Aia kekahi ʻano mālie e noho ai ke ʻike ʻoe ʻaʻole ʻoe i ʻike i kahi hoa, kahi hoa maoli, no nā mahina. ʻAʻole he hoa hana. ʻAʻole ke kanaka āu e peʻahi ai ma ke kahua haʻuki. He hoa. ʻO ka ʻano hiki iā ʻoe ke kelepona i ka hola ʻeiwa o kahi Pōʻalua no ka mea ua hana kekahi mea a pono ʻoe e haʻi i kekahi. Holo ʻoe i kāu mau kanaka pili a ʻo nā inoa a pau he poʻe āu i pili ai ma mua, ma kahi kūlanakauhale āu i noho ai ma mua, i kahi ola i koi liʻiliʻi iā ʻoe.
Inā aia ʻoe ma laila, e ʻike ʻoe i ʻelua mea ma mua. ʻAʻole ʻoe i uhaʻi, a ʻaʻole loa ʻoe mehameha i kēia. ʻIke ka hapa nui o nā kānaka makua i ka pilina hoa he paʻakikī aʻe ke loaʻa ma mua o ko lākou manaʻo, a ʻaneʻane ʻaʻohe pili o nā kumu i ka maikaʻi ou.
No ke aha i paʻakikī ai, a no ke aha ʻaʻole ia he hewa nāu
Hāʻawi ka wā kamaliʻi a me ke kulanui i ka pilina hoa ma kahi pā. ʻAʻole pono ʻoe e koa a hoʻolālā. Hōʻea wale ʻoe i kahi like, i kēlā me kēia lā, me ka poʻe like, a ulu ka pilina iā ia iho mai ka hana hou wale. A laila hāʻule kēlā kumukūkulu. ʻO ka lumi papa kaʻana, ke alanui hale moe, ka hoʻomaʻamaʻa hui, ua nalo ia a pau. Hoʻopuehu ke ola makua i ka poʻe ma waena o nā hana, nā kūlanakauhale, nā papa manawa, a me nā pā liʻiliʻi, a ʻaʻole loa ia e kūkulu hou i nā kūlana i hana mua i ka hana nāu.
Kūpono ke ʻōlelo i kēia me ka maopopo no ka mea hoʻāhewa mālie ka nui o ka poʻe iā lākou iho. Manaʻo lākou inā e naʻau hiki ʻole ka hana hoaaloha i kēia manawa, pono he mea hewa me lākou. ʻO ka mea i hewa maoli, ʻo ke kaiapuni. Ua hoʻopuka ke Kauka Nui o ʻAmelika i kahi ʻōlelo aʻo aupuni i ka makahiki 2023 e kapa ana i ka mehameha a me ka hoʻokaʻawale he pilikia olakino maoli, ʻaʻole he hāʻule pilikino, a aʻo ʻo ka hoʻokaʻawale pilikanaka hiki ke lawe i nā pilikia olakino ma ka pae like me ka puhi paka. Aia kēlā ʻōlelo aʻo no ka mea ke hana nei kēia i nā miliona kānaka i ka manawa hoʻokahi. Ua paʻa ʻoe i kahi pilikia kumukūkulu, a he mau hoʻonā ko nā pilikia kumukūkulu ʻaʻole e koi iā ʻoe e lilo i kanaka ʻē aʻe.
E kōkua paha ka ʻike ʻo ka hilahila āu e naʻau ai e pili ana i kēia he hōʻailona ia o kekahi mea olakino. ʻO ka huki i nā poʻe ʻē aʻe, ka ʻeha ke nalo, ʻaʻole ia he nele palupalu. ʻO ia kou ʻōnaehana e hana ana i ka mea āna i ulu ai e hana. Ua hana ʻia kākou no kekahi i kekahi, a ʻo kahi kino e kūʻē ana i ka noho mehameha he kino e hana pono nei.
He aha ka mea a ka pilina hoa e koi maoli ai (ʻoi aku ka manakā ma mua o kou manaʻo)
Eia ka mahele e kūʻokoʻa ʻē ai ke pae mai. ʻAʻole kūkulu ʻia ka pilina hoa ma luna o ka leo nani a i ʻole ka launa kūpono loa. Kūkulu ʻia ia ma luna o nā hola.
Ua noiʻi pololei ka mea noiʻi kamaʻilio ʻo Jeffrey Hall i kēia. Ua ʻike kāna hana ʻo ka neʻe ʻana o kekahi mai ke kanaka pili wale i hoa māmā he ma kahi o 50 hola o ka manawa pū. Ke hōʻea ʻana i hoa maoli he ma kahi o 90. He hoa pili, ka ʻano e kelepona ai i ka hola ʻeiwa o kahi Pōʻalua, he ʻoi aku ma mua o 200 hola. A ʻo nā hola e helu ai, ʻo nā mea me ka wikiwiki ʻole, ke kau a puni, ka hoʻomākeʻaka, ka manawa i hoʻolilo ʻia me ka hana ʻole. ʻAneʻane ʻaʻole neʻe nā hola i hōʻiliʻili ʻia e noho ana ma ka ʻaoʻao o kekahi ma ka hana.
