E noʻonoʻo i ka manawa hope i nalu mai ai kekahi mea paʻakikī ma o ou. ʻO ke kanikau paha. A i ʻole ka hilahila, a i ʻole he lili āu i haʻaheo ʻole ai, a i ʻole he makaʻu hiki ʻole iā ʻoe ke kapa. He aha kāu i hana ai i nā kanaono kekona aʻe?
Kiʻi ka hapa nui o mākou i nā puka. Lālau mākou i ke kelepona. Wehe mākou i ka pahu hau. Ninini mākou i kahi mea inu, hoʻomaka i kahi hakakā, hoʻomaʻemaʻe i kahi pahu ʻaʻole pono ke hoʻomaʻemaʻe, a i ʻole haʻi iā mākou iho e hoʻōki a hoʻomau i ka lā. ʻAʻole o kēlā he hemahema ʻano. Ua hana ʻia mākou e neʻe mai ka ʻeha, a ke noho nei mākou i kahi honua e hāʻawi ana i hoʻokahi haneli ala e hana ai. ʻO ka pilikia, kakaʻikahi ke haʻalele ka manaʻo ke kīpaku mākou iā ia. Mālie ia no kekahi manawa a laila hoʻi mai, ʻoi aku ka leo nui pinepine, ma kahi manawa ʻino aʻe.
Aia kahi mākau kahiko, lohi e hana i ka mea kūʻē. Ke ʻae nei ʻoe i ka manaʻo e noho. Hoʻōki ʻoe i ka hakakā iā ia. Noho ʻoe me ia a lōʻihi e ʻike ai ʻaʻole ia e hoʻopau maoli iā ʻoe. ʻO ia ka mea a ka poʻe e manaʻo ai i ka noho ʻana me nā manaʻo paʻakikī, a ʻo ia kekahi o nā mea pono loa e hiki i ke kanaka ke aʻo.
No ke aha e hoʻoikaika ai ka hakakā me kahi manaʻo iā ia
E noʻonoʻo i ke one pohō. ʻO ka manaʻo, ke pohō ʻoe, ʻo ia ke kāhulihuli. ʻO ke kāhulihuli pono ka mea e huki iā ʻoe i lalo. ʻO ka neʻe kūʻē e mālama iā ʻoe i luna o ka wai, ʻo ia ka hoʻōki i ka hakakā, hoʻolaha i kou kaumaha, a noho mālie. Hoʻohana ka poʻe lapaʻau e hana ana i kahi ʻano i kapa ʻia ʻo Acceptance and Commitment Therapy i kēlā kiʻi me ka manaʻo, no ka mea, ʻano like nā manaʻo. ʻOi aku ka ikaika o kāu hakakā me lākou, ʻoi aku ko lākou lawe i ke aupuni.
He inoa no ka hakakā: ka pale ʻike. ʻO ka maʻa o ka hana i kekahi mea e ʻike ʻole ai i kahi manaʻo makemake ʻole. Ma nā nui liʻiliʻi he ʻino ʻole. Ma ke ʻano he ala ola, huli i hope, no ka mea aʻo kēlā me kēia pale i kou lolo i ka haʻawina hoʻokahi, ʻo ka pōʻino ka manaʻo a hiki ʻole iā ʻoe ke mālama. No laila, ʻoi aku ka makaʻu o ka manaʻo i kēlā me kēia manawa, a ʻoi aku ka liʻiliʻi o kou ola ke hoʻonohonoho ʻoe iā ia a puni nā mea āu e hoʻāʻo ʻole nei e manaʻo.
ʻO ka ʻae ka puka o kēlā poʻai, a kūpono e maopopo i ke ʻano o ka huaʻōlelo ma ʻaneʻi. ʻAʻole ia e ʻʻi ka makemake i ka manaʻo. ʻAʻole ia e ʻʻi ka ʻae i kou kūlana a i ʻole ka haʻalele i ka hoʻololi iā ia. ʻO ia ka hoʻokuʻu i ke kaua me ka mea i ʻoiaʻiʻo mua i kēia manawa. Aia ka manaʻo. Hiki iā ʻoe ke ʻae iā ia e noho me ka pohō ʻole iā ia a i ʻole ke kīpaku iā ia.
He aha maoli kahi manaʻo
Kōkua ke ʻike i ka mea āu e noho ai. ʻAʻole he ʻoiaʻiʻo paʻa kahi manaʻo nou. He hanana ʻia i kou kino, he hui o nā ʻike a me nā hōʻ, a e like me ka hapa nui o nā hanana he kakaka kona. Piʻi ia, kiʻekiʻe ia, nalo ia. ʻO ka nalo ka ʻāpana a ka pale e ʻai iā ʻoe ke ʻike, no ka mea haʻalele ʻoe i ke kiʻekiʻe a nalowale ka hōʻe hiki mai ai i lalo iā ia iho.
