Amathiphu asheshayo
- Bamba izwi bese uliqamba ngokuthula.
- Sho lokho obungakusho kumngane olimele.
- Shintshanisa u-njalo no-akaze ngalokho okunembile.
Kukhona izwi abanye bethu abalazi kahle kakhulu. Uthumela i-imeyili bese lithi uzwakale uyisiwula. Wenza iphutha elilodwa bese lithi uhlala wenza lokhu. Uzibuka esibukweni bese linombono osulungele. Livame ukukhuluma ngokuphelele, futhi livame ukukhuluma ngezwi lakho, okuyisona kanye sizathu sokuthi kube lula kangaka ukulikholwa.
Sithi ngumgxeki wangaphakathi. Akusona isifo noma iphutha esimilweni sakho. Cishe wonke umuntu unenguqulo ethize yawo. Kwabanye abantu kungukukhonona kwesikhathi nesikhathi. Kwabanye kusebenza cishe ngaphandle kokuma, lulandisa usuku ngethoni ababengeke bayisebenzise nakubani abamthandayo.
Uma leyo yesibili izwakala ijwayelekile, lokhu kungokwakho. Hhayi ukuthulisa izwi phakade, akuyona ngempela indlela izingqondo ezisebenza ngayo, kodwa ukukhipha omunye umoya kulo.
Lapho izwi livela khona
Umgxeki wangaphakathi imvamisa waqala njengento evikelayo. Ndawana thile endleleni, ingxenye yakho yanquma ukuthi uma ufika kuqala, uma uzigxeka ngaphambi kokuba omunye umuntu akwazi, uzophepha. Uzobe usulungele. Awusoze wabanjwa ungalindele ukwehluleka ngoba usuvele wazilungiselela kona.
Yisu elinengqondo enganeni. Livame ukuhlala isikhathi eside kunesamukelo salo.
Abantu abaningi baphinde bathwale inkolelo ethule kakhulu ngaphansi kwakho konke: yokuthi ulaka luyasebenza. Yokuthi ngaphandle komgxeki obakhwelayo, bebengathamba, benevila, bayeke ukuzama. Ngakho bagcina isiswebhu siseduze, benqotshwe umbono wokuthi kuyona kuphela into emi phakathi kwabo nokuwohloka okuphelele.
Ucwaningo lukhomba enye indlela. Lapho usosayikholoji uKristin Neff nabanye becwaninga ukuzigxeka okunolaka, bathole ukuthi kuhamba nokukhathazeka okwengeziwe, ukudangala okwengeziwe, nokucabangisisa okwengeziwe, lowo mjikelezo ohlikihlayo lapho umcabango wokugxeka ofanayo uzungeza amahora aphinde ungayi ndawo. Isilinganiso esinomusa kakhulu, ukuziphatha ngokufudumele lapho usebunzimeni, sihambisana esikhundleni salokho nomoya ozinze kakhulu futhi, ngokuphawuleka, nogqozi olwengeziwe kunolwehlisiwe. Umgxeki uthembisa ukukugcina ubukhali. Lokho okuvame ukukwenza ukukudicilela.
I-Cleveland Clinic ibeka izindleko ngokucacile: umsinga ongapheli wokuzikhulumela okubi ungondla ukudangala nokukhathazeka, futhi uvame ukwenza abantu bahlehle kulokho kanye kusekelwa okungasiza. Izwi elithi liyakuvikela ligcina likuhlukanisa nabanye.
Kungani ungakwazi ukunqoba impikiswano
Umzwangedwa, uma usuqaphela umgxeki, ukuwulwa. Ukuqoqa ubufakazi, wakhe icala, ukhombise ukuthi unephutha.
Ngezinye izikhathi lokho kusiza kancane. Ngokuvamile akusizi, ngoba umgxeki empeleni awusebenzi ngengqondo enomqondo. Ungayinqoba impikiswano ngoMsombuluko bese ibuya ngoLwesibili nesikhalazo esisha. Ukuyiphikisa kungayondla ngisho, njengendlela ukuhlokoza umlilo okondla ngayo umlilo. Usaphatha umcabango njengento efuna impendulo.
