Nā ʻōlelo aʻo wikiwiki
- E haʻi maopopo iā lākou: ʻano lohi au i ka hilinaʻi i kēia manawa.
- E kamaʻilio iā ʻoe iho me he hoaaloha ʻeha lā.
- E mālama i ka hoʻonohonoho o ka lā: hiamoe, meaʻai, lā.
Malia paha he inoa ma kāu kelepona āu i ʻike hou ʻole ai he palekana. Malia paha ʻo ke ʻano e hāʻule ai kou ʻōpū ke lokomaikaʻi nui loa kekahi hou, koke loa. Ma hope o ka pau ʻeha, hiki iā ʻoe ke makemake i ke kokoke a pale aku i ia mea i ka manawa hoʻokahi. Mehameha kekahi ʻāpana ou. Ua hoʻoholo kekahi ʻāpana ʻē aʻe, me ka hāmau loa, ʻaʻole loa ʻo ia e hopu ʻia me ke aʻo ʻole hou.
ʻAʻole haki kēlā ʻāpana ʻelua. Ke hana nei ʻo ia i kāna hana.
Ke pau ke aloha i ka hoʻopunipuni, a i ʻole i ka pau mālie, a i ʻole i kahi aloha ʻoe ʻole ʻoe i koho ai, kākau kou noʻonoʻo i nā memo. Mālama ʻo ia i ka mea i ʻeha ai e hiki ai iā ia ke aʻo iā ʻoe i ka manawa aʻe. Manaʻo ʻia he pōʻino ka hilinaʻi no ka mea i ka manawa hope, ua kūʻai ka hilinaʻi iā ʻoe i kekahi mea maoli. No laila ma mua o kā kāua kamaʻilio ʻana i ke ʻano e wehe hou ai, kōkua ka hoʻomaopopo ʻana i ke ʻano maoli o kou makaʻala. ʻAʻole ia he hemahema o kou ʻano. ʻO ia kahi pale i noho lōʻihi loa.
Hele mua ke kanikau ma mua o ka hilinaʻi
Lele pinepine ka poʻe ma kēia ʻāpana a nīnau no ke aha ʻole maikaʻi kekahi mea. ʻO ka pau ʻana o kekahi pilina he nalo, a noi nā nalo e kanikau ʻia. ʻŌlelo maopopo ka Cleveland Clinic: ʻo ke kanikau ma hope o ka haki pilina, ua nui kona ʻano like me ke kanikau ma hope o ka make. ʻAʻole ʻoe e haʻo wale i kekahi kanaka. Ke haʻo nei ʻoe i ka wā e hiki mai ana āu i kūkulu hapa ai i loko o kou poʻo, nā henehene loko, ke ʻano ou āu i noho ai ma ko lākou ʻaoʻao.
ʻAʻole neʻe ke kanikau ma ka laina pololei. Hiki iā ʻoe ke ʻolu ʻolu ma ka Pōʻalua a ʻeha loa ma ka Pōʻahā no kekahi mele ma kahi hale kūʻai meaʻai. ʻO ka hōʻole, ka huhū, ke kūʻai pāʻoihana, ke kaumaha, a me kekahi mea e like me ka ʻae, e poepoe a hui pū lākou ma kahi o ka hiki ʻana mai ma ke kaʻina. ʻAʻohe wā paʻa, a he koho wale ke kanaka nāna e hāʻawi iā ʻoe i ho ʻokahi.
Eia ke kumu e koʻikoʻi ai kēia no ka hilinaʻi. ʻAʻole hiki iā ʻoe ke lele ma kēlā ʻaoʻao o ke kanikau e hiki ai i ka hilinaʻi hou. Ulu hou ka hilinaʻi ma ka lepo hoʻokahi kahi i ʻae ʻia ka nalo e noho. E ʻuʻuku i ke kanikau i lalo, a kū kou kiaʻi i luna ma kona ʻano iho, no ka mea ʻike kekahi ʻāpana ou ʻaʻole i mālama ʻia ka ʻeha.
He aha maoli nā "pilikia hilinaʻi"
Hoʻolei ʻia kēlā ʻōlelo me he hōʻino lā. ʻAʻole ia. ʻO ka mea a ka poʻe e kapa ai he pilikia hilinaʻi, ʻo ia pinepine he ʻōnaehana aʻalolo i aʻo i kekahi haʻawina paʻakikī a ke hoʻopili nei iā ia me ka ākea iki loa.
Inā ua aʻo ka pilina hope iā ʻoe ʻo ke kokoke ke alakaʻi i ka ʻeha, hoʻākea kou noʻonoʻo. Heluhelu ʻia ka lohi maʻamau o kekahi kanaka hou he hoʻomaka o ka haʻalele ʻana. Heluhelu ʻia kekahi hana lokomaikaʻi liʻiliʻi he hihia. ʻAʻole ʻoe e haʻalulu wale. Ke hoʻolei nei ʻoe i kekahi kiʻiʻoniʻoni kahiko ma luna o kekahi maka hou, a ʻole hiki iā ʻoe i nā manawa a pau ke ʻike, i ka wā, ʻo wai ka hea.
