Ukubhekana Nosizi Nokulahlekelwa

Ezinye izinsuku ekuseni uyakhohlwa imizuzwana embalwa. Bese kuphinda kufike. Umuntu akasekho, noma into obuyethembele kuyo ayisekho, futhi umhlaba uzihlela kabusha ngokuzungeza leloqiniso noma uzimisele noma cha. Uma usendaweni leyo njengamanje, siyaxolisa. Ayikho indlela ehlakaniphile yokudlula kulokhu, futhi akudingeki ube nesibindi ngakho.

Esingakunikeza ubungane obuthembekile nezinto ezimbalwa ezivame ngempela ukusiza. Hhayi ukulungisa ukulahlekelwa. Akukho okulungisa ukulahlekelwa. Kunalokho ukwenza ukukuthwala kube ncono kancane.

Usizi luvame ukukhulunywa ngalo kakhulu mayelana nokufa, futhi ukufa kuyinguqulo esinda kunazo zonke yalo. Kodwa ubuhlungu obufanayo buvela emva kokulahlekelwa okuningi umhlaba ongakuphathi njalo njengokulahlekelwa: umshado ophelayo, umsebenzi ohambile, ukuxilongwa, ukuthuthela kude nakho konke okujwayelekile, ubungane obuwohloke ngokuthulile, ikusasa obuvele usuqalile ukuliphila engqondweni yakho. I-Cleveland Clinic ichaza usizi kalula njengesipiliyoni sokubhekana nokulahlekelwa, futhi lungalandela noma yisiphi isenzakalo esiphula umuzwa wakho wokuthi izinto kufanele zibe njani. Uma usizi lwakho lumayelana nento okungekho muntu othumele ikhadi ngayo, kusabalulekile. Kusekungokoqobo.

Awululi ngokungalungile

Nakhu okufanele ukuzwe kusenesikhathi, ngoba abantu abaningi kakhulu bakhathazeka ngokuthulile ukuthi bakwenza kabi lokhu.

Ayikho indlela elungile yokulila. I-National Institute on Aging ikubeka ngokusobala: ayikho imithetho yokuthi kufanele uzizwe kanjani, futhi ayikho indlela elungile noma engalungile yokulila. Ungase ukhale njalo. Ungase ungakhali nhlobo, bese uzizwa unecala ngalokho. Ungase uthukuthele ngehora elilodwa uphinde ungezwa lutho elilandelayo, noma uhleke into bese uzizwa uyimboxo ngayo. Ungase uzwe ukukhululeka, ikakhulukazi emva kokugula okude, bese uzizwa unamahloni ngokukhululeka. Konke lokho luyusizi. Akukho kukho okusho ukuthi wawumthanda umuntu kancane noma ukuthi kukhona okonakele kuwe.

"Izigaba ezinhlanu" cishe osuke wazizwa, ukuphika, intukuthelo, ukuxoxisana, ukucindezeleka, ukwamukela, azizange zihloselwe ukuba luhlu lokuhlola oluqedela ngokulandelana. Abantu abaningi abasoze bafike kwezinye zazo. Abaningi babuyela emuva ngomuzwa ofanayo izikhathi eziyishumi nambili. Usizi luvame ukufika ngamagagasi kunezinyathelo. Igagasi lingavuselelwa yingoma, iphunga, isihlalo esingenamuntu, uLwesibili ngaphandle kwesizathu nje. Amagagasi ngokuvamile aba nesikhala ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Avame ukunganyamalali ngohlelo.

Lokhu kuletha umbuzo cishe wonke umuntu awubuzayo.

"Kufanele kuthathe isikhathi esingakanani lokhu?"

Isikhathi eside kunalokho okufunayo, nangaphezu kwalokho abanye abantu abakulindele. Ayikho ithebulisikhathi elimisiwe, futhi noma ubani okunika lona uyaqagela.

