E noʻonoʻo i ka manawa hope āu i ʻōlelo ai "mahalo, ʻo ʻoe ka maikaʻi loa" i kekahi āu e aloha ai. Ua nānā nō paha lākou i luna? ʻAʻole paha. He maikaʻi nā huaʻōlelo. He pepa pā nō hoʻi lākou, ke ʻano mea āu e ʻōlelo ai ʻoiai e lālau ana ʻoe i kāu mau kī, a lohe ke kanaka ma kēlā ʻaoʻao iā lākou he walaʻau hope no ka mea ʻo ia maoli kā lākou i lilo ai.
ʻO kēia ka pilikia hāmau o ka mahalo i loko o kēlā me kēia pilina lōʻihi. ʻOiaʻiʻo mau ka manaʻo. Ua kahiko ka hōʻike ʻana. Manaʻo maoli ʻoe ia, akā ua pau kona manaʻo ʻana i kekahi mea, no ka mea ua ʻānai ʻoe i kahi ʻauwaha me nā huaʻōlelo ʻekolu like a pahē lākou.
ʻO ka nūhou maikaʻi, he liʻiliʻi a manuahi ka hoʻoponopono. Hāʻule nui ʻo ia i ka kikoʻī, a i ka ʻōlelo ʻana i kekahi manawa i ka ʻāpana āu e waiho mau ai.
No ke aha e pau ai ka holo ʻana o ke mahalo maʻamau
Aia kekahi kumu e hāʻule mālie ai ka "kupanaha ʻoe" ʻoi aku ka pinepine o kāu ʻōlelo ʻana. Hoʻonele ka lolo i ka hana hou. He huaʻōlelo e hiki mai ana ma ka manawa, ma nā huaʻōlelo like, me ka hāʻawi pālahalaha like, hoʻonohonoho ʻia ma lalo o ka walaʻau. ʻAʻole mahalo ʻole kāu hoa pili ke pane ʻole lākou. Ua lohe wale lākou i kēlā hopunaʻōlelo pono i nā manawa he nui a ʻaʻole hou ʻo ia e lawe i ka ʻike.
Ma lalo o nā huaʻōlelo, aia kekahi mea ʻoi aku ka nui ma ke kaupaona. Ke noiʻi ka poʻe noiʻi i ka mea a ke mahalo e hana maoli ai ma waena o ʻelua kānaka, ʻaʻole ʻo ka mānaleo ke kupua. Aia ia i ka ʻike ʻia anei ke kanaka. Wehewehe ka loea noʻonoʻo ʻo Sara Algoe i ke mahalo he ʻano kāpili pilina, a kuhi kāna hana i kahi ʻano kikoʻī: haʻi kahi mahalo maikaʻi i ke kanaka ʻē aʻe ua ʻike ʻoe ʻaʻole wale i ka mea āna i hana ai akā ua loaʻa iā ia kahi kumu kūʻai, a ua koʻikoʻi ia iā ʻoe. ʻO kēlā ʻike ʻana ka mea e hoʻopili kokoke ai i ka poʻe. Lele ke "mahalo" maʻamau i kēlā a pau. ʻIke ʻo ia i ka hana me ka ʻike ʻole i ke kanaka.
No laila, ʻaʻole ka ʻano maʻamau e hāʻule no ka mea ʻaʻole ʻoe e ʻōlelo lawa. Hāʻule ʻo ia no ka mea ʻaʻohe ona hōʻike ua nānā ʻoe.
E hoʻihoʻi i ka kikoʻī
ʻO ka loli pono loa āu e hiki ke hana, ʻo ia ka inoa ʻana i ka mea kikoʻī. ʻAʻole he "mahalo no nā mea a pau," akā ʻo ka hana ponoʻī, ma nā huaʻōlelo akāka.
E hoʻohālikelike i kēia mau mea:
- "Mahalo no kou ʻano maikaʻi."
- "Mahalo no kou ala ʻana me ka pēpē i ka hola 3 o ke kakahiaka i hiki iaʻu ke hiamoe. Ua ʻike au he kanaka hou wau i kēia lā."
