Amathiphu asheshayo
- Yenza isicelo sibe sincane futhi sicacile.
- Yeqa ukuxolisa ngokweqile ngaphambi kokucela.
- Thumela i-meme lapho kungekho lutho olubi.
Kunohlobo oluthize lwesonto lapho into elungile okumele uyenze isobala kodwa usangayenzi. Ucwilile emanzini. Umngane uthumela umlayezo othi "unjani?" bese ubhala uphindisela "ngiright, ngimatasa!" ngenkathi uhlezi emotweni yakho endaweni yokupaka, ungashayeli uya ndawana. Uyazi ukuthi ubani ongambiza. Awumbizi. Uzitshela ukuthi uzobhekana nako uma sekuzole, okuyindlela yokuzithembisa usizo ngomzuzu kanye ozobe usungasacabangi ukuthi uyaludinga.
Ukucela ukusekelwa kungenye yezinto ezilula kunazo zonke umuntu angazenza futhi kungenye yezinzima kunazo zonke. Hhayi ngoba amagama ayinkimbinkimbi. Ngenxa yalokho esikholelwa ukuthi kuzokwenzeka lapho siwakhuluma.
Iningi lalezo zinkolelo alilungile. Hhayi ukungalungi okuncane. Kungalungile ngokulinganisekayo, ngokuphindaphindekayo, ngendlela esigcina sisodwa lapho kungadingi kube njalo.
Izibalo ozenza ekhanda lakho azilungile
Lapho ucabanga ngokucela usizo komunye umuntu, ingqondo yakho yenza ukubala okuthule. Kuzobakhathaza kangakanani lokhu? Bazokwenyanya ngasese? Bazothi yebo ngenxa yenhlonipho bese bengicabangela phansi? Lokho kubala kuzwakala njengeqiniso. Empeleni kuyiphutha elibhalwe kahle.
Ochungechungeni locwaningo olwashicilelwa ngo-2022, izazi zengqondo u-Xuan Zhao no-Nicholas Epley babheka okwenzekayo lapho abantu becela usizo uma kuqhathaniswa nalokho ocelayo akulindele ukuthi kwenzeke. Kubabambiqhaza abangaphezu kwezinkulungwane ezimbili, abantu abacelayo babelokhu belinganisa ngokungaphansi ukuthi abanye babezimisele kangakanani ukusiza, belinganisa ngokungaphansi ukuthi umsizi wayezozizwa emuhle kangakanani ngemva kwalokho, futhi belinganisa ngokweqile ukuthi umsizi wayezophazamiseka kangakanani. Ngamagama asobala: ucabanga ukuthi ungumthwalo. Omunye umuntu, ngokuvamile, uyajabula ukuthi ucelile.
Lokhu akukhona ukucabanga kwesifiso. Kuhambisana nokuthile osukwazi kolunye uhlangothi. Cabanga ngesikhathi sokugcina umngane ekwethemba ngokuthile kwangempela, ekucela ukuba uze, ukulalela, ukubasiza ukuthutha, ukumane uhlale ocingweni. Awuzange ukufake ngaphansi "kokuphoqelela." Cishe wazizwa usondelene nabo. Uwusizo kancane. Uhlonishwe buthule ukuba umuntu abambize.
Yiwo lowo muzwa olindile kolunye uhlangothi lomlayezo wakho. Umane ungeke ukubone usukuma lapho ukhona.
Kungani sithanda ukulwa kunokucela
Kunezizathu ezimbalwa eziqotho zokuthi kungani ukufinyelela kuzwakala kubiza kangaka, futhi ukuziqamba kususa amanye amandla azo.
Owukhulu kunazo zonke ukwesaba ukubukeka ubuthakathaka. Ndawana thile endleleni abaningi bethu bamukela umbono wokuthi ubungoti busho ukungadingi muntu, ukuthi umuntu obukwayo ngozimele ngokwakhe. Ngakho ukucela kungazwakala njengokuvuma ukwehluleka kunokuba yingxenye evamile yokuba umuntu phakathi kwabantu. Okuyinkulumo-ngokuphambene ukuthi ucwaningo olufanayo ngokufuna usizo lwathola ukuthi abantu bavame ukumhlonipha ocelayo kakhulu, hhayi kancane. Isicelo esicatshangelwe kahle sifundeka njengokuzethemba, hhayi ukuwohloka. Sithi uyazi ukuthi usebenza ngani futhi unamasu ngokwanele ukudonsela umuntu ngaphakathi. Ukuzimela okuphelele, ngakolunye uhlangothi, kungafundeka buthule njengezindonga.
