Ikhona inguqulo yale ngxoxo lapho ucela khona imali eyengeziwe bese umuntu ongaphesheya kwetafula ekubona ngcono ekugcineni kunasekuqaleni. Kwenzeka njalo. Akubona ubuhle futhi akusibo isibindi, kuwuhlaka: isicelo esisodwa esicacile, esilethwe ngomusa, sinendlela elula yokusho uyebo enamathiselwe kuso.
Nansi ingxenye emangaza abantu. Ababizwa ngokuthi bayinkinga bavame ukungabi yilabo abacela okuningi kunabo bonke. Bangabantu abacela kathathu ngezindlela ezintathu ezehlukene, abangacacanga lapho becindezelwa, futhi bashiya omunye umuntu eqagela ukuthi yini engakuqeda lokho. Ukungacaci yikho okukubiza ikamelo, hhayi isifiso sokuya phambili.
Ungaba ngumuntu ofuna kakhulu ukuya phambili kunabo bonke kule nqubo futhi kube kulula kakhulu ukusebenza nawe kunabo bonke. Lezo zimbili azikaze zibe yimpikiswano, futhi ukuziphatha njengokuphikisanayo yikho okugcina abantu abanamakhono bethule iminyaka.
Ingabe ukucela okwengeziwe kuzongenza ngibe yinkinga?
Ukucela kanye, ngokucacile nangomusa, akwenzi njalo. Okufundwa njengenkinga wukuphindaphinda, ukungacaci nokwethusa, futhi akukho kulokho okufana nokufuna imali eyengeziwe.
Lokho kukhathazeka kufanele ukuhlonishwa esikhundleni sokukhuthazwa nje. Abacwaningi bathole ukuthi abantu abaqala ukuxoxisana kwesinye isikhathi bebejeziswa ngokomphakathi ngokukwenza, nokuthi leso sijeziso sasibhekene kakhulu nabesifazane kunabesilisa. Uma ubulokhu ukala buthule lobo bungozi, bewukala into engokoqobo.
Okulawulayo wuhlaka lwesicelo, futhi uhlaka yilapho umonakalo omkhulu wenzeka khona. Isicelo esibiza into eyodwa, kanye, sinesizathu esinamathiselwe nendlela elula yokufinyelela ku-yebo, siwumsebenzi umuntu angawenza. Isicelo esifika ngezingcezu amasonto amathathu, esishintsha ubukhulu njalo, esingasho neze ukuthi yini engasiqeda, siyinkinga yokuphatha. Esesibili yikho abantu abakuchazayo lapho bethi umuntu ubeyinkinga, futhi kulungiseka ngokuphelele ngaphandle kokucela isenti elilodwa elingaphansi.
Uyini umehluko phakathi kokuqonda ngqo nokuba yinkinga?
Ukuqonda ngqo kubala into eyodwa, inombolo eyodwa nosuku olulodwa. Ukuba yinkinga kushiya omunye umuntu eqagela ukuthi yini engaqeda le ngxoxo, ngakho kumele ahlale eqagela esidlangalaleni.
"Kungaba khona yini ukuvumelana nhlobo ngephakheji?" kuzwakala kumnene kanti empeleni kuyisicelo esinzima kakhulu, ngoba manje kumele umuntu asungule isipho, aqagele ukuthi yini ezokwanelisa, futhi athathe ubungozi bokwenza iphutha phambi komphathi wakhe. "Ngingathanda ukuba ku-110, futhi ngingaqala mhla zintathu" kuqondile futhi kulula kakhulu ukukuvumela, ngoba kungagunyazwa noma kuphendulwe ngomugqa owodwa.
Kukhona ukuhlola okulula ongakwenza kokubhalile ngaphambi kokukusho ngomlomo. Funda isicelo ubuye ubuze ukuthi umuntu angakwazi yini ukwenza ngaso namuhla ngaphandle kombuzo owodwa nje olandelayo. Uma kudingeka babuze ukuthi ubuchazani, ubunenombolo ethile emqondweni, noma ubudinga ukwazi ngamuphi usuku, asikapheli.
Into enomusa kunazo zonke ongayenzela umuntu ongaphesheya wukuba nembe. Ukuba nembe yikho okumvumela ukuba ahambe ayolwela isicelo sakho ngaphakathi, okuyilapho imali yakho ivela khona ngokuvamile. Akekho oke wangena ehhovisi lomphathi wakhe eyobangela umuzwa ongacacile wozakwabo wokuthi ukhokhelwa kancane.
Ngicela kanjani ngomusa ngingazwakali ngingaqondile?
Gcina ubuso bakho nezwi lakho kunjengoba bekunjalo ngesikhathi ungena, bese ubeka umusa endleleni obeka ngayo indaba esikhundleni sezivikelo. Umusa uthi "Ngifuna lokhu kusebenze, futhi nakhu okungakwenza." Ubuthakathaka buthi "Uxolo, ngiyazi lokhu kuyaphoxa."
Ulimi loxolo yilona olufundwa njengolungaqondile, ngokumangalisayo, ngoba lutshela omunye umuntu ukuthi ucabanga ukuthi isicelo asifanele. Uma ungakholwa ukuthi kufanele ucele, bazokwamukela izwi lakho. Susa "uxolo", "nje", "ngethemba" no "ngiyazi lokhu kukukhulu" kokubhalile ngaphambi kokuthumela noma ukukusho.
