Wabeka inani eminyakeni emibili edlule, futhi ngenyanga edlule walifinyelela. Kwazwakala njengoba ubulindele cishe usuku olulodwa, base luphela usuku, kwathi ngoLwesihlanu wase uvele washo inani elikhulu ngomlomo komunye umuntu. Akukho lutho olonakele kuwe. Yilokho okwenziwa yiphuzu okuqondwe kulo uma lichazwa ukunyakaza esikhundleni somugqa, futhi kwenzeka kubantu abanamakhono ngaphezu kwabo bonke, ngoba yibo abaqhubeka bewudlula umgoqo.
Kukhona isixazululo, futhi asinabo ubuhle. Unquma ukuthi okwanele kubukeka kanjani kusengaphambili, ngokubhaliwe, ngesikhathi kungekho lutho olusengcupheni futhi isinqumo sishibhile. Hhayi ukuze ufise okuncane. Ukuze into oyifisayo ibe nomkhawulo, nokuthi ngoLwesibili olujwayelekile ukwazi ukusho ukuthi ngabe uyanqoba yini.
Kungani umugqa wokugcina uhlala uhamba?
Ngoba okulindelayo kukhuphuka kanye nemiphumela yakho, futhi kukhuphuka ngokushesha kunalokho okubonayo. Abacwaningi bebekulinganisa lokhu kusukela ngo-1978, lapho uBrickman, uCoates noJanoff-Bulman beqhathanisa abantu abanqobe imali eningi kwilotto nabantu abangazange banqobe, bathola ukuthi abanqobile babengajabule ngaphezu kweqembu lokuqhathanisa, futhi bebethola injabulo encane ezintweni ezijwayelekile zansuku zonke.
Ucwaningo lwakamuva lwacacisa lesi sithombe esikhundleni sokusiphinda nje. UDiener, uLucas noScollon bahlola ucwaningo lokuzivumelanisa nezimo bathola ukuthi abantu abavele babuyele nje ezingeni elilodwa elimaphakathi ngemva kwakho konke: amazinga ayahluka phakathi kwabantu, ayahluka nasezingxenyeni ezahlukene zempilo, futhi angashintsha ngaphansi kwezimo ezithile. Ngakho lona akuwona umthetho othi akukho lutho okufezayo oluke lubalwe. Kuwumphumela omncane futhi owusizo kakhulu. Ukwaneliseka okuvela ekufinyeleleni inani elithile kunyamalala ngokushesha kunomzamo owudinge ukufika lapho, futhi ingqondo izenzela buthule isisekelo esisha kokusha okuvamile.
Umphumela ongokoqobo yilona odla abantu iminyaka. Uma okwanele njalo kuyilokho okulandelayo, khona-ke okwanele, ngokwencazelo, kusendaweni ongekho kuyo, futhi ungasebenza umsebenzi weminyaka engamashumi amabili ungakaze ufike ndawo. Ukuqamba umugqa kusengaphambili akukwenzi ube nogqozi olungaphansi kwalowo owenqabayo. Kukwenza ube ngumuntu ozokwazi ukusho ukuthi unqobe nini.
Umugqa wokwanele ubukeka kanjani ephepheni?
Umusho owodwa, ngesandla sakho, oqamba inani, isikhundla, noma isimo lapho le nto ethile isiphelile khona. Bese kuba usuku ovunyelwe ukuthi uphinde uyibheke ngalo.
Izinhlobo ezintathu zihlanganisa cishe konke:
- Inani. Imali engenayo, iholo, imali eyongiwe, ababhalisile. Elicacile ngokwanele ukuze umuntu ongamazi akwazi ukukutshela ukuthi ulifinyelele yini.
- Isikhundla noma indawo. Umsebenzi, udumo, isihlalo egumbini. Bhala amagama angempela, hhayi umuzwa olindele ukuthi lawo magama azowuletha.
