Uhlelo lusanda kushintsha phambi kwabo bonke. Usuku lushintshile, isabelomali sibuye sehlukile, iklayenti lisho into obekungekho muntu obeyilungiselele. Abantu abayisithupha ohlangothini lwetafula benza ukubala okufanayo ngokuthula: kufanele ngikhathazeke kangakanani ngalokhu?
Babheka ngapha nangapha bezama ukuqonda, futhi kaningi babheka wena. Hhayi ngenxa yesikhundla sakho. Ngoba ubukeka njengendlela esheshayo etholakalayo yokufunda ukuthi kubi kangakanani ngempela.
Nansi ingxenye ewusizo. Lokho abakufundayo akusiso isimo sakho sangaphakathi, abangeke basibone. Yizinto ezine abangazibona nabangazizwa, futhi zone ungakwazi ukuzenza ngamabomu, futhi ayikho neyodwa edinga ukuthi uzizwe uzolile ngaleso sikhathi. Ukuzizwa uzolile kungcono futhi kuza kamuva. Lezi zimpawu ezine zisebenza ngalona lolo suku.
Yini eyenza umuntu abukeke ezolile lapho uhlelo lusanda kushintsha?
Izinto ezine, ngale ndlela: isivinini sakho sokukhuluma, ukuthi izandla zakho zithule yini, ukuthi uyayiqeda yini imisho yakho, nokuthi ulinda isikhathi esingakanani ngaphambi kokuphendula. Igumbi lifunda zonke zone phakathi kwamasekhondi angaba yishumi futhi cishe alilokothi liphinde lihlole isiphetho salo emuva.
Lokhu akulona iqhinga elenziwa kubantu. UCameron Anderson noGavin Kilduff bathola ukuthi abantu ababenobuholi obuqinile kakhulu bathathwa njengabanekhono kunabo bonke yiqembu labo, ababukeli bangaphandle nabacwaningi, ngisho nangemva kokuba amakhono abo angempela esebalwe, nokuthi lezo zilinganiso zazilandela ukuthi babezenza kangakanani izinto ezibonakalayo igumbi elizifunda njengekhono. Lezo zimpawu sezivele zinquma izinto, usuku lonke, kuwo wonke umhlangano oya kuwo. Ukukhetha okuphambi kwakho ukuthi uzisebenzisa ngamabomu noma uzishiyele noma yikuphi okukhethwa ngukushaqeka kwakho.
Inguqulo eqotho yaleseluleko yile: sebenzisa izimpawu ezine bese uqinisekisa ukuthi uqinisile. Izimpawu ezingenalutho ngemuva kwazo zikuthengela umhlangano owodwa bese zikubiza eminye emine elandelayo.
Kufanele ngikhulume ngesivinini esingakanani?
Cishe okwesine ngokwehla kunalokho okuzwakala kujwayelekile ngaleso sikhathi, ngoba yileso sikhathi kanye lapho isivinini sakho semvelo singalungile khona. Ngaphansi kwengcindezi, ukukhuluma kuyasheshiswa ngaphambi kokuba ukuqaphele, futhi igumbi lizwa isivinini njengokushesha okukhulu, elikufunda njengesexwayiso.
Isivinini yisona simpawu esiyinhloko. Sehlise bese eminye eminingi iyalandela. Imisho yakho iyaqedwa. Ukuphefumula kwakho kwehla kusuka phezulu esifubeni. Izandla zakho ziyazola, ngoba umzimba wakho awusazami ukuhambisana nomlomo wakho. Lowo ngumkhono owodwa esikhundleni semine, okuyikho kuphela umuntu angakwazi ukukuphatha ekuseni okunzima.
Inguqulo esebenzayo akukhona ukuthi "khuluma kancane," okukhipha izwi elingajwayelekile, eliqaphile, okungekho muntu olethemba. Kunalokho, faka ungqi lapho ubuzofaka khona ukhefana. Imisho emifushane ngesivinini sakho esijwayelekile idala umphumela ofanayo nokukhuluma kancane ngaphandle kwawo wonke umdlalo. "Usuku lushintshile. Siyasazi isizathu. Ngizoba nohlelo olusha ngoLwesine" kufundeka njengokuzinza. Okuqukethwe okufanayo njengomusho owodwa omude onamagama amathathu ahlanganisayo akufundeki kanjalo.