Ma lalo, he manaʻo ikaika ʻo ka ʻōnaehana hōʻa kou lolo e pana ana. He hale liʻiliʻi i loko o ka lolo, ʻo ka amygdala, pana ke ʻike ʻo ia i ka hōʻino, a hiki i ka hōʻino maoli a me ka hoʻomanaʻo ʻeha ke hoʻā i ka nui o nā kaʻa hoʻokahi. Ke leo nui ka hōʻ, mālie ka ʻāpana noʻonoʻo a hoʻolālā o kou lolo. ʻO ia ke kumu hiki ʻole iā ʻoe ke noʻonoʻo i kou puka mai kahi makaʻu a i ʻole kamaʻilio iā ʻoe iho i ka mālie i waena o kahi waikahe. Pono e hiki mua ka mālie, ma kahi liʻiliʻi, ma mua o ka pā ʻana o nā huaʻōlelo.
No laila, ʻaʻole ʻo ka hana ke hoʻopaʻapaʻa me ka manaʻo. ʻO ia ka hoʻouna i kou kino i ka hōʻpalekana lawa ʻoe e manaʻo i kēia, a laila e kali iā ia a hala.
He ala e hana maoli ai
Ke pā kahi manaʻo paʻakikī a makemake ʻoe e hoʻāʻo e noho me ia ma kahi o ka holo, eia kahi ʻōnaehana e paʻa ana. E neʻe mālie. ʻAʻole o kēia mau ʻanuʻu he heihei.
- E kū a ʻike e hana nei. E hopu i ka manawa. "Ua hoʻololi kekahi mea." ʻO ia hapalua kekona o ka ʻike ka mea e hāʻawi iā ʻoe i koho.
- E kanu i kou kino. Nā wāwae ma ka papahele, ke kuamoʻo kiʻekiʻe, nā poʻohiwi i lalo. E lawe i hoʻokahi hanu lohi a hana i ka hanu aku e ʻoi aku ka lōʻihi ma mua o ka hanu mai. Ke haʻi nei ʻoe i kou ʻōnaehana aʻalolo e hiki ke kū hope ka pilikia.
- E ʻimi iā ia i kou kino. He paʻa i ka umauma, wela i ka maka, he hakahaka i ka ʻōpū, he ʻi ka iwi ā. Noho nā manaʻo ma ke ʻano he ʻike. ʻO ka loaʻa ʻana o ka ʻike e huki iā ʻoe mai ka moʻolelo holo a i kekahi mea maopopo āu e hiki ke nānā.
- E kapa iā ia, me ka maopopo a kikoʻī loa āu e hiki ai. ʻAʻole "ʻino" wale. He kaumaha anei, a he mehameha? He huhū, a he ʻeha? He hopohopo, a he kanikau maoli? Aia ka ʻokoʻa maoli ma waena o ka manaʻo hoʻonāukiuki a me ka manaʻo i kumakaia ʻia, a ʻoi aku ka pololei o ka huaʻōlelo, ʻoi aku ke kōkua.
- E ʻae iā ia e noho. E hoʻōki i ka hoʻāʻo e hoʻoponopono, hoʻoholo, a hoʻokuke iā ia. E hanu a puni iā ia. E noʻonoʻo i ka hana lumi nona e like me kāu e hana lumi ai ma kahi noho piha. ʻAʻole ʻoe e hānai iā ia a ʻaʻole ʻoe e hakakā iā ia. Ke hoa wale nei ʻoe iā ia.
- E nānā iā ia e neʻe ana. E ʻike i ka ʻike e piʻi, hoʻololi, a hoʻomāmā paha. ʻAʻole pono ʻoe e koi i ka hoʻomāmā. Aia wale ʻoe e ʻike e hoʻololi ana. Hana mau ia.
Hana ua ʻanuʻu ʻehā lā i ʻaku ma mua o kona ʻano. ʻO ka hoʻokomo ʻana i kahi manaʻo i nā huaʻōlelo, he hana liʻiliʻi me ka hopena hiki ke ana. Ma ka hana kiʻi lolo ma UCLA, ua ʻike ka loea noʻonoʻo ʻo Matthew Lieberman ʻo ka hōʻwale ʻana i kahi manaʻo, ka hoʻopili ʻana i kahi huaʻōlelo e like me "huhū" iā ia, ua hoʻomālie i ka hana o ka amygdala a hoʻihoʻi i ka ʻāpana noʻonoʻo o ka lolo. Ua hoʻohālikelike ʻo ia iā ia me ke kaomi mālie i nā burēki. Ua kapa ka poʻe i ka hana "e kapa iā ia e hoʻolaka ai" mai ia manawa, a ʻpēlā kona ʻano. ʻAʻole ka huaʻōlelo e hoʻonalo i ka manaʻo. Lawe ia i ka ʻo ka hōʻ, lawa wale.
