Kunemigwaqo emithathu emihle evulekile. Ungayivikela kahle nganoma iyiphi kuyo, futhi yiyona kanye inkinga, futhi manje usuluwufunde kaninginingi lolo hlu lokuhle nokubi isonto lonke lungakutsheli lutho olusha. Lokhu akuwona ukwehluleka ukunquma futhi akukhona ukungazazi. Yilokho okwenzekayo lapho umuntu onekhono ezama ukuphendula umbuzo ngaye ngokucabanga ngamandla.
Ukucabanga akulona ithuluzi elifanele lapha. Usunalo elingcono, okuwumlando walokho osuvele ukwenzile, isonto ngesonto, kungekho muntu okuphoqayo. Lowo mlando awuhlobisi futhi ucacile futhi awukushayi ihlombe, yingakho unembe kakhulu kunanoma ikuphi ukuzibona ngeso lengqondo. Okulandelayo yindlela yokuwufunda cishe emizuzwini engamashumi amane, nokuthi uyihlole kanjani impendulo ungakazibopheli iminyaka emihlanu.
Kungani ukucabanga ngezinketho kungasebenzi?
Ngoba ulinganisa impilo ongakaze uyiphile, futhi abantu bakwenza kabi lokho ngendlela ekhethekile. UGilbert, uKillingsworth, u-Eyre noWilson babonisa ku-Science ngo-2009 ukuthi abantu babeqagula kangcono ukusabela kwabo ku-speed date nasekuhloleni kwabalingani babo lapho benombiko owodwa nje wokuthi omunye umuntu wasabela kanjani, kunalapho benolwazi oluningi ngesenzakalo ngokwaso. Futhi babengakukholwa lokho. Bobabili ababambiqhaza nababukeli babecabanga ukuthi incazelo enemininingwane ingasebenza kangcono.
Lowo mphumela usiza ngendlela engavamile esinqumweni somsebenzi. Usho ukuthi idatha enembile ingumbiko wempilo yomunye umuntu, hhayi ukuqagula kwakho, futhi usho ukuthi ukuzethemba kwakho ekuqaguleni kwakho akulona ubufakazi balutho.
Ngakho yeka ukubuza ukuthi iyiphi inketho ongayithanda. Lowo mbuzo usebenza ngokulinganisa kuphela. Buza ukuthi umlando usho ukuthini kakade, bese uyofuna umbiko womuntu oyedwa ophile lowo mgwaqo owucabangayo. Kokubili lokho kungubufakazi. Iphupho lasemini, noma lingakanani ukucaca, alilona.
Yini emlandweni wami engubufakazi ngempela?
Izinto ezine, futhi zone zimayelana nokuziphatha. Lokho okulahlekelwa isikhathi ukwenza, lokho othi yebo kukho ungakathuli ucabange, lokho oqhubeka nokukwenza ungakhokhelwa futhi ungabhekiwe, nalokho kunconywa ohlala ukwenqaba.
Beka imizuzu engamashumi amane bese ubhala:
- Izikhathi eziyishumi zokugcina lapho ushonelwa isikhathi. Hhayi izinkathi zakusihlwa ezimnandi. Imisebenzi eqondile. UCsikszentmihalyi noLeFevre balandela abantu abadala abangama-78 ngezinsimbi isonto lonke bathola ukuthi izinga lokuhlangenwe nakho lalilandela ukuthi inselelo namakhono ayehambisana yini, nokuthi iningi laleyo mizuzu emunca umuntu lalenzeka emsebenzini kunasekuphumuleni. Ukumuncwa kuyisiginali ngomsebenzi uqobo.
- Izinto ezinhlanu zokugcina owathi yebo kuzo ngokushesha. Isivinini sokuthi yebo kuyidatha. Ukucabangisisa yilapho uzikhulumela khona ungene ezintweni.
- Yonke into oyenze onyakeni odlule engacelwanga muntu. Ungakhokhelwa, ungabhekiwe, ungaklonyeliswa, kodwa uyenze noma kunjalo.
- Ukunconywa ohlala ukwedlulisa. Kubhale njengomusho olula, ngamazwi lowo muntu awasebenzisa ngempela.
Ungahumushi ngesikhathi ubhala. Ukuhumusha kuyisinyathelo esilandelayo futhi kulula kakhulu uma amagama angamashumi amabili esehleli etafuleni.
Ngiluhlaziya kanjani lolu hlu ngingazikhohlisi?
Bheka isenzo, hhayi umkhakha. Dweba umugqa ngaphansi kwalokho obukwenza ngokoqobo esigabeni ngasinye: ukuchaza, ukwakha, ukuxoxisana, ukuhlela, ukulungisa, ukunquma, ukwamukela izihambeli. Amabizo ohlwini lwakho yimisebenzi nezimboni futhi azoshintsha izikhathi ezintathu empilweni yakho yomsebenzi. Izenzo yilezo ngempela odonseleka kuzo, futhi ziyahamba nawe.
Bese uyabala. Isenzo esivela kasithupha kwangamashumi amabili sikutshela into engatshelwa yinkumbulo eyodwa emangalisayo. Naka kakhulu ukuhlangana phakathi kwekholomu yalokho okwenze ungakhokhelwa naleyo yalokho okumuncile, ngoba leyo ndawo yokuhlangana iyiyona esondele kakhulu empendulweni eqondile lo msebenzi owukhiqizayo.