Ngenzani ngezandla zami?
Zibeke endaweni ethile bese uzishiya lapho. Zilale etafuleni, zisonge kancane, noma ziphathe ipeni ongaliqhwakazi. Ukunyakaza kuyinto yokuqala igumbi elilibonayo, ngoba amehlo abona ukunyakaza ngaphambi kokuba noma ubani acabangisise igama.
Izimpawu ezifanele ukubulawa yilezo eziphindaphindwayo: ukuqhwakazwa kwepeni, ukujikiswa kwendandatho, ukuphenywa kwefoni, isandla esidlula ezinweleni. Ukunyakaza kwezandla okuchaza lokho okushoyo kulungile futhi kuvamise ukusiza. Ukunyakaza okuncane okuphindaphindwayo okungahlobene namagama akho yikho okufundeka njengokwesaba, ngoba yilokho kanye okuyikho, umzimba ukhipha amandla ongawadingi.
Umthetho ofanayo ubusa isiphetho somusho. Wehlise amagama akho amathathu okugcina esikhundleni sokuwaphakamisa. Isiphetho esiphakanyisiwe siguqula isitatimende sibe yisicelo sokuvunyelwa, futhi egumbini elisanda kumangala, isicelo sokuvunyelwa yiyona nto yokugcina umuntu afuna ukuyizwa kulowo ambhekile.
Lokhu kuletha uphawu lwesithathu, lolo abantu abangalokothi bacabange ukulubheka: qeda umusho owuqalile. Ngaphansi kwengcindezi, iningi lethu liyanyamalala phakathi, noma lishintshe imicabango phakathi nendawo lishiye eyokuqala ingaqediwe. Igumbi lizwa umusho oshiyiwe njengomuntu olahlekelwe indawo yakhe, futhi lizwa emithathu enjalo njengomuntu ongazi ukuthi ucabangani. Uma uzibamba usuqala futhi, yima, thatha isikhashana, bese usho umusho owodwa opheleleyo. Okuphelele kuyayehlula inhlakanipho njalo egumbini elisanda kumangala.
Kungani ukulinda isikhashana ngaphambi kokuphendula kusebenza?
Ngoba kwehlukanisa impendulo yakho nomuzwa wakho wokuqala, futhi igumbi liyawuzwa umehluko. Thatha isikhashana njalo, kuhlanganise nemibuzo elula, ukuze lokho kuma ngokwakho kungabi uphawu lokuthi lo mbuzo othile ubunzima.
Kukhona umshini wangempela ngemuva kwalokhu. Usosayensi wobuchopho waseYale u-Amy Arnsten uchithe iminyaka ebhala ukuthi kwenzekani ngaphansi kwengcindezi ebukhali engalawuleki. I-prefrontal cortex, ingxenye ehamba kancane ecabangisisayo oyisebenzisayo ukukala izinketho nokukhetha amagama, iyathula, kuyilapho imizila esheshayo nendala ikhuluma kakhulu. Ngakho into yokuqala ofuna ukuyisho lapho umangele ikhiqizwa yingxenye yobuchopho bakho engafanele nhlobo ukukhuluma. Isikhashana akusona isinqumo sesitayela. Yisikhala lapho ukwahlulela kwakho kubuyela khona egumbini.
Thenga leso sikhashana ngomusho olungiselelwe uma usudinga. "Nginike umzuzwana ngalokho." "Ake ngikubuke kahle ngaphambi kokuphendula." Cishe akukho lutho osukwini lokusebenza oludinga ngempela impendulo ngaso leso sikhathi, futhi abantu ababukeka benezimpendulo ezisheshayo bavame ukusebenzisa omunye walemisho ngobuciko obungazwakali.
