Amathiphu asheshayo
- Dlulela ngale kokuthi kubi: kubi kanjani, ngempela.
- Bhala umuzwa phansi ukuze uwucacise.
- Khetha igama elincane, hhayi elidlondlobalayo.
Kukhona uhlobo oluthize lwentambama embi lapho ungakwazi ukusho ukuthi kwenzenjani. Kukhona okungahambi kahle. Isifuba sakho sinzima, uyaxhopha, usufunde le-imeyili efanayo izikhathi ezine. Uma umngane ebuza ukuthi kwenzenjani, impendulo ethembekile kunazo zonke ibingaba ukunyakazisa amahlombe. "Angazi. Ngizizwa ngingaphileli nje."
Leyo nkungu iyinkinga yayo uqobo. Umuzwa ongawukwazi ukuwuqamba uvame ukusakazeka. Uvuzela kuyo yonke into, indlela ofunda ngayo umlayezo, indlela oshayela ngayo, okucabangayo ngalokho umuntu ohleli ngale kwetafula akucabangayo ngawe. Uzwakala ungewona kakhulu umuzwa onawo kodwa kunalokho njengesimo sezulu obhajwe kuso.
Nasi isenzo esincane esenza okungaphezu kwalokho okumele. Yima ubeke igama elilodwa kuwo. Hhayi igama eliphelele. Igama nje. *Ngikhathazekile. Ngilimele. Nginomhawu, empeleni. Ngiyalila.* Leso senzo esincane sokuhumusha, kusuka esizweni oluluhlaza kuya olimini, sishintsha lokho umuzwa okwenza kuwe. Sinegama losesibhedlela, ukuhlela imizwa (affect labeling), futhi kungokunye kokutholakele okuthembeke kakhulu esayensini yemizwa.
Yini eshintshayo lapho uwusho
Kuzwakala kulula kakhulu kangangokuthi kubukeka kungenandaba. Ukusho ukuthi "ngithukuthele" esikhundleni sokuthukuthela nje? Kodwa kukhona isayensi yobuchopho yangempela ngaphansi kwakho.
Ocwaningweni lwase-UCLA, abantu babuka ubuso obukhombisa imizwa enamandla ngenkathi umshini oskena ubukela ubuchopho babo. Lapho *bebona* nje ubuso obuthukuthele noma obesabayo, i-amygdala yayikhanya. Yiyona nsimbi yesexwayiso yobuchopho, isakhiwo esiphatha ubungozi nokwesaba. Kodwa lapho labo bantu befanele bakhethe igama lomuzwa, bawuhlele, i-amygdala yathula. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, indawo ku-prefrontal cortex ngemuva kwebunzi, ingxenye ephatha ulimi nokucabanga ngamabomu, yaba matasa kakhulu. Umcwaningi omkhulu, uMatthew Lieberman, wakubeka ngokusobala: namathisela igama elithi "othukuthele," ubone impendulo encane esikhungweni sesexwayiso.
Cabanga ukuthi lokho kusho ukuthini emzuzwini ovamile. Umuzwa nokucabangisisa ngawo kwenzeka ezingxenyeni ezehlukene zobuchopho bakho, futhi ziyashintshana. Lapho ufinyelela igama, ususela omunye umthwalo kusuka esexwayisweni uwubeke engxenyeni yakho engacabanga. Awuwenzi umuzwa unyamalale. Uwukhipha esihlalweni somshayeli.
Lokhu kuyinhlamvu yeqiniso emshwaneni odokotela abaningi bezengqondo abawusebenzisayo: kuqambe ukuze ukuthobe. "Ukuthoba" kunethemba elincanyana, ngeqiniso. Igama elingcono kungaba *ukubamba*. Uma umuzwa usunegama, ungawubamba ubude besandla uwubuke, esikhundleni sokugcwaliswa yiwo.
Umehluko phakathi kokuthi "kubi" negama langempela
Iningi lethu lisebenza ngesilulumagama semizwa esincane kakhulu. Kuhle, kubi, kulungile, ngicindezelekile, ngikhathele. Sicwecwa izimo ezingaphakathi eziyikhulu ezehlukene sizehlise emagameni amane noma amahlanu bese sizibuza ukuthi kungani kungekho okulingana kahle.