Ke ʻano o ia ma ke ola maoli
Hiki i nā ʻanuʻu ke kani lapaʻau ma ka pepa. Ma ka hana, he liʻiliʻi a maʻamau. ʻkekahi hoa hana e lawe i ka mahalo no kekahi mea āu i hana ai, a hoʻokahi hola ma hope ke hoʻopāʻē mau nei ʻoe iā ia, e kākau ana i nā mea āu i pono e ʻōlelo ai. ʻO ka neʻe kahiko ke hānai mau i ka poʻai, hoʻouna i kahi memo hoʻonāukiuki mālie, a i ʻole kīpaku iā ia a hoʻōla i ke ahiahi.
Lawe ka neʻe ʻē aʻe ma kahi ʻelua minuke. ʻIke ʻoe ua hoʻopaʻa ʻʻoe. Noho ʻoe i hope a kau i kou mau wāwae palahalaha. Hanu aku ʻoe me ka lohi, hoʻokahi manawa. Nānā ʻoe a ʻike i kahi kāʻei paʻa a wela ma kou umauma a me kahi nehe o ka ikaika e ʻimi nei i kahi e hele ai. Kapa ʻoe iā ia, a ʻo ka huaʻōlelo mua he "huhū," akā ke nānā kokoke ʻoe, ʻano like aku me "ʻeha," me kahi pahu o "makaʻu ʻo ka manaʻo o kēia ʻaʻole au he mea koʻikoʻi ma ʻaneʻi." Ke ʻae nei ʻoe i kēlā e noho. ʻAʻole ʻoe e hana ma luna o lākou, ʻaʻole ʻoe e hoʻopaʻapaʻa iā lākou a nalo, ke hanu wale ʻoe a ʻae i ke kāʻei i kou umauma e lilo i kāʻei i kou umauma. Ma hope o hoʻokahi a ʻelua minuke, hāʻule ka wela i kahi ʻanuʻu. Hoʻonāukiuki nō ʻoe. Akā hiki iā ʻoe ke noʻonoʻo i kēia manawa, a mai laila hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻoholo i ka mea kūpono e hana ai, ʻo ia kahi ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi e hoʻouna ai i kahi leka uila ma mua o waena o ka nalu.
ʻO ia ka mākau holoʻokoʻa. ʻAʻole he hoʻomaha noʻonoʻo. He ʻelua minuke o ka noho mālie ʻoiai e hana ana kahi manaʻo i kāna.
He ʻike kahi manaʻo, ʻaʻole he kuhikuhi
Aia kahi pahele mālie e kūpono e kapa. Mālama mākou i nā manaʻo ma ke ʻano he kauoha. ʻŌlelo ka huhū e hahau hou, no laila manaʻo mākou e pono mākou. ʻŌlelo ka makaʻu e holo, no laila hoʻopau mākou i ka hoʻolālā. ʻŌlelo ka hilahila e peʻe, no laila noho mālie mākou no nā lā. Akā he ʻelua mea kaʻawale kahi manaʻo a me ka hana āna e koi ai, a aia ka hakahaka ma waena o lākou kahi e noho ai kou kūʻokoʻa.
Ke noho ʻoe me kahi manaʻo ma kahi o ka hoʻolohe iā ia, kūʻai ʻoe i ka lumi e nīnau i kahi nīnau ʻoi aʻe. ʻAʻole "pehea au e hoʻōki ai i kēia," akā "he aha kēia e haʻi nei iaʻu." Kuhikuhi pinepine ka huhū i kahi laina i hele ʻia. Hōʻpinepine ka hopohopo i kahi mea āu e mālama ai e pōʻino ana. ʻO ke kanikau ka nui o kahi aloha. Ke heluhelu ʻia pēlā, hali nō nā manaʻo paʻakikī i ka ʻike pono, a hiki iā ʻoe ke lawe i ka ʻike me ka holo ʻole ʻana e ka makemake. Hiki iā ʻoe ke manaʻo i ka ikaika piha o ka huhū a koho nō i kahi ʻōlelo mālie. ʻAe ʻia ka manaʻo e ʻoiaʻiʻo. Loaʻa nō iā ʻoe ka mana.
Ke manaʻo ʻole ʻoe, a i ʻole ka nui loa
Manaʻo ka noho ʻana me nā manaʻo e hiki iā ʻoe ke ʻimi i ka manaʻo. I kekahi manawa, ʻaʻole hiki. ʻIke ʻoe i ka māeʻe, palahalaha, pā paʻa. ʻAʻole ʻo kēlā māeʻe ka nele o ka manaʻo, ʻo ia ke poʻi i hoʻopaʻa ana i kahi manaʻo, no ka manawa lōʻihi pinepine. Inā aia ʻoe ma laila, e akahai. Hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻomaka me ke kino, ʻaʻole ka manaʻo, ke ʻike wale i kahi āu e paʻa a luhi ai, a ʻae i ka manaʻo e hoʻi i kona ʻano ponoʻī. ʻAʻole pono e hōʻea nā mea a pau i kēia lā.