E heluhelu hou i kēlā, no ka mea hoʻololi ia i ka pilikia holoʻokoʻa. ʻO ke kumu ʻaʻohe ou hoa pili i kou kūlanakauhale hou a i ʻole kou mokuna hou, ʻaʻohe pili i ka maikaʻi ʻole. ʻAʻole ʻoe i hoʻolilo i 200 hola wikiwiki ʻole me kekahi. ʻAʻohe mea i hana. ʻAʻole ia he hoʻokolokolo ma luna ou. He pilikia makemakika, a hiki iā ʻoe ke hana maoli i nā pilikia makemakika.
Ka mea e manaʻo ai ma ka hana: ʻaʻole hana hoʻokahi kamaʻilio maikaʻi i ka hana, a ʻaʻole loa i manaʻo pēlā. ʻAʻole ʻoe e hāʻule ke lilo ʻole kahi kanaka pili hou hoihoi i hoa pili loa ma hope o ʻelua kofe. Aia ʻoe i ka hola ʻehā o kanalima. ʻO ka hana, ʻo ka hoʻomau wale ʻana i ka hōʻea, ma kahi like, me ka poʻe like, a hōʻuluʻulu nā hola. ʻO ia pono ka mea i hoʻopau ke ola makua e hana nau, a ʻo ia pono ka mea hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻihoʻi me ka manaʻo.
E hoʻolālā i ka hana hou ʻana, no ka mea ʻo ia kāu i nalowale
Inā ʻo ka mea hoʻokalakupua ʻo ka manawa i hana hou ʻia, kaomi haʻahaʻa, me ka poʻe like, a laila ʻo ka neʻe ʻo ka hana i ka hana hou. ʻAʻole ʻo ka hele i waho a "hana hoa" ma kekahi ʻano nui. E hoʻihoʻi wale iā ʻoe iho i loko o kahi lumi āu e hoʻi ai i ka pule aʻe, a me ka pule ma hope.
He mau ala e hana maoli ana:
- E koho i ka mea e hana hou ʻia, ʻaʻole ka mea hoʻokahi manawa. Kahi papa pule, kahi pāʻani kū, kahi hana manawaleʻa, kahi hui heluhelu puke, kahi hui holo, kahi hālāwai haipule a i ʻole kaiāulu maʻamau. ʻO ka māhele hana hou ka manaʻo holoʻokoʻa. ʻAʻohe mea o kahi hanana launa hoʻokahi e kūkulu ai. Hāʻawi ka lumi like i kēlā me kēia Pōʻahā i nā hola.
- E koho ma muli o ka papa manawa mua, ka makemake lua. ʻO kahi leʻaleʻa āu e aloha ai akā e hele i ʻelua manawa o ka makahiki, ʻaʻole loa ia e lilo i pilina hoa. ʻO kahi mea ʻoi aku ka hoihoi ʻole iki āu e hōʻea maoli ai i kēlā me kēia pule, e lilo nō. Lanakila ka hilinaʻi ma luna o ke kuko ma ʻaneʻi.
- E ʻae i ka kokoke e hana i kāna hana. E ʻike i kou mau hoanoho. E lilo i mea maʻamau ma kahi, ka hale kofe like, ke ala like, ka pā ʻīlio like. Lilo nā helehelena kamaʻāina i poʻe pili peʻahi, a ʻo nā poʻe pili peʻahi kahi e hoʻomaka ai nā pilina hoa.
- E hoʻopili hou ma kahi o ka hoʻomaka mai ka ʻole. ʻO kekahi o kou mau pilina hoa maʻalahi loa he poʻe i loaʻa hapa iā ʻoe. He hoa kahiko āu i mamao ai, he hoa hana mua āu i makemake ai, he hoahānau āu e leʻaleʻa maoli ai. ʻO hoʻokahi memo ʻoiaʻiʻo, "ke noʻonoʻo nei au iā ʻoe, hiki iā kāua ke launa hou?", lele ia i hoʻokahi haneli hola o ka ʻike kekahi i kekahi.
Kuhikuhi ʻo Mayo Clinic, nāna e nānā nei i kēia no ka maikaʻi maoli o ka pilina hoa no kou olakino kino, i nā neʻe maʻamau e like me kēia: e lawe i kahi papa, e hana manawaleʻa, e hui i kahi hui i kūkulu ʻia a puni kekahi mea āu e mālama ai, a e lalau mua ma kahi o ke kali e kono ʻia. ʻAʻole akamai kekahi o ia mea. ʻO ia ka nūhou maikaʻi. ʻAʻole pono ʻoe e akamai. Pono ʻoe e noho, a hou.