Imibuzo yenza umsebenzi womusa kangcono kunezichasiso. Ezifundweni ezintathu zezingxoxo eziphilayo, abantu ababuza imibuzo eminingi, ikakhulukazi imibuzo elandelayo, babethandwa kangcono ngumuntu ababekhuluma naye, futhi iningi lethu lilinganisela kancane kakhulu lowo mphumela. Ngakho buza: ibukeka kanjani ibhendi yamaholo, usebenza kanjani umjikelezo wokubuyekeza, yini engenza lokhu kube lula kuwe. Uqoqa imininingwane futhi ube ngothandeka kangcono ngasikhathi sinye, okuyinhlanganisela eyivelakancane engxoxweni yemali.
Ngithini uma bengeke bakwazi neze ukushintsha ngemali?
Buza ukuthi yini abangayishintsha, futhi ube uhlu lwakho lulungile ngaphambi kokubuza. Usuku lokuqala, isihloko, umkhawulo womsebenzi, isikhathi sokubuyekeza, imishini, izinsuku zokuphumula, izinsuku zokusebenza ukude, imigomo yenkokhelo nokuthi ubani owenza umsebenzi konke kuyimali yangempela, futhi okuningi kukho kubiza kancane kakhulu kulabo abaphesheya kunemali eyikhesi.
Kubeke njengokusebenzisana esikhundleni sokuhlehla. "Uma inombolo imisiwe, yini eguqukayo?" kugcina yonke into ivulekile futhi kubanika indlela yokusho uyebo namuhla. Ibhendi yeholo evaliwe kaningi iyibhendi evaliwe ngempela, futhi umuntu okutshela lokho akaqambi amanga, kodwa ibhendi emisiwe cishe ayilokothi isho ukuthi yonke into imisiwe.
Bese uyashintshisana esikhundleni sokuvumela nje. Uma ushintsha ngosuku lokuqala, cela ukuthi ukubuyekezwa kususelwe phambili kuze kube yizinyanga eziyisithupha. Konke okunikelayo kuthola okuthile, kushiwo ngomusa, ngezwi elifanayo. Lokho akulona iqhinga. Yikho okugcina isivumelwano silinganisile, futhi izivumelwano ezilinganisile yizo ezisinda enyangeni yokuqala enzima.
Ngicela kanjani okwesibili ngingaziphindi?
Shintsha okushintshayo, hhayi umsindo. Isicelo sesibili esikhulu ngezwi siwuwcindezelo. Isicelo sesibili esehlukile siyinketho entsha, futhi izinketho ezintsha ziyamukelwa.
Umugqa mfushane: "Ngiyezwa ngeholo eliyisisekelo. Uma limisiwe, ungabheka yini inani lokusayina, noma ukuletha ukubuyekeza phambili kube yizinyanga eziyisithupha?" Usamukele ngomlomo isibopho sabo, okwehlisa amazinga okushisa, futhi ubanike into entsha abangathi uyebo kuyo.
Okubili kuvame ukuba ngumkhawulo engxoxweni eyodwa. Cela, ulungise kanye, bese uyakubeka phansi. Uma kokubili kungasebenzi, kusho ngomusa bese uthola usuku: "Ngizocabanga ngakho bese ngibuya kuwe ngoLwesine." Ukuphuma nosuku akukhona ukwehlulwa, kuyisivumelwano esisebenzayo esingakavalwa, futhi yikho okuvimba isinqumo esenziwe emzuzwini owodwa ongakhululekile ukuba sibe yileso ophila naso iminyaka emibili.
Ukuba lula ukusebenza naye kuyisikhundla sokuxoxisana, hhayi ukudela
Ukuba nomusa akusona isaphulelo. Umuntu ocacile, onomusa noqonda ngqo uyabizwa aphinde, uyatuswa, uthola iphrojekthi yesibili, futhi utshelwa ngesabelomali ngaphambi kokuba simenyezelwe. Lokho kuyanda, futhi kuyatholakala ngesikhathi esifanayo nokucela inombolo oyifunayo.
Ngakho yifune ngomlomo, kanye, ngomusho umuntu angenza ngawo, bese uba lula ukusebenza naye njengoba nje ubunjalo ngaphambi kokucela. I-Pew Research Center yathola ukuthi phakathi kwabantu abashiya umsebenzi ngo-2021 bangena komusha, u-56% wayehola kakhudlwana ngemva kwalokho. Imali ihambela abantu abacelayo. Ayivamile ukuhambela abantu abagwegwesayo.
Cela kanye. Cela ngomusa. Qonda ngqo ngokwanele ukuze bakwazi ukusho uyebo namuhla, bese uba ngumuntu ofanayo ngoMsombuluko noma kwenzekani.
Imithombo
- Harvard Kennedy School, Social Incentives for Gender Differences in the Propensity to Initiate Negotiations: Sometimes It Does Hurt to Ask
- PubMed, It doesn't hurt to ask: Question-asking increases liking
- Pew Research Center, Majority of workers who quit a job in 2021 cite low pay, no opportunities for advancement, feeling disrespected