Usokhemisti wengqondo uLisa Feldman Barrett ubiza enye indlela ngokuthi *ukuhlukaniswa kwemizwa* (emotional granularity), ikhono lokwehlukanisa imizwa yakho ngokunemba okuthile. Finyelela ngale kokuthi "kubi": ngabe lokhu ukudumala, noma ukusola? Ngabe lokhu ukwesaba, noma ukwethuka, okuwukwesaba okungenanto ecacile? Ngabe into engiyibiza ngokuthi intukuthelo ngempela ukulimala, kwembathiswe ingubo eqinile?
Lezo zimo azikona nje umdlalo wesilulumagama. Zikhomba izidingo ezehlukene. Ukudumala kuvame ukufuna ukwazi nesikhathi esincane. Ukusola kuvame ukuba uphawu lokuthi umngcele weqiwe futhi udinga ukuqanjwa ngamazwi. Ukulimala kufuna induduzo. Intukuthelo ifuna isenzo. Uma uwahlela wonke omane njengokuthi "ngicindezelekile," uzoqhubeka ufinyelela impendulo efanayo engacacile bese uqhubeka uphuthelwa.
Ukubuyekezwa kwalolu cwaningo okwaholwa uTodd Kashdan, uLisa Feldman Barrett, noPatrick McKnight kwathola okufanele uhlale nakho. Abantu abakwazi ukuzizwa imizwa yabo ngokuhlukaniswa okwengeziwe, abazwa umehluko phakathi kokucasuka nolaka esikhundleni sebala elibomvu elilodwa elikhulu, bavame ukubhekana kangcono lapho izinto ziba nzima. Ezikhathini zosizi lwangempela, banethuba elincane lokuwela ezindleleni ezilimazayo kakhulu zokuphatha ubuhlungu. Lapho ukwazi ukuqamba ngokuqondile lokho okuzwayo, kubukeka unezinketho eziningi zalokho ongakwenza ngakho.
Kubukeka kanjani ukulola umuzwa owodwa
Asehlise ijubane esibonelweni esisodwa, ngoba inguqulo engacacile yalokhu ingazwakala ilula ngendlela into yangempela engenjalo ngayo.
Ake sithi umsebenzi okanye nawe uthola iphrojekthi obuyifuna. Ukuzifunda kwakho kokuqala ukuthi "ngiphilile, angizizwa ngiphilile namuhla." Leyo yinkungu. Icaca ngokwanele ukuze uqhubeke ubila ngaphandle kokwenza noma yini eyisiza.
Manje yicindezele. *Yini ekhona ngempela?* Igama lokuqala elithembekile eliphumelayo umhawu. Kulungile, lokho kubuhlungu ukukuvuma, kodwa kuyiqiniso kunokuthi "angizizwa ngiphilile." Hlala nakho okunye ukuphefumula bese kwehlukana kabili. Kukhona umona, ingxenye eyayifuna into abayitholile. Futhi ngaphansi kwalokho kukhona okuthule kakhulu nokubuhlungu kakhulu: ukwesaba ukuthi udlulwe ngoba awumuhle njengoba ubuthemba. Owokuqala umayelana nephrojekthi. Owesibili umayelana nesithunzi sakho.
Qaphela ukuthi lokho kushintsha kangakanani isenzo esilandelayo. "Angizizwa ngiphilile" akuholi ndawo, mhlawumbe kwolaka olufushane nakubusuku obubi. "Nginomhawu futhi ngesaba kancane ukuthi ngiyasala ngemuva" kuholela endaweni engokoqobo. Ungacela umphathi wakho impendulo ethembekile. Ungazikhumbuza umsebenzi oziqhenya ngawo ngempela. Ungawuyeka nje umhawu ube ngokujwayelekile, ngoba ukufuna izinto ezinhle akulona iphutha. Akukho neyodwa yalezo minyango evulekayo ngenkathi umuzwa uhlala ungukunyakazisa amahlombe.
Lelo yikhono lonke ngobuncane. Awuzami ukuzizwa ungcono ngokushesha. Uzama ukubona ngokucacile, ngoba imizwa ecacile iza nezinkomba ezinamathiselwe, engacacile ayizi nazo.