Kubantu abaningi ubuhlungu obubukhali bempela buyathamba ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Hhayi kube ukukhohlwa. Kube into ongaphila eceleni kwayo. Uzoba nezinsuku ezinhle ezixutshwe nezimbi, kwesinye isikhathi kusenesikhathi kunokuzwakala kulungile, futhi usuku oluhle akusona ukukhaphela. Kuyingqondo yakho eyenza kanye lokho eyakhelwe ukukwenza, okuwukuqhubeka ithola ukuma kwayo.

Usizi luhlala nasemzimbeni wakho, hhayi kuphela esimweni sakho somoya. Abantu abasosizini bavame ukuba nenkinga yokulala, ukungabi nantshisekelo yokudla, nokunzima ukugxilisa ingqondo noma ukuthatha izinqumo. Uma umzimba wakho uzizwa ukhukhulekile futhi unenkungu, lokho akukona ubuthakathaka. Kuyimpendulo evamile yomzimba komunye wezingcindezi ezinkulu umuntu angadlula kuzo.

Izinto ezisiza ngempela

Akukho kulokhu okuwukwelapha, futhi akudingeki ukwenze konke. Kucabange njengohlu olufushane ozofinyelela kulo ezinsukwini ongakwazi ukucabanga ngalutho.

1. Zivumele ukuyizwa esikhundleni sokuyivimbela. Ukucindezela usizi kuthatha amandla amakhulu futhi kuvame ukwenza luvuze ngasohlangothini kamuva. Akudingeki uhlele usizi lwakho noma uluphamekele umuntu. Nokho akudingeki ulwe nalo njalo umzuzu wonke.

1. Vala izinto eziyisisekelo kuqala. Ubuthongo, amanzi, okuthile okudliwayo, ukukhanya kwelanga okuncane, ukunyakaza noma kungukuhamba kanye kancane ejikeleze indawo. Usizi luyakhandla ngokomzimba. Ukuphatha umzimba wakho ngomusa ngeke lususe usizi, kodwa ukusebenza uze uphelelwe amandla kwenza yonke into isinde kakhulu.

1. Vumela abantu bangene, ngisho kancane. Ukwenzeka kwemvelo kokuvala umnyango uwuphathe wedwa kunamandla, futhi abantu abaningi abazama lokho bagcina bekhandleke kakhulu, hhayi kancane. Awukweleti muntu ubuso obunesibindi. Khetha umuntu oyedwa noma ababili abazizwa bephephile bese ubavumela bahlale nawe, balethe ukudla, benze umsebenzi othile, noma babe khona nje ngesikhathi ungasho lutho.

1. Xoxa izindaba. Ukwabelana ngezinkumbulo zomuntu, okuhle nokuyinkimbinkimbi, ingenye yezindlela ezindala kunazo zonke abantu abathwala ngazo ukulahlekelwa ndawonye. Abanye abantu bakhathazeka ukuthi ukukhuluma ngakho kuzokhathaza abanye. Ngokuvamile kuyisiphambano. Abantu bayakhululeka ukugcina bewusho ngokuzwakalayo igama.

1. Lindela ukuthi izinsuku ziluma. Izinsuku zokuzalwa, izikhumbuzo, iholide lokuqala, ukushintsha kwezinkathi zonyaka. Lezi zingakukhipha umoya ngisho eminyakeni eminingi kamuva. Uma ubona olunye lufika, yenza uhlelo oluncane. Yiba nomuntu, ubungaze usuku ngamabomu, noma uzivumele ukwenza lube olubi. Ukwazi ukuthi luyeza kususa amandla alo kancane.

1. Yehlisa amandla ezinqumeni ezinkulu. Uma ungakwazi ukugwema ukukhetha okukhulu, okungaguqulekiyo esikhathini esibuhlungu kakhulu, ukuthengisa indlu, ukuyeka umsebenzi ngokuphelele, ukunikela ngakho konke, zinike lowo musa. Ukwahlulela kwakho nakho kusosizini. Kuyabuya.

Lapho ukulahlekelwa kungelona uhlobo abantu abaqashelayo

Okunye ukulahlekelwa kuza namaphayi namakhadi. Okunye kuza nokuthula, futhi lokho kuthula kungenza usizi lube nesizungu kakhulu.