Kukhona futhi ukwesaba ukwenqatshwa. "Kuthiwani uma bethi cha, noma bengabaza, noma behlehla." Lelo thuba liluma ngokwanele kangangokuthi ukungaceli kungazwakala kuphephe kunokukubeka engozini. Futhi kukhona okuthule kakhulu ngaphansi kwako kokubili: ukukhathazeka ukuthi inkinga yakho inkulu kakhulu, iyabhora kakhulu, iyaphindaphindeka kakhulu, ukuthi usuwuqedile umkhawulo wakho wesineke sabanye abantu.
Akukho kulokhu okuyisici sobuntu esibi. Kuyizibikezelo. Futhi njengezibikezelo eziningi ezenziwa ubuchopho obukhathazekile, zichezukele esimeni esibi kunazo zonke. Inani lokucela liyakhukhunyezwa. Inani lokungaceli, ukugaywa okuhamba kancane kokuthwala okuthile wedwa, kunganakwa buthule ngoba kujwayelekile.
Kufanele kushiwo ngokusobala ukuthi ukusekelwa akuyona into yobumnandi oyizuza uma usubonisile ukuthi awukwazi ukumelana. Uchungechunge olukhulu locwaningo luxhumanisa ukusekelwa kwezenhlalo nempilo yengqondo engcono, ukukhathazeka okuphansi, nokuqina okwengeziwe ngaphansi kwengcindezi. Ukubuyekezwa okukodwa okuhlanganisa amashumi ocwaningo kwathola ukuxhumana okuzinzile, okumaphakathi phakathi kokusekelwa abantu abanako nokuthi baqhuba kanjani ngokwengqondo. Ukuxhumana akuwona umvuzo wokuba ngcono. Kuvame ukuba yingxenye yendlela abantu ababa ngcono ngayo.
Indlela yokucela ngempela
Ukwazi ukuthi kufanele ufinyelele nokwazi ukuthi kanjani yizinkinga ezimbili ezihlukene. Izicelo ezingacacile kunzima ukuziphendula, ngakho zivame ukuthola izimpendulo ezingacacile ("ngazise uma udinga noma yini"), bese kungenzeki lutho. Isicelo esihle sincane, sicacile, futhi silula ukuthi kuthiwe yebo kuso.
- Khetha umuntu oyedwa nento eyodwa. Awudingi ukuthululela konke kuwo wonke umuntu. Khetha umuntu oke wavela ngaphambili, bese ukhetha isicelo esisodwa, esiphathekayo. Ukuthi "Ngingakushayela ucingo namuhla ebusuku?" kulula ukusinika kunokuthi "Ngidinga usizo."
- Qamba uhlobo lokusekelwa olufunayo. Abantu abakwazi ukufunda ingqondo yakho, futhi bavame ukuqagela kabi, begxumela esimweni sokulungisa ngenkathi ubudinga ukuzwakala. Zama umusho obakhombayo: "Angidingi iseluleko, ngidinga nje ukukhipha isikhalo imizuzu eyishumi," noma "Empeleni ngingawuthanda umbono wakho ngalokhu."
- Kwenze kucacile futhi kunesikhathi esibekiwe. Ukuthi "Ungabheka izingane ngoMgqibelo kusukela ngo-2 kuya ku-4?" kungcono kunokuthi "Ngingasidinga ngempela isikhathi sokuphumula ngesinye isikhathi." Izicelo ezicacile zilula ukuzifaka empilweni yangempela, okusho ukuthi zinamathuba amaningi okuthola u-yebo.
- Bavumele bathi cha ngaphandle kokuthi kube inhlekelele. Ukunika omunye umuntu indlela yokuphuma enhle ("akukho ngcindezi nhlobo uma umatasa kakhulu") ngokuphambene kwenza babe namathuba amaningi okusiza, ngoba kubatshela ukuthi ucela umuntu, hhayi ukukhipha umusa ngenkani.