Ua lawe ka lua i ʻelima kekona hou. Haʻi pū ʻo ia i kāu hoa pili i ʻekolu mea hiki ʻole i ka mua: ua ʻike ʻoe i ka mea āna i hana ai, ua ʻike ʻoe he paʻakikī ia, a ua hoʻololi ia i ke ʻano o kou lā. Kapa ka Gottman Institute, ka mea i hoʻolilo i nā makahiki he nui i ka nānā ʻana i nā kāne wahine maoli, i kēia ʻano mahalo liʻiliʻi a pinepine kekahi o nā waihona māʻalahi loa āu e hiki ke hana i loko o kahi pilina, ke ʻano mea hiki i nā kāne wahine i kaʻawale loa ke hoʻomaka e hana i ka lā ʻapōpō.
Eia kahi ʻano maʻalahi e mālama iā ʻoe ma waho o ka ʻauwaha. ʻAʻole pono ʻoe e kuʻi i nā mea ʻekolu i kēlā me kēia manawa, akā ʻo ka lawe i ʻelua o lākou e hoʻohuli i ka pepa pā i kahi leka maoli.
- E inoa i ka hana. E ʻōlelo i ka mea ʻiʻo a lākou i hana ai. "Ua mālama ʻoe i ke kelepona me kuʻu makuahine."
- E inoa i ka hoʻoikaika. E ʻike i ka mea i koi ʻia. "ʻIke wau ʻaʻole ia kāu kamaʻilio puni loa."
- E inoa i ka hopena. E haʻi iā lākou i ka mea i hāʻawi ʻia iā ʻoe. "Ua wehe ʻo ia i kahi puʻe o ka pule holoʻokoʻa."
E ʻike ʻaʻole kēia a pau e koi i kahi puke hua ʻōlelo a i ʻole kahi hana nui. Hana ka kikoʻī i ka hana, ʻaʻole nā huaʻōlelo hoʻonani.
E mahalo i ka hoʻoikaika, ʻaʻole i ka lanakila wale
He loina kūpono e kūkulu: e mahalo i ka poʻe no ka hoʻāʻo, ʻaʻole no ka lanakila wale. Ka ʻaina ahiahi i puka ʻole pono. Ka hoʻoponopono i lawe i ʻekolu hoʻāʻo. Ke kamaʻilio paʻakikī a lākou i hoʻomaka ai ʻoiai i hewa ʻo ia. Inā puka wale ka mahalo ke holo pono nā mea, aʻo ka poʻe a puni iā ʻoe ʻo ka hoʻoikaika ke ʻike ʻole ʻia a ʻo nā hopena wale nō ka mea e helu ai. Haʻi ka inoa ʻana i ka hoʻoikaika iā lākou ua ʻike ʻia ka hoʻāʻo ponoʻī, ʻo ia nō ka mea e makemake ai lākou e hoʻāʻo hou.
Koʻikoʻi loa kēia me nā mea i nānā ʻole ʻia no nā makahiki. Ke kanaka e mālama mau ana i nā bila. Ka hoaloha ʻo ia ka mea e leka mua ai. Ka hoa hana e hopu mālie ana i kāu mau hewa ma mua o ka ʻike ʻana o kekahi. ʻO kahi mahalo i inoa hope i ka mea o nā lā a pau, i ka mea i lawe wale ʻia, hāʻule pinepine ʻo ia ʻoi aku ka ikaika ma mua o kekahi makana, no ka mea ua hāʻule lākou i ka manaʻolana e ʻike ʻia.
Nā ala liʻiliʻi e mālama ʻole ai i ke kahiko
ʻO ke kikoʻī ka mea nui. He mau neʻe ʻē aʻe e mālama ai i ke mahalo me ke ola ma kahi o ka hoʻonohonoho ʻia:
E hoʻololi i ka ʻōmole. Hana ka hapa nui o kā kākou mahalo me ka leo a ma ke holo, he maikaʻi kēlā, akā ʻo ke kahawai like i kēlā me kēia manawa, lilo ʻo ia i walaʻau. He leka i ka waena o ka lā, he memo i waiho ʻia ma kahi e loaʻa ai iā lākou, he mahalo i ʻōlelo ʻia i mua o nā kānaka ʻē aʻe, hāʻule kēlā me kēia ʻokoʻa no ka mea uhaki ʻo ia i ke ʻano. Aia kekahi loaʻa kaulana mai ke kālaiʻiʻo maikaʻi e ʻōlelo ana ʻo ke kākau a hāʻawi ʻana i kahi leka mahalo naʻau i kekahi i mahalo pono ʻole ʻia, e hana ʻo ia i kahi piʻi ʻoiaʻiʻo a mau o ke ʻano, no ka mea kākau e like me ka mea heluhelu. ʻAʻole pono iā ʻoe kahi leka piha i ka hapa nui o nā lā. Akā kū ka loina: ʻike ʻia kahi hoʻoikaika hou iki i ke ʻano o kou hāʻawi ʻana.
