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UKUHOLA ABANYE · UKUTHUTHUKISA ABANTU

Izindleko Ezifihlakele Zokulawula Ngokweqile

Ukubheka kaningi kakhulu kuzwakala njengokukhuthala. Kumuntu okolunye uhlangothi, kuvame ukufundeka njengevoti elithule lokungabi nokwethemba. Nakhu ukulawula ngokweqile okukubiza ngempela iqembu lakho, nendlela yokuxegisa ukubamba kwakho ngaphandle kokuwisa ibhola.

Abesifazane ababili bemamatheka bekhuluma etafuleni

Isithombe sithwetshulwe ngu-Praise Judah ku-Unsplash

Amathiphu asheshayo

  • Vumelanani ngomphumela, udedele indlela.
  • Hlela izikhathi zokubheka esikhundleni sokuzula ngokungahleliwe.
  • Qeqesha ngemibuzo, hhayi ngokulungisa.

Umphathi ubhala kabusha i-imeyili efanayo kathathu ngaphambi kokuba iphume. Ucela idrafu, bese elungisa kabusha umugqa ngamunye wayo. Bafuna ukufakwa ezinqumeni okuthi, ngokweqiniso, baqasha omunye umuntu ukuthi azenze. Ngaphakathi, akukho kwalokhu okuzwakala njengokulawula. Kuzwakala njengokunakekela. Kuzwakala njengokugcina izinga liphezulu.

Umuntu ophethwe uzwa okunye okuhluke ngokuphelele. Uzizwa ebukwa. Uqala ukudlulisa konke ukukhetha okuncane kuwe esikhundleni sokwethemba ukwahlulela kwakhe, ngoba ukwahlulela kwakhe kuhlala kubuye kuchithwa noma kunjalo. Kancane, ngokuthula, uyeka ukukulethela umsebenzi wakhe ongcono kunayo yonke. Ukulethela lokho acabanga ukuthi uzokwamukela.

Lelo gebe, phakathi kokuthi ukulawula ngokweqile kuzwakala kanjani ukukwenza nokuthi kufika kanjani uma kwenziwa kuwe, yilapho umonakalo wangempela uhlala khona. Iningi labaphathi abalawula ngokweqile akubona onkosi ababi. Bavame ukuba abantu abazinikele kakhulu, abaqaphele kakhulu eqenjini. Okuyiyona kanye into eyenza lo kufanele uthathwe ngokungathi sina.

Lapho isibolela sivela khona

Kuyasiza ukuqamba into ngobuqotho. Ukuzula ngokuvamile akuphathelene nokuzidla. Kuphathelene nokukhathazeka.

Uma unesibopho somphumela ongakwazi ukuwulawula ngokugcwele, uhlelo lwakho lwezinzwa lufuna okuthile *olungakwazi* ukukulawula, futhi okuqondiwe okuseduze umsebenzi wabanye abantu. Ukufuna ukuphelela kuyakondla. Kunjalo nokwesaba ukuthi iphutha ngesikhathi sakho likubonisa. Ebhala ku-Harvard Business Review, uSerenity Gibbons uveza ukuthi umsebenzi womphathi ngokwawo unendlela yokuguqula abantu abanekhono ngempela babe abaphathi abalawula ngokweqile, ngokuvamile bengaqapheli kuze kuvele ukushintsha kwabasebenzi nokwehla komkhiqizo.

Inkinga ukuthi ukuziphatha okuzalwa ukufuna ukuthi izinto zihambe kahle kuvame ukuba yinto eyenza zihambe kabi kakhulu.

Yini ekubiza ngempela

Izikweletu ezintathu ziyafika, futhi ziyanda.

Kukhipha ugqozi lomuntu. Abantu banesidingo esijulile sokuzwa ukuthi bangumnikazi wokuthile abakwenzayo. Amashumi eminyaka ocwaningo ngalokho osozingqondo abakubiza ngokuzimela, umuzwa wokuthi izenzo zakho zezakho, luthola kuhlezi eduze nenkaba yokuthi abantu bazizwa begqugquzelekile, banelisekile, futhi baphile kahle emsebenzini. Ukubuyekezwa okukhulu ejenali *Motivation and Emotion* kwahlanganisa ucwaningo emva kocwaningo kwathola ukuthi abaholi abasekela ukuzimela kwabantu babo banamaqembu abika ukwaneliseka komsebenzi okuphezulu ngokusobala, ukuzibandakanya okuqinile, inhlalakahle engcono, nenhloso ephansi yokuyeka. Susa lokho kuzimela awumane ucasule umuntu. Ususa uphethiloli.

