Umile nje ngaphakathi kwesicabha somcimbi uphethe isiphuzo obungasifuni ngempela, futhi wonke amaqoqo agcwele igumbi abukeka evaliwe. Uze lapha ngesizathu. Kunabantu ababili noma abathathu lapha okufanele ubazi, futhi lobu busuku buyazikhokhela uma nje ufinyelela kubo.
Izindaba ezinhle kuqala. Lokhu kuwukubala, akuyona inkanyezi yobuqotho. Akekho kulelo gumbi ophethe ubuntu okufanele ubufanise. Bame ngezindilinga ngoba izindilinga yikho abantu abakwakhayo, futhi zonke izindilinga zivula igebe cishe umzuzu ngamunye. Yonke into iphelela kulokhu: iyiphi indilinga oyihambelayo, uthini uma usufikile, nokuthi uzivumela nini ukuba uhambe.
Nansi inguqulo esebenzela abantu abangakuthandi lokhu. Isebenza nakubantu abakuthandayo.
Yiliphi iqoqo okufanele ngiye kulo?
Iqoqo labantu abathathu. Amaqoqo abathathu anegebe elizenzakalelayo nendawo yemvelo yokuma. Ababili abanalo, futhi iqoqo labayisithupha selivele linengxoxo yalo obungayiphazamisa kunokuba uzijoyine kuyo.
Ababili imvamisa bakhuluma ngento ethile, ngokuvamile eyimfihlo, futhi ukufika ehlombe labo kukwenza inhlanu yesithathu okufanele izitholele indawo. Abathathu sebevele bayindilinga, okusho ukuthi sebevele banesimo esamukela owesine, futhi omunye kwabathathu ngokuvamile ulalele ngengxenye futhi uyajabula uma kufika okusha.
Yiya onqenqemeni, hhayi phakathi nendawo. Yima ebangeni elivamile ohlangothini oluvulekile bese ulinda ukuthi umusho okhulunywayo uphele. Ungasho lutho ngesikhathi usaqhubeka. Uma usuphelile, amaqoqo amaningi ayaphenduka ngokomzimba enze indawo, ngoba yilokho abantu abakwenzayo, futhi lokho kuphenduka kuyisimemo sakho. Uma kungafikanga phakathi kwamasekhondi ayishumi nanhlanu, mamatheka bese uyaqhubeka. Akukho okwenzekile. Akekho obhala amaphuzu.
Ngithini kuqala?
Buza okuthile esikhundleni sokuzimemezela. "Yini ekulethe kulo mcimbi?" kusebenza cishe kunoma yiliphi igumbi, futhi kunika iqoqo into elula ukuyiphendula esikhundleni segama nesihloko somsebenzi okufanele bakuhlole ngakho.
Ukuzethula kukubeka phambi kwesahlulelo. Umbuzo ukubeka ngaphakathi engxoxweni. Uphinde uxazulule inkinga yakho, okuyileyo yokuthi awukazi ukuthi laba bantu banakekela ini, futhi impendulo yabo ikutshela lokho cishe emasekhondini ayishumi.
Nakhu okunye okubili noma okuthathu okusebenza yonke indawo:
- "Yini ekulethe kulo mcimbi?"
- "Nazana kanjani nina nonke?"
- "Beniphakathi kwento ethile. Yini leyo?"
Bese ulalela ngempela bese ubuza umbuzo wesibili mayelana nempendulo yabo. Umbuzo wesibili yilapho ingxoxo iqala khona ngempela. Abantu abaningi abasoze bawubuze, ngakho ukuwubuza kuwo wonke umehluko phakathi kokukhunjulwa njengomuntu obekhuluma nokukhunjulwa njengomuntu obenentshisekelo.
Kumele ngihlale isikhathi esingakanani?
Kuze kube usunezingxoxo ezimbili ongazilandelela ngempela ngoMsombuluko. Bese uyahamba, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kuthathe imizuzu engamashumi amane noma amahora amathathu.
Umgomo yiwo iphuzu. Ngaphandle kwawo, ubusuku buphenduka ukuzungeza, okuyikho okwenza lezi zinto zikhathaze futhi zingatheli nesithelo ngasikhathi sinye. Amahora amathathu okuhlola igumbi akhiqiza iphakethe eligcwele amakhadi kodwa alutho ngoMsombuluko. Izingxoxo ezimbili zangempela zikhiqiza ama-imeyili amabili ofuna ngempela ukuwathumela.
Kufunde ngendlela efanele. Akuyona imvume yokwenza okuncane. Kuwubusuku obuguqulwe kunobusuku obuchithiwe, futhi yiwo umehluko phakathi komzamo nemiphumela, okuwuhlukaniso olufanayo obungalwenza kunoma yimuphi omunye umsebenzi. Beka inombolo ngaphambi kokuba ungene, uyifinyelele, bese uya ekhaya usabathanda abantu.
Yini ebalwa njengenye yalezo ezimbili kufanele kunqunywe kusenesikhathi, ngoba emzuzwini wakhona wonke umuntu ubeka amamaki ngomusa. Ingxoxo iyabalwa uma wazi into eyodwa eqondile umuntu ayenzayo futhi unesizathu sangempela sokumbhalela. Hhayi "sizwane kahle." Isizathu: isixhumanisi obuthe uzosithumela, ukwethulwa okunikezile, umbuzo obungakwazanga ukuwuphendula lapho. Uma ungakwazi ukusho isizathu usalapho umile, ingxoxo ibimnandi kodwa ibingeyona enye yalezo ezimbili. Qhubeka.
