Ukwakhela Izinhlekelele: Uma Ingqondo Yakho Igxumela Ngqo Esimweni Esibi Kunazo Zonke

Umphathi wakho uthumela impendulo yamagama amabili: "Asixoxe." Ngesikhathi usuyifunde kabili, usuvele ucabange umhlangano lapho ulahlekelwa umsebenzi wakho, izinyanga ezingenamholo, ingxoxo lapho utshela abantu abathembele kuwe. Akukho kwako okwenzekile. Iningi lako ngeke lenzeke. Kodwa isisu sakho sesivele sifingqene, njengokungathi kwenzekile.

Lokho ukwakhela izinhlekelele. Ingqondo yakho ithatha isimo esiyiqiniso kodwa esingaqinisekile bese ishesha iye ekugcineni okubi kunakho konke, bese iphatha lokho kugcina njengokungathi kuyilokho okungenzeka. I-American Psychological Association ichaza ukukhathazeka ngokwako njengesimo sokulindela "ingozi esondelayo, inhlekelele, noma ilishwa," futhi ukwakhela izinhlekelele kuwukulindela lokho okusebenza ngokweqile.

Cishe wonke umuntu ukwenza ngezinye izikhathi. Kuvame ukuvutha uma ukhathele, unengcindezi, noma ubhekene nento ongakwazi ukuyilawula. Umgomo lapha akusona ukuba umuntu ongakaze abe nomcabango okhathazayo. Kuwukumisa indaba eyodwa yesimo esibi kunazo zonke ekubuseni umbukiso wonke.

Kwenzekani ngempela

Kusiza ukwazi ukuthi ubuchopho bakho abonakele. Bwenza umsebenzi omdala ongafanele impilo yanamuhla.

I-Cleveland Clinic ibiza ukwakhela izinhlekelele ngendlela yokusinda. Kokhokho bethu, ukucabanga okubi kunakho konke (ukuhlokoma otshanini kuyisilwane esizingelayo, hhayi umoya) kwakuwumshwalense oshibhile. Indleko yokweqisa ukusabela kwakuwumjaho olahlekile. Indleko yokusabela kancane kwakuwukudliwa. Ngakho ubuchopho obabuthambekele ekucabangeni okubi kunakho konke babuvame ukusinda budlulisele umkhuba. Inkinga ukuthi umlayezo othi "asixoxe" akusona isilwane esizingelayo, futhi uhlelo lwakho lwezinzwa ngeke luhlale lwazi umehluko.

Abacwaningi abafunda ukwakhela izinhlekelele bavame ukukuhlukanisa kube izingxenye ezintathu ezinyakazayo, futhi ungahle uzibone zontathu kuwe:

• Ukukhulisa: ukukhukhumeza ukuthi ingozi imbi kangakanani. Iphutha liba yinhlekelele.
• Ukuzindla: ukuzungeza umcabango omnyama ofanayo, ungakwazi ukuwubeka phansi.
• Ukuphelelwa amandla: umuzwa oshonayo wokuthi akukho ongakwenza ukumelana uma okubi kunakho konke kwenzeka.

Lokho kokugcina kubaluleke kakhulu kunalokho abantu abakuqondayo. Ukwakhela izinhlekelele akumayelana kuphela nokweqisa ukuthi izinto zizoba zimbi kangakanani. Kumayelana nokwehlisa nokubaluleka kwakho. Indaba cishe ihlala ishiya inguqulo yakho eyibhekanayo, ecela usizo, ezivumelanisayo, futhi edlulayo. Futhi usudlule ezintweni ezinzima ngaphambili, ngisho nalapho ungakwazanga ukubona ukuthi kanjani ngaleso sikhathi.

Akukho kulokhu okuwumsindo wangemuva ongalimazi. Isibuyekezo esikhulu socwaningo ngokwakhela izinhlekelele sathola ukuthi kuhamba eduze nokukhathazeka nokudangala futhi kubikezela imiphumela emibi kubantu abaphila nobuhlungu obungapheli. Okuyingxenye ekhuthazayo futhi: kuyiphethini elifundwe ngokucophelela ngoba lingashintshwa.