Hoʻokahi ʻōlelo aʻo mālie e pili ana i ka pani maʻalahi. Hiki i ka holo, ke kelepona, a me ka nānā ʻana i ke ola o nā poʻe ʻē aʻe ke naʻau he pilina ʻoiai e hāʻawi ʻaneʻane ʻaʻohe ona, a ʻai ʻo ia i ke ahiahi like āu i hiki ke hoʻolilo i loko o kahi lumi me nā kānaka maoli. ʻO ka pā ke ala o ke kūʻē liʻiliʻi loa, a e hoa pū ʻo ia me ʻoe me ka hauʻoli ʻoiai ʻoe e noho mehameha ana. E mālama i kou mau ahiahi kaʻawale he mea kumu o kāu mau pilina hoa, a e hoʻolilo i kekahi o lākou ma kahi e noho ai nā kino i kahi like.
Ka māhele ʻaʻohe mea e ʻōlelo aʻo iā ʻoe: pono ʻoe e hana i ka neʻe mua
Eia ka pā e kū ai ka nui o ka poʻe. Hele lākou i ka mea, hālāwai lākou me kekahi e kūpono pū, a laila... ʻaʻohe mea. Kalaiwa nā kānaka ʻelua i ka home me ka manaʻo e lalau ka mea ʻē aʻe, ʻaʻole kekahi. ʻAlo ke kanaka pili hoihoi, a hoʻoholo nā kānaka ʻelua i loko ʻaʻole maikaʻi lāua i kēia.
ʻAneʻane mau ka pilina hoa makua e paʻa ma kēia kiko pololei, a paʻa ia no ke kumu e kūpono ke kapa. Manaʻo nui aku mākou i ke koʻikoʻi o ko mākou hōʻole ʻia. Manaʻo mākou ʻaʻole makemake ka mea ʻē aʻe i ka hoʻopilikia, e kau kaumaha mākou, ua loaʻa iā lākou nā hoa he nui. Pinepine e noho lākou ma ka home e naʻau ana i ka mehameha like āu, e kali ana i kekahi e neʻe mua.
No laila e neʻe mua. E lilo i ka mea e ʻōlelo, "Makemake au e loaʻa i ka ʻaina awakea i kekahi lā, pehea kou pule?" E lilo i ka mea e hahai. ʻAe, i kekahi manawa ʻaʻole ia e pae, a houhou kēlā. Akā ʻoi aku ka liʻiliʻi o ka uku o hoʻokahi memo i pane ʻole ʻia ma mua o ke kumu kūʻai o kekahi makahiki mehameha hou, a ʻo ka hapa nui o ka manawa ua ʻoluʻolu mālie ka mea ʻē aʻe i kou lalau.
Kōkua ka hoʻomanaʻo ʻana ʻaʻole loa ʻaneʻane e heluhelu ʻia kahi hahai mahana he manaʻo nui, ʻoiai naʻau ia pēlā mai loko. Ke kelepona kekahi iā ʻoe mua e hana i kahi hoʻolālā, ʻaʻole ʻoe e manaʻo iki iā lākou. Naʻau ʻoe i koho ʻia. Naʻau like nā poʻe ʻē aʻe ke hana ʻoe i kēlā no lākou. ʻO ka leo e ʻōlelo ana iā ʻoe he nui loa, kakaʻikahi ʻo ia e ʻōlelo no ke kanaka ma kekahi ʻaoʻao.
Mai haʻalele i nā pilina liʻiliʻi aku
ʻOiai ʻoe e pāʻani i ka pāʻani lōʻihi i nā hoa pili, mai hoʻohaʻahaʻa i nā mea māmā aku. Kapa nā mea noʻonoʻo iā lākou he mau pilina nāwaliwali, ka mea kūʻai kofe e ʻike ana i kāu kauoha, ka hoanoho āu e kamaʻilio ai ma ke alapiʻi, ka mea maʻamau o kou kahua haʻuki. He hoʻowalewale e haʻalele iā lākou he pilina hoa ʻole maoli. He pilina maoli nō lākou, a ʻoi aku ko lākou koʻikoʻi ma mua o ko lākou helehelena.
Ua ʻike kahi noiʻi i hōʻike ʻia e ka American Psychological Association ʻo ka poʻe ʻoi aku ko lākou hauʻoli i nā lā me nā launa liʻiliʻi he nui aʻe ma mua o ka maʻamau, a ʻo nā kamaʻilio me nā poʻe kokoke malihini he mahana mau a ʻano hilahila ʻuʻuku aku ma mua o ko mākou hoʻomākaukau. No laila e kamaʻilio me ka poʻe. E nīnau i ka nīnau liʻiliʻi. Hāpai kēia mau pilina māmā i kou ʻano manaʻo iho, a i kekahi manawa ulu mālie kekahi o lākou i kekahi mea hohonu aku.