ʻAʻole ka pahuhopu ka hoʻopio ʻana i kēia. ʻO ke kanaka me ka makaʻala ʻole, ʻole ia i hoʻola ʻia, ua kaʻawale ʻo ia. ʻO ka pahuhopu ka hoʻohaʻahaʻa i ka leo i kahi pae e kūlike ai me ka lumi āu e noho maoli nei, ʻaʻole me ka mea āu i haʻalele ai.
E hoʻomaka me ke kanaka āu e hiki ai ke hoʻomaʻamaʻa: ʻo ʻoe
Ma mua o kou hiki ʻana ke hilinaʻi hou i kekahi kanaka ʻē aʻe, kōkua ka hilinaʻi ʻana iā ʻoe iho. Waiho pinepine nā pau ʻeha i kahi ʻeha ʻelua hāmau: "Pehea au i ʻike ʻole ai? No ke aha au i noho ai? Hiki anei iaʻu ke hilinaʻi i koʻu noʻonoʻo iho?" Hiki i kēlā kānalua iho ke hana i ka pōʻino lōʻihi ʻoi aku ma mua o ka haki pilina iho, no ka mea hahai ʻo ia iā ʻoe i nā lumi a pau.
Ma ʻaneʻi e hana maoli ai ke aloha iho, a ʻoi aku ka paʻa o ka noiʻi ma mua o kona kani ʻana. Wehewehe ke Kikowaena Olakino o ke Kulanui o Rochester, e koʻo ana i ka hana a ka loea noʻonoʻo ʻo Kristin Neff, i ke aloha iho me he mau mea ʻekolu lā ma ka manawa hoʻokahi: ke lokomaikaʻi ʻana iā ʻoe iho ma kahi o ka ʻoʻoleʻa, ka hoʻomanaʻo ʻana he ʻāpana o ke ola kanaka ka paʻakikī a ʻaʻole he hemahema iho, a me ka ʻike ʻana i kou mau manaʻo paʻakikī me ka piholo ʻole i loko o lākou a i ʻole ka pahu aku iā lākou. ʻO ka poʻe e mālama ai iā lākou iho pēlā, ʻano hāpai lākou i ka piʻihau, ke kaumaha, a me ka ʻanonanona ʻoi aku ka liʻiliʻi, a ʻoi aku ka māmā o ko lākou hoʻi mai mai nā mea paʻakikī.
Kekahi mau ʻano e ʻike ʻia ai kēlā ma ka hana:
- Ke hoʻomaka ke kūʻai iho, e nīnau he aha kāu e ʻōlelo ai i kekahi hoaaloha maikaʻi ma kou kūlana like loa. A laila e ʻōlelo i kēlā iā ʻoe iho, me ka leo nui inā hiki. ʻO ka ʻāwaha ma waena o ke ʻano e kamaʻilio ai kākou i nā hoaaloha a me ke ʻano e kamaʻilio ai kākou iā kākou iho, he nui pinepine ia.
- E ʻike i nā ʻōlelo paʻa liʻiliʻi āu e mālama nei iā ʻoe iho. Ka hele ʻana i ka moe i ka wā āu i ʻōlelo ai. Ka leka ʻole ʻana i ke kanaka āu i hoʻohiki ai ʻole e leka. He pōhaku kēlā me kēia ʻōlelo paʻa i mālama ʻia ma ke kahua o ka hilinaʻi iho.
- E hoʻopau i ka nīnau ʻana i kou wā i hala. Ua hana ʻoe i ke koho maikaʻi loa i hiki iā ʻoe me kāu mea i ʻike ai i kēlā wā. ʻAʻole ka ʻike hope he hōʻike he kānaka hoʻohewa maikaʻi ʻole ʻoe.
Ke kūkulu hou nei ʻoe i ka manaʻoʻiʻo e koʻo ʻoe iā ʻoe iho i ka manawa aʻe. ʻO kēlā manaʻoʻiʻo ka mea e palekana ai ke piliwaiwai hou.
Ka mālama ʻana i ka nalo ʻoiai e hoʻola ana
Ulu wikiwiki ka hilinaʻi ke kūpaʻa ke koena ou. Kani nā mea kumu me he mea maʻalahi loa lā e haʻi, ʻo ia pono ke kumu e lele ai ka poʻe iā lākou i ka wā e ʻeha nui loa ai lākou.
Kau ka Cleveland Clinic a me HelpGuide ma ka papa nani ʻole hoʻokahi, no ka mea hana ʻo ia:
- E ʻae iā ʻoe iho e ʻike i ia mea. ʻO ka uē, ka kākau puke, ke kapa ʻana i ka huhū, ʻaʻohe o ia he nāwaliwali. ʻAʻole nalowale ke kanikau i pale ʻia. Hele ʻo ia ma lalo a alakaʻi i kāu mau koho mai laila.
- E mālama i ka hoʻonohonoho. Ka hiamoe, ka meaʻai, ka neʻe, kahi lā iki. Ke huikau ko loko ou, hāʻawi kahi maʻamau o waho hiki ke wānana i kekahi mea paʻa i kou kino e kū ai.