Leso sikhashana senza umsebenzi wesibili ofanele ukwaziwa. Sibeka isivinini sabo bonke abanye. Egumbini elisanda kumangala, umuntu wokuqala ophendulayo umisa isivinini sengxoxo elandelayo, futhi igumbi eligijimayo lithatha izinqumo ezimbi kunelo lelo gumbi lihamba ngesivinini esijwayelekile. Umuntu oyedwa othatha umzuzwana obonakalayo ngaphambi kokukhuluma unika bonke abanye imvume yokucabanga ngaphambi kokukhuluma, okuvame ukubaluleka kakhulu emphumeleni kunalokho obuzokusho.
Ngingakuqeqesha lokhu ngaphambi kokuba ngikudinge?
Yebo, futhi kakhulu hhayi ngokuzijwayeza imihlangano. Zonke izimpawu ezine zingezomzimba, futhi isizathu sokuthi umzimba ungaphakami ngaphansi komthwalo kakhulu ukuthi umzimba usujwayele umthwalo.
Yilesi isizathu sokuthi ukuziqeqesha kungene engxoxweni ngobukhona hhayi engxoxweni ehlukene yempilo enhle. Umuntu oqeqeshiwe usehlangane nokushaya kwenhliziyo okusheshayo nokuphefumula okufishane endaweni ebingabalulekile, ngakho lowo muzwa ufika ujwayelekile hhayi njengolwazi. Iseluleko se-Harvard Business Review kubantu abasebenza ngaphansi kwengcindezi siqala endaweni efanayo: zolisa umzimba kuqala, bese ulindele ukuthi ukucabanga kubuye kamuva. Umsunguli we-KEEP CALM waphatha amashumi amabili eminyaka engcindezi yomsebenzi ngokwengxenye ngokuziqeqesha, futhi uyichaza njengenye yezindlela awuthwala ngayo umthwalo, hhayi njengento ayenza ukuze alulame kuwo. Phatha umzimba njengempahla yokusebenza yeshumi leminyaka elinzima.
Ukuzilolonga okusiza kuncane futhi kucacile. Khetha umhlangano wakho olandelayo ongabalulekile kakhulu bese usebenzisa uphawu olulodwa kuphela: isikhashana esisodwa ngaphambi kwempendulo ngayinye, noma ongqi esikhundleni sokhefana. Olulodwa ngesikhathi, ezinsukwini ezingabalulekile, ukuze usuku olubalulekile lungabi umzamo wokuqala.
Yini ngempela umuntu ozinzile ayenzayo
Akekho kulelo gumbi ozolile. Umuntu ofundeka njengozinzile usebenzisa izinto ezine ezibonakalayo kuyilapho inhliziyo yakhe yenza noma yini eyenzayo, futhi ukwazi lokho yikho okwenza lokhu kutholakale kuwe namuhla, ngaphambi kokuba uzizwe wehlukile.
Kukhona nomdlalo omude lapha, futhi yisona sizathu sokuthi lokhu kufanele kwakhiwe kunokwenziwa mbumbulu. Umuntu ozinzile kunabo bonke egumbini elinzima uvame ukuba ngulowo osamile ekupheleni kweshumi leminyaka. Hhayi ngoba ubefuna okuncane noma esebenza kancane, kodwa ngoba ukwethuka kuyabiza futhi yena ukhokhe okuncane kwakho, umhlangano nomhlangano, iminyaka engamashumi amabili. Lokho kuwubuhle obuphezu kwabantu abasebenza kanzima ngendlela efanayo nawe.
Isivinini, izandla, imisho eqediwe, isikhashana esisodwa. Kusebenzise ngoLwesibili olujwayelekile kuze kube kuyadina, futhi kuyoba khona ngakusasa uhlelo lushintsha phambi kwabo bonke.
Imithombo
- PubMed, Why do dominant personalities attain influence in face-to-face groups? The competence-signaling effects of trait dominance
- Nature Reviews Neuroscience, Stress signalling pathways that impair prefrontal cortex structure and function
- Harvard Business Review, How to Regain Your Composure in Stressful Situations