Aia he ʻano makaʻu kūikawā e puka mai ana ma mua o ke kipa ʻana. Piʻi kou mau poʻohiwi i kou mau pepeiao. Hoʻomaka ʻoe e hoʻomaʻamaʻa i nā pane i nā nīnau i nīnau ʻole ʻia. Ua ʻo ka kipa ʻole ʻia, ka ʻōlelo no kou hānai ʻana i nā keiki, ke ʻano e kākau hou mālie ʻia ai kahi hoʻolālā lā nui āu i manaʻo ai ua paʻa. ʻAʻole koʻikoʻi kekahi o ia mau mea i mea e kapa ai he pilikia nui. Ke wāwahi mālie nei wale nō ia iā ʻoe, pule ma hope o pule.
Heluhelu ka nui o nā kānaka i kēlā manaʻo he hōʻoia ua paʻakikī lākou. ʻAʻole. ʻO ka mea e nele pinepine ai, ʻaʻole ia ʻo ke ahonui. He palena ia.
Loaʻa i nā palena kahi inoa ʻino no ka mea kani ka huaʻōlelo me he paia lā. ʻAʻole ia. Wahi a kahi limahana kaiāulu o ka Cleveland Clinic ma ka ʻōlelo maʻalahi: ʻo nā palena ke kahua āu e hoʻonoho ai no ke ʻano āu e makemake ai e mālama ʻia ai a me kāu mālama ʻana i nā poʻe ʻē aʻe. ʻO ia wale nō. Me nā hūnōai, ʻaʻole he hoʻopaʻi a he hoʻopaʻi manaʻo paha ke palena no ko lākou maikaʻi ʻana he poʻe maikaʻi. He ʻike ia. Eia ka mea e kūpono ai no māua. Eia ka mea ʻaʻole.
No ke aha paʻakikī ai nā hūnōai
Me kou mau mākua ponoʻī, ua loaʻa iā ʻoe nā makahiki he nui o ka hoʻomaʻamaʻa. ʻIke ʻoe i nā mele, ua hakakā mua ʻolua, a aia kahi kahua aloha ma lalo e hiki ai ke omo i kahi ʻōlelo kalakala. ʻOkoʻa nā hūnōai. Ua hoʻoili ʻia kou pilina ma kahi o ka ulu ʻana i loko. Ua kākau ʻia nā lula ma mua loa o kou hiki ʻana mai. ʻO ka mea i ʻike pumehana ʻia e kāu hoa pili, hiki ke pā iā ʻoe me he kipā ʻana. ʻO ka mea i ʻike kūʻokoʻa maʻamau ʻia e ʻoe, hiki ke ʻike anu ʻia e lākou.
Ma lalo o ka nui o ke kūʻē hūnōai, aia kahi nīnau mālie no ka kūpaʻa. Ke male ʻoe a hoʻopili paha, ʻike pinepine nā mākua o kāu hoa pili i kahi loli, a ʻo ʻoe pū. Ke hoʻāʻo nei nā mea a pau e ʻike ʻo wai ka mua i kēia manawa a he aha ke ʻano o ia. ʻAʻole ka pilikia he hōʻoia ʻo kekahi ka mea ʻino. ʻElua hale me nā ʻano like ʻole e kūʻē ana kekahi i kekahi, me kou pilina i paʻa i waena.
ʻO kēlā kūlana waena ka pāʻani holoʻokoʻa. Inā hewa, lilo kēlā me kēia kūʻē iā ʻoe ma kahi o lākou, me kāu hoa pili i paʻa i ke koho. Inā pono, kū ʻolua i ke kūlana me ka hui pū.
E ʻae like ma mua o kāu ʻōlelo ʻana i kekahi mea
ʻO kēia ka ʻanuʻu a nā kānaka e lele ai, a ʻo ia ka mea e pale ai i ka nui o nā haunaele. Ma mua o ka hala ʻana o hoʻokahi huaʻōlelo i nā hūnōai, pono ʻolua me kāu hoa pili e kū i ka manaʻo hoʻokahi ma kahi malū.
E noho i lalo i ka wā mālie, ʻaʻole i ka wela o kahi Lāpule paʻakikī. E kūkākūkā i ka mea e hoʻopilikia maoli iā ʻolua a me ka mea e makemake ai kēlā me kēia e ʻokoʻa. ʻAʻole ʻolua e makemake i nā mea like, a he pono kēlā. ʻO ka pahuhopu, hoʻokahi kūlana hui hiki iā ʻolua ke kū i hope. Inā ʻaʻole ʻae loa kāu hoa pili, e kamaʻilio a loaʻa ka ʻano hiki iā ʻolua ʻelua. E hāʻule ka palena a hoʻokahi wale e manaʻoiʻo i ka wā mua e hoʻāʻo ʻia ai.
