Ke kū nei ʻoe ma loko iki o ka puka o kahi ʻahaʻaina e paʻa ana i kahi mea inu āu i makemake maoli ʻole ai, a me he mea lā ua pani nā pūʻulu a pau o ka lumi. He kumu kou i hele mai ai. ʻElua a ʻekolu paha kānaka ma ʻaneʻi he pono ke ʻike, a uku ke ahiahi iā ia iho ke hōʻea ʻoe iā lākou.
ʻO ka nūhou maikaʻi mua. He helu wale kēia, ʻaʻole ia he mana kanaka. ʻAʻohe kanaka o kēlā lumi e holo ana i kahi ʻano āu e hoʻohālike ai. Ke kū nei lākou ma nā pōʻai no ka mea ʻo ka pōʻai ka mea a nā kānaka e hana ai, a wehe kēlā me kēia pōʻai i hakahaka i kēlā me kēia minuke. Ke pili nei ka mea holoʻokoʻa i kēia: ʻo ka pōʻai hea kāu e hele ai, he aha kāu e ʻōlelo ai ke hōʻea, a i ka manawa hea ʻoe e ʻae ai iā ʻoe iho e haʻalele.
Eia ka mana e holo ana no ka poʻe e hauʻoli ʻole ana i kēia. Holo pū nō hoʻi ia no ka poʻe e hauʻoli ana.
ʻO ka pūʻulu hea kaʻu e hele aku ai?
He pūʻulu ʻekolu. He hakahaka maoli ko nā pūʻulu ʻekolu a he wahi kū maoli hoʻi. ʻAʻohe o nā pūʻulu ʻelua, a ʻo ka pūʻulu ʻeono, aia nō kā lākou kamaʻilio ponoʻī, a e keʻakeʻa ana ʻoe ma mua o ke komo ʻana.
ʻO ka pūʻulu ʻelua, he kamaʻilio ia me kahi kumuhana, he mea pilikino pinepine, a ʻo ka hōʻea ʻana i ko lāua poʻohiwi, lilo ʻoe i huila ʻekolu e pono e loaʻa kona wahi. He pōʻai mua nō ke kolu, ʻo ia hoʻi he ʻano kona e hiki ai ke hoʻokipa i kahi hā, a ʻo kekahi o nā mea ʻekolu, ke hoʻolohe hapa nei ʻo ia a hauʻoli nō i kahi mea hou.
E hele i ka lihi, ʻaʻole i waenakonu. E kū ma kahi mamao maʻamau ma ka ʻaoʻao hāmama a e kali a pau ka ʻōlelo o kēia manawa. Mai ʻōlelo iki i ia wā. Ke pau, huli ke kino o ka hapa nui o nā pūʻulu e hana i wahi nou, no ka mea, ʻo ia ka hana a nā kānaka, a ʻo ia huli ʻana kou kono. Inā ʻaʻole i hiki mai i loko o ʻumikumamālima kekona, e minoʻaka a e neʻe aku. ʻAʻohe mea i hana ʻia. ʻAʻohe mea e helu ana.
He aha kaʻu e ʻōlelo mua ai?
E nīnau i kekahi mea ma kahi o ka haʻi ʻana iā ʻoe iho. Holo ʻo “He aha kāu i hele mai ai i kēia?” i loko o kēlā me kēia lumi, a hāʻawi ia i kahi mea maʻalahi e pane ai ma kahi o kahi inoa a me kahi kūlana hana e nānā ʻia ai.
Hoʻonoho ka haʻi inoa ʻana iā ʻoe i mua o ka hoʻoholo manaʻo. Hoʻonoho ka nīnau iā ʻoe i loko o ke kamaʻilio. Hoʻoponopono nō hoʻi ia i kāu pilikia ponoʻī, ʻo ia hoʻi ʻaʻole ʻoe i ʻike i ka mea a kēia poʻe e mālama ai, a haʻi kā lākou pane iā ʻoe i loko o ʻumi kekona.
ʻElua a ʻekolu nīnau hou e holo ana ma nā wahi a pau:
- “He aha kāu i hele mai ai i kēia?”
- “Pehea ʻoukou i ʻike ai kekahi i kekahi?”
- “Aia ʻoukou i waena o kekahi mea. He aha ia?”
A laila e hoʻolohe pono a e nīnau i ka nīnau ʻelua e pili ana i kā lākou pane. ʻO ka nīnau ʻelua kahi e hoʻomaka maoli ai ke kamaʻilio. ʻAʻole ka hapa nui o nā kānaka e nīnau i kēlā, no laila ʻo ka nīnau ʻana, ʻo ia ka ʻokoʻa holoʻokoʻa ma waena o ka hoʻomanaʻo ʻia he mea kamaʻilio a me ka hoʻomanaʻo ʻia he mea hoihoi maoli.
Pehea ka lōʻihi o koʻu noho ʻana?
A loaʻa iā ʻoe ʻelua kamaʻilio āu e hoʻomau maoli ai i ka Pōʻakahi. A laila e haʻalele, inā he kanahā minuke a ʻekolu hola paha.
ʻO ka pahuhopu ka mea nui. Ke ʻole, lilo ke ahiahi i pōʻai wale, ʻo ia ka mea e luhi ai a e hua ʻole ai kēia mau mea. ʻO ʻekolu hola o ka nānā ʻana i ka lumi, he ʻeke kāleka ka hua a ʻaʻohe mea i ka Pōʻakahi. ʻO ʻelua kamaʻilio maoli, ʻelua leka uila ka hua āu e makemake maoli ai e hoʻouna.