Indlela yokukwenza ngempela
Lokhu akukona ukuzindla okudinga umcamelo nemizuzu engamashumi amabili. Kusondelene nomkhuba ongawenza phakathi kosuku lokusebenza. Nazi izindlela ezimbalwa zokungena:
- Bamba umzimba kuqala. Imizwa cishe ihlala ivela ngomzimba ngaphambi kokuba ube negama layo. Umhlathi obambelele. Isisu esinganto. Ukushisa ebusweni bakho. Amahlombe aqinile. Lapho uqaphela lesi sizwa, leso yisexwayiso sakho. Kukhona okukhona. Manje hamba uyofuna igama layo.
- Qala ngokungahleliwe, bese ulola. Akudingeki ufinyelele igama eliqondile ngokushesha. Qala ngeligeje. "Ngizizwa kubi." Bese ucindezela kanye: kubi kanjani? Ukudabuka-kubi? Ukwesaba-kubi? Amahloni-kubi? Umbuzo ngamunye uyawunciphisa. Awuzikali. Ushisa kakhudlwana.
- Kubhale phansi noma ukusho ngamazwi. Kukhona okuthile ngokukhipha umuzwa engqondweni yakho ukudlulisele emazwini ephepheni, noma emushweni owukhulumayo ngempela, okwenza umphumela ube namandla. "Ngicabanga ukuthi ngikhathazekile ngomhlangano wakusasa" kufinyelela ngokwehlukile emcabangweni ofanayo obhula uthule.
- Sebenzisa igama elincane, hhayi elidlondlobalayo. Abantu ngezinye izikhathi bakugwema ngoba amagama azwakala emakhulu kakhulu. Akudingeki ube "ophele amandla" noma "ochithekile." Iningi lempilo yansuku zonke lisebenza ngemizwa ethule: ukukhumbula okuncane, ukucasuka okuncane, ukuzizwa uwedwa kancane, ukungakhululeki okuthile. Lokho kubalulekile. Ukuqamba okuncane kusenesikhathi kuvame ukukuvimba ukuba kukhule.
- Sho ukuthi "ngizwa," hhayi "ngiyilokho." Kukhona umehluko wangempela phakathi kokuthi "ngikhathazekile" nokuthi "ngingumuntu okhathazekayo." Okunye kuyisimo sezulu. Okunye kuyimozulu. Ukuqamba umuzwa njengento edlula kuwe, esikhundleni sento *oyiyo*, kuwunika indawo yokudlula.
Elithile lokwethembeka lapha. Uma uzama lokhu bese umuzwa uhlala nje, ungasukumi, awehlulekanga. Ukuqamba akuyona inkinobho yokususa. Ngezinye izikhathi umsebenzi ukuba nje ukwazi ukusho, ngokucacile, "ngidabukile, futhi kuvumelekile," ngaphandle kokujaha ukukulungisa. Ukucaca yikho okuwinayo, ngisho noma ukudabuka kuhlala isikhashana.
Ukukusho komunye umuntu
Okuningi esikuhlobozile kungaphakathi, into oyenza engqondweni yakho. Kodwa okuningi kwenzuzo kuvela phakathi kwabantu, ngoba imizwa engaqanjwanga yilapho ukuxabana okuningi kanjalo kuqala khona ngempela.
Lapho ungakwazi ukuqamba lokho okuzwayo, kuvame ukuphuma eceleni. Uthula uvumele omunye aqagele ukuthi kwenzenjani. Ukhala ngezitsha kanti into yangempela ukuthi uzizwe ushayelwe indiva ngaphambili. Umlingani wakho noma umngane wakho ushiywa esabela emsindweni esikhundleni sesignali, futhi manje sekukhona abantu ababili abaphatheke kabi kungekho nkinga ecacile yokuxazulula.
Ukukuqamba ngamazwi kunqamula kulokho. "Ngizizwa ngikhungethwe futhi ngidinga imizuzu eyishumi" kunika omunye umuntu into angasebenza ngayo ngempela. "Ngicabanga ukuthi ngilinyazwe yilokho okushilo, futhi angiqiniseki ukuthi ukusho ngendlela ekufinyelele ngayo" kuvula umnyango obhikinini uwuvala ngamandla. Ubanika into yangempela esikhundleni sokubenza bagubhe ukuyithola.
