Nā ʻōlelo aʻo wikiwiki
- E hoʻopau i ka ʻimi ʻana i ka hemahema make.
- E kamaʻilio iā ʻoe iho me he hoa lā.
- E leka i kekahi, a laila hana i kahi hoʻolālā.
Hiki mai ka memo a heluhelu ʻoe iā ia ʻelua. "He maikaʻi ʻoe, akā ʻaʻole wau i manaʻo i kahi ahi." ʻOi aku paha ka palupalu ma mua o kēlā. ʻAʻohe paha mea, he kamaʻilio wale i mehana i ka Pōʻalua a hāmau i ka Pōʻalima. ʻO kekahi ʻano, hāʻule kekahi mea ma kou umauma. Hoʻomaka ʻoe e heluhelu hou i nā memo kahiko no ka manawa i hewa ai. Noʻonoʻo ʻoe, no kekahi manawa pōkole, inā aia kekahi mea hewa loa iā ʻoe.
Inā manaʻo ʻoe ʻaʻole kūpono kēlā pane no kahi kanaka āu i ʻike ai no ʻekolu pule wale nō, ʻaʻole ʻoe e hoʻonui ana. Ke hana nei kou lolo i ka mea pono i ulu ai e hana. ʻO ka pilikia, ke hana nei ia ma kahi kūlana ʻaʻole i kūkulu ʻia, kahi e ʻeheu wale ai nā malihini i kou helehelena ma loko o ka hapalua kekona a hiki i kahi launa ke nalo me ka wehewehe ʻole.
E hoʻomaka kāua me ke kumu e pā ikaika ai, no ka mea, ke hoʻomaopopo ʻoe i kēlā, ʻoi aku ka maopopo o ke ola hou.
Hoʻopaʻa maoli ʻia ka hōʻole me he ʻeha lā
ʻAʻole kēia he ʻōlelo hoʻohālike. I ka manawa i hoʻonoho ai nā mea noiʻi i nā kānaka ma loko o kahi kelepona nānā lolo a pāʻani lākou i kahi pāʻani hoʻolei kinipōpō maʻalahi i hoʻopunipuni ʻia e kāpae koke iā lākou, ʻo nā wahi i ʻā, ʻo lākou nō nā mea like e komo ai i ka ʻeha kino, ʻoi loa ʻo ke anterior cingulate cortex. ʻO ia haʻawina, i alakaʻi ʻia e Naomi Eisenberger a me nā hoa a paʻi ʻia ma Science, ua kōkua ia e hoʻomaka i kahi laina noiʻi holoʻokoʻa e hōʻike ana e mālama ka lolo i ka ʻeha pili kanaka ma o ke kaʻa āna e hoʻohana pū ai no kahi manamana wāwae i kuʻi ʻia a i ʻole kahi pā ahi.
Aia kekahi kumu no kēia uhi ʻana, ʻaʻole ia he hana ʻino. No ka hapa nui o ka moʻolelo kanaka, he weliweli maoli ke ʻoki ʻia ʻoe mai kou hui. ʻO ke pili ʻana, ʻo ia ka meaʻai, ka palekana, a me ke ola. No laila, ua aʻo kou ʻōnaehana aʻalolo e mālama i ka hōʻole me he pilikia koke lā a e hoʻoʻeha lawa i nānā ʻoe. ʻO ka ʻeha āu e manaʻo nei ma hope o ke kō ʻole ʻana o kahi launa, he hōʻailona kahiko e hana ana i kāna hana ʻoi loa iki.
Hana kēia ʻike i kekahi mea pono. Hoʻoneʻe ia i ka ʻeha mai ka māhele "hōʻike ʻaʻole hiki ke aloha ʻia wau" a i ka māhele "ke pane nei koʻu kino e like me ka pane ʻana o nā kino." Hiki iā ʻoe ke manaʻo i ka ʻeha a ʻike nō ʻaʻole ia he ʻōlelo hoʻoholo.
ʻO ke kumu e manaʻo pāpālua ai kekahi poʻe iā ia
Hiki i ka hōʻole like ke pā wale i kekahi kanaka a hoʻopāpaʻa i kekahi. He ʻāpana o kēlā, he kaʻa uea. Lawe kekahi poʻe i ka mea a nā loea e kapa ai he palupalu i ka hōʻole, kahi e wela ai ka hōʻailona o ka lolo a ʻaʻole hana maikaʻi nā pale e hoʻomaʻalili ai iā ia. Wehewehe ka Cleveland Clinic i kekahi hiʻohiʻona o kēia, maʻamau i nā kānaka me ka ADHD, me he kī leo lā i paʻa ma kahi pae kiʻekiʻe ʻeha. He ʻoiaʻiʻo, ikaika, a ʻaʻole he hemahema ʻano kanaka ka pane manaʻo.