Isinyathelo esiwusizo kakhulu ukushintsha ubudlelwane bakho nezwi kunokuqukethwe kwalo. Awudingi ukunqoba umcabango. Udinga ukuyeka ukulinika isondo lokushayela.
Enye indlela yokusebenza nawo
Nansi indlela evame ukumelana kangcono kunokuphikisa. Ithathe ngezingcezu. Ngeke uzidinge zonke lezi ngaso sonke isikhathi.
1. Libambe lisenza
Awukwazi ukushintsha lokho ongakuboni. Izinsuku ezimbalwa, mane uqaphele lapho umgxeki uvela nokuthi cishe uthini. Awukazami ukulungisa lutho okwamanje. Ufunda imigqa ethandwa yizwi, futhi imigxeki eminingi inombhalo omfushane, obikezelekayo. "Usemuva." "Wonke umuntu uyabona." "Bekufanele wazi kangcono."
Ukuliqamba njengoba kwenzeka, ngisho ngokuthula ("hheshe, nanku umgxeki"), kudala igebe elincane. Kulelo gebe ukhumbula okuthile okubalulekile: umcabango ngawe awufani neqiniso ngawe.
2. Hlola amagama, hhayi ukubaluleka
Qaphela ukuthi umgxeki uthanda kanjani ukuba ngophelele. Njalo. Akaze. Wonke umuntu. Ngokuphelele. Impilo yangempela cishe ayikaze isebenze ngokuphelele, futhi lokho kweqisa kuyinkomba. Umcabango awubiki iqiniso, uyakhukhumeza.
Odokotela abasebenza nemicabango ngale ndlela abahloseli ubuhle obuphoqiwe. Umgomo akuwona ukushintshanisa u"ngiyisehluleki" ngo"ngiyamangalisa," okuyinto ingqondo yakho ezoyenqaba ngaso leso sikhathi. Ngukuthola inguqulo enembe kakhulu, elinganiselwe kakhulu. "Ngiyisehluleki" kuba "ngiyiphathe kabi leyo ngxenye, kanti ezinye izingxenye ezimbalwa zihambe kahle." Akwanelisi njengomdlalo wemizwa. Kuseduze kakhulu neqiniso.
3. Buza ukuthi ngelikabani izwi ngempela
Ngezinye izikhathi umgxeki awuwona ngisho owakho. Lalela eduze futhi ungase uzwe umzali, umqeqeshi wakudala, uthisha, othile owake wakwenza wazizwa umncane. Ukubona ukugxeka okubolekiwe ngalokho okuyikho kungakhipha amandla amaningi amangalisayo awo. Uvunyelwe ukwenqaba ukuqhubeka uthwele ulaka lomunye umuntu.
4. Zama uhlolo lomngane
Lena izwakala ilula futhi yenza umsebenzi wangempela. Cabanga umngane oseduze eza kuwe nesimo esifana ncamashi nalesi ozishaya ngaso. Iphutha elifanayo. Ukwesaba okufanayo. Ubungathini kubo?
Ubungeke usho lokho umgxeki okushoyo kuwe. Ubungeke ukucabange nakukucabanga. Ubungathembeka kodwa unomusa, ubungayibeka into ngesilinganiso, ubungabakhumbuza ukuthi bangabantu. Leyo thoni, leyo oyigcinela abantu obakhathalelayo, iyatholakala nakuwe. Ukuzwelana nawe imvamisa kumane kuwukuphendulela leso similo esejwayelekile ngaphakathi. Izifundo zisikisela ukuthi akubona ubuthaka noma ukuzitika. Abantu abakwazi ukukwenza bavame ukuqina kakhulu, hhayi kancane, futhi bazimisele kakhulu ukuzama futhi emva kokukhubeka.
