Umuntu owaqala kanye nawe umemezele into enkulu kuleli sonto, futhi usukufundile lokho kumemezelo izikhathi ezine. Hhayi ngenxa yomona. Ubufuna ingxenye ekuchazayo, umusho othi kwenzeka kanjani, futhi wawungekho lapho, ngoba imimemezelo ayilokothi ibe nawo.
Sigcine leso senzo. Isifiso sokubuka ngokucophelela umuntu ophambi kwakho asilona iphutha lesimilo okufanele lilawulwe ngezivivinyo zokubonga. Yile ndlela evamile abantu abaqonda ngayo ukuthi yini engenzeka nokuthi benzeni ngokulandelayo, futhi abantu abanamaphupho benza lokhu kakhulu ngoba yibo abazama ngempela ukunyakaza. Inkinga akukhona ukuthi uqhathanisile. Yileyo yokuthi uqhathanise into engafanele. Imiphumela yingxenye ebonakalayo neyize. Izindlela yingxenye engakopishwa, futhi kunendlela ethembekile yokuzithola.
Kungani ukuqhathanisa kuvame ukungishiya ngimubi?
Ngoba ukuqhathanisa okuvamile umphumela ngokumelene nomphumela, futhi umphumela uyinombolo eyodwa efika ingenamiyalelo. UGerber, uWheeler noSuls bahlanganisa iminyaka engamashumi ayisithupha yocwaningo lokuqhathanisa kwabantu bathola ukuthi abantu bakhetha ikakhulukazi ukuqhathanisa nabaphezulu, nokuthi impendulo evamile ukuzibona bemubi kunokugqugquzeleka, imithelela emikhulu ibe sekwahluleleni amakhono nasesimweni somoya.
Ngakho lowo muzwa wokuwohloka ungumphumela wezibalo ovamile, hhayi ukwehluleka komuntu siqu. Kuchaza nokuthi kungani iseluleko esivamile sokuthi uyeke ukuqhathanisa singasindi lapho sihlangana nomuntu onamaphupho. Ukuqhathanisa yindlela ozilinganisa ngayo, futhi ngeke uyeke ukuzilinganisa.
Okushintsha umphumela yilokho okuqhathanisayo. ULockwood noKunda bathola ukuthi umuntu osebenza kahle kakhulu uyagqugquzela lapho impumelelo yakhe ibonakala ingafinyeleleka futhi ayiwohloze lapho ingabonakali kanjalo, futhi kuphela emkhakheni umbukeli awukhathalelayo ngempela. Ukufinyeleleka yikho ukushintsha. Umphumela uhlala ubukeka ungafinyeleleki, ngoba ubona into esiqediwe ingenayo isitebhisi. Indlela ibukeka ifinyeleleka ngoba yakhiwe ngoLwesibili.
Ngibabuza kanjani ngempela?
Umbuzo owodwa: ubenzani lapho ubusesigabeni engikuso? Bese kuba nowesibili omncane: wenzani ezinyangeni eziyisithupha ngaphambi kokuba lokhu kwenzeke?
Lezo zimbili zenza umsebenzi omkhulu, futhi ziyaphendulwa, ngoba ubuza ngengxenye abantu abaziqhenya ngayo futhi abangavamile ukukhuluma ngayo. Umemezelo ungumphumela. Izinyanga eziyisithupha ngaphambi kwawo ziyindlela, futhi iningi labantu lizokunika yona ngokuningiliziwe uma nje kukhona okhathazekayo ngokubuza.
Eminye embalwa ekhipha imininingwane esikhundleni sefilosofi:
- Uyekeni ukuze wenze indawo yalokhu?
- Ubani okusizile, futhi lowo muntu weza kanjani ekukwaziyo?
- Wenzeni kabi kuqala?
- Kwathatha isikhathi esingakanani kusukela esinqumweni kuya emphumeleni wokuqala obonakalayo?
Uma ungakwazi ukubuza ngqo, kwakhe kabusha kubufakazi obusesidlangalaleni: lokho abakushicilele, lapho babonakala khona, nangayiphi ihlelo. Bheka izinsuku. Igebe leminyaka emibili phakathi kwesinqumo somuntu nomemezelo wakhe yilo iqiniso elikhuthaza kunawo wonke, futhi yiyo kanye ingxenye umemezelo ohlala uyishiya ngaphandle.
Ngingakusebenzisa kanjani engikufundayo ngaphandle kokukopisha yonke impilo yabo?
Thatha umkhuba owodwa nqo bese uwenza inyanga. Owodwa. Ukwehluleka lapha akukhona ukweba kancane kakhulu, ukungenisa yonke inqubo yomuntu ngesonto elilodwa bese ukushiya konke ngosuku lweshumi.
Khetha umkhuba ohlangabezana nezivivinyo ezintathu: usezandleni zakho, ungenziwa ngobuncane ngosuku lwakho olubi kunazo zonke, futhi ukhiqiza into ebonakalayo ngaphakathi kwamasonto amane. Ukushicilela masonto onke. Ingxoxo eyodwa yokufinyelela abantu ngosuku. Amahora amabili okuzilolonga ngaphambi kokuvula ibhokisi lemeyili. Bese ubhala umugqa wesibili nowusizo ngokwengeziwe, okuyinto yabo ongayifuni ngamabomu: idolobha labo, ukuzimisela kwabo ukuhamba ubusuku obungamakhulu amabili ngonyaka, isifiso sabo sebhizinisi elidla amaviki. Lowo mugqa yiwo oguqula ukuqhathanisa kube uhlelo esikhundleni sethredimili.
