Amathiphu asheshayo
- Phatha isifuba esiqinile njengophawu lwakho.
- Bhala phansi lowo mzuzu usasha.
- Nquma impendulo yakho ngenkathi uzolile.
Kukhona umuzwa othile cishe owaziyo. Othile usho umusho owodwa emhlanganweni, noma igama livele kubhokisi lakho lemilayezo, futhi ngaphambi kokuba ucabangisise noma yini, umhlathi wakho uqinile futhi inhliziyo yakho iyagijima. Awunqumanga ukucasuka. Usuvele ucasukile. Ngesikhathi ingxenye yakho ecabangayo ifika, usubhale ingxenye yempendulo ozozisola ngayo.
Leso yisisusa esenza umsebenzi waso. Nakhu ingxenye exakayo: ngokuvamile ungabona ezabo bonke abanye abantu. Uyazi ukuthi imuphi ozakwenu obanda uma ephazanyiswa, imuphi umngane ojikeleza phansi ngegama elithi "udumele." Ezakho zinzima kakhulu ukuzibona, ngoba zenzeka zisuka ngaphakathi, ngokushesha, futhi zizwakala zingafani nephethini kodwa zifane neqiniso lomzuzu.
Ukuzifunda kungenye yezinto ezinosizo kunazo zonke ongazenzela ukuzinza kwakho. Hhayi ukuba ngumuntu ongasabeli. Ukuzithengela uhhafu womzuzwana phakathi kwenhlansi nento oyisho okulandelayo.
Yini ngempela isisusa
Isisusa yisimo esivusa impendulo enkulu ukwedlula isimo ngokwaso. ICleveland Clinic ichaza izisusa zemizwa njengemizuzu ekhiqiza "imicabango nemizwa ngokuvamile engalingani nesehlakalo sangempela." Lelo gama, elingalingani, yilona olusho konke. Into encane ifika njengenkulu.
Ngokuvamile lokho kungenxa yokuthi into encane iyavumelana nokuthile okudala. I-imeyili emfushane nebukhali evela kumphathi wakho ayiyona ngempela i-imeyili emfushane; kungaso sonke isikhathi owazizwa wahlulelwa ungakwazi ukuzivikela. Umzuzu wamanje uboleka amandla awo kokwedlule. Awusabeli ngokweqile kokwamanje. Usabela, ngokunembayo, enqwabeni yemizuzu yangaphambili ongazange uqede ukuyizwa.
Impendulo iphinde ivele emzimbeni wakho ngaphambi kokuba ivele ngamazwi. Amahlombe aqinile. Isisu esiqiniwe. Ukuphefumula sekungajulile kuphakeme esifubeni sakho. ICleveland Clinic ikhomba ukuthi lezi zimpawu zomzimba zivame ukuba ubufakazi bokuqala obuqotho bokuthi uvusiwe, kusenesikhathi futhi kuthembeka kakhulu kunendaba yakho ngokwenzekayo. Umzimba wakho uyazi ngaphambi kwakho.
Kungani ukukuqamba kusiza kangaka
Nakhu ingxenye eguqula lokhu kusuka kwiseluleko sokuzithuthukisa kube yinto enamazinyo angempela.
Ocwaningweni olwaziwayo e-UCLA, isazi sengqondo uMatthew Lieberman wafaka abantu emshinini oskena ubuchopho wababonisa ubuso obugcwele intukuthelo nokwesaba. Lapho ababambiqhaza bemane bebeka igama kumuzwa, bekhetha ilebula elithi "ngithukuthele" noma "ngiyesaba," umsebenzi ku-amygdala wehla. I-amygdala iyi-alamu yobuchopho, ingxenye ekukhukhula ngaphambi kokuba ucabangisise noma yini. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, indawo engemuva kwebunzi exhunywe nokucabanga okuhlosiwe yakhanya. Isenzo sokuqamba umuzwa sibonakala sisusa ubukhali kuwo.
Isifushanisi sikaLieberman ukuthi ukubeka imizwa ngamazwi kunjengokucindezela amabhuleki empendulweni yakho yemizwa. Ukuqamba into akuyenzi inyamalale. Kuyenza isebenzeke. Usuka ekubeni ngaphakathi kwegagasi uye ekumeni eceleni kwalo.
Yingakho ukwazi izisusa zakho nokuqamba imizwa yakho ngempela kuwumsipha owodwa. Awukwazi ukubeka ilebula kulokho ovala amehlo ukukubuka. Futhi ukubeka ilebula yikho okukubuyisela ingxenye yobuchopho bakho ofuna ngempela iphathe.
Indlela yokuthola ezakho
Awuzitholi izisusa zakho ngokuhlala uthule uzibuze ukuthi ziyini. Uzothola impendulo ehlelekile, ekuncomayo, ngokuvamile engalungile. Uzithola ngokuzibamba zisenza bese uzibhala phansi ngemuva, kuze kuvele iphethini. ICleveland Clinic iphakamisa ukugcina irekhodi elilula ngenxa yalesi sizathu ncamashi: amaphethini awabonakali eyodwa ngesikhathi kodwa asobala ohlwini.
Zama lokhu. Amasonto ambalwa, noma nini lapho uqaphela ukuthi usabele kanzima ngaphezu kwalokho umzuzu obukufanele, bhala phansi izinto ezine ngokushesha usasha:
- Kwenzekeni, ngamagama acacile. Hhayi ukuchaza kwakho, isehlakalo sangempela. "Ubuze ukuthi izohlanganiswa nini isethulo." Hhayi "ukhombise ukuthi ngihamba kancane."