Indlela yokukubamba emzuzwini

Uma indaba yesimo esibi kunazo zonke isikubambe, awudingi ukuyiphikisa phansi ngokucabanga okuhle. Ithemba eliphoqiwe kuyivelakancane ukubambelela, ngoba ingxenye yakho iyazi ukuthi umphumela omubi ungenzeka ngokwezobuchwepheshe. Isinyathelo esizinzile ukwandisa isithombe kuze kuthi inhlekelele ibe yinketho eyodwa kwezimbalwa, esikhundleni sokuba yiyona yodwa egumbini.

Nawu uchungechunge ongaluhambisa ngaphansi komzuzu.

1. Kuqambe. Sho, ngokusobala, "ngiyakhela izinhlekelele njengamanje." Ukufaka ilebula emcabangweni kudala isikhala esincane phakathi kwakho nawo. Nguwe umuntu oqaphela umcabango, hhayi umcabango ngokwawo.
2. Bhala phansi isimo esibi kunazo zonke. Khipha inguqulo eyethusayo ekhanda lakho uyibhale ephepheni noma emanothini efoni, ngomusho owodwa. Ephepheni ngokuvamile ayikholeki njengoba yayinjalo ebumnyameni.
3. Manje bhala isimo esihle kunazo zonke. Hhayi ngoba nako kungenzeka, kodwa ukuze welule ububanzi. Uma esibi kunazo zonke singomunye umkhawulo wenkundla, lokhu kumaka omunye umkhawulo.
4. Bese ubhala isimo esingenzeka kakhulu. Yilapho impumuzo yangempela ihlala khona. Ngeqiniso, kuvame ukwenzekani ezimweni ezifana nalezi? Elokuthi "asixoxe" livame kakhulu ukumayelana neshejuli, umbuzo, noma iphrojekthi kunokumayelana nomsebenzi wakho.
5. Buza umbuzo wokuphelelwa amandla. "Uma into embi yenzeka, bengingenzani ngempela okulandelayo?" Awudingi ukukuxazulula konke. Ukuqamba ngisho nesinyathelo esisodwa sokuqala (fonela umngane, buyekeza i-résumé, buza umbuzo) kukukhumbuza ukuthi awuphelelwe amandla ngaphakathi kwesimo esibi kunazo zonke.

Lena yinguqulo elungiswe kancane yekhono eliyisisekelo le-cognitive behavioral therapy ochwepheshe ngezinye izikhathi abalibiza ngokususa izinhlekelele. Awuziqambeli amanga. Uhlola isibikezelo sesimo esibi kunazo zonke ngokumelene nobufakazi nangokumelene nomlando wakho, ngendlela ongahlola ngayo noma yisiphi isimangalo ngaphambi kokusibheja.

Uma umjikelezo ungami

Isu elingenhla lisebenza kahle kunazo zonke enkathazweni ethile ongayibamba. Ngezinye izikhathi ukwakhela izinhlekelele kuvela njenkungu kunalokho, ukwesaba okuvamile ngaphandle kwento ecacile, futhi umsebenzi wokubhala uzwakala njengokuzama ukubamba intuthu. Uma lokho kwenzeka, umzimba wakho uvame ukudinga ukunakwa ngaphambi kokuthi imicabango yakho ibambisane.