- Isimo. Yilesi abantu abaningi abasiyeqayo, futhi kuvame ukuba yiyo impendulo yangempela. Kwanele lapho ibhizinisi lihamba isonto ngaphandle kwami. Kwanele lapho ngingakwazi ukuthatha uLwesihlanu. Kwanele lapho umsebenzi engiwenza izinsuku eziningi uwumsebenzi engiwenza kangcono kunayo yonke.
Bese ubhala amanani amathathu okungavunyelwe ukuthi le nto oyifisayo ikubize wona, futhi enze elilodwa kuwo libe elomzimba: ubuthongo, noma ukuziqeqesha. Yilezo izinto ezimbili zokuqala umuntu onogqozi azichithayo, futhi yizona ezimbili zokugcina angakwazi ukuzilahla.
Ukukubhala phansi kushintsha amathuba, okuyisitatimende esilinganisiwe kunesikhuthazayo. Ukuhlaziya okuhlanganisiwe kokuqhathanisa kwengqondo kanye nezinhloso zokusebenzisa, okuhlanganisa izifundo ezingama-21 nababambiqhaza abacishe babe yizi-16 000, kwathola umthelela omncane kuya kophakathi ekufinyeleleni izinhloso ngenxa yesenzo esilula sokuqamba umphumela nokubhala icebo elicacile. Imithelela emincane iyanda phezu kweminyaka eyishumi.
Ingabe ukuqamba inani kunciphisa engingakwenza?
Cha, futhi lesi siphikiso kufanele siphendulwe ngqo, ngoba yiso isizathu sokuthi kungani abantu abaningi bengalokothi bawubhale umugqa. Umugqa wokwanele awuwona uphahla lwegqozi. Uyincazelo yokunqoba, futhi incazelo ayivali lutho. Ikutshela ukuthi udlala muphi umdlalo ukuze uwudlale kahle.
Zimbili izinto ezenzekayo lapho umugqa usukhona. Eyokuqala ukuthi uyeka ukukhokha intela yokwethuka. Umuntu ongazi ukuthi ukunqoba kubukeka kanjani ufunda ikota ngayinye njengobufakazi bokubaluleka kwakhe, futhi yileso kanye isimo lapho abantu bethatha khona amadili amabi, beqasha ngokushesha, futhi bevuma izinto ocingweni. Eyesibili ukuthi ukusho ucha kuba sheshe, ngoba isicelo manje singalinganiswa kokuthile okucacile. Iningi lalokho okubambezela umuntu onogqozi akulona ukuntuleka komzamo. Yizibopho ezingamashumi amabili ezingakaze zihlolwe ngokumelene nomgomo.
Uvunyelwe ukuba nemigqa engaphezu kowodwa, ilandelana. Fika kulo, thatha isonto, bese ubhala olandelayo ngamabomu esikhundleni sokungena kuwo ngokungazi. Lowo umehluko phakathi kweminyaka eyishumi yomsebenzi owakhayo neminyaka eyishumi yokuqala phansi enanini elikhulu.
Konke okungale komugqa kwenzelweni?
Kwenzelwe omunye umuntu, okunqunywa ngesikhathi esifanayo nangesandla esifanayo. Ngesikhathi uqamba iphuzu lapho lokhu kuphela khona, uphinde waqamba nephuzu lapho konke okulandelayo kuwumhlomulo owedlulele, futhi umhlomulo ongenayo indawo oya kuyo ubuthule uba yisisekelo esisha, okuphinde kususe umgomo bese kukubuyisela lapho uqale khona.
Ngakho bhala igama lesibili ekhasini elifanayo. Hhayi inhlangano, hhayi iphesenti. Umuntu, kanye nento eyodwa ecacile ozoyenzela yena endleleni eya emugqeni wakho. Sho igama lakhe egumbini angekho kulo. Yenza isethulo obungakwazi ukusigcinela wena. Mnike ihora lento okhokhelwa ngayo esikhundleni sehora losizo olujwayelekile.