- Umzimba wakho wenzeni kuqala. Ukuzwe kuphi, futhi bekuyini? Isifuba esiqinile, ubuso obushisayo, isisu esiwile. Lokhu wuhlelo lwakho lwesexwayiso sokuqala, futhi lapho ukuqamba kakhulu, uzokubamba masinyane ngokulandelayo.
- Umuzwa ongaphansi. Intukuthelo ivame ukuba ungqimba oluphezulu. Hlala nayo umzuzwana. Ingabe kwakuwukuhlazeka ngempela? Ukuzizwa ungabonwa? Ukwesaba ukuthi uzobekwa icala?
- Yini eyakukhumbuza yona. Ngezinye izikhathi lutho. Kaningi, uma uthembekile, into ethile endala.
Ngemva kwesonto noma amabili uzoqala ukubona okuphindaphindekayo. Uhlobo olufanayo lwesimo, umuzwa wokuqala ofanayo emzimbeni wakho, umuzwa oshisayo ofanayo ongaphansi kwentukuthelo. Lelo qoqo yisisusa. Manje ungasibona sisondela.
Ongakwenza uma usukwazi ukusibona sisondela
Ukuqamba isisusa akusikhubazi sisodwa. Kukunika ithuba lokuqala, futhi ithuba lokuqala liwuwo wonke umdlalo. Izinto ezimbalwa ozozenza ngaso:
Uma uzwa uphawu lomzimba olujwayelekile, lolo uphawu lwakho, hhayi amazwi omunye umuntu. Phatha isifuba esiqinile njengolwazi. Sithi: lena ngeyakho, hamba kancane.
Zithengele umzuzwana ngaphambi kokuphendula. Ukuphefumulela phandle kanye ngokungasheshi. Umusho wokubambezela, othi "ake ngicabange ngalokho umzuzwana," usebenza cishe kunoma yiliphi igumbi. Ucwaningo lukaLieberman luwuphawu oluwusizo lapha: ngisho nokuqamba nje lokho okuzwayo, ngokuthula, kuwe wedwa, kususa okunye ukushisa kukho. Ukuthi "ngiyazivikela" ungumusho ophelele nonamandla ngokumangalisayo.
Qamba umuzwa, hhayi umuntu. Kukhona umehluko wangempela phakathi kuka-"ngiyaqaphela ukuthi ngiyazivikela" no-"ungihlasela." Owokuqala ukugcina usesihlalweni somshayeli. Owesibili unikeza isisusa isondo lokushayela.
Nquma okunye kukho kusenesikhathi. Uma wazi ukuthi ukugxekwa esidlangalaleni kungenye yezakho, ungahlela, ngenkathi uzolile, ukuthi ufuna ukukuphatha kanjani ngaphambi kokuba kwenzeke. "Uma ngithola lowo muzwa oshisayo wokukhonjwa, ngithatha ukuphefumula okukodwa ngibuze umbuzo esikhundleni sokuzivikela." Isinqumo esenziwe emzuzwini ozolile silula kakhulu ukusifinyelela komshisayo.
Akukho kulokhu okumayelana nokuba ngongaphazamiseki. Usazobanjwa ungalindele. Umgomo mncane futhi uyafinyeleleka kakhulu: ukuncisha imizuzwana embalwa egebeni, kaningi ngokwanele ukuze inguqulo embi kunazo zonke yempendulo yakho ingaphumi emlonyeni wakho.
Izwana ngezinzima kakhulu
Ezinye izisusa akuyona ingxushungxushu yasemsebenzini. Ziboshelwe ekulimaleni kwengqondo kwangempela, ukuhlukunyezwa, ukulahlekelwa, izinto umzimba wakho owafunda ukuzivikela kuzo ngesizathu esihle. Uma isisusa siletha izimpendulo ezikwesabisayo, ongakwazi ukuzehlisa, noma ezikudonsela emuva enkumbulweni ongakwazi ukuphuma kuyo, leyo akuyona inkinga yamandla entando futhi idayari yemizwa akulona ithuluzi elifanele.
Lolo uhlobo lwento okufanele lisetshenzwe nomeluleki wezengqondo, ongahamba ngesivinini sakho akugcine uphephile ngenkathi ukwenza. I-cognitive behavioral therapy nezindlela ezigxile ekulimaleni kwengqondo zikhona ngenxa yalokhu ncamashi. Ukufuna lolo sizo akulona uphawu lokuthi wehlulekile ukuzilawula. Kuwuphawu lokuthi uyawuqonda umehluko phakathi kwalokho ongakwenza wedwa nalokho okufanele ukwesekwa kwangempela.
Kepha ngezisusa zansuku zonke, ezincane ezimane zikwenze ubukhali kunalokho ofuna ukuba yikho, umkhuba ufinyeleleka ngempela. Uyabuka. Uyakubhala phansi. Ufunda amaphethini akho. Futhi ngokulandelayo lapho inhlansi ifika, unendawo eyanele ukukhetha okwenzeka ngemva kwayo.
Imithombo
- Cleveland Clinic, Can You Identify Your Emotional Triggers?
- UCLA Health, Putting Feelings Into Words Produces Therapeutic Effects in the Brain
- Lieberman et al., Putting Feelings Into Words: Affect Labeling Disrupts Amygdala Activity (Psychological Science)
- Tasha Eurich, What Self-Awareness Really Is (and How to Cultivate It) (Harvard Business Review)