Inā ua manaʻo mau ʻoe i ka hōʻole ʻoi aku ka ʻoiʻoi ma mua o nā kānaka a puni ʻoe, kūpono kēlā ke kapa, ʻaʻole ke hoʻohewa. ʻAʻole ia he manaʻo ua naha ʻoe a nui loa paha. ʻO ka manaʻo, he leo nui kou hōʻailona, a pono paha ʻoe i kekahi mau mea hana hou aʻe ma mua o ke kanaka maʻamau e hoʻohaʻahaʻa ai iā ia. Aia kēlā mau mea hana, a hiki iā ʻoe ke aʻo.
ʻO ka mea e kōkua ai ma nā hola paʻakikī mua
ʻO ka pahuhopu ma hope koke o kahi hōʻole, ʻaʻole ia ka manaʻo maikaʻi. ʻO ia ka mālama ʻana i ka manawa mai ka ulu ʻana i kahi moʻolelo no kou waiwai holoʻokoʻa. Kekahi mau mea e kōkua maoli ai:
- E hoʻokuʻu i ka manaʻo e ola me ka hānai ʻole ʻana iā ia. E kapa i kāu mea e manaʻo nei, akāka. "Ua ʻeha kēlā. Ke kaumaha nei wau." Lawe ke kapa ʻana i kahi manaʻo i kekahi o kona wela. ʻO ka pana ʻana iā ia e hana pinepine i ka mea ʻē aʻe.
- Mai hele e ʻimi i nā hōʻike kūʻē iā ʻoe iho. ʻO ke koi e heluhelu hou i kēlā me kēia memo a ʻimi i ka hemahema make, manaʻo ʻia he hoʻoponopono pilikia. ʻAʻole pēlā. He noʻonoʻo poʻino ia, a ʻo ka pōʻai ʻana i kahi pilikia hiki ʻole iā ʻoe ke hoʻoponopono, ʻoi aku ka hohonu o ke kahawai.
- E pale i ka moʻolelo koke. He mea launa pū ʻo ke ahi ma waena o nā kānaka ʻelua, ma ka manawa. ʻO ka manaʻo ʻole o kekahi kanaka iā ia e haʻi iā ʻoe e pili ana i ke kūpono ma waena o ʻolua. ʻAʻole ia e haʻi iā ʻoe ʻaʻole ʻoe maikaʻi, ʻaʻole hiki ke aloha ʻia, a i ʻole ua hoʻomākaukau ʻia ʻoe e noho mehameha, ʻoiai e hāʻawi manuahi kou lolo i nā mea ʻekolu.
- E hoʻoneʻe i kou kino, ʻoiai he liʻiliʻi. He hele wāwae, he ʻauʻau, kekahi mele i nui i ʻole e kaʻawale i ka pōʻai. ʻAʻole hiki iā ʻoe ke noʻonoʻo a hiki i ka maluhia ʻoiai ke noho kou ʻōnaehana ma ka hōʻailona, akā hiki iā ʻoe ke hana a hōʻea iā ia.
E kamaʻilio iā ʻoe iho me he kanaka āu e launa maoli ai
Eia ka ʻāpana a ka nui o nā kānaka e hana hoʻohuli ai. Ke ʻeha mākou, hoʻopiʻi mākou. "Nele loa wau. Hana mau wau i kēia. He kūpono ʻaʻole i hana." Manaʻoʻiʻo mākou e mālama ana ka ʻoʻoleʻa iā mākou i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo. He mālama wale nō iā mākou i ke koko.
Ua hoʻolōʻihi ʻo Kristin Neff, ke kahuna noʻonoʻo, i nā makahiki he nui e aʻo ana i ke koho ʻē aʻe, āna e kapa ai he aloha iā ʻoe iho, a kūlike ka noiʻi: ʻo nā kānaka e pane ana i ko lākou hāʻule ponoʻī me ka lokomaikaʻi, ʻoi aku ko lākou ola hou a ʻoi aku, ʻaʻole emi, ko lākou makemake e hoʻāʻo hou. Wehe ʻo ia iā ia i ʻekolu ʻāpana maʻalahi ke hoʻomanaʻo ma kahi manawa haʻahaʻa. E lokomaikaʻi iā ʻoe iho e like me kāu e hana ai i kahi hoa. E hoʻomanaʻo he ʻāpana o ke kanaka ka hōʻole, ʻaʻole he mea e hana ana iā ʻoe wale nō. A e mālama i ka manaʻo ʻeha ma ka ʻike kūpaʻa ma kahi o ka piholo iā ia a i ʻole ka hoʻohuli he mea ʻole ia.
