Isivumelwano savalwa ngehora lesine ntambama futhi igumbi laduma. Omunye wa-oda ushampeni, omunye wenza inkulumo egama lakhe likuyo, yena wema onqenqemeni lwakho konke ezizwa ekahle nje. Hhayi engezwa lutho. Hhayi edumele. Ekahle nje. Ngemuva kwalokho kuba kahle, wayesevele ecabanga kancane ngesilandelayo, esikhulu kunalesi, inguqulo yalesi enonozero owodwa engeziwe ekugcineni.
Yase ifika inkathazo encane. Akufanele yini ukuthi lokhu kuzwakale kungaphezu kwalokhu?
Uma ucinga lowo mbuzo, uthola izimpendulo ezimbili, zombili ezingalungile kuwe. Eyokuqala ithi lokho kuzwakala okulingene kufakazela ukuthi umgomo wawungenalutho nokuthi kufanele ufise okuncane. Eyesibili ithi udinga umgomo omkhulu ngokushesha, okuwukwethuka okufanayo nje kugqoke isudi engcono. Kunendlela yesithathu yokukufunda, futhi kumuntu osenesikhathi enqoba ivamise ukuba yiyona elungile. Ukuzinza yikho ukufika kuzwakala ngakho uma usukwenza njalo.
Kungani ngingezwa lutho emva kokufinyelela umgomo omkhulu?
Ngoba ukulindela nokufika kusebenza ngezinhlelo ezehlukene, futhi okwakho kuzivumelanisa ngokushesha. Amandla amaningi ayesekujahweni, futhi lokho kuzivumelanisa okwenza ukugcina kuzwakale kulingene yikho kanye okwakuvumela ukuba uqhubeke uphakamisa umgomo kwasekuqaleni.
Lokhu kudala futhi kubhalwe kahle. Ucwaningo luka-Brickman, u-Coates no-Janoff-Bulman ngabanqobi belotho lwathola ukuthi abanqobi babengajabule ngaphezu kwabanye abantu futhi, okumangazayo, babethola injabulo encane ezintweni ezijwayelekile emva kwalokho. U-Diener, u-Lucas no-Scollon kamuva balungisa lesi sithombe ngendlela esizayo nakakhulu: ukuzivumelanisa kukhona ngempela kodwa akuphelele, izinga lakho lomuzwa alilona elingelutho, futhi lingashintsha ezimweni ezithile. Uma sikuhumusha kuya kuLwesine lwakho ntambama, lokho kusho ukuthi lokho kulingana kuwuphawu lohlelo olulungiswe kahle, hhayi ubufakazi bokuthi ukunqoba bekungamanga.
Kufanele siyisho ngokuqondile inzuzo yalokhu, ngoba akekho oyishoyo. Ukuzivumelanisa yikho okwenza unyaka onzima owaphila kuwo manje ube yizinga lakho elivamile lokusebenza. Umshini ofanayo owenza lokhu kunqoba kuzwakale kujwayelekile yiwo owenza umgomo owawungenakwenzeka wanyakenye waba yisisekelo salo nyaka. Awuwulahlekelwanga amandla okuzwa izinto. Uphakamise phansi.
Ingabe lo muzwa olingene usho ukuthi ngakhetha umgomo ongafanele?
Imvamisa cha, futhi kunendlela ecacile yokukubona. Umgomo ongafanele uzwakala njengokukhululeka ukuthi ekugcineni usuphelile. Umgomo ofanele osuzivumelanise nawo uzwakala njengokuzinza kanti okulandelayo sekuvele kuyazakhela buthule ngemuva kwakho.
Iphutha ezindabeni eziningi ezikhuluma ngalokhu ukuphatha imibukiso yemililo njengenkokhelo. Bekungeyona neze. Inkokhelo yilokho ukunqoba okukuthengele khona, futhi lokho wuhlu ongalufunda kunomuzwa okumele uwuhumushe. Thatha imizuzu eyishumi bese uyalubhala. Yiziphi izinketho onazo manje obungenazo ngoJanuwari. Ucingo lukabani seluyaphendulwa manje. Yini ongathi cha kuyo obungeke ukwazi ukwenqaba ngaphambili. Lolo hlu luyirisidi, futhi luvamise ukuba lubaluleke ngaphezu kwalokho ntambama okwazwakala ngakho.
Kukhona esinye isizathu sokuthi kungani okukhulu kufika ngokuzinza, futhi singesomzimba. Abantu abakwazi ukuphatha ingcindezi kahle bavamise ukuthi bawakhe ndawana thize lawo mandla, futhi kwabaningi abakhiqiza kakhulu, akhelwa ngaphansi kwesisindo noma emgwaqweni ozungeza indawo abahlala kuyo, hhayi encwadini yemibhalo. Ucwaningo lwe-Lancet Psychiatry lwabantu abadala abangaphezu kwesigidi e-United States lwathola ukuthi abantu abazivocavocayo babika izinsuku ezimbalwa kakhulu zempilo yengqondo embi kunalabo abangazivocavoci, ukuxhumana kwakuqine kakhulu cishe emahlandleni amathathu kuya kwamahlanu ngesonto. Umzimba uyithuluzi iminyaka eyishumi ezayo ezosebenza ngalo, yingakho ukuziqeqesha kufanele kube yingxenye yengxoxo mayelana nesifiso sokuphumelela, hhayi eyempilo kuphela.
Ngiyibona kanjani umehluko phakathi kokuzinza nokukhathala?
Yenza uvivinyo olulodwa kule nyanga: zinikele ukumeseka omunye umuntu osuku lwakhe olukhulu. Uma lo mqondo ukunika amandla, ufikile. Uma lo mqondo ungabekezeleleki, ukhathele, futhi ukukhathala kuyinkinga ehlukile enesixazululo esihlukile.