5. Livumele likhulume ngaphandle kokulilalela
Awudingi ukwenza izwi lime. Ungalivumela lisebenze ngasemuva njengomsakazo egumbini elinye, likhona, kodwa lingaphethe. "Ngiyabonga, ngiyakuzwa, ngikubambile" kuyimpendulo ephelele. Uyivumile. Awuthathanga imiyalo.
Yini ngempela eshintsha izinto
Umgxeki waba nomsindo ngokuphindaphinda, iminyaka yemigqa efanayo esesiyingelezini. Uyathula nangokuphindaphinda futhi, imigqa enomusa nje kuphela, elolongwa lapho okusengcupheni kuncane.
Yileyo ngxenye abantu abayeqayo. Balinda inkinga ukuze bazame ukuba nomusa kubo, bakuthole kungenzeki phakathi nesizungezo, baphethe ngokuthi akubasebenzeli. Kusebenza kangcono njengomkhuba kunokuba ithuluzi lesimo esiphuthumayo. Bamba ukugxeka okuncane. Phinda amagama alawo ansuku zonke. Yenza uhlolo lomngane ezintweni ezincane. Wakha okuzenzakalelayo okuhlukile, futhi okuzenzakalelayo yikho okuvela lapho ukhathele kakhulu ukuze ukhethe.
Abanye abantu bathola kusiza ukubhala phansi inguqulo enomusa bayigcine endaweni abazoyibona, ngoba ngomzuzu ophansi umcabango wakho olinganiselwe kunzima ukuwubiza enkumbulweni. Ukuwufunda kuyabalwa.
Yiba nesineke ngokuthi lokhu kuhamba kancane kangakanani. Usebenzisana nomsele ophandlekele isikhathi eside. Izwi elimnene alifiki lonke ngasikhathi sinye. Lifika ngendlela elinolaka elafika ngayo, ukuphindaphinda okukodwa ngesikhathi, kuze kuthi ngolunye usuku uqaphele ukuthi uzikhulumele njengomuntu ofanele ukuba nomusa kuye futhi kwakungazwakali kuxakile.
Uma kungaphezu kwezwi elinolaka
Kukhona umugqa ofanele ukuqashelwa. Umgxeki wangaphakathi okhonkothayo ujwayelekile futhi ungasebenzeka. Izwi eseliphenduke inzondo yokuzizonda eqhubekayo, elikutshela ukuthi awunamsebenzi noma ukuthi abantu bebengaba ngcono ngaphandle kwakho, lithwele okungaphezu kokuzigxeka okujwayelekile, futhi lifanele ukusekelwa kwangempela.
Uma umgxeki ondla ukudangala noma ukukhathazeka okuphazamisa ubuthongo bakho, umsebenzi wakho, noma abantu obathandayo, udokotela wengqondo angasiza, futhi izindlela ezakhelwe le nkinga kanye zimile kahle. Uma uke uthole izwi liphendukela emicabangweni yokungafuni ukuba lapha, ngicela ungahlali nalokho wedwa. Finyelela emgqeni wezimo eziphuthumayo noma kuchwepheshe. Lokho akuwona umgxeki uneqiniso ngawe. Kuwuphawu lokuthi uthwele okuningi kakhulu wedwa, futhi usizo lukhona ngenxa yalokhu kanye.
Awudingi ukuzuza umusa ngokuba umuntu umgxeki ophikelela ngokuthi kufanele ube nguye. Uvunyelwe ukuba nomusa emuntwini osuvele unguye, namuhla, njengoba unjalo nje. Yilapho imvamisa izinto ziqala khona ukukhululeka.
Imithombo
- Cleveland Clinic, Constantly Down on Yourself? How To Stop Negative Self-Talk
- Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion Research
- PubMed Central, A Reconsideration of the Self-Compassion Scale's Total Score: Self-Compassion versus Self-Criticism
- PubMed Central, Exploring the longitudinal dynamics of self-criticism, self-compassion, psychological flexibility, and mental health