Bese uhlola isikhathi ngobuqotho. Uma sebeneminyaka eyisishiyagalombili wena uneminyaka emibili, ukuqhathanisa okulungile kumelene nonyaka wabo wesibili, ovamise ukungabonakali kangako futhi obe nosizo kakhulu.
Ngingamane ngiyeke ukubalandela?
Kwesinye isikhathi, njengesinyathelo sesikhashana esinosuku. Uma ifidi elilodwa lilokhu limosha amahora amabili ekuseni kwakho, lithulise inyanga ngesikhathi wenza umkhuba wakho owodwa, bese ubeka usuku lokuphela lwalokho kuthulisa njengoba ubungabeka usuku kunoma yini enye oyinqumile.
Lokho okungekhona iqhinga lesu. Ukuthulisa kususa ulwazi kanye nobuhlungu, futhi lolo lwazi yisona sizathu sokuqala ubukubheka. Umuntu ophambi kwakho ngeminyaka emibili emkhakheni wakho ngqo ungomunye wemithombo esezingeni eliphezulu ozoke ube nayo, mahhala, futhi eshicilela izindlela zakhe esidlangalaleni. Ukuvala lokho unomphela ukuze uzizwe ungcono ngoLwesibili kuwukushintshisana okubizayo.
Ihluzo elingcono lihlunga ngokuqukethwe hhayi ngomuntu. Gcina ama-akhawunti akhombisa umsebenzi osaqhubeka bese echaza ukuthi kanjani, bese ulahla ama-akhawunti ashicilela imiphumela kuphela. Lowo mehluko awuhlangene nomona futhi uhlangene ngokuphelele nokuthi ungenza yini ngalokho okufundayo.
Ngenzani ngawo lo muzwa uqobo?
Bakhulume nabo, ngezwi elizwakalayo nangokucacile, ngalokho abakwenzile ngempela. Yiyo indlela esheshayo yokuguqula umuntu ozilinganisa naye abe umuntu owazi igama lakho, futhi kubiza umusho owodwa.
Lo mthetho ufanele ukukhunjulwa: ukudumisa okungacacile umsindo nje, futhi ukuqamba lokho umuntu akwenzile ngempela, phambi kwabantu abanombono obalulekile ngaye, kuyisenzakalo somsebenzi esingabizi lutho kumniki. Hhayi amazwi okuhalalisela nje. Into eseduze nalokhu: ingxenye lapho wakha kabusha uhlelo lokungenisa abantu ngaphambi kokuqalisa yiyona ebangele leyo nombolo inyakaze, futhi ngakusho kuleli qembu.
Kunobufakazi ngendlela lokhu okuhamba ngayo. UGrant noGino bathola kuzo zonke izivivinyo ezine, kufaka phakathi ucwaningo lwasensimini nabaqoqi bezimali, ukuthi ukubongwa kwakhulisa izinga abantu abasiza ngalo ngemuva kwalokho, nokuthi indlela yalokho kwakuwukuzizwa uqashelwa emphakathini kunokuzizwa unekhono elikhulu. Ukwazisa yinto ongayikhipha mahhala, futhi ishintsha lokho abantu abakwenzayo ngokulandelayo.
Umsunguli we-KEEP CALM ukubeka ngendlela yakhe: uthi enye yezimfihlo zempumelelo yakhe kwakuwukufuna amathuba okuqeqesha, ukweluleka, ukuphakamisa, ukuncoma nokusekela abantu ababemzungezile, ekwenza kuyo yonke indlela eya phezulu kunokukwenza esefikile, nokuthi okwabuya kwaba yizikhathi eziyishumi kunalokho akufaka. Lokho kungukulandisa kwakhe ngomsebenzi wakhe hhayi umthetho othile ongakuthembisa. Okungaphikiswa yintengo, okungumusho owodwa ocacile oshiwo lapho kubalulekile.
Ukuqhathanisa kuyithuluzi, ngakho libambe ngesibambo
Akukho kulokhu okucela ukuthi ufise kancane noma ususe amehlo. Inguqulo ekwenza ube ngcono imfushane futhi iyasebenza.
Buza abakwenza lapho ubusesigabeni sakho. Thatha umkhuba owodwa bese uwenza inyanga. Qamba into eyodwa yabo ongayilandeli. Bathumelele umusho owodwa ocacile ngomsebenzi uqobo.
Yenza lokho izikhathi ezintathu noma ezine ngonyaka nabantu abaphambi kwakho kancane bese kushintsha into esemgogodleni. Ugcina unendlela, iqoqo lezinqumo ezenziwe ngenhloso hhayi ngokuvamile, neqembu elincane labantu abaphambi kwakho abakwaziyo kahle ukuthi ungubani. Ngonyaka wesihlanu, leyo yokugcina ibaluleke kakhulu kunanoma yimuphi umkhuba owodwa ohlwini.
Imithombo
- Psychological Bulletin, A social comparison theory meta-analysis 60+ years on
- Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Superstars and Me: Predicting the Impact of Role Models on the Self
- Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, A little thanks goes a long way: Explaining why gratitude expressions motivate prosocial behavior