- Yeqa ukuxolisa ngokweqile. Inqwaba yokuthi "Ngiyaxolisa kakhulu ngokukukhathaza, lokhu kuyiphutha kakhulu, unganginaki" akwenzi isicelo sibe nomusa kakhulu. Kumane kubonisa ukuthi ucabanga ukuthi wenze okuthile okungalungile ngokudinga okuthile. Awukwenzanga. Ukuthi nje "ngiyabonga, lokhu kusho okuningi" kwenza okwengeziwe.
Qaphela ukuthi akukho kulokhu okudinga ukuba ube namagama aphelele noma uwohloke ngendlela ehlaba umxhwele. Ukuthi "Hheyi, isonto elinzima. Unaso isikhathi sokuhamba?" yisicelo esiphelele nesihle kakhulu.
Ngezinye izikhathi isicelo asihambi ngendlela obuyithemba. Umuntu uphazamisekile, noma unamagama angahleliwe, noma ngempela akakwazi ukuvela ngaso leso sikhathi. Kuyaluma, futhi kungakulinga ukuthi ubeke eceleni ubufakazi bokuthi ukucela kuyingozi ngempela. Zama ukungavumeli impendulo eyodwa etekenayo ukuba ibhale kabusha umthetho wonke. Abantu baphuthelwa umzuzu ngezizathu ezingahlangene nawe, usuku olunzima olungolwabo, ifoni abangayibonanga, ukuqagela okubi ngalokho obukudinga. U-cha oyedwa uwulwazi ngomuntu oyedwa ngesikhathi esisodwa. Akusona isinqumo sokuthi ingabe ufanelwe usizo yini. Isixazululo ngokuvamile akukhona ukuhlehla. Kungukucela omunye umuntu, noma ukucela umuntu ofanayo ngokucace kakhulu.
Uma ngisho nesicelo esincane sibonakala singenzeki
Ngezinye izikhathi isikhala phakathi kwakho nefoni sizwakala sibanzi kakhulu ukusiwela. Uma kunjalo, nciphisa isicelo size sibe sincane cishe ngokuhlazisayo. Ungazami ukuchaza isimo sonke. Thumela amagama amathathu: "Ngicabanga ngawe." Phendula umlayezo owodwa obulokhu uwugwema. Hlala eduze komunye umuntu kunokuhlala wedwa. Ukuxhumana akudingi ukuqala ngokuvuma. Kungaqala ngobuseduze, futhi ingxoxo enzima kakhulu ingeza kamuva, uma ungasakwenzi kubanda.
Futhi uma uvame ukuba umsizi, lowo ozinzile wonke umuntu eyeme kuye, ukucela kungazwakala kungajwayelekile ikakhulukazi. Abantu abasheshayo kakhulu ukusekela abanye bavame ukuba abanwabuzayo kakhulu ukusekelwa. Uma lowo kunguwe, cabanga ukuthi ukuvumela umuntu ukuba akuvelele akukhona ukuthatha. Kungukubanika isipho esifanayo osinikeza ngokukhululeka sonke isikhathi.
Ukufunda ukukwamukela uma sekufikile
Ukucela kuyingxenye eyodwa nje yekhono. Enye ingxenye ukuvumela usizo lufike ngempela kuwe, futhi inani elimangazayo labantu lingcono kokokuqala kunokwesibili. Umnikelo uyafika, bese uwuchitha ngokuzenzakalelayo. "Awu, awudingi." "Ngiright, ngempela." "Bengingathanda ukukukhathaza." Ukuchitha ngakunye kuzwakala kunenhlonipho. Kubekwe ndawonye, kufundisa abantu abakuthandayo ukuthi ukusekela kwabo kuyagxuma kubuye, futhi ekugcineni bayeka ukunikela.
Ukwamukela kahle kungumkhuba wako othule. Lapho umuntu evela, impendulo enomusa kunazo zonke ngokuvamile yileyo elula: "ngiyabonga, lokho kusiza ngempela." Akukho kuchitha, akukho ukuxhamazela ukukhokha khona lapho, akukho ukugcizelela ukuthi ubungakumela. Kuvumele kufike. Hlala ekungakhululekini okuncane kokunakekelwa. Uma ukwamukela usizo kukwenza uzizwe sengathi ukweleta isikweletu ngaso leso sikhathi, qaphela lowo muzwa bese uwubeka phansi. Ubudlelwano abukhona amabalazwe. Ukupha nokuthatha kuyalingana ngeminyaka, hhayi ngezintambama, futhi abantu abafanele ukugcinwa ababali.