Kōkua nui kahi lula mālie: ʻo ka hoa pili nona ka ʻohana ka mea e ʻōlelo pinepine. Inā ʻo kou makuahine ka mea e kipa ʻole ʻia ana, nāu nō e ala iā ia, ʻaʻole kāu hoa pili. Inā ʻo kou makuakāne hūnōai, na kāu hoa pili e alakaʻi. ʻOi aku ka maikaʻi o ka lohe ʻana o nā kānaka i kahi ʻōlelo paʻakikī mai kā lākou keiki ponoʻī ma mua o ka hūnōai e ana mau ʻia nei. Mālama nō hoʻi ia i kou pilina ma waho o ke kaua, no ka mea ʻaʻole hiki i kekahi ke ʻōlelo ʻo ka malihini ka mea e hoʻopilikia nei.
Ka ʻōlelo me ka hoʻā ʻole i ke ahi
Ke hiki i ka manawa e ʻōlelo maoli ai, he mau mea e ʻokoʻa ai ma waena o ka palena a me ka hakakā.
E hoʻomaka me ka pilina, ʻaʻole me ka ʻōhumu. He ʻoiaʻiʻo kūpono ke ʻōlelo, "Aloha mākou i ko ʻolua noho ʻana i ke ola o nā keiki, a makemake mākou e ulu mau ia," ma mua o ka ʻāpana paʻakikī. A laila e pololei a lokomaikaʻi i ka hanu hoʻokahi. Hoʻokuʻu wale ʻia nā hōʻailona huna. Hoʻomanaʻo ʻia nā ʻōlelo paʻakikī no nā makahiki.
- E ʻōlelo i ka mea ma ka ʻōlelo maʻalahi. "Makemake mākou i kahi hōʻike ma mua o kou hele ʻana mai, he leka hoʻokahi hola ma mua nō." ʻAʻole "e kāhea mua nā kānaka."
- E hoʻohana iā "wau" a me "mākou," ʻaʻole "ʻoe." ʻOi aku ka māmā o ka pā ʻana o "Pono mākou i ko mākou mau ahiahi e hoʻomoe ai i nā keiki" ma mua o "Noho lōʻihi loa ʻoe." Wehewehe ka mua i kou pono. ʻIke ʻia ka lua he hōʻino.
- E hāʻawi i ka ʻae me ka ʻaʻole. ʻOi aku ka maʻalahi o ka ʻae ʻana i kahi ʻaʻole me ka puka i loko. "ʻAʻole kūpono nā Lāpule iā mākou, akā makemake mākou i kahi ʻahaʻaina Pōʻahā mau" hāʻawi i kekahi mea ma kahi o ka lawe wale ʻana.
- E pōkole. Kono ka wehewehe nui i ka hoʻopaʻapaʻa. ʻAʻole ʻoe e ʻaiʻē i kahi pale kānāwai ʻelima kiko no ke kumu o kou makemake i ka mehameha i loko o kou hale ponoʻī.
- E hāʻule i ka mihi. Hiki iā ʻoe ke pumehana me ke kala ʻole no kahi palena. Wahi a ka Mayo Clinic Health System, ʻaʻole nāu ke kuleana o ka mālama ʻana i nā manaʻo o nā poʻe ʻē aʻe no kāu mau palena, a ʻo ke aʻo ʻana e ʻōlelo i ka ʻaʻole me ka lokomaikaʻi he ʻāpana ia o ka mālama ʻana i kou olakino ponoʻī.
E nānā, ʻaʻole ʻoe e noi nei i ka ʻae. Ke kaʻana like nei ʻoe me ka mālie i kahi hoʻoholo a ʻolua i hana mua ai. ʻIke ʻia ia ʻokoʻa ʻoiai ʻaʻole i ʻōlelo ʻia.
I ka wā e kūʻē mai ai lākou
Hiki nō. Hiki ke pā ʻia kahi palena ʻaʻole i loaʻa ma mua i ka mea ʻē aʻe me he puka e pani ana. E manaʻolana i kekahi ʻano o ka manaʻo ʻeha, kahi hoʻopaʻi manaʻo, a i ʻole ka hōʻole loa e mālama koʻikoʻi. ʻO ia ka manawa e make mālie ai ka nui o nā palena, no ka mea pā ʻia ka pīhoihoi me he hōʻoia lā ua hana hewa ʻoe i kekahi mea.
ʻAʻole ʻoe. ʻAʻole ʻo ke kūʻē like me ka hewa.
