He hāmau kūikawā kā nā hoa pili e aʻo ai. Ke moe nei ʻoe ma ka ʻaoʻao o kekahi āu e aloha ai, ʻaʻole holo pono kekahi mea o ko ʻolua ola pili kino, a hiki iā ʻoe ke ʻike i ke kū ʻana o nā huaʻōlelo a laila ka heheʻe ʻana. He maʻalahi aʻe ka ʻōlelo ʻole. He maʻalahi aʻe ka huli ʻē. Haʻi ʻoe iā ʻoe iho e hāpai ʻoe i kekahi manawa ʻē aʻe, i ka wā ʻoi aku ka māmā, a ʻaʻole loa hiki mai kēlā manawa.
Inā maa kēlā iā ʻoe, aia ʻoe i waena o nā poʻe maʻamau loa. He nui ka poʻe e kamaʻilio ākea ana no ke kālā, nā mākua hūnōai, a me ka hānai keiki, e hala ana nā makahiki me ka ʻōlelo ʻole i kahi ʻōlelo maʻalahi no ka mea a lākou e makemake maoli ai ma kahi moe. ʻAʻole he haki ka pilina. ʻO ke kumu, ʻaʻohe mea i hāʻawi mai i palapala alakaʻi no kēia, a ʻano pilikino loa ka mea i kau ma luna. ʻO ke kamaʻilio ʻana no ka pili kino he hoʻoweli e ʻike ʻia, a hoʻāhewa ʻia paha, ma ke kahua palupalu loa o kākou.
He uku naʻe ko ka ʻalo ʻana, a he kūpono ke haʻi. Ke hana ʻole ʻia ke kūkākūkā, paʻa nā kūʻē liʻiliʻi i ka huhū, pani nā manaʻo wale i nā ʻoiaʻiʻo, a lilo ʻelua kanaka e mālama ana kekahi i kekahi i ka mehameha mālie ma kahi moe like.
No ke aha i paʻakikī loa ai ka ʻōlelo ʻana i kēia me ka leo nui
He mau mea e kau pū mai i ka manawa hoʻokahi.
Aia ka makaʻu i ka hōʻeha ʻana i kekahi. Hiki i ka ʻōlelo "Makemake au e hoʻāʻo i kekahi mea ʻokoʻa" ke kau ma nā pepeiao o kāu hoa pili e like me "ʻaʻole lawa ka mea a kāua i hana ai," ʻoiai ʻaʻole kēlā kou manaʻo. Aia ka makaʻu i kou hōʻike ʻana iā ʻoe iho, ka hopohopo o ka hōʻike ʻana o kahi makemake i kekahi mea ʻano ʻē no ʻoe. A aia ka maʻa wale. Inā ʻo ka pili kino ka mea hoʻokahi āu e ʻalo mau ai, hoʻomaka ka hāmau e like me ke ʻano maoli o nā mea ma mua o he koho āu e hana mau nei.
ʻAʻole ia he hōʻailona ua ʻino ʻoe i ke kokoke. He hōʻailona he kanaka ʻoe a he kumuhana palupalu. ʻO ka ʻike ʻana he maʻamau ka paʻakikī ke lawe i kekahi o ke kaumaha, no ka mea, hoʻōki ʻoe i ka heluhelu ʻana i kou hopohopo he hōʻailona ua hewa kekahi mea.
ʻO ka mea a kākou e ʻike maoli nei ke kōkua
Eia ka māhele hoʻoikaika. Ke hōʻuluʻulu nā kanaka noiʻi i nā makahiki he nui o nā haʻawina no nā hoa pili a me ka pili kino, ala mau ka ʻike like: ʻo nā hoa pili e kamaʻilio ākea ana no ka pili kino, ʻoi aku ko lākou ʻōlelo ʻana i ka pili kino māʻona a me nā pilina māʻona ma ke ʻano holoʻokoʻa. Ua ʻike kahi loiloi nui o ka makahiki 2022 ma ka Journal of Family Psychology, e huki ana mai nā haʻawina o nā ʻumi tausani o nā kanaka i loko o nā pilina, i kahi pili maikaʻi maopopo ma waena o ke kamaʻilio pili kino a me ka ʻoluʻolu o ka pilina a me ka pili kino kekahi.
He wahi mea o kēlā hana e paʻa. ʻOi aku ke koʻikoʻi o ke ʻano maikaʻi o ke kūkākūkā ma mua o ka pinepine o kona hana ʻia. ʻO kekahi mau hoʻololi ʻoiaʻiʻo, lokomaikaʻi, a kūpono i ka manawa, me he mea lā ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi ma mua o ka walaʻau hopohopo mau. ʻAʻole pono ʻoe e lilo i hoa pili e hoʻoponopono mau i nā mea a pau me ka pau ʻole. Pono ʻoe e hiki ke ʻōlelo i ka mea ʻoiaʻiʻo, me ka mālie, i ka manawa koʻikoʻi.