E hopu iā ia i ka manawa. ʻO ka mahalo i hiki mai ma hope koke o ka hana, ʻaʻole ma ke ʻano he hōʻuluʻulu maʻamau ma ka hopena o ka lā, ʻoi aku kona kaupaona no ka mea hōʻoia ʻo ia ua kū ʻoe no ia.
E ʻōlelo i ke kumu me ka leo. Manaʻo kākou ua ʻike mua ka poʻe kokoke loa iā kākou i ko kākou ʻano. Pinepine, ʻaʻole lākou e ʻike, a i ʻole ua ʻike lākou i kekahi manawa a kūpono ka hoʻomanaʻo. ʻAʻohe hana a ka manaʻo i loko o kou poʻo no lākou. Hana ka hopunaʻōlelo.
A e ʻae iā ʻoe iho e loaʻa ʻo ia kekahi. Ke mahalo kekahi iā ʻoe, e pale i ka manaʻo koke e kāpae me “ʻaʻohe ia he mea.” Kāpae kēlā i kā lākou hana. ʻO "Hauʻoli loa wau ua kōkua ʻo ia" e ʻae i ka mahalo e hāʻule maoli, ka mea e ʻoi aku ai ka makemake o lākou e hāʻawi hou.
Ke paʻakikī ka ʻimi ʻana i nā huaʻōlelo
I kekahi manawa, ʻaʻole ʻo ka molowā ke kumu i pālahalaha ai ka mahalo. ʻO ka mea ma lalo ua hāmau. Inā hiki ʻole iā ʻoe ke ʻike maoli i kekahi mea e mahalo ai i loko o kahi pilina, a i ʻole ʻawaʻawa kēlā me kēia hoʻāʻo i ka huhū, he kūpono ka mālama koʻikoʻi ma kahi o ke koi i kahi memo hauʻoli. ʻO ka hoʻowahāwahā mau, ka ʻike ʻia ʻole hana ʻoe i ke aha, a i ʻole kahi pili i anu no ka manawa lōʻihi, ʻo ia nā ʻano mea e kūkulu ʻia ai kahi kahuna hoʻōla kāne wahine a kūkākūkū paha e kōkua ai. He hana lā a kēlā me kēia ka mahalo. ʻAʻole ʻo ia he pena no kahi ʻeha e pono ai i ka ʻoi aku ma mua o kahi huaʻōlelo ʻoluʻolu.
A inā aia ka pālahalaha i loko ou, ʻaʻole i ka pilina, inā ʻaʻole he mea kūpono e ʻike ʻia i kēia mau lā a ua noho ka hina ma luna o nā mea a pau, hiki ke lilo i hōʻailona ponoʻī. He kūpono ka ʻōlelo ʻana i kekahi kau lōʻihi o ka nāwaliwali, ka pau o ka hoihoi i nā kānaka a me nā mea āu i mālama mua ai, i kahi kauka a i ʻole kahi loea olakino noʻonoʻo. I kekahi manawa, ʻaʻole ʻo nā huaʻōlelo ka pilikia o ka mahalo. ʻO ia, kūpono ʻoe i kekahi kākoʻo nou ponoʻī.
No ka hapa nui o kākou naʻe, ʻaʻole haki nā pilina a kākou e mālama ai. Ua hāmau wale lākou ma nā wahi a kākou i poina ai e mālama. ʻAneʻane hilahila ka maʻalahi o ka hoʻoponopono. E ʻike i hoʻokahi mea kikoʻī i kēia lā, a e ʻōlelo iā ia me ka leo, me ke kikoʻī e pili mau ana.
Nā kumu
- Harvard Health Publishing, Giving thanks can make you happier
- The Gottman Institute, The Gifts of Showing Your Gratitude for Each Other
- UNC College of Arts and Sciences, Gratitude and shared laughter are like probiotics for your relationship
- Sara B. Algoe, Find, Remind, and Bind: The Functions of Gratitude in Everyday Relationships (Social and Personality Psychology Compass)