Izixwayiso ezimbili. Yehlisa isisindo sanoma yini evela kanye kuphela, noma yayikhanya kangakanani. Futhi hlukanisa into uqobo negumbi eyenzeka kulo. Unyaka omuhle ungenzeka wawumayelana nobuciko noma wawumayelana nabantu ababili obabuhlezi eduze kwabo, futhi lokho kukhomba izinyathelo ezehluke ngokuphelele. Buza ukuthi iziphi izingxenye ebeziseyoba zinhle nangozakwethu abehlukene, esakhiweni esehlukene, ngomqashi owehlukene. Izingxenye eziphila kuzo zontathu lezi zinguquko yizona ongakha ishumi leminyaka phezu kwazo.
Ngiyihlola kanjani impendulo ngingakazibopheli kuyo?
Yenze amasonto amabili ngesilinganiso esincane kunazo zonke, bese ubuza umuntu osevele eyenza inguqulo egcwele ukuthi uLwesibili olujwayelekile luqukethe ini ngempela.
Ukuhlola okuncane akulona iphrojekthi yokulinga futhi akulona ibhizinisi elincane. Kungamahora amane esenzo uqobo: iklayenti elilodwa, isifundo esisodwa osifundisayo, iphrothothayiphu eyodwa, ukuxoxisana kanye egameni lomunye umuntu. Awuhloli ukuthi unamakhono yini. Uqoqa uhlobo olufanayo lobufakazi obusanda kubumba kokudlule kwakho, kuphela manje mayelana nekusasa, futhi amasonto amabili alokho angcono kunezinyanga ezimbili zokucabanga ngakho.
Ingxenye yesibili ibaluleke kakhulu kunalokho abantu abakulindele, futhi iwukusetshenziswa okuqondile kwalokho okutholakele mayelana neseluleko sikamakhelwane. Thola umuntu oyedwa owenza leyo nto bese umbuza umbuzo omncane: uLwesibili odlule lwalubukeka kanjani, ihora ngehora? Hhayi ukuthi uyakuthanda yini, futhi hhayi ukuthi unasiphi iseluleko. Umbiko wakhe wosuku olulodwa lwangempela uqagula ukusabela kwakho kangcono kunokucabanga kwakho.
Kunomvuzo ekukhetheni ngale ndlela kunokuqagela. USheldon no-Elliot bathola ukuthi imigomo evumelana nezintshisekelo nezimiso ezikhulayo zomuntu yayidonsa umzamo oqhubekayo futhi ingase izuzeke. Imigomo ekhethwe ngobufakazi yiyona ebambelelayo lapho ubusha sebuphelile.
Kuthiwani uma umlando ukhomba lapho bengingafuni ukhombe khona?
Wuthathe ngokungathi sina bese wenza okuncane. Umlando okhomba endaweni engakuphathi kahle usewulwazi olungcono kunazo zonke onalo, futhi impendulo efanele akukona ukudiliza umsebenzi omuhle ngenxa yohlu olubhalwe ngeSonto.
Okuvame ukutholakala akukhona ukushintsha indlela. Ukushintsha isilinganiso. Uhlu lwakho luthi ukuchaza, bese kuvela ukuthi ukwenza lokho imizuzu engamashumi ayisishiyagalolunye ngenyanga, ngakho isinyathelo ukukwenyusa kufike emahoreni ayisishiyagalombili emsebenzini osuvele unawo ngaphambi kokuba ucabange ngokukhulu. Leyo yingxoxo nomphathi wakho, hhayi incwadi yokushiya umsebenzi.
Qaphela nokwehluleka okuphambene. Uma inketho ivela ohlwini lwakho njengesihloko sesikhundla kuphela, ingaveli njengesenzo, ifike ivela ngaphandle kwakho. Izenzo ngezakho. Izihloko zezikhundla ngokuvamile zingezomunye umuntu, futhi ziyinto ebiza kakhulu ekhasini ukuyixosha ngephutha.
Khetha kumlando, bese uzinikela ngokugcwele
Unezinketho ezintathu ezinhle futhi awunayo indlela yokuzwa ukuthi iyiphi efanele. Akekho onayo. Onakho ubufakazi osuvele ubukhiqizile: isenzo esiqhubeka siphindaphindeka, inguqulo yaso yamasonto amabili, nendaba yomuntu oyedwa ngoLwesibili wangempela.
Bese uyakhetha, futhi uhlale kulokho okukhethile isikhathi eside ngokwanele ukuze isinqumo sikhule. Isizathu sokwenza umsebenzi wobufakazi akukhona ukuqaphela. Ukuze ukwazi ukuyingena leyo nto ngaphandle kokuphinda uphikisane nesinqumo njalo ngamasonto ayisishiyagalombili, ngoba ukuphinda uphikisane yikho okudla abantu ishumi leminyaka.
Awulahlekile futhi akukhona ukuthi awunantshisekelo. Unezinketho eziningi ezinhle, okuyinkinga enhle, futhi ilungiswa ngohlu nepeni kunokuya ekuhlehleni.
Imithombo
- Science, The surprising power of neighborly advice
- Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Optimal experience in work and leisure
- Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Goal striving, need satisfaction, and longitudinal well-being: the self-concordance model