He mau mea e maʻalahi ai ka hōʻiliʻili ʻana i nā hola
- E hoʻohaʻahaʻa i ka pae o ka mea e helu ai. He hele wāwae, he kofe, ka noho ʻana ma kahi lānai. ʻAʻole pono ia he Launa Nui. ʻO ka manawa me ke kumukūkulu ʻole a kaomi haʻahaʻa ʻo ia pono ka ʻano e kūkulu ai i ka pilina hoa.
- E hilinaʻi a kikoʻī. ʻAʻole hele ʻo "e launa kāua i kekahi lā." Lilo ʻo "ua kaʻawale ʻoe i ke kakahiaka Pōʻaono?" i hola maoli pū. ʻO nā kono pohihihi ka mea e make ai nā manaʻo maikaʻi.
- E ʻae iā ʻoe iho e ʻike iki ʻia. Hoʻohohonu ka pilina hoa ke kaʻana ʻoe i kekahi mea ʻoiaʻiʻo, ʻaʻole ke hōʻike ʻoe e maikaʻi ana. ʻAʻole pono ʻoe e ninini i kou ola holoʻokoʻa. E pane wale i ka "pehea ʻoe" me kekahi mea ʻoiaʻiʻo i kekahi manawa.
- E manaʻo e lohi ia, a mai lawe i ka lohi he mea pilikino. Ke hoʻopiha nei ʻoe i kahi waihona hola. I kekahi mau pule e hoʻohui ʻoe i ʻekolu hola, i kekahi ʻaʻohe. Piʻi nō ke koena.
I ka wā e kaumaha ai ka mehameha ma mua o kēia
Aia kekahi ʻano mehameha hiki i ka ʻōlelo aʻo maikaʻi a me kahi papa pule ke hoʻomāmā i ka manawa. Aia kekahi e kaumaha aku, ka ʻano e hele mai me kahi naʻau haʻahaʻa a palahalaha ʻaʻole e ala, kahi e naʻau hiki ʻole ke kino ka manaʻo e lalau i kekahi, a i ʻole kahi e waiho ai ka noho ʻana a puni ka poʻe iā ʻoe me ka mehameha like me mua. Inā ʻo ia ka mea kokoke i kou ʻike, e ʻoluʻolu e mālama iā ia me ke akahele a me ke koʻikoʻi.
Hiki i ka mehameha mau ke hele pū me ke kaumaha, ka piʻihau pilikanaka, a me ke kanikau, a he mau mea ia e pane i ke kākoʻo maoli. Hiki i kahi kauka a i ʻole mea lapaʻau noʻonoʻo ke kōkua iā ʻoe e wehewehe i ka mea e hana ʻia a me ka mea e kōkua maoli ana, a ʻaʻohe hilahila o ka hoʻomaka ma laila ma kahi o kahi hui heluhelu puke. ʻO ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, ʻo ka hana me kekahi ma ka piʻihau a i ʻole ke ʻano manaʻo haʻahaʻa e mālama iā ʻoe ma ka home, hiki ke lilo i mea e hiki ai ka hui heluhelu puke ma hope. Inā e naʻau weliweli maoli nā mea i kekahi manawa, a i ʻole e ʻike ʻoe iā ʻoe iho e noʻonoʻo ana ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi inā ua hala ʻoe, e lalau no ke kōkua koke ma kahi o ke kali ʻana ʻoe wale. ʻAʻole ka makemake i ka pilina me kēia ikaika he nāwaliwali. ʻO ia kekahi o nā mea kanaka loa nou, a kūpono ke kiʻi i ke ʻano kākoʻo kūpono e ʻimi ai iā ia.
Lohi a paʻakikī aʻe ka pilina hoa i ka wā makua ma mua o ka iwakālua, a koi aku ia iā ʻoe, ka hapa nui ʻo ke koa e neʻe mua a me ke ahonui e hoʻomau i ka hōʻea. Akā loaʻa nō ia iā ʻoe. ʻO ka poʻe e lilo paha i hoa pili loa, aia lākou ma waho i kēia manawa, i loko o kekahi lumi e hana hou ʻia āu ʻaʻole i komo, e naʻau ana i ka mea like āu, e manaʻolana ana e ʻōlelo aloha kekahi.
Nā Kumu
- U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation: The U.S. Surgeon General's Advisory on the Healing Effects of Social Connection and Community
- University of Kansas, Study reveals number of hours it takes to make a friend
- Mayo Clinic, Friendships: Enrich your life and improve your health
- American Psychological Association, The science of why friendships keep us healthy