E heluhelu pololei i kēlā. ʻAʻole ia he ʻae e hana emi. He pō i hoʻololi ʻia ma kahi o kahi pō i lilo wale, a ʻo ia ka ʻokoʻa ma waena o ka hoʻoikaika a me ka hopena, ʻo ia ʻokoʻa like āu e hana ai no kēlā me kēia ʻano hana ʻē aʻe. E hoʻonoho i ka helu ma mua o kou komo ʻana, e hōʻea, a e hoʻi i ka home i kou wā e aloha mau ai i nā kānaka.
He pono ke hoʻoholo mua i ka mea e helu ʻia ai kekahi o nā mea ʻelua, no ka mea, i loko o ka manawa, helu lokomaikaʻi loa nā kānaka a pau. Helu ʻia kahi kamaʻilio ke ʻike ʻoe i hoʻokahi mea kikoʻī a ke kanaka e hana nei, a he kumu maoli kou e kākau aku ai iā ia. ʻAʻole ʻo “ua launa maikaʻi māua.” He kumu: he loulou āu i ʻōlelo ai e hoʻouna, he hoʻolauna āu i hāʻawi ai, he nīnau hiki ʻole iā ʻoe ke pane ma ia manawa. Inā hiki ʻole iā ʻoe ke haʻi i ke kumu i kou wā e kū ana ma laila, he kamaʻilio ʻoluʻolu ia a ʻaʻole ia kekahi o nā mea ʻelua. E hoʻomau aku.
He aha inā ʻaʻohe mea e hoʻomanaʻo iaʻu ma hope?
ʻOi aku ko lākou hoʻomanaʻo ma mua o kou manaʻo. Ua ʻike ʻo Erica Boothby me kona mau hoa noiʻi, ma hope o nā kamaʻilio me nā kānaka hou, ua hoʻohaʻahaʻa mau ka poʻe komo i ka nui o ke aloha o ko lākou hoa iā lākou a me kona hauʻoli i ke kamaʻilio, a ua kapa nā mea noiʻi i kēlā he hakahaka aloha.
Puka mai ka hewa like ma mua o ke kamaʻilio. Ua hana ʻo Nicholas Epley lāua ʻo Juliana Schroeder i mau hoʻokolohua i hoʻonoho ʻia ai nā mea holo ma nā kaʻaahi a me nā kaʻa ʻōhua e kamaʻilio me kahi malihini, e noho mehameha, a e hana paha i kā lākou hana maʻamau. Ua haʻi ka poʻe i kamaʻilio he huakaʻi ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi ma mua o ka poʻe i noho mehameha. ʻO kekahi pūʻulu ʻokoʻa o nā mea holo, i noi ʻia e wānana i ka hopena o ia huakaʻi like, ua manaʻo lākou i ka mea kūʻē loa a ua koho lākou i ka noho mehameha ʻana. Hewa ka wānana ma ke ʻano like i nā manawa a pau.
No laila ʻo ka manaʻo hana e komo ai ʻoe, ʻaʻole ia he pono kou e lanakila i ka manaʻo o nā kānaka. ʻO ia hoʻi, ke holo maikaʻi aku nei ke kamaʻilio ma mua o kāu heluhelu ponoʻī, a ʻo kāu hana, ʻo ia ka hoʻomau ʻana a lōʻihi lawa e pono ai ka hoʻomau ʻana ma hope.
Pehea au e puka ai mai kahi kamaʻilio ua pau?
E haʻi i ka mea āu i loaʻa ai a e haʻi i ka hana aʻe, a laila e hele. “ʻO kēia ke kamaʻilio waiwai o koʻu pō. E hoʻouna ana au i kēlā loulou iā ʻoe ʻapōpō, ʻae anei ʻoe e leka uila au iā ʻoe?”
ʻO ka haʻalele hewa ka mea e paʻa ai nā kānaka no hoʻokahi hola me ka mea mua a lākou i hālāwai ai, ʻo ia ke kumu maoli e hāʻule ai ka pahuhopu ʻelua kamaʻilio. ʻO ka puka ʻana e pau ana ma kahi hana aʻe kikoʻī, ʻaʻole ia he mea hoʻowahāwahā. ʻO ia ka mea e lilo ai ke kamaʻilio i pilina, a ʻike ʻolua ʻelua no ka hālāwai kanaka kēia lumi.
Inā ʻaʻohe hana aʻe, e pani me ka pumehana a me ka ʻoiaʻiʻo: “Hauʻoli au i hele mai au. E aloha ana au i kekahi mau kānaka hou ma mua o ka pau ʻana o kēia.” ʻAʻohe kanaka i huhū i kēlā ʻōlelo.
ʻO ke ala wikiwiki loa e pau ai kou malihini
E hoʻolauna i ʻelua kānaka kekahi i kekahi. Hiki iā ʻoe ke hana i loko o iwakālua minuke o kou hōʻea ʻana, me ʻelua inoa a me hoʻokahi mea like kikoʻī wale nō, a ʻoi aku ka holo o ia no ka malihini ma mua o ka mea maʻa.
Eia ke kumu he pōmaikaʻi ko ka malihini. Ua nīnau ʻoe iā lāua ʻelua i kā lāua hana e neʻe nei, ʻaʻohe mea ʻē aʻe o ka lumi i nīnau, no laila ʻo ʻoe wale nō ka mea e paʻa ana i nā pane ʻelua. ʻO ia wale nō ka pono o kahi hoʻolauna. “Pono ʻolua e kamaʻilio. Na Ben i kūkulu hou i ka ʻōnaehana uku like a Priya e hoʻomaka aku nei.”
E mālama i ka maʻalahi. ʻElua inoa, hoʻokahi mea like kikoʻī, a laila e neʻe hope iki a e ʻae iā lāua e lawe