- E koʻo i nā poʻe i manaʻo ʻia he palekana. E ʻōlelo i nā ʻāpana hilahila i kekahi i ʻo iki ʻole. Haʻi ka noho mehameha iā ʻoe i kahi moʻolelo ʻoluʻolu ʻo ʻoe wale nō ka mea i manaʻo i kēia. ʻAʻole ʻoe.
- E hele mālie me ke kokoke hou. ʻAʻohe makana no ka hilinaʻi wikiwiki, a ʻo kahi aloha lele i kūkulu ʻia ma luna o kahi ʻeha hoʻola ʻole, wehe hou pinepine wale nō ʻo ia iā ia.
Ka hoʻokomo ʻana i kekahi, hoʻokahi mea ʻoiaʻiʻo i ka manawa
ʻAʻole ka hilinaʻi he pihi āu e hoʻā ai ke manaʻo ʻoe ua mākaukau. ʻAʻole ʻoe e manaʻo mākaukau. Kūkulu ʻia ʻo ia ma nā hoʻokolohua liʻiliʻi a hiki ke ola.
E kaʻana i kekahi mea palupalu iki a e ʻike pehea ke kanaka ʻē aʻe e mālama ai iā ia. Noho lokomaikaʻi anei lākou? Hoʻomanaʻo anei lākou? E nānā i ka mea a ka poʻe e hana ai i ka wā, ʻaʻole i ka mea wale a lākou e ʻōlelo ai i kahi manawa maikaʻi. E nānā i ke kūlike ʻana o kā lākou mau ʻōlelo a me kā lākou mau hana ma nā pule, ʻaʻole i ko lākou hiki ke hoʻowalewale iā ʻoe ma kahi ʻaina ahiahi. ʻO ka hilinaʻi i loaʻa ma kēia ʻano, ʻoi aku ka hāmau a paʻakikī loa ke hoʻoluli ʻia.
Kōkua ke kapa ʻana i kou makaʻala ma kahi o ka hūnā ʻana iā ia. ʻO ka "Makemake nui au i kēia, a ʻano lohi au i ka hilinaʻi ma hope o kaʻu pilina hope" ʻaʻole ia he hae ʻula. I kekahi kanaka kūpaʻa, he ʻike kūpono ia, a haʻi ko lākou pane iā ʻoe i ka nui. ʻAʻole pono ke kanaka pono iā ʻoe e makaʻala ʻole i ka lā mua. Makemake lākou e loaʻa ia.
E makaʻu mau nō ʻoe. E ʻā mau ke kiʻiʻoniʻoni kahiko. ʻAʻole ka hana ka hoʻopau ʻana i ka ʻike i ka makaʻu. ʻO ia ka hoʻopau ʻana i ka ʻae ʻana i ka makaʻu e koho ma kēlā me kēia hoʻoholo.
Ka manawa e ki ʻi ai i ke kōkua hou
He hohonu loa kekahi mau ʻeha e hele wale aku ai me ka mehameha, a he hōʻailona ikaika ka ki ʻi ʻana i ke kōkua, ʻaʻole he hāʻule. Inā ʻole ala ke kaumaha ma hope o nā pule a me nā mahina, inā hiki ʻole iā ʻoe ke ʻai a hiamoe a hala i nā lā maʻamau, inā ʻike ʻoe iā ʻoe e maʻeʻele ana i ka ʻeha me nā mea kau a i ʻole e kaʻawale ana mai nā mea a pau, he mau hōʻailona kēlā e kamaʻilio me kekahi kauka a i ʻole loea olakino noʻonoʻo. Pēlā nō inā ua komo ka hoʻomāinoino a i ʻole hoʻopunipuni i kekahi pilina i hala āu e ola hou mau nei, a i ʻole inā ua hoʻolilo ka haki pilina iā ʻoe i ka manaʻolana ʻole e maikaʻi hou. Hiki i kekahi loea olakino noʻonoʻo maikaʻi ke kōkua iā ʻoe e hoʻokaʻawale i ke kiʻiʻoniʻoni kahiko mai kēia manawa, ma kahi māmā e hoʻopiha ʻole ai iā ʻoe.
ʻAʻole ʻo ka hilinaʻi hou e ʻōlelo ana e poina i ka mea i hana ʻia a i ʻole e hoʻokamani ʻole ʻoe i ʻeha ʻia. ʻO kona manaʻo, ua pau ka ʻeha mai ka noho ʻana he mea hoʻokahi e alakaʻi nei. Hiki iā ʻoe ke halihali i kāu mea i aʻo ai a koe naʻe e waiho i ka puka hāmama. ʻAʻole hāmama ākea loa. Hāmama wale a lawa e komo ai ke kanaka pono ke hōʻike ʻo ia, i ka wā, he palekana ʻo ia.
Nā kumu
- Cleveland Clinic, How To Get Over a Breakup: 11 Tips for Healing
- Cleveland Clinic, Understanding the 5 Stages of Grief After a Breakup
- University of Rochester Medical Center, Self-Compassion and Your Mental Health
- HelpGuide, Coping with a Breakup or Divorce