ʻO ka neʻe kūpono ma ʻaneʻi, ʻo ia ka paʻa pumehana ʻana i ka laina a me ka haʻi hou ʻana iā ʻoe iho me ka hoʻonui ʻole. ʻAʻole pono iā ʻoe e lanakila i ka hoʻopaʻapaʻa a hoʻololi i ka manaʻo o kekahi. E kūpaʻa wale nō ʻoe. Inā hele kou makuahine hūnōai me ke kipa ʻole ma hope o kou noi ʻana i hōʻike, hiki iā ʻoe ke ʻaloha iā ia me ka lokomaikaʻi a ʻōlelo, "ʻAʻole mākou i manaʻo i kekahi mea i kēia lā, no laila hiki iā mākou ke kipa no kahi manawa pōkole wale nō." A laila e pōkole maoli. Wahi a ke alakaʻi a HelpGuide no nā palena olakino: he mea koʻikoʻi ka palena ke ʻo wale ʻoe i hahai ai. Ke ʻōlelo hoʻokahi ʻia a haʻalele ʻia, aʻo ia i nā kānaka he hiki ke hoʻopaʻapaʻa ʻia kāu mau palena. Ke paʻa mālie ʻia he mau manawa, lilo mālie ia i ke ʻano hou maʻamau.
Ma loko o kēia mau mea a pau, kū ʻoe me kāu hoa pili he hui hoʻokahi. ʻAʻole e ʻana i ka ʻaoʻao o nā hūnōai e mālama i ka maluhia o ka manawa. ʻAʻole e ʻana i kāu hoa pili e pale hoʻokahi i kahi palena i kona mau mākua ponoʻī. Inā haʻalulu kekahi o ʻolua, e paʻa kekahi i ka laina. Hoʻāʻo pinepine nā ʻohana i kahi e komo ai ma waena o ʻolua ʻelua. ʻO ka pane ikaika loa, ʻaʻohe.
E mālama i kekahi pumehana i loko
He maʻalahi, i kou komo ʻana i ke ʻano palena, e ʻana i kēlā me kēia kamaʻilio i kūkākūkā. Mai hana. ʻOi aku ka maikaʻi o nā palena ke hoʻopuni ʻia e ka pilina ʻoiaʻiʻo, ʻaʻole ma kahi o ia. E kono mau iā lākou i nā mea āu e makemake ai e hele lākou. E mālama i ke aloha ʻoiaʻiʻo. ʻOi aku ka maʻemaʻe a me ka lokomaikaʻi o kāu mau palena, ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi maoli o nā manawa maikaʻi, no ka mea ʻaʻole ʻoe e paʻa hou ma waena o lākou.
ʻAʻole pono ka hapa nui o nā pilina hūnōai e hoʻololi ʻia. Pono lākou i kekahi mau lihi maopopo a me ka nui o ka maikaʻi mau. I ka wā, hoʻonohonoho ke ala paʻa-akā-pumehana i nā mea ma ke ʻano i hiki ʻole i ka pale mau. Lilo ka pilina i mālie aʻe no ka mea ʻike nā mea a pau i ko lākou wahi e kū ai.
I ka wā e ʻoi aku ma mua o ka pilikia
Aia he ʻokoʻa ma waena o nā hūnōai e hele ʻino aku a me kahi kūlana e hōʻino maoli ana iā ʻoe. Inā loaʻa i ka pilina ka hoʻowahāwahā, ka hoʻopunipuni e wāwahi ana iā ʻoe, a i ʻole ke koʻikoʻi e hōʻino ana i kou olakino noʻonoʻo a i ʻole kou pilina, ʻaʻole paha lawa ka hoʻonoho palena maʻamau iho hoʻokahi, a ʻaʻole pono iā ʻoe e hoʻoponopono iho hoʻokahi. Hiki i kahi kauka noʻonoʻo no nā kāne wahine ke kōkua iā ʻolua e kū like a loaʻa nā ʻōlelo kūpono i kou ʻohana ponoʻī. Hiki i kahi kauka noʻonoʻo pilikino ke kōkua inā hahai ke koʻikoʻi iā ʻoe i ka home a i kou hiamoe, kou ʻano, a i ʻole kou manaʻo iā ʻoe iho.
ʻAʻole he hōʻailona ka kāhea ʻana i kēlā ʻano kōkua ua hāʻule ʻoe i ka mālama ʻana i kou ʻohana ponoʻī. ʻOi aku ka maʻalahi o ka wehe ʻana i kekahi mau hīpuʻu me ke kōkua o nā lima ʻē aʻe. He kumu lawa ka makemake i ka maluhia i loko o kou home no ka noi ʻana.
Nā kumu
- Cleveland Clinic, How To Set Boundaries in Healthy Ways
- HelpGuide, Setting Healthy Boundaries in Relationships
- Mayo Clinic Health System, Setting boundaries for well-being