Kukhona futhi inguqulo yokwamukela esho ukusho lokho okuzwe ngempela ngemva kwalokho. Ukuthi "Bengidlula usuku olubi kakhulu bese ucingo lwakho lwalushintsha" kutshela umuntu ukuthi umzamo wakhe ubalulekile. Kuvala isiyingi. Kwenza babe namathuba amaningi okukufinyelela ngokuzayo, futhi kwenza ukushintshiselana konke kuzwakale kungafani nokuthengiselana kodwa kufane nalokho okuyikho, okuwabantu ababili abashintshanayo ukubambana.
Ukwakha ukusekelwa ngaphambi kokuphelelwa
Isikhathi esibi kunazo zonke sokufinyelela kunethiwekhi yokusekelwa yisikhathi sokuqala. Ubudlelwano oxhumana nabo kuphela enkingeni bungazwakala buseceleni linye ukubugcina futhi bungajwayelekile ukubuvusa. Isixazululo asikho sikhulu. Kungukuxhumana okuncane, okuvamile, okunengcindezi ephansi lapho kungekho lutho olubi.
Thumela i-meme. Buza ukuthi inhlolokhono ihambe kanjani. Hlela ikhofi eliphindaphindekayo ngisho nalapho kungekho okokubika. I-Mayo Clinic iphawula ukuthi ubungane obuqinile buhlobene nengcindezi ephansi, umoya ongcono, nempilo ende, nokuthi izinga lokuxhumana kubaluleke kakhulu kunenani lako. Awudingi isixuku. Udinga abantu abambalwa abahlale befudumele ngoba ugcine umugqa uvuliwe.
Kucabange njengokugcina umlilo omncane uvutha kunokuzama ukuwuqala emvuleni. Ukuxhumana okuvamile kuyizinkuni zokuphemba. Yikho okwenza isicelo sangempela, uma sifika, sizwakale njengento elandelayo kunokuqala kubanda.
Lapho ukusekelwa okudingayo kungokobungcweti
Abangane nomndeni babalulekile, futhi banemikhawulo. Abaqeqeshelwe yonke into, futhi ukweyama emuntwini oyedwa kukho konke kungenza ubudlelwano bube buncane. Ezinye izinto zidinga umuntu omsebenzi wakhe wonke uwukusiza.
Uma ubulokhu ulwa isikhathi esingaphezu kwamasonto ambalwa, uma ubuthongo bakho, umsebenzi, noma ubudlelwano buthola umonakalo wangempela, uma abantu abakuthandayo bebonakala bengakwazi ukukufinyelela, noma uma isisindo siqale ukuzwakala singaphezu kwalokho ongakuthwala, yilowo umzuzu wokwandisa isiyingi kudokotela noma udokotela wengqondo. Ukufinyelela usizo lobungcweti akulona uphawu lokuthi abangane bakho bakwehlulekile noma ukuthi wehluleke ukubhekana. Kuyikhono elifanayo nanoma yisiphi esinye isicelo, elikhomba umuntu ohlonyiselwe ukubamba lokho okuthwele. Futhi uma izinto zike zazwakala zingaphephile ngempela noma zingabekezeleleki, awudingi ukulinda noma ukuzisho ngamagama aphelele. Usizo luhloselwe ukufinyelelwa kusenesikhathi, hhayi kuphela emngceleni.
Iqiniso elithule eligijima ngaphansi kwakho konke lokhu: abantu abakuzungezile cishe njalo bazimisele kakhulu ukuba khona kunalokho ukwesaba kwakho okukuvumela ukukukholelwa. Ngeke ukuthole lokho ngokuqagela. Ukuthola ngokucela. Qala ngomuntu oyedwa, into eyodwa encane, namuhla.
Imithombo
- Stanford Report, Why asking for help is hard, but people want to help more than we realize
- Zhao, X. & Epley, N., Psychological Science, Surprisingly Happy to Have Helped: Underestimating Prosociality Creates a Misplaced Barrier to Asking for Help
- Mayo Clinic, Friendships: Enrich your life and improve your health
- Harandi, T. et al., PMC, The correlation of social support with mental health: A meta-analysis