E hoʻonohonoho i ke kūkākūkā i holo pono
ʻO kahi a me ka manawa āu e hāpai ai i kēia, he nui kāna hana. ʻO ka lumi moe, i waena o ka hana, ʻo ia kahi ʻino loa. Hiki i kahi manaʻo i waena o ka wela o nā mea ke ʻeha, a hiki i kahi hoa pili e palupalu mua ana ke lohe i kahi aʻo me he hoʻāhewa lā.
- E koho i kahi manawa maluhia, kaumaha ʻole. He hele wāwae, he kalaiwa lōʻihi, ka holoi pā pū ʻana. ʻOi aku ka maikaʻi o ka ʻaoʻao i ka ʻaoʻao ma mua o ke alo i ke alo, no ka mea, ʻo ka ʻole o ka paʻa ʻana i ka nānā maka e maʻalahi aʻe ai nā huaʻōlelo.
- E ʻalo i nā manawa hewa maopopo. Luhi, wikiwiki, hoʻonāukiuki, i waena o ka hakakā, a i ʻole ma mua koke o ka hele ʻana o kekahi o ʻolua ma ka puka. Ke ʻōlelo like nei ke alakaʻi olakino lehulehu no kēia mau kūkākūkā: e koho i kahi manawa e maluhia lawa ai ʻolua ʻelua e hoʻolohe maoli.
- E hoʻomaka me ke aloha, ʻaʻole me ka ʻōhumu. He mea e like me "Makemake nui au e kokoke iā ʻoe, a ua makemake au e kamaʻilio no ko kāua ola pili kino" e haʻi i kāu hoa pili e hele mai ana kēia mai ka mahana, ʻaʻole mai ka hoʻoholo.
- E hāʻawi i wahi hōʻike inā he mea nui ia. ʻO ka "Hiki anei iā kāua ke ʻimi i wahi manawa i kēia hopena pule e kamaʻilio ai no kāua?" e ʻae i ʻolua ʻelua e hōʻea mākaukau ma mua o ka hopu hewa ʻia.
Nā huaʻōlelo e hoʻohaʻahaʻa ai i ka mahana
ʻOi aku ke koʻikoʻi o nā ʻōlelo āu e koho ai ma mua o kou manaʻo. He mau ʻano e mālama ana i nā kānaka i ka wehe ma kahi o ka pale.
E hoʻomaka mai iā ʻoe iho, ʻaʻole mai iā lākou. ʻO ka "Ua niele au e hoʻāʻo..." a i ʻole "Manaʻo au e ʻoi aku koʻu kokoke iā ʻoe inā..." e kau i kahi makemake ma luna o ka pākaukau me ka hoʻokolokolo ʻole i kāu hoa pili. E hoʻohālikelike i kēlā me ka "ʻAʻole loa ʻoe...", ka mea i ʻaneʻane hōʻoiaʻiʻo i kahi ʻano hopu.
E haʻi i ka makemake, ʻaʻole i ka pilikia wale. ʻO ka "Haʻo au i ka ʻike ʻia he mea makemake ʻia" e hāʻawi i kāu hoa pili i wahi e hele ai. ʻO ka "Ua ʻino ko kāua ola pili kino" e waiho wale iā lākou me ka mākaukau no ka hou aku.
E nīnau i nā nīnau ʻoiaʻiʻo a laila e kali maoli. ʻO ka "He aha ka mea i ʻono iā ʻoe i kēia mau lā?" a i ʻole "Aia kekahi mea āu i makemake ai e nīnau mai iaʻu akā ʻaʻole ʻoe i nīnau?" e kono iā lākou e komo. ʻAʻole ka manaʻo ka hāʻawi ʻana i kahi haʻiʻōlelo. ʻO ka ʻimi ʻana i ka mea ʻoiaʻiʻo no ʻolua ʻelua, ʻo ia hoʻi ke waiho ʻana i nā hoʻomaha lōʻihi a me ke kūʻē i ka makemake e hoʻopiha iā lākou.
Hiki nō hoʻi iā ʻoe ke hoʻohaʻahaʻa i ke kūlana me ka manaʻo. ʻO ka "Ua hopohopo iki au e hāpai i kēia" kekahi o nā mea hoʻowehe loa a kekahi kanaka e ʻōlelo ai. Haʻi ʻo ia i kāu hoa pili ʻaʻole ʻoe e hoʻouka ana. Ke kokoke aku nei ʻoe.
Ke loaʻa iā ʻoe ka ʻōlelo
I kekahi manawa, ʻaʻole ʻoe ka mea e hoʻomaka ana i ke kūkākūkā. ʻO kāu hoa pili nō ia, a hiki iā ʻoe ke ʻike i kou paʻa ʻana ma mua o ko lākou hoʻopau ʻana i kahi ʻōlelo.