Ukuphuphuma kwesisu. Isilwane owawusithanda njengomndeni. Umzali onesifo sokukhohlwa osaphila kodwa ongasakwazi. Ukuphela kobudlelwane obuyinkimbinkimbi, ngakho abantu bacabanga ukuthi ulungile, noma ngisho ujabule. Abacwaningi bosizi babiza lokhu ngosizi olungavunyelwe, uhlobo olungayitholi imvume yomphakathi nesiko amanye ukulahlekelwa akuthola. Uma ukulahlekelwa kwakho kuwela lapha, imizwa ayincane. Kungenzeka nje kufanele uzinike ukwamukelwa umhlaba wangaphandle ongakuniki. Kubungaze ngendlela yakho. Tshela umuntu oyedwa ozokuthatha ngokungathi sína. Awudingi ukusayina kwamuntu kusizi lwakho ukuze lube ngoqotho.

Izingane nazo ziyalila, futhi zikwenza ngendlela ehlukile kunabantu abadala. Ingane encane ingabonakala ilungile ngomzuzu iphinde icele ukudlala olandelayo, bese ibuyela ekulahlekelweni ezinsukwini kamuva ngombuzo oqondile. Lokho akukona ukubanda noma ukuphika. Kuyindlela uhlelo lwezinzwa oluncane olwenza ngayo into enkulu, ngezilinganiso olukwazi ukuzilawula. Izinto ezisiza kakhulu ongazinika ingane esosizini amazwi athembekile, alula, afanele iminyaka (amnene kodwa angafiphele, ngoba ulimi olufiphele lungayidida noma luyethuse), imikhuba ezinzile, nomyalezo ocacile wokuthi yonke imizwa yayo ivumelekile. Uma usizi lwengane lunzima, lwelula, noma luqala ukuvela njengezinkinga esikoleni, izinkinga zobuthongo, noma ukuhoxa, umeluleki osebenza nezingane angasiza.

Indlela yokuba khona komuntu ososizini

Mhlawumbe wena awusiye osesosizini. Mhlawumbe umi eceleni komuntu onaso futhi uzizwa ungenamsebenzi, wesaba ukusho into engalungile. Lokho kwesaba kuvamile kakhulu kangangokuthi kushiya abantu abaningi abasosizini bebodwa ngesikhathi esibi kunazo zonke, ngoba wonke umuntu unovalo lokushayela ucingo.

Awudingi amazwi alungile. Akukho. Okusizayo:

• Fika uhlale kancane. Ukuba khona kunqoba ukukhuluma kahle. Ukuhlala ngokuthula nomuntu kuyisipho sangempela.
• Yiba ngokwenzayo esikhundleni sokuthi "ngazise uma udinga noma yini." Shiya ukudla. Thatha izingane ihora elilodwa. Bhala uthi "ngicabanga ngawe, akudingeki uphendule."
• Sho igama lomuntu wabelane ngenkumbulo. Abantu bavame ukwesaba ukuthi ukubalula lowo osebefile kuzovula kabusha inxeba. Ngokuvamile inxeba selivele livuliwe, futhi ukuzwa igama kukhumbuza osesosizini ukuthi umuntu wakhe wayebalulekile nakwabanye.
• Yeqa izisombululo ezimtoti. "Okungenani" noma yini, "yonke into yenzeka ngesizathu," "basendaweni engcono" kuvame ukufinyelela njengokungawunaki ngisho kuhloswe ngomusa. "Ngiyaxolisa kakhulu. Ngilapha." kwanele.
• Qhubeka ufika emva kwamasonto ambalwa okuqala, lapho ukudla kuma nezingcingo zincipha kodwa usizi lusekhona kakhulu.

