Amathiphu asheshayo
- Qamba umuzwa ngokuthulile kuwe uqobo.
- Bhala into enzima imizuzu eyishumi nanhlanu.
- Sho ukuthi hhayi manje, kodwa uqonde kamuva.
Wawuzwa ubuhlungu bawo wanquma, ngomzuzwana, ukuthi manje akusona isikhathi. Mhlawumbe umuntu washo into eyafika kabi. Mhlawumbe igagasi losizi lavela esitolo sokudla. Ngakho wenza lokho iningi lethu esakufundiswa. Wawugwinya. Wagcina ubuso bakho bungakhombisi lutho. Wazitshela ukuthi uzobhekana nawo kamuva, futhi "kamuva" akuzange kufike ngempela.
Akukho lutho olungalungile ngalowo mzwelo. Ngezinye izikhathi ukubamba umuzwa ihora kuyisinqumo esifanele ncamashi. Inkinga ilapho ukugcinela ngaphakathi kuba yindlela yodwa oyaziyo, umzwelo owufinyelelayo njalo, ngoba ucwaningo ngokwenzeka ngokulandelayo lungaguquki ngokumangalisayo. Ukucindezela umuzwa phansi awuwenzi ube mncane. Uvame ukuwenza ube nomsindo omkhulu, futhi uthumela izindleko endaweni obungabheki kuyo.
Into ongayicabangi
Kukhona ucwaningo oludumile oluchaza okuningi kwalokhu ngesithombe esisodwa. Abantu bacelwa ukuba bahlale egumbini futhi, noma ngabe benzani, bangacabangi ngebhere elimhlophe. Ungaqagela ukuthi kwahamba kanjani. Ibhere elimhlophe lavela kaninginingi. Nansi ingxenye ebalulekile: lapho labo bantu abafanayo betshelwa kamuva ukuthi bangacabanga ngebhere ngokukhululekile, labuya ligijima nakakhulu kunakubantu abangazange batshelwe ukuba balicindezele ekuqaleni.
Usosayensi wengqondo uDaniel Wegner wakubiza lokhu ngomphumela wokubuya, futhi incazelo icishe ihlekise uma usuyibona. Ukugcina umcabango ngaphandle, ingxenye ethile yengqondo yakho kufanele ihlale ihlola ukuthi umcabango usahambile yini. Lokho kuhlola ngokuthulile kugcina umcabango uphila. Uba umqaphi wasebusuku wento kanye oyifisa ukuyikhohlwa.
Imizwa isebenza ngendlela efanayo. Uma ucindezela umzwelo, ingxenye yakho ihlala iwuqaphile, okuwugcina useduze. Umuzwa awucutshungulwa. Uyapakwa, injini isebenza.
Ukucindezela kufihla umuzwa, hhayi izindleko
Kuyasiza ukwehlukanisa izinto ezimbili ezihlanganiswayo. Enye yilokho okuzwayo ngaphakathi. Enye yilokho okukhombisayo ngaphandle. Ososayensi bengqondo babiza isu lokugcina ubuso obuzolile ngenkathi isiphepho siqhubeka ngaphansi ngokuthi "ukucindezela okuboniswayo." Uphatha isiboniso, hhayi umzwelo.
Futhi yilokho okucupha. Izifundo ezibeka abantu engcindezini bese zibacela ukuba bafihle ukusabela kwabo zithola ukuthi umzimba awutholi umbiko. Izimpawu zangaphandle ziyathula ngenkathi ingaphakathi lihlala livuliwe, ngezinye izikhathi livuleke kakhulu kunangaphambili. Ubuso bakho buthi kulungile. Isivinini senhliziyo yakho, ikhemistri yakho yengcindezi, amahlombe akho aqinile kusho okunye.
Yenza lokho kaningi ngokwanele bese kuyabuthelana. Abantu abancika ekucindezeleni njengendlela yabo eyinhloko yokubhekana bavame ukubika ukukhathazeka okwengeziwe nesimo sengqondo esiphansi ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, nokuncane kwezinto ezinhle futhi. Ukucindezela isu elivuzayo. Lifiphaza imizwa enzima kancane kanti efudumele kakhulu, yingakho abantu abaqinisa izinqindi kukho konke bevame ukuchaza umuzwa oyisicaba ngokuxakayo, hhayi wokuthula.
Kungani "mane uqhubeke" kukukhathaza
Cabanga ukuthi ukubamba isivalo ngempela kudinga ini. Ukunaka. Umzamo. Ukuzwakala okuqhubekayo kwangemuva kokuziqapha. Lawo ngamandla owachithayo ukugcina okuthile kufihliwe esikhundleni sokuwachitha engxoxweni, emsebenzini, noma emuntwini ophambi kwakho.
Lena ingxenye yesizathu sokuthi ukugcinela ngaphakathi kuvame ukuvela emzimbeni ngaphambi kokuvela njengomzwelo oqanjiwe. Ikhanda elibuhlungu ngenxa yokucindezeleka. Umhlathi oqinile ngesikhathi sesidlo sasemini. Ubuthongo obungavuseleli ngempela. Ukuqina okungacacile esifubeni. Akukho kulokho okuwubufakazi bento ngokwakho, kodwa kuyiphethini ejwayelekile: umuzwa owenqabe ukubhekana nawo uthola umnyango wangemuva.
Akukho kulokhu okusho ukuthi kufanele uphumise wonke umzwelo ngomzuzu owufikayo. Umgomo akukhona ukulawula okuncane. Uhlobo oluhlukile lokulawula, uhlobo oluvumela umuzwa ukuba ukhona isikhathi eside ngokwanele ukuze ukutshele okuthile, esikhundleni sokulwa nawo yonke indlela.