Umsunguli we-KEEP CALM uchaza ukubuyisela njengenye yezindlela zokusebenza esikhundleni somklomelo osekugcineni. Ngokwakhe, wasebenza kanzima impilo yakhe yonke, wathola izindlela zokuhlala ezolile kukho konke, wafika lapho ayeya khona, futhi indlela yonke ephezulu wayebheka amathuba okuqeqesha, ukweluleka, ukuphakamisa, ukuncoma nokusekela abantu abangaphansi kwesandla sakhe. Uthi lokho okwabuya kwakuphindwe ngeshumi kunalokho akufaka. Leyo yindaba yakhe yeminyaka yakhe engamashumi amabili, enikezwa njengobufakazi hhayi njengomthetho okufanele ulindele ukuthi uzosebenza kuwe. Isizathu sokuthi kungani ifanele ukuba sekhasini elilodwa nenani lakho singokwenzeka: umgomo onomunye umuntu ngaphakathi kuwo uyasinda ngonyaka umgomo owakho wedwa ongasindi ngawo.
Kunini lapho kuqotho ukuwushintsha umugqa?
Ngosuku owalubhala phansi, hhayi ngentambama ozizwa ngayo ufuna. Yilowo wonke umsebenzi wosuku lokuhlola. Lwenza ukushintsha komugqa kusuke ekubeni ukukhukhuleka kube yisinqumo, futhi isinqumo sishiya irekhodi.
Uma usuku lufika, buza imibuzo emithathu ngokulandelana. Ingabe isizathu esingaphansi kwalo mgomo sishintshile, noma kushintshe inani kuphela? Ngabe ubusazowufuna umugqa omusha uma kungekho muntu ozokwazi ukuthi uwufinyelele? Futhi izinyanga eziyishumi nambili ezedlule zikubize kanjani ngokumelene namanani amathathu owathi ngeke uwakhokhe? Uma isizathu simile futhi amanani engakhokhwanga, ukushintsha umugqa kuyisinqumo esisemthethweni, futhi ubhala omusha ngendlela efanayo owabhala ngayo owokuqala.
Ukukubhala phansi kukuvikela nangakolunye uhlangothi. USheldon no-Elliot, belandelela abantu ezifundweni ezintathu ezinde, bathola ukuthi imigomo evumelana nezintshisekelo nezimiso zomuntu ezikhulayo yathola umzamo oqhubekayo ngaphezulu, yayinamathuba amakhulu okufinyelelwa, futhi yakhiqiza okuningi ngenxa yokufinyelelwa. Umugqa owuhlola ngosuku ngumugqa ongabona ukuthi usuyekile ukuwukholelwa, ngesikhathi sokuqala esingenzeka esikhundleni seminyaka emine emva kwesikhathi.
Okwanele kunqunywa usalambile
Akukho kulokhu okuyisibambo sokuma. Injongo yokuqamba umugqa kusenesikhathi ukuthi ungaqhubeka nento ngaphandle kokuma njalo ngezinyanga ezimbalwa uzibuze ukuthi ngabe le nto ifanelekile yini, futhi lowo mbuzo ubiza kakhulu kunomsebenzi uqobo.
Kwenze ehoreni elilandelayo, ephepheni: umusho, inani noma isimo, amanani amathathu, igama lomuntu omphetheyo, kanye nosuku. Imizuzu eyishumi. Bese ubuyela emsebenzini. Eminyakeni emibili uzobe usukufinyelele, okusho ukuthi uyakuzwa ngokugcwele, noma uzobe usukushintshile ngosuku owalukhetha, okungekona ukuyeka.
Isizathu sokuba nokucaca manje ukuthi uhlose ukwenza lokhu isikhathi eside. Umuntu owaziyo ukuthi ukunqoba kubukeka kanjani angacindezela kakhulu, ngoba ucindezela kokuthile okunomkhawulo esikhundleni sokucindezela ebubanzini obungapheli.
Imithombo
- Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Lottery winners and accident victims: is happiness relative?
- American Psychologist, Beyond the hedonic treadmill: revising the adaptation theory of well-being
- Frontiers in Psychology, A Meta-Analysis of the Effects of Mental Contrasting With Implementation Intentions on Goal Attainment
- Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Goal striving, need satisfaction, and longitudinal well-being: the self-concordance model