Izinto ezimbalwa ezisiza ukuphazamisa ukujikeleza:

• Cothisa ukuphefumula kwakho. Ukuphefumulela phandle okude, okucothayo kutshela uhlelo lwakho lwezinzwa ukuthi isimo esiphuthumayo siphelile, futhi umzimba ozolile wenza ukucabanga okucacile. Imicabango izwakala ingesona iqiniso uma umkhosi usuthulile.
• Susela ukukhathazeka esikhathini esibekiwe. Uma ukwesaba okufanayo kuqhubeka kungena ngenkani, zama ukuzitshela ukuthi uzokucabangela emzuzwini othile kamuva ("ngizokhathazeka ngalokhu ngehora lesithupha ntambama"). Ubuchopho buvame ukuxegisa ukubamba kwabo uma sebuthemba ukuthi ukukhathazeka ngeke kunganakwa.
• Buyela emizweni yakho. Qamba izinto ezimbalwa ongazibona, ozizwe, nozizwe njengamanje. Ukwakhela izinhlekelele kuhlala ekusaseni okucatshangelwayo. Imizwa yakho ingabika kuphela isikhathi samanje, lapho inhlekelele ingenzeki khona.
• Yenza into elandelayo encane. Isenzo siyisitha semvelo sokuphelelwa amandla. Awudingi ukulungisa isimo sonke. Thumela i-imeyili eyodwa, buza umbuzo owodwa, thatha isinyathelo esisodwa, bese indaba yokuthi "akukho engingakwenza" iqala ukuhlakazeka.

I-NHS, esiqondisweni sayo sokuzisiza, ibeka ikhono elingaphansi ngokulula: hlehla emuva, ubheke ubufakazi bomcabango, bese ucabangela ezinye izindlela zokubona isimo. Yileso isinyathelo, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ukwenza ephepheni noma ekhanda lakho uhamba.

Ubudlelwano obunobumnene nesimo sakho esibi kunazo zonke

Kunoshintsho oluthule ngaphansi kwawo wonke amasu, futhi luvame ukubaluleka kakhulu ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Ungafunda ukubamba umcabango okhathazayo ungakholelwa igama ngalinye lawo. Umcabango othi "lokhu kuzoba yinhlekelele" ungumcabango, hhayi isibikezelo. Ungaxokozela, uvame, futhi ube yiphutha ngokuphelele konke ngasikhathi sinye. Uvunyelwe ukuwuqaphela, ubonge ubuchopho bakho obuvikela ngokweqile ngokuzama, wenqabe ukuwulandela phezu kweliwa.

Lokhu kuya kuba lula ngokuzijwayeza, ngendlela izinto eziningi ezenza ngayo. Isikhathi ngasinye ubamba indaba yesimo esibi kunazo zonke wandise isithombe, ufundisa ubuchopho bakho ukuthi umkhosi awudingi ukusho lokho owawukusho.

Nini ukufinyelela usizo olwengeziwe

Ukwakhela izinhlekelele kuvamile, futhi kukukodwa akusona ukuxilongwa kwanoma yini. Kodwa uma ukucabanga isimo esibi kunazo zonke kungapheli, uma kweba ubuthongo bakho, kukuvimbela emsebenzini noma kubantu obathandayo, noma kusongwe novalo, umoya ophansi, noma ubuhlungu obungapheli, lokho kufanele ukuxoxwe ngakho nodokotela noma nomeluleki. Akusona isibonakaliso sokuthi wehlulekile ukuphatha ingqondo yakho.

I-cognitive behavioral therapy ngenye yezindlela ezifundwe kakhulu, ezisebenza kakhulu zokushintsha leli phethini ncamashi, futhi umeluleki omuhle angalilungisela impilo yakho kangcono kunanoma yisiphi isihloko. Ukucela lolo sizo kungenye yezinto ezinekhono umuntu angazenza. Futhi uma imicabango ike yabheka ekuphelelweni yithemba noma ekuzilimazeni, sicela ungayilindeli wedwa. Finyelela kumugqa wosizo noma kuchwepheshe namuhla. Kukhona abantu umsebenzi wabo wonke ukukusiza udlule kulokho, futhi uvunyelwe ukubasebenzisa.

Imithombo

• Cleveland Clinic, Are You Catastrophizing? Here's How You Can Manage Those Thoughts
• American Psychological Association, Anxiety
• NHS, Self-help CBT techniques
• Simic, Savic & Knezevic, Pain Catastrophizing: How Far Have We Come (Neurology International)