Lokhu kusebenza nakwelinye icala. Lapho umuntu omkhathalelayo ecasukile ngokusobala engakwazi ukusho ukuthi kungani, ungamnika igama ngobumnene bese umyeka akulungise. "Ubukeka udangele kancane, ngiyakufunda kahle lokho?" Ngokuvamile abantu abakudingi ukuba ulungise lutho. Badinga usizo lokuthola igama, nokuzizwa bebonwa ekubeni nawo. Isiqondiso se-Cleveland Clinic sokukhuluma ngemizwa senza iphuzu elihlobene elifanele ukuligcina: indlela esiphatha ngayo umuzwa ibalulekile. Abantu abanquma ukuthi ukudabuka noma ukwesaba akwamukeleki, izinto okumele zichithwe, bavame ukuhlupheka kakhulu kunabantu abakwazi ukuvumela umuzwa ongakhululekile ube nje umuzwa. Ukuqamba umuzwa, kuwe noma nomunye umuntu, kuyingxenye yesenzo semvume. Kuthi: lokhu kukhona, futhi kuvunyelwe ukuba khona.
Lapho umuzwa ungeke uqanjwe
Ngezinye izikhathi uyahamba uyofuna igama ubuye uze uze. Umuzwa mkhulu kakhulu, noma udicilekile kakhulu, noma ugcwele kakhulu kangangokuthi ulimi alusekho. Lokho kuyenzeka, futhi akulona iphutha lesimilo.
Uma usesimweni esinjalo, umsebenzi wokuqala akukona ukunemba, ukuzinzisa umzimba wakho ngokwanele ukuze ukucabanga kubuye. Nciphisa ukuphefumula kwakho. Beka izinyawo phansi. Qamba lokho okuseduze kwakho esikhundleni salokho okungaphakathi kwakho, isihlalo, iwindi, umsindo wezimoto, kuze kuthi u-alarm wehlukwana. Ukuqamba imizwa kusebenza kangcono uma usungasekho ekulweni-noma-ukubaleka okugcwele. Ungabuyela ekuhleleni kamuva, uma sekunendawana engeziwe.
Kufanele futhi wazi ukuthi kwabanye abantu, imizwa ethize inzima ngempela ukuyifinyelela ngamazwi. Lokho kungaba ukwakheka, futhi kungaba umphumela wezinto ezazingaphephile ukuzizwa. Uma ukubeka amazwi empilweni yakho yangaphakathi kuzwakala kucishe kungenzeki, noma uma ukuphendukela emizweni yakho kukwenza uthuke njalo, lokho kuyisexwayiso sokwenza lo msebenzi neqeqeshwe lawo esikhundleni sokuba wedwa.
Ikhono, hhayi ubuntu
Ingxenye ekhuthazayo ukuthi akukho kulokhu okumisiwe. Isilulumagama semizwa siyafundeka. Abantu abakhulela emakhaya lapho imizwa yayingaxoxwa khona bangakha ikhono ebudaleni, kancane, ngendlela efanayo ongafunda ngayo noma yiluphi ulimi, ngokulusebenzisa kabi ekuqaleni bese uba ngcono. Njalo lapho uma ubuza ukuthi "lokhu kuyini, ngempela?" uqinisa indlela phakathi kwesexwayiso nengxenye yakho engacabanga.
Qhubeka nakho bese inkungu iza kancane. Uqala ukubamba imizwa kusenesikhathi, ngenkathi isencane ngokwanele ukuyiphatha. Intambama embi iyayeka ukuba yimfihlakalo obhajwe ngaphakathi kuyo ibe yinto ongayichaza, futhi umuzwa ongawuchaza umuzwa osuvele uqale ukuwuphatha.
Uma ukuqamba lokho okuzwayo kuqhubeka kukuholela endaweni emnyama, uma igama elithembekile kunazo zonke liyinto efana nokuphelelwa ithemba noma ukungezwa lutho futhi lingasuki, ngicela ungahlali nalowo wedwa. Yilowo umzuzu wokungenisa omunye umuntu, udokotela, udokotela wengqondo, noma ulayini wesimo esiphuthumayo. Ukuqamba umuzwa kuyisinyathelo sokuqala sangempela. Kweminye imizwa, isinyathelo esilandelayo esinesibindi ukuvumela omunye akusize uwuthwale.
Imithombo
- UCLA Health, Putting Feelings Into Words Produces Therapeutic Effects in the Brain
- PubMed (Lieberman et al., 2007), Putting feelings into words: affect labeling disrupts amygdala activity in response to affective stimuli
- Cleveland Clinic, Emotions: How To Express What You Feel
- Kashdan, Barrett & McKnight (Current Directions in Psychological Science, 2015), Unpacking Emotion Differentiation