingaphathwa esikhundleni sokufihlwa. Lokho kuyisipho sangempela ozonika iqembu, futhi ungaqala ukusinikeza namuhla, noma yikuphi lapho uhlezi khona.

Iphuzu ngohlobo olunzima kakhulu. Uma uthola ukuthi ngempela awukwazi ukuzinza, ukuthi umsebenzi ukwenza usebenze ngesexwayiso izinsuku eziningi, ukuthi ingcindezi ikulandela ekhaya ingene ebuthongweni bakho, lokho kufanele kuthathwe njengento ebalulekile. Ukuba ngozolile kuwo wonke umuntu omunye akunakuqhutshwa uma uhlakazeka ngokuthula ngaphansi kwakho. Yisikhathi esifanele sokukhuluma nodokotela noma udokotela wezengqondo. Ukunakekela uhlelo lwakho lwezinzwa akwehlukene nokuba ubukhona obuzinzile kwabanye. Yiyona nto eyenza kuhlale.

Sources

• Harvard Health, Understanding the stress response
• Cleveland Clinic, What Is the Fight, Flight, Freeze or Fawn Response?
• Welldoing, Co-Regulation: How the People Around You Impact Your Nervous System
• Amy C. Edmondson, Psychological Safety