Lolu wuvivinyo olucace kunazo zonke kule ndaba ngoba aludingi ukuba uhumushe umoya wakho, okuyinto okungeyona eyakho njengamanje. Khetha umuntu onenkulumo azoyethula, ingxoxo yomsebenzi, umqhudelwano wokuqala, noma ingxoxo enzima ehleliwe. Zinikele ukumsiza alungiselele, uthathe ucingo lwakhe ngobusuku obandulelayo, noma uhlale nje egumbini. Bese uqaphela okwenzeka esifubeni sakho lapho ethi yebo.
Kuyasebenza njengovivinyo ngoba ukusiza umuntu alungiselele kubeka ukunaka kwakho ngaphandle kohlelo lwakho lwezinzwa ngesikhathi kanye lapho ukuzigxilisa kuwe kubiza kakhulu. Kuphinde kube ukulungiselela okushibhe kunakho konke okukhona kolwakho usuku olukhulu olulandelayo. Uzozizwa utshela lowo muntu into obudinga ukuyizwa wena, evamise ukuba yile nto oseyekile ukuyenza.
Uma impendulo ibuya ingabekezeleleki, kuthathe njengolwazi hhayi njengokwehluleka. Ukukhathala emva komjaho omude kuyinto ejwayelekile futhi kuphendula ezintweni ezijwayelekile: ubuthongo, isonto lapho kungahlelwe lutho ngehora lesikhombisa ekuseni, nokunyakaza okungeyona nemidlalo yokubukwa.
Kukhona isizathu sesibili sokwenza lolu vivinyo ngisho noma usuyazi impendulo. Ukweseka umuntu osukwini lwakhe olukhulu kungukusetshenziswa okukodwa kokunqoba okungekho ongakuthatha kuwe kamuva. Izivumelwano ziyaphinda zixoxwe kabusha, izikhundla ziyahlelwa kabusha, kodwa umuntu owamzinzisa ngehora lesikhombisa ekuseni ngaphambi kwenkulumo yakhe yokuqala enkulu uyakukhumbula eminyakeni eyishumi ezayo. Lokho akuyona imfundiso ngokupha. Kungukubona ukuthi yiziphi izingxenye zonyaka omuhle eziphetha zihlala isikhathi eside.
Ngiwukhetha kanjani umgomo olandelayo ngaphandle kwe-adrenaline?
Linda amasonto amabili, bese ukhetha ngokubhala ekuseni okujwayelekile. Umgomo okhethwa emahoreni angamashumi amane nesishiyagalombili emva kokunqoba ukhethwa ukunqoba, kanti umgomo okhethwa ngoLwesibili olujwayelekile ukhethwa nguwe.
Lapho uhlala phansi, phendula imibuzo emithathu ngalolu hlelo. Kwathengani ngempela ukunqoba kokugcina, kusukela kurisidi osuwubhalile. Ubuzokwenzani ngalokho uma kungekho oshaya izandla. Ubani omunye ongaphakathi kolandelayo, ngegama lakhe.
Lowo mbuzo wokugcina awuwona umhlobiso. Umgomo onomunye umuntu kuwo uyaphila kuze kudlule inyanga lapho ugqozi lwakho lungaphili khona, yingakho ukuqeqesha omunye umuntu unyaka wakhe wonke kuyimpendulo esemthethweni yalokho okulandelayo, hhayi umklomelo wenduduzo. Okukhulu kuyavunyelwa lapha, futhi okukhulu kuvamise ukuba yikho okufanele. Umthetho owodwa nje ukuthi okukhulu kukhethwa endaweni ezinzile hhayi ekwesabeni ukuthi ukunqoba kokugcina akubalanga.
Izindlela zilula ukuzikhetha futhi zilula ukuzikhohlwa ngoLwesine, ngakho bhala phansi indlela endaweni ephathekayo bese ufaka usuku kuyo.
Ukuzinza kuyithuluzi, hhayi induduzo
Umsunguli we-KEEP CALM, uKaʻohele Carlos, uxoxa indaba yakhe ngohlelo oluthile, futhi lolo hlelo yilona phuzu. Wasebenza kanzima impilo yakhe yonke ukuze athole ayekufuna. Wathola izindlela zokuhlala ezolile kukho konke lokho, futhi ukuziqeqesha kwakungenye yezindlela aphatha ngazo ingcindezi yokwakha umsebenzi wakhe. Wafika lapho ayeya khona, futhi waqhubeka nangemva kwalokho. Ukuzola akubona ababuyela kukho lapho isifiso sokuphumelela sesiphelile. Kwakuyithuluzi elenza iminyaka engamashumi amabili yesifiso sokuphumelela yakwazi ukwenzeka.
Ngakho thatha lokho kulingana kwantambama njengophawu oluhle. Kusho ukuthi uhlelo olukulethe lapha luyasebenza, ukuthi usuzivumelanise nezinga elalikade lingafinyeleleki, nokuthi usesimweni sokukhetha umgomo olandelayo ngamabomu esikhundleni sokungqamula nje owufumanayo. Yiya kokukhulu uma okukhulu kufanele. Uzobe nje ukwenza izandla zakho zizinzile, okuwuyona kuphela indlela umuntu enza ngayo lokhu enye iminyaka eyishumi.
Imithombo
- Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Lottery winners and accident victims: is happiness relative?
- American Psychologist, Beyond the hedonic treadmill: revising the adaptation theory of well-being
- The Lancet Psychiatry, Association between physical exercise and mental health in 1.2 million individuals in the USA between 2011 and 2015: a cross-sectional study