Ubuzile. Lokho kubalulekile ukukuqaphela ngaphambi kokwenzeka kwanoma yini enye, ngoba umuntu obuza kanye nguye kanye umuntu ozophinde abuze ngonyaka ozayo enolwazi olungcono nenani elingcono. Baningi abantu abanekhono abangakaze bafike nakuleyo ngxenye.
Base bethi cha. Igumbi lathula, ubuso bakho benza into ongazange uyikhethe, futhi unamasekhondi ayisithupha ukuze unqume ukuthi lokhu kuyini. Nakhu okufanele ukwazi ngaphambi kokunquma noma yini: cishe akukho u-cha ongu-cha kuwe. Ngu-cha kulesi simo salesi sivumelwano, kulesi sabelomali, kule kota, futhi uvame ukushiwo umuntu odlulisa isinqumo esithathwe omunye. Amasekhondi angamashumi ayisithupha alandela u-cha abaluleke kakhulu kunesicelo esiwandulele, ngoba yiwo wodwa umzuzu ozotshelwa ngawo, ngomlomo, ukuthi lesi sivumelwano bekumele sibukeke kanjani esikhundleni salokho.
Ngithini kumasekhondi ayishumi okuqala ngemva kokuthi bethe cha?
Babonge ngokuqonda kwabo nawe, bese ubuza umbuzo owodwa. Ungaphikisi, ungaphindi uchaze udaba lwakho, futhi ungasheshi ubaqinisekise ukuthi kulungile ngokuphelele.
Lokho kuqinisekisa kuyisicupho. "Cha cha, ngiyaqonda ngokuphelele, akunankinga neze" ngumusho abantu abawushoyo ukuze bamise ukungakhululeki, futhi uvala ingxoxo khona lapho. Usanda kubatshela ukuthi lolu daba seluphelile nokuthi isicelo sakho besithambe ngokwanele ukuba usihoxise ngomphefumulo owodwa.
Kunalokho, misa umzuzwana. Amasekhondi amathathu okuthula ngemva kuka-cha akuwona ukudinwa, kungukucabanga, futhi kubanika ithuba lokwengeza umusho abantu abacishe bawengeze njalo uma u-cha eshiywa yedwa: isizathu, umkhawulo, noma into ebiyokwenza kube ngokwehlukile. Vumela lowo musho ufike. Uvame ukuba ulwazi olusiza kakhulu kuwo wonke umhlangano, futhi ulithola mahhala ngokungakhulumi.
Kuyasiza futhi ukubona ngokushesha ukuthi lo-cha ungokabani. Umphathi odlulisa isinqumo esenziwe ezingeni eliphakeme kabili udinga ingxoxo ehluke ngokuphelele kumphathi ophethe isabelomali, futhi ungakuthola lokho ngombuzo owodwa onenhlonipho: "Ingabe lokhu yinto oyinquma wena, noma yinto oyidlulisela phambili?" Akekho ocasukiswa yilowo mbuzo, futhi impendulo ikutshela ukuthi ubufanele ukukholisa bani ngempela.
Yimuphi umbuzo ovula ngempela ingxoxo evaliwe?
Buza ukuthi yini okumele ibe iqiniso ukuze lokhu kube u-yebo. Kungumusho owodwa, awuzwakali njengenselelo, futhi ususa ingxoxo esinqumweni uyibeke ohlwini lwezimo.
Uwuqhathanise nezinye izindlela. "Kungani cha?" kucela umuntu ukuba avikele isinqumo, futhi abantu bavikela izinqumo ngokuziqinisa. "Ingabe ikhona into ongayenza?" imema impendulo yezwi elilodwa bese ibuyisela wonke umqondo kubona. "Yini okumele ibe iqiniso ukuze lokhu kube u-yebo?" icabanga ikusasa lapho impendulo ihlukile bese ibacela ukuba balichaze, okuyisicelo esilula kakhulu ukusinika kunokuguqula isinqumo.
Imibuzo ibiza kancane kunalokho abantu abakucabangayo. Ezifundweni ezintathu zezingxoxo eziphilayo, abacwaningi bathola ukuthi abantu ababuza imibuzo eminingi, ikakhulukazi imibuzo elandelayo, babethandwa kangcono ngumuntu ababekhuluma naye, nokuthi iningi lethu liyakweyisa lokhu. Awuchithi umusa ngokubuza. Uyawakha ngesikhathi uqoqa ulwazi kuphela olubalulekile.
Kufanele ngicele isizathu, noma ngicele isimo?
Cela isimo. Isizathu sichaza okwedlule kanti isimo sichaza ikusasa ongasebenzela kulo, futhi yinye kuphela kulezi ekunika into ongayenza ngoMsombuluko.