Yini okumele uyenze esikhundleni salokho
Enye indlela esikhundleni sokugcinela ngaphakathi akukhona ukukuchitha konke. Kungukunika umuzwa indawo encane nokucutshungulwa okuncane. Izindlela ezimbalwa ezisebenza kahle:
- Qamba wona, ngokuthulile. Beka amazwi kulokho okuzwayo, ngisho nasekhanda lakho nje. "Lokhu ukuthukuthela." "Lokho kubuhlungu." "Ngiyesaba ngoLwesine." Ukuqamba umuzwa kuvame ukukhipha ingxenye yomoya kuwo. Awuphikisani nawo. Uyavuma ukuthi ukhona, okuyimpambano yokucindezela.
- Shintsha uhlaka, hhayi ubuso. Esikhundleni sokufihla ukusabela, buka futhi lokho okukuvusile. Ingabe kukhona enye indlela yokufunda okusanda kwenzeka? Ingabe ozakwenu wathukuthela ngenxa yakho, noma ngoba ekuseni kwakhe kwahlakazeka? Lolu shintsho, ngezinye izikhathi olubizwa ngokuhlolisisa kabusha, luvame ukwenza lokho ukucindezela okwenza sengathi kuyakwenza: empeleni luyawehlisa amandla, futhi alwehlisi imizwa yakho emihle njengomphumela.
- Kubhale phansi. Kukhona ucwaningo oluqinile, iningi lalo oluvela kusosayensi wengqondo uJames Pennebaker, olokuthi ukuchitha imizuzu eyishumi nanhlanu noma engamashumi amabili ubhala ngobuqotho ngesipiliyoni esinzima kungasiza. Hhayi idayari elilungisiwe, imicabango nemizwa yakho yangempela ephepheni nje. Abantu abenza lokhu babonise ukwenza ngcono okulinganisekayo, kuhlanganise nokuvakashela udokotela okuncane ezinyangeni ezilandelayo. Iqhinga ukukuhlola ngempela, hhayi ukujikelezisa isikhalazo esifanayo, ngoba ukuphinda indaba efanayo ngendlela efanayo kumane kuwukuphindaphinda kwemicabango ngepeni.
- Vumela udlule emzimbeni wakho. Umuzwa ungokomzimba. Ngezinye izikhathi indlela esheshayo yokwehlisa ubukhali ukuphefumulela phandle kancane, ukuhamba okufushane, noma ukunyakazisa izandla zakho, esikhundleni somjikelezo omunye wokucabanga ngakho.
- Khetha isikhathi sakho, ngamabomu. "Hhayi njengamanje" ukukhetha okuhle ngokuphelele phakathi komhlangano. Umehluko phakathi kokunempilo nokulimazayo ukuthi "hhayi manje" kufika yini no"kamuva." Paka umuzwa, bese ubuyela kuwo uma usunomzuzu nesikhathi sasese.
Awudingi zonke ezinhlanu. Abantu abaningi bathola eyodwa noma ezimbili ezibafanele bese bencika kulezo.
Isexwayiso esinobulungiswa
Ukucindezela akusona isigebengu. Ukuzithoba isikhashana ukuze udlule emngcwabeni, ekwethuleni, noma ekushintshiselaneni okunengcindezi nomuntu onzima kuyikhono elivamile, eliyusizo. Ukukhetha ukuthi nini nokuthi kuphi uzwe okuthile kuyingxenye yokuba umuntu omdala osebenzayo. Umonakalo uvela ekukwenzeni kube ithuluzi lakho lodwa, ekubambeni isivalo phansi amasonto noma iminyaka uze ulahlekelwe ukuthi kukhona okungaphansi.
Uma ufunde konke lokhu wazibona, ziphathe kahle. Iningi lethu lafunda ukugcinela ngaphakathi ngezizathu ezinhle, ngokuvamile ngoba kwenye indawo endleleni, imizwa emikhulu yayingaphephile ukuyikhombisa. Ukukhohlwa lokho kuhamba kancane, futhi akwenzeki ngenkani.
Uma sekumele ufinyelele usizo olwengeziwe
Ngezinye izikhathi umuzwa mkhulu kakhulu ukuba ubhekane nawo wedwa, futhi lokho akukhona ukwehluleka kwamandla entando. Uma ube ngonganambithi lutho noma ophansi amasonto, uma ungakwazi ukufinyelela emizweni yakho nhlobo, uma izipiliyoni ezindala ziqhubeka zivela ngezindlela ongakwazi ukuzizolisa, noma uma konke kuzwakala kukuningi kakhulu, leso yisizathu esihle sokukhuluma nodokotela noma udokotela wengqondo. Uchwepheshe angakusiza ukuvulela indawo lokho obuyibambile, ngesivinini esizwakala siphephile. Akudingeki ulinde kuze kube akubekezeleleki ukuze ucele. Ukufinyelela kusenesikhathi kungenye yezinto ezinomusa kakhulu, ezisebenzayo kakhulu ongazenzela zona.
Umuzwa obulokhu uwugwema cishe awuyona ingozi njengokugwema. Iningi lemizwa, uma inikwe umoya omncane nesikhathi esincane, iyathamba iqhubeke. Ikakhulukazi ifuna ukuzwiwa, isikhashana, bese iyadedelwa.
Imithombo
- American Psychological Association, Suppressing the 'white bears'
- American Psychological Association, Expressive writing can help your mental health
- National Library of Medicine (PMC), Reappraisal and suppression emotion-regulation tendencies differentially predict reward-responsivity and psychological well-being