ʻO ka mea waiwai loa āu e hana ai, ʻo ia ka mālama ʻana i ko lākou ʻoiaʻiʻo he makana ma mua o he hoʻoweli, ʻoiai ke paʻakikī ke lohe. He mea koʻikoʻi ko lākou ʻōlelo ʻana. Inā e pane ʻoe me ka ʻeha a i ʻole ka pani, aʻo ʻoe iā lākou e hoʻopaʻi ʻia ka wehe, a hoʻi mai ka hāmau. E hoʻāʻo e hele lohi. Hiki iā ʻoe ke ʻōlelo "Mahalo no ka haʻi ʻana mai, hiki anei iaʻu ke noʻonoʻo iki no kēlā?" He kuleana kou e loaʻa nā manaʻo no ka mea āu e lohe ai. ʻAʻole wale pono ʻoe e pana hou aku iā lākou i loko o nā kekona ʻekolu mua.
ʻO nā kūʻē makemake kekahi o nā mea maʻamau loa e alo ai nā hoa pili, a ʻaʻole pinepine ia no ka hewa o kekahi. ʻO ʻelua kino maoli a me ʻelua moʻolelo maoli e hālāwai ana. ʻAʻole ka pahuhopu ke lanakila. ʻO ka pahuhopu ka hoʻomaopopo pono ʻana i kekahi i kekahi i mea e loaʻa ai kekahi mea e holo pono no ʻolua ʻelua.
E hoʻomau, me ka mālie
He hoʻomaka kahi kūkākūkā koa hoʻokahi, ʻaʻole he hoʻoponopono. Loli nā kino, loli ke kaumaha, loli ke ola, a ʻo ke kūkākūkā i kūpono iā ʻolua i ʻelua makahiki aku nei, ʻaʻole paha kūpono iā ʻolua i kēia manawa. ʻO nā hoa pili e nānā pinepine nei, me ka māmā a me ka hoʻopaʻapaʻa ʻole, ʻoi aku ko lākou pili ʻana.
Hiki ke liʻiliʻi kēlā. ʻO ka "He ʻono kēlā, ua makemake au i ka wā āu i..." ma hope, he manaʻo e kūkulu ana i ka hilinaʻi ma kahi o ka palu. Aʻo ke kāhāhā ma ke kūlana like me ka ʻāhewa, a ʻoi aku ka maʻalahi o kona lohe ʻana. I ka holo ʻana o ka manawa, hana kēia mau hoʻololi liʻiliʻi i kekahi mea ikaika mālie: hoʻololi lākou i ka pili kino mai he kumuhana āu e ʻalo ai i hoʻokahi ala hou e ʻike ai kekahi i kekahi.
Ka manawa e kiʻi ai i kekahi kōkua hou aku
ʻAʻole hemo kekahi hīpuʻu me ke kūkākūkā wale, a ʻaʻole ia he hāʻule. Inā ua lilo ka pili kino i kumu ʻeha a hopohopo mau, inā he hoʻololi kino ʻaʻole ʻolua i hoʻomaopopo, inā hoʻi mai ka hakakā like ʻoiai pehea ʻoe e hoʻomaka lokomaikaʻi ai, a i ʻole ua hāmau ke kokoke a ʻaʻole ʻolua e ʻike i ke ala e hoʻi ai, ua kūpono paha ka manawa no ke kōkua.
ʻO ke kauka ka huina mua kūpono no kēlā mea kino, me ka ʻeha, nā hoʻololi makemake, a i ʻole nā hopena ʻaoʻao o ka lāʻau. No ka ʻaoʻao pilina, ua aʻo ʻia kahi kahuna lapaʻau pili kino a i ʻole kahuna lapaʻau hoa pili no kēia mea ponoʻī, a ʻo ka ʻike ʻana i kekahi he hōʻailona e mālama koʻikoʻi ʻoe i ka pilina, ʻaʻole he hōʻailona ua make ia. Inā ʻo ka hilahila, he ʻeha kahiko, a i ʻole ka makaʻu i ke kokoke ke pani mau i ke kūkākūkā ma mua o kona hoʻomaka, hiki i kahi kahuna lapaʻau ke kōkua iā ʻoe e hoʻomaopopo i kahi i hele mai ai a hana me ia ma kou wikiwiki ponoʻī.
ʻAʻole ka ʻimi ʻana i kōkua he ʻae ʻana ua pio. ʻO ia ka hāʻawi ʻana i kekahi mea āu e mālama ai i ka nānā kūpono iā ia.
Nā kumu
- PubMed, Dimensions of couples' sexual communication, relationship satisfaction, and sexual satisfaction: A meta-analysis
- Cleveland Clinic, What You Should Know About Safe Sex Practices
- Cleveland Clinic, Sex Therapist: What They Do and When To See One
- NHS inform, Conversations about sex