"Asikho isabelomali kule kota" yisizathu. "Uma ubuphethe ubudlelwano nabathengisi kufika uJuni, lena beyoba ingxoxo elula ngonyaka omusha wezimali" yisimo, futhi kuyinto ehluke ngokuphelele. Kunosuku kuyo, kunobubanzi, nencazelo yomsebenzi obuzokwenza lelo nani libe nesizathu. Lelo yicebo umuntu owusanda kukunika.
Uma bekunika isizathu kuphela, buza omunye umbuzo owodwa bese uma. "Ngiyezwa. Yini okumele ishintshe ukuze kukwazeke?" Bese uthule futhi. Imibuzo emibili nokuthula okubili yiwo wonke amasu, futhi kumfushane ngokwanele ukuwasebenzisa lapho inhliziyo yakho igijima.
Ngibhala phansi ini, futhi kufanele ngikwenze bengibuka?
Bhala phansi impendulo yabo besakhuluma, phambi kwabo, ngamazwi abo hhayi ngesifingqo sakho. Kuguqula uhlobo lwengxoxo isuke ekwaleni ibe umsebenzi enisuke seniwenza nobabili.
Thola inkulumo eqondile. Uma bethi "besidinga ukukubona uphethe ama-akhawunti amakhulu kusukela ekuqaleni kuze kube sekugcineni", lowo musho unyaka wakho ozayo nomusho wakho wokuqala olandelayo, futhi isifingqo osibhale ngoLwesine sizobe silahlekelwe yizingxenye ezibalulekile. Impendulo abakunika yona ingxoxo yonyaka ozayo, ngamazwi abo.
Bhala phansi namanani. U-cha uvame ukufika enamathele enanini eliphikisayo, futhi lelo nani liyisikhonkwane elenza kanye lokho okwenziwa isicelo sokuqala: uhlangothi olubeka inani etafuleni kuqala luvame ukudonsela umphumela wokugcina kulo. Libhale phansi, kodwa ungaliphathi njengeqiniso. Liyisikhundla sokuqala sohlangothi olulodwa, olubhalwe phansi ukuze lusetshenziswe kamuva.
Ngiyithola kanjani usuku lokubuyela kulokhu ngingabukeki ngiphoqelela?
Cela usuku njengohlelo lomsebenzi, hhayi njengomusa. "Yisiphi isikhathi esifanele sokubuyela kulokhu, uSepthemba noma ekuqaleni konyaka omusha wesabelomali?" Ukukhetha phakathi kwezinsuku ezimbili kulula kakhulu ukukuphendula kunesicelo esivulekile.
Bese uqinisekisa ngokubhala ngalo lolo suku, ngemigqa emithathu: ngiyabonga, nakhu engikuzwile okumele kube khona, nakhu isikhathi esivumelene ngaso sokubuyela kulokhu. Kufushane, kufudumele, akunampikiswano. Lowo mlayezo wenza izinto ezintathu buthule. Ukhombisa ukuthi ulalele, ubeka isimo emarekhodini ngenkathi wonke umuntu esavumelana ngokuthi besiyini, futhi usho ukuthi umhlangano unengxenye elandelayo esikhundleni sesiphetho.
Uma impendulo eqotho iwukuthi alukho usuku, nalokho kuwulwazi, futhi kuwuhlobo olusizayo. U-cha ongenaso isimo esinamathele kuwo nongenalo usuku akuyona ngempela ingxoxo yokuxoxisana, kungumkhawulo, futhi ukukwazi lokho ngokushesha kukuvumela ukuba unqume okulandelayo usenamandla okukwenza.
U-cha owubhale phansi ubaluleke kakhulu kuno-yebo ongakuzwisisanga
Umphumela omuhle kakhulu ka-cha ukuthi uhamba nento ongazange ungene nayo: isimo, usuku, namazwi olunye uhlangothi mayelana nokuthi inani libukeka kanjani lapha. Lokho kuyisichasiso somsebenzi. Abantu abaningi bahamba nesilonda esikhundleni salokho, ngoba bathi "akunankinga" bese bephuma egumbini ngaphansi komzuzu owodwa.
Inani akulona elishintshayo lapha. Okushintshayo umkhuba wokumisa ukungakhululeki, obiza imali ngaso sonke isikhathi osebenza ngaso futhi ongafundiseka ngokuphelele, ngesikhala esisodwa esithule samasekhondi amathathu ngesikhathi.
Buza ukuthi yini engenza kube u-yebo. Bhala phansi impendulo. Thola usuku. Bese uhamba uyokwenza leso simo sibe iqiniso, ubuye nenani elifanayo nobufakazi obungcono.
Imithombo
- PubMed, It doesn't hurt to ask: Question-asking increases liking
- MIT Sloan, Silence is golden: New research out of MIT's Sloan School of Management suggests that extended silence during negotiations leads to better results for both parties
- PubMed, First offers as anchors: the role of perspective-taking and negotiator focus