He hoʻāʻo wikiwiki e hana ana ma ka manawa maoli: e noʻonoʻo ua loaʻa i kahi hoa maikaʻi ka leka pololei āu i loaʻa ai. ʻAʻole ʻoe e haʻi iā lākou ʻaʻole hiki ke aloha ʻia lākou. E haʻi ʻoe iā lākou he ʻeha ia, he ʻoiaʻiʻo ka lilo o ke kanaka ʻē aʻe, a ʻaʻole pono ka mea pono i ka hoʻohuli. E ʻōlelo i kēlā iā ʻoe iho. ʻAʻole ia he hoʻopunipuni. He pololei wale nō āu e hāʻawi maʻamau i nā kānaka ʻē aʻe.
E noho pili, a e noho ma ka pāʻani
ʻO ka manaʻo ma hope o ka hōʻole, ʻo ia pinepine ka huki i loko a hāmau. He maopopo, a ʻano maikaʻi i kekahi manawa no hoʻokahi pō. Akā kuhikuhi ka noiʻi e pili ana i ke ola hou ʻana mai ka ʻeha pili kanaka i ke ala ʻē aʻe. ʻO nā pilina ikaika a mehana i nā kānaka ʻē aʻe kekahi o nā mea hilinaʻi loa e kōkua iā mākou e omo i ka pā a lele hou. No laila, e leka i ka hoa. E hana i ka hoʻolālā. E hoʻokuʻu i nā kānaka e aloha mua ana iā ʻoe e hoʻomanaʻo i kou ʻōnaehana aʻalolo i kou pili ʻana, no ka mea, pili ʻoe.
A laila, ke mākaukau ʻoe, e hoʻi i waho. ʻAʻole no ka hōʻoia ʻana i kekahi mea, ʻaʻole hoʻi i ka pō hoʻokahi. ʻO ka launa ʻana, ma ka ʻōlelo maʻalahi, he pāʻani helu i kūkulu ʻia ma luna o ke kūpono. ʻAʻole holo ka hapa nui o nā pili, no ʻolua, a ʻo ia ka hoʻolālā, ʻaʻole he hewa. ʻO kēlā me kēia kanaka ʻaʻole kūpono, he ʻike ia, ʻaʻole he koho. ʻO nā kānaka e maikaʻi ana ma kēia me ka manawa, ʻaʻole lākou ka poʻe ʻaʻole i hōʻole ʻia. ʻO lākou ka poʻe e hoʻokuʻu i ka ʻeha, e mālama maikaʻi iā lākou iho, a e hāmama mau nō.
Ke ʻoi aku ma mua o kahi wā paʻakikī
Aia kekahi laina ma waena o ka ʻeha maʻamau o kahi hoʻonele a me kahi mea kaumaha aʻe, a kūpono ke nānā. Inā e hoʻouna mau ka hōʻole iā ʻoe i kahi pōʻai e mau ana no nā lā, inā ke kāohi nei ka makaʻu iā ʻoe mai ka launa a i nā kānaka holoʻokoʻa, inā ʻike ʻoe iā ʻoe iho e manaʻoʻiʻo ana ʻaʻohe ou waiwai a ʻaʻole e maikaʻi aʻe nā mea, ʻaʻole ia he pilikia ikaika manaʻo a ʻaʻole ia he mea e hoʻomanawanui hoʻokahi. Hiki i kahi kahuna lapaʻau noʻonoʻo ke kōkua iā ʻoe e hana me kahi ʻōnaehana hōʻailona palupalu a wehewehe i nā moʻolelo kahiko ma lalo iho. ʻO ka ʻimi ʻana i kēlā ʻano kōkua, ʻaʻole ia he ʻae i ke pio. He mea like ia me ka ʻike ʻana i kahi kauka no kahi ʻeha pau ʻole. Ua ʻae ʻia ʻoe e makemake i ka pau ʻana o ka ʻeha, a ua ʻae ʻia ʻoe e noi i kekahi e kōkua iā ʻoe e hōʻea ma laila.
ʻO ka hōʻole ma ka launa ʻana kekahi o nā ʻeha kakaʻikahi e hele ai aneane nā mea a pau a aneane ʻaʻohe mea e kamaʻilio ʻoiaʻiʻo. E ʻeha ia. ʻAʻole pono ia e wehewehe iā ʻoe, a ʻaʻole iā ia ka ʻōlelo hope no ka mea e hiki mau ana iā ʻoe.
Nā kumu
- PubMed (Science), Does rejection hurt? An fMRI study of social exclusion
- PubMed Central, Social pain and physical pain: shared paths to resilience
- Cleveland Clinic, Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD): Symptoms & Treatment
- Self-Compassion (Dr. Kristin Neff), Exploring the Meaning of Self-Compassion and Its Importance