He maoli nō ka pilikia kūʻē. I kekahi manawa, he nui loa ka nalu a ʻo ka noho me ia ʻo ia ke pohō, ʻaʻole ka lana. Inā nui loa kahi manaʻo a ʻaʻole palekana ke noho hoʻokahi me ia, ʻaʻole kēia ka manawa e noho ai i loko ona. E hana i ka mea kūʻē, me ka manaʻo. E pīpī wai anu i kou maka, e hele i waho, e kelepona i kekahi, e hoʻoneʻe ikaika i kou kino no kekahi mau minuke. He mau kūlana ʻke surf ʻana i kahi manaʻo a me ke pīholo ʻana e kekahi, a ʻo ka hoʻomanawanui pilikia maikaʻi ʻo ia ka ʻike i ka mea āu i loko. Hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻi mai a manaʻo iā ia ma hope, me ka lepo hou ma lalo ou.
He memo no kekahi e hali ana i ka ʻʻ: hiki i ka huli ʻana i kahi manaʻo ke huki mai i kekahi mea ʻoi aku ma mua o ka manaʻo. Inā hana kēlā iā ʻoe, ʻaʻole ia he hōʻe hana hewa ana ʻoe. He hōʻia ʻo kēia he hana ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi e hana ʻia me kekahi kanaka aʻo ma kou ʻaoʻao, kekahi hiki ke kōkua iā ʻoe e hana iā ia ma kahi ʻano hiki i kou ʻōnaehana aʻalolo ke mālama.
He aha e hoʻololi ai ke hoʻomaʻamaʻa ʻoe i kēia
ʻAʻole ʻo ka uku ʻo ka hoʻopau ʻana o nā manaʻo paʻakikī e hiki mai. ʻAʻole lākou. ʻO ka uku, hoʻōki ʻoe i ka makaʻu nui iā lākou. Ke noho ʻoe me ke kaumaha i kekahi mau manawa a ʻike iā ia e hala ana, nalowale ke kaumaha i kona mana e alakaʻi i kou pule. Ke ʻae ʻoe i ka hopohopo e piʻi a kiʻekiʻe me ka holo ʻole, hilinaʻi ʻoi aku ʻoe iā ʻoe iho i ka manawa aʻe e hōʻea ai. Liʻiliʻi nā manaʻo no ka mea ua nui aʻe ʻoe.
Hoʻihoʻi mālie kēia kekahi mea i ʻmālie ʻia e ka pale: kou laulā. Hiki i kahi kanaka i hoʻomākaukau ʻole iā ia iho kūʻē i kona mau manaʻo ke ʻae i nā mea maikaʻi kekahi. ʻO ka hauʻoli, ka palupalu, ka kāhāhā, hele lākou ma ka puka hoʻokahi āu i mālama pani ai kūʻē i nā mea ʻeha. E wehe iki iā ia no ke kanikau a loaʻa pinepine iā ʻoe ka hauʻoli hou.
I ka wā e lawe mai ai i kōkua hou aʻe
He mākau ka noho ʻana me nā manaʻo, ʻaʻole he lāʻau hoʻōla, a he palena āna e kūpono e mahalo. Inā ua noho kahi manaʻo haʻahaʻa a hoʻōki ʻole e piʻi no nā pule, inā ke pale hou aʻe ʻoe i kou ola e ʻʻole ai i nā mea, inā ke alakaʻi nā manaʻo i kou mau lā a ʻaihue i kou hiamoe, a i ʻole inā me he mea palekana ʻole maoli ka noho me lākou hoʻokahi, ʻo ia ka manawa e lawe mai i kahi loea. ʻAʻole he hoʻolālā paipai kahi kauka a i ʻole kahi loea maikaʻi no ka wā e hāʻule ai kēia. ʻO lākou ka mana hou, nui aʻe, o ka neʻe like āu e hana mua nei: ka huli i ka mea paʻakikī ma kahi o ka neʻe mai ona, i kēia manawa me ka hoa. ʻAʻole ʻo ke kiʻi ʻana i kōkua he hōʻhiki ʻole iā ʻoe ke mālama. ʻO ia kekahi o nā ʻano ikaika loa o ka mālama.
Nā Kumu
- University of Rochester Medical Center, Behavioral Health Partners, Emotions and Quicksand: Lessons from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
- UCLA Health, Putting Feelings Into Words Produces Therapeutic Effects in the Brain
- Harvard Health Publishing, Self-regulation for adults: Strategies for getting a handle on emotions and behavior
- Harvard Health Publishing, Dropping anchor on big emotions