Wathola ngoLwesine ukuthi uthisha wakudala weminyaka engamashumi amabili edlule wayesethathe umhlalaphansi, wahlala phansi ngalobo busuku ezobhala okuthile. Waqhwaga emgqeni wokuqala. Wayazi kahle ukuthi wayenzeni: wake wamtshela, ephasishi, ukuthi wayengcono kulokhu kunalokho ayekucabanga, futhi wayakhe iningi lomsebenzi wakhe wempilo ngenxa yalowo musho engakaze awuphathe naye.
Cishe wonke umuntu unabantu abahlanu noma abayisithupha abanjalo. Akubona abantu obathanda kakhulu, kodwa yilabo abenza isinqumo esashintsha indlela yakho: umuntu owakuvumela ungene, umuntu owasho igama lakho, umuntu owakutshela iqiniso kanye ngesikhathi kwakuzoba lula ukuba mnandi nje. Iningi labo alazi. Ukubaqamba kuthatha imizuzu eyishumi, ukubatshela kudinga inkumbulo eyodwa ecacile, umusho owodwa ngalokho okwakushintsha, nakho okunye okunamathiselwe.
Ubani ngempela owangakha, futhi ngiluqamba kanjani uhlu?
Cabanga ngezinqumo, hhayi ngothando. Bhala phansi wonke umuntu owenza inketho eyashintsha indlela yakho, futhi ngokuvamile uzogcina unamagama amahlanu noma ayisithupha, amabili awo okungenani azokumangaza.
Imibuzo emine ikunika lonke uhlu ngokushesha. Ubani owakuvumela ungene ngesikhathi engaphoqekile? Ubani owasho igama lakho egumbini owawungekho kulo? Ubani owakufundisa into osayisebenzisa masonto onke? Ubani owakutshela iqiniso kanye, ngenani elithile kuye, futhi eqinisile?
Qaphela ukuthi ayikho neyodwa kuleyo mibuzo ebuza ukuthi ubani owayenomusa kuwe. Umusa muhle kakhulu kodwa awulona uhlu olufanayo. Umuntu owakwakha kungenzeka wayenolaka, kungenzeka wachitha isikhashana empilweni yakho, kungenzeka wayengumphathi ongazange ujabulele ukusebenza naye. Isivivinyo ukuthi indlela yempilo yakho ihlukile yini ngenxa yesinqumo abasenza. Bhala amagama ephepheni. Uhlu luyazilungisa uma seluvela ngendlela ongalubuka ngayo.
Ngithini kumuntu engingakhulumanga naye iminyaka eyishumi?
Izingxenye ezintathu, ngalolu hlelo: inkumbulo eyodwa ecacile, umusho owodwa ngalokho okwakushintsha, nesicelo esingekho. Imisho eyisithupha yanele futhi emine ilungile.
Inkumbulo ecacile yiyona nto yonke esebenzayo. "Wawunguthisha omuhle" kuncoma bona ngokujwayelekile futhi kuyashelela. "Wangimisa ephasishi ngaphandle kwegumbi lesishiyagalolunye wangitshela ukuthi ngingcono kulokhu kunalokho engangikucabanga" kuwubufakazi bokuthi wayekhona, ukuthi kwabambelela, nokuthi kwakubalulekile ngokwanele ukuthi kuphile iminyaka engamashumi amabili. Bese usho ukuthi kwashintshani, ngokusobala nangomusho owodwa: owakwenza ngemuva kwalokho, okwenzayo manje, obungeke ukuzame ngaphandle kwalokho.
UNicholas Epley no-Amit Kumar babika ku-Psychological Science ukuthi abantu ababhala izincwadi zokubonga babebukela phansi kakhulu ukuthi umamukeli wayezozizwa emuhle kangakanani, futhi babeqagela ngokweqile ukuthi yonke le nto yayizoba yinkinga. Izincwadi zafika kangcono kakhulu kunalokho ababekulindele abazithumelayo. Okusho ukuthi ukungakhululeki okuzwayo ngaphambi kokuthumela akubikezeli kahle ukuthi kwenzekani emva kwalokho, futhi kufanelekile ukungakunaki ngenxa yobufakazi.
Kungani ukunamathisela isicelo kukonakalisa?
Ngoba kuguqula isipho sibe yisivumelwano sokushintshiselana, futhi umamukeli uyaluzwa lolo shintsho phakathi nomlayezo. Ngesikhathi ukubonga kuphethe isicelo, umuntu kumele acabange emuva ukuthi ukubonga kwakungakho ini.
Yilona mthetho abantu abawephula kakhulu futhi yiwo onquma ukuthi umlayezo uyakhunjulwa yini. Akukho "ngingathanda ukuhlangana nawe ngelinye ilanga." Akukho "ngingakwazisa iseluleko sakho kokuthile." Akukho ilinki, akukho okunamathiselwe, akukho khalenda. Uma ufuna usizo lwabo ngempela, lowo umlayezo ohlukene ngelinye ilanga, futhi uzofika kangcono kakhulu ngoba owokuqala awucelanga lutho.