Kudicilela abantu phansi. Lokhu akuphathelene kuphela nomoya. Abacwaningi abafunda impilo yendawo yomsebenzi bakhombisile isikhathi eside ukuthi inhlanganisela yezidingo eziphakeme nokulawula okuphansi kuyisiphumuzo sengcindezi. Ezifundweni ezidumile ezingemuva kwemodeli yezidingo-nokulawula komsebenzi, abasebenzi ezikhundleni ezinengcindezi ephezulu abanezwi elincane ngendlela abasebenza ngayo babika ukukhathala okwengeziwe, ukukhathazeka okwengeziwe, inkinga yokulala engeziwe. I-American Psychological Association iphawula ukuthi ukunika abasebenzi ukulawula okwengeziwe emsebenzini wabo kungehlisa ingcindezi kuvikele nempilo ngaphandle kokudela umkhiqizo. Ukulawula ngokweqile kwakha inguqulo embi kunazo zonke yaleso sibalo ngamabomu: ingcindezi ihlala iphezulu, ukulawula kuya ku-zero.

Kwenza iqembu libe lincane kunalokho eliyikho. Uma uzifaka kuso sonke isinqumo, uba yisilingi. Akukho okunyakaza ngokushesha ngaphezu kokuthi ungakubuyekeza. Abantu bayeka ukuthuthukisa ukwahlulela ngoba abalokothi bakuzijwayeze. Futhi ngomzuzu ogula ngawo noma udonseke waba mncane, umsebenzi uyama, ngoba wakha uhlelo oludinga wena kuwo wonke umjikelezo. Ubufuna iqembu elisebenza kahle kakhulu. Ugcine unenwebeko emise kweqembu lwakho.

Umlayezo othule ongaphansi

Nayi ingxenye ebuhlungu ukuyizwa. Kumuntu oyamukelayo, ukugadwa eduze akuvamile ukufundeka njengokuthi "umphathi wami unamazinga aphezulu." Kufundeka njengokuthi "umphathi wami akangethembi ukuthi ngikwenze lokhu."

Lowo mlayezo wenza umonakalo wawo ohamba kancane. Abantu abazizwa bengathenjwa bavame ukuphila ngokuvumelana nakho. Baba nokuqaphela. Bafihla izinkinga esikhundleni sokuziveza kusenesikhathi, ngoba ukuveza inkinga kusho ukumema ukuhlolwa okwengeziwe. Kanye ukubonakala obuzama ukukuthenga ngakho konke lokho kubheka yikho okwenza ukubheka kwakho kukubhubhise.

Usizo oluhle luzwakala luhlukile kulokhu, futhi umehluko uzwakala ngokushesha. Ukwesekwa okuwusizo kufika uma kufunwa, kuhlonipha ikhono lomunye umuntu, kubashiye esihlalweni somshayeli. Uhlobo olungafunwa, noma luhloswe kahle kangakanani, luvame ukufika njengesithuko esincane.

Indlela yokuxegisa ukubamba kwakho

Awulungisi lokhu ngokunyamalala ngokuzumayo bese ukubiza ngokunika amandla. Ukusuka ekuzibandakanyeni ngokweqile kuye ekungabikho akukhona ukwethemba, ukushiya ngophawu oluhle. Umsebenzi ukuhlala eduze *nokuthi yini* ngenkathi udedela *ukuthi kanjani*. Izinyathelo ezimbalwa ezisiza ngempela:

  1. Vumelanani ngomphumela, bese uhlehla endleleni. Yiba oqondile futhi ophokophelayo ngokuthi "okwenziwe kahle" kubukeka kanjani, umphumela, umnqamulajuqu, imikhawulo ebalulekile ngempela. Bese uvumela umuntu athole eyakhe indlela eya kukho. Indlela yabo akudingeki ibe yindlela yakho ukuze ibe yindlela enhle.
  2. Beka izikhathi zokubheka kusengaphambili. Isinyathelo esinovalo ukubheka noma nini uma ukukhathazeka kushaya, okuqhubekayo futhi okuzwakala kungahlelekile komunye umuntu. Esikhundleni salokho, nqumani ndawonye: sizokhuluma ngoLwesithathu, futhi uzongazisa ngaphambili kuphela uma u-X wenzeka. Iphuzu lokuxhumana elihleliwe likunika ukubonakala kubanike izikhathi zobunikazi obungaphazamisekile.
  3. Nikela kancane ngaphesheya kokukhululeka kwakho. Uma unikela kuphela lokho okuzwakala kuphephile ngokuphelele, awulokothi udlulisele ngempela ukwethemba, futhi umuntu akalokothi akhule. Banike okuthile okukhudlwana kancane kunalokho oqinisekile ukuthi bangakuphatha, ubatshele ukuthi ubasekele uma kuxega.
  4. Vumela amaphutha amancane ame. Akuwona wonke amaphutha adinga izigxivizo zakho ekulungiseni. Uma ulungisa konke, ufundisa abantu ukuthi umsebenzi wabo awuwona owangempela kuze kube uwuthintile. Amanye amaphutha yizindleko zemfundo zomuntu oba ngcono. Kukhokhe.
  5. Qeqesha ngemibuzo, hhayi ngokulungisa. "Uthini umbono wakho ngalokhu?" kwakha ukwahlulela. "Nakhu kanye indlela engabe ngikwenza ngayo" kufaka okwabo esikhundleni sokuthi kube ngokwakho. Owokuqala uhamba kancane namuhla futhi ushibhile kakhulu unyaka kusukela manje.
  6. Qaphela ukukhathazeka kwakho njengolwazi. Isifiso sokungenela ngokuvamile kuyisignali *ngawe*, hhayi ngekhwalithi yomsebenzi. Uma uzizwa kukhuphuka, yima ngaphambi kokwenza ngakho. Ungazizinzisa ngaphandle kokufinyelela isiqwembe sokushaya sikamunye.

Akukho kulokhu okusho ukwehlisa amazinga akho. Kusho ukuwabamba ezingeni lemiphumela esikhundleni sokushaya izinkinobho.

Uma iphethini lingafuni ukusuka

Abanye bethu bayazula ngenxa yokuthile okukhulu kunanoma yimuphi umsebenzi owodwa. Uma isidingo sokulawula konke sikulandela yonke indawo, uma ukudedela kuzwakala kungaphephile ngempela, uma ukukhathazeka okungaphansi kwakho kuzwakala ngokwanele ukuphazamisa ubuthongo bakho noma ubudlelwano bakho, lokho kufanele ukuletha kumelaphi wengqondo kunokukubamba ngamandla wedwa. Ukukhathazeka okuqhubekayo, okulawulayo kuyelapheka, futhi ukukwelapha kuvame ukusiza kakhulu kunanoma yisiphi iseluleko sokuphatha.

Futhi uma ukolunye uhlangothi olwamukela umphathi olawula ngokweqile futhi kuyakugaya phansi, awucabangi umthwalo. Qamba lokho okudingayo lapho ungakwazi khona ngokuphepha, thembela kubantu abakukhumbuza ngekhono lakho, ukhulume nomuntu omethembayo uma ingcindezi iqala ukukulandela ekhaya. Ukuphathwa ngokuqinile kakhulu kuyingcindezi yangempela, futhi ufanelwe ukwesekwa ngayo.

Abaholi abantu abakhumbulayo, labo amaqembu abo enza umsebenzi wawo omuhle kunayo yonke bese behlala, cishe abasoze baba yilabo ababambelele kakhulu. Bayilabo abanika abantu okuthile kwangempela babavumele bakuthwale. Lokho kuwuhlobo lokwethemba olunzima kakhulu. Kuphinde kube uhlobo olukhulisa umuntu.

Imithombo

Ngaphambi kokuba uhambe: igama ngokunakekela

KEEP CALM inikeza amathuluzi amahhala, afundisayo, okuzisiza. Lokhu akuseluleko lwezokwelapha, ukuxilongwa, noma ukwelashwa, futhi akuthathi indawo yokunakekelwa uchwepheshe. Uma kukhona lapha okuzwakala kunzima kunengcindezi evamile, kuyisinyathelo esinamandla nesifanele ukuxhumana nochwepheshe.

If you are in crisis or thinking about harming yourself, you are not alone. In the US, call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, 24/7), text HOME to 741741 (Crisis Text Line), or call 911 in an emergency.