Usizi aluyini

Aluyona inkinga edinga ukuxazululwa, futhi akulona uphawu lokuthi wehlulekile uma luhlala isikhathi eside. Ayikho imigqa yokugcina lapho usuku "wukudlulile" ngokusemthethweni, futhi ungase ungayifuni. Abantu abaningi abasuki ekulahlekelweni ngokuya ngokuthi bakhulisa kancane impilo ebanzi ngokwanele ukuluthwala.

Abantu abanhliziyo enhle ngezinye izikhathi bazokusheshisa. Bazothi kufanele usube phambili, noma bakunike ibinzana elihlelekile elifinyelela ngokungalungile. Bahlose ukusiza. Uvunyelwe ukubabonga uqhubeke ulila ngesivinini sakho.

Nini ukufinyelela usizo olwengeziwe

Usizi akusona isifo sengqondo. Kuyintengo yemvelo yokunakekela umuntu noma into. Kubantu abaningi, ngisho noma lungasoze lunyamalale ngokuphelele, ngokuya luyakhulula ukubamba kwalo ngokwanele ukuvumela impilo ibuye.

Kubantu abanye, nokho, luhlala luvalelwe emandleni aphelele futhi lubavimbele ukuba basebenze. Odokotela banegama lalokhu manje: isifo sosizi olwelulekile. Isibonakaliso akusikho ukuthi ubuhlungu kangakanani. Kungukuthi usizi luhlala lubambekile futhi lukhubaza kangakanani isikhathi eside. I-American Psychiatric Association iphawula ukuthi lokhu kuxilongwa ngokuvamile kusebenza lapho ukulahlekelwa kwenzeka okungenani unyaka odlule kumuntu omdala (izinyanga eziyisithupha enganeni noma entsheni), futhi izimpawu ezinkulu zivele cishe nsuku zonke okungenani inyanga edlule. Izimpawu zingahlanganisa umuzwa ojulile wokungakholwa ukuthi ukulahlekelwa kungokoqobo, ukuzizwa sengathi ingxenye yakho ifile, ukwehluleka ukuxhumana nanoma ubani noma yini, nosizi olugwinya kangaka kangangokuthi impilo evamile ihlala ingafinyeleleki isikhathi eside.

Uma lokho kuzwakala kuyindawo okuyo, sicela wazi ukuthi luyelapheka, futhi ukufinyelela kuyisinyathelo esiqinile, hhayi ukwehluleka ukubhekana. Abeluleki bengqondo basebenzisa izindlela ezithize, ezihlolwe kahle zosizi olungeke luzikhulule lodwa. Isinyathelo sokuqala esihle ukukhuluma nodokotela wakho noma umeluleki wosizi.

Ezinye izinto akufanele zilinde noma yiliphi ithebulisikhathi. Finyelela usizo ngokushesha uma ungakwazi nhlobo ukudlula empilweni yansuku zonke, uma weyeme kakhulu otshwaleni noma kwezinye izidakamizwa ukuze ubuthise ubuhlungu, noma uma uzithola ucabanga ukuthi awufuni ukuba lapha, noma ukuthi abantu obathandayo bebengaba ncono ngaphandle kwakho. Lezo zicabango zingafika nosizi olujulile, futhi ziwuphawu lokukhuluma nomuntu manje, hhayi kamuva. Akudingeki ukuchaze ngokuphelele. Kudingeka nje utshele umuntu oyedwa wangempela, noma umugqa wezimo eziphuthumayo, ukuthi uyahlupheka.

Usizi lucela okuningi kuwe, futhi lukucela lapho unokuncane kunakho konke ongakunikeza. Yiba nesineke nawe njengoba ungaba naso nomuntu omthandayo obehlushwa kangaka. Uvunyelwe ukukwenza lokhu kancane. Uvunyelwe ukusaba nosizi isikhathi eside. Futhi akudingeki ukuluthwale wedwa, ngisho ngezinsuku kuzwakala sengathi wenza kanjalo.

Imithombo

• National Institute on Aging (NIH), Coping With Grief and Loss
• Cleveland Clinic, Grief: What It Is, Types, Symptoms & How To Cope
• American Psychiatric Association, Prolonged Grief Disorder