Umthetho ofanayo usebenza nakuleyo nguqulo oyithumela kumuntu osasemkhakheni wakho. Ukubonga okuphinde kuvuselele umngane osizayo kuwukwakha izixhumanisi, futhi ukwakha izixhumanisi kusemthethweni, kodwa akuyona le nto. Le nto ivaliwe ekugcineni. Ayinaso isinyathelo esilandelayo. Yilokho okwenza ifike.
Kuthiwani uma sekwephuze kakhulu?
Kubhale noma kunjalo bese ukuthumela kumuntu owayebazi: indodana noma indodakazi, ozakwabo, isikole, iqembu. Umusho usawenza umsebenzi wawo, futhi ufinyelela kubantu abavame ukungakuzwa lokho umuntu abamlahlekelwe akwenza ngempela.
Kugcine kufushane futhi kucacile, njengoba nje ubuzokwenza kubo. Inkumbulo eyodwa, umusho owodwa ngalokho okwashintsha. Imindeni iyazigcina lezo. Futhi uma kungekho muntu ongamthumelela, kubhale kuphelele noma kunjalo bese ukugcina, ngoba ukuchaza ngokunembile lokho umuntu akwenzela khona yikho okuveza isigaba esilandelayo sale ndaba.
Kufanele ngikusho nini obala esikhundleni salokho?
Uma abantu abangenza ngakho besegumbini. Ukubonga ngasese kuyisipho, ukuncoma obala kungamandla. Yizenzo ezimbili ezihlukene futhi zombili kufanele zenzeke.
Ukusho lokho umuntu akwenzile, ngokucacile, phambi komphathi wakhe, ozakwabo, abafundi bakhe noma ibhodi lakhe kuwumcimbi omkhulu emsebenzini wakhe okubiza wena umusho owodwa. Iphinde ibe yiyona nguqulo kuphela abanye abantu abangayiphinda kamuva, okuyindlela idumela elisabalala ngayo ngempela. Ngakho yenza kokubili: thumela umlayezo wangasese ongenaso isicelo, bese, ngokwehlukene nalapho kubalulekile khona, usho leyo nto efanayo ecacile ngezwi elizwakalayo phambi kwalabo abanombono obalulekile ngaye.
Kunenguqulo yalokhu ongayenza kubantu abaphilayo abakuzungezile njengamanje esikhundleni sokuyenza kumlando wakho. Kanye ngesonto, emhlanganweni osuvele uhleli kuwo, qamba into eyodwa ebonakalayo umuntu oyedwa ayenzile. Hhayi "umsebenzi omuhle kule kota." Into ngokwayo, ngomushwana owodwa, nalokho eyakukhiqiza. URobert Emmons noMichael McCullough babika ku-Journal of Personality and Social Psychology ukuthi abantu ababenomkhuba wamasonto onke wokubala lokho ababekubongela bazizwa bengcono ngezimpilo zabo, futhi kolunye ucwaningo lwabo babezivocavoca ngokwengeziwe ekupheleni kwalo. Umkhuba oshibhe kangaka ofinyelela kude kangaka ufanele ugcinwe ngokohlelo lwezinsuku kunangokuzizwa.
Inguqulo eqhubeka isebenza
Kwenze ngekhalenda, hhayi ngesimo sengqondo. Igama elilodwa ngenyanga kungabantu abayishumi nambili ngonyaka, okuzoqeda uhlu lwakho lokuqala lwabahlanu noma abayisithupha phakathi nezinyanga eziyisithupha zokuqala bese kukuqhubekela endaweni ethokozisa kakhulu: abantu abakwakha njengamanje.
Yileyo ngxenye iningi labantu elingafiki kuyo. Uhlu aluvaliwe. Kulo nyaka ukhona umuntu ozokusho umusho ephasishi ozobe usasebenza ngawo ngo-2046, futhi indlela okuphela oyithola ngayo ukuthi ubani ukugcina lo mkhuba isikhathi eside ngokwanele ukuze ukubone kwenzeka. Ngesikhathi esifanayo lowo musho ocacile owuthumela emuva usebenza naphambili, ushiwo ngezwi elizwakalayo ngomuntu osemncane egumbini lapho kubalulekile khona.
Akukho lutho kulokhu okukubalekela emsebenzini. Kuthatha imizuzu eyishumi ngenyanga, kwenza abantu abakuzungezile babe ngcono emisebenzini yabo, futhi kukunikeza into eyodwa okuya ngokuba nzima ukuyithenga njengoba wenyuka: iqoqo labantu abajabula ngempela lapho igama lakho livela. Thumela owokuqala namuhla ebusuku. Yimisho emine.
Imithombo
- Psychological Science, Undervaluing Gratitude: Expressers Misunderstand the Consequences of Showing Appreciation
- Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Counting blessings versus burdens: an experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life
- Harvard Health Publishing, Giving thanks can make you happier