Kuthiwani uma kungekho okhumbula mina emva kwalokho?
Bakhumbula kangcono kunalokho okucabangayo. U-Erica Boothby nozakwabo bathola ukuthi emva kwezingxoxo nabantu abasha, ababambiqhaza babeyehlisa njalo indlela ababethandwa ngayo yilabo ababekhuluma nabo nendlela ababeyijabulele ngayo ingxoxo, umphumela abacwaningi abawuqamba ngokuthi igebe lokuthandwa.
Iphutha elifanayo livela nangaphambi kokuba ingxoxo yenzeke. U-Nicholas Epley no-Juliana Schroeder benza uchungechunge lokuhlolwa lapho abagibeli bezitimela namabhasi babenikezwa umsebenzi wokukhuluma nomuntu abangamazi, noma ukuhlala bodwa, noma ukwenza lokho abavame ukukwenza. Labo ababekhulumile babika uhambo oluhle kakhulu kunalabo abahlala bodwa. Elinye iqembu labagibeli, lapho licelwa ukubikezela ukuthi lolo hambo lwaluzohamba kanjani, labikezela okuphambene ngqo lakhetha ukuhlala lodwa. Isibikezelo siphambana ngendlela efanayo cishe njalo.
Ngakho umbono okufanele ungene nawo akuwona owokuthi kumele unqobe abantu. Ngowokuthi ingxoxo ihamba kangcono kunalokho okubonayo wena, futhi umsebenzi wakho ukuyiqhubekisa isikhathi eside ngokwanele ukuze ifanele ukulandelelwa.
Ngiphuma kanjani engxoxweni esiphelile?
Sho lokho okutholile kuyo bese ubalula isinyathelo esilandelayo, bese uhamba. "Le kube yingxoxo ewusizo yobusuku bami. Ngizokuthumela leso sixhumanisi kusasa, ungaphatheki kabi uma ngikuthumelela i-imeyili?"
Ukuhamba ngendlela embi yikho okubopha abantu ihora lonke nomuntu wokuqala abahlangane naye, okuyisona sizathu sangempela sokuthi umgomo wezingxoxo ezimbili wehluleke. Ukuphuma okuphetha ngesinyathelo esithile esilandelayo akuwona ukungahloniphi. Yikho okuguqula ingxoxo ibe umuntu wokuxhumana, futhi nobabili niyazi ukuthi igumbi lenzelwe ukuhlangana nabantu.
Uma kungekho sinyathelo esilandelayo, phetha ngomusa nangeqiniso: "Ngiyajabula ukuthi ngize kini. Ngizobingelela abanye abambalwa ngaphambi kokuba lokhu kuphele." Akekho oke wacasukiswa yileyo misho.
Indlela esheshayo yokuyeka ukuba isihambi
Yethula abantu ababili omunye komunye. Ungakwenza phakathi nemizuzu engamashumi amabili emva kokufika, ungenalutho ngaphandle kwamagama amabili nento eyodwa eqondile abahlangana kuyo, futhi kusebenza kangcono kumuntu osanda kufika kunakumuntu ojwayelekile.
Nansi indlela osanda kufika anethuba ngayo. Usanda kubabuza bobabili ukuthi basebenza kuphi, futhi akekho omunye kulelo gumbi owakwenza lokho, ngakho unguwe wedwa ophethe izimpendulo zombili. Yilokho kuphela ukwethula okukudingayo. "Nina nobabili kufanele nikhulume. U-Ben wakha kabusha uhlelo lokukhokhisa olufanayo u-Priya asezowuqala."
Kugcine kuwumshini. Amagama amabili, into eyodwa eqondile abahlangana kuyo, bese uhlehla inyathelo elincane ubayeke bakuthathe. Akudingeki isingeniso ngokuthi babahle kangakanani, okuyinguqulo eyenza wonke umuntu angakhululeki. Lokho abahlangana kuyo yikho okuqukethwe konke.
Nezibalo zokulandelela ziyashintsha, futhi zishintshela ohlangothini lwakho. Umuntu omethulile ukukhumbula iminyaka, isikhathi eside kakhulu kunomuntu omnike ikhadi, futhi bakukhumbula njengomuntu owusizo hhayi njengomuntu owakha amanethiwekhi. U-Gillian Sandstrom no-Elizabeth Dunn bathola ukuthi ngisho nokuxhumana okuncane nabantu abasemaphethelweni enethiwekhi kuhambisana nosuku olungcono nomuzwa oqinile wokuba ngowalapho, okuyincazelo enhle yalokho ukwethula okukodwa okukunika abantu ababili ngasikhathi sinye.
Amaqoqo abathathu. Umbuzo, hhayi isihloko. Izingxoxo ezimbili, bese uya ekhaya. Futhi ngaphakathi kwalokho, amagama amabili nento eyodwa abahlangana kuyo, ekhulunywa ngokuzwakalayo, ngenxa yabantu abangakucelanga.
Imithombo
- University of Essex Research Repository, The Liking Gap in Conversations: Do People Like Us More Than We Think?
- Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, Mistakenly Seeking Solitude
- University of Essex Research Repository, Social Interactions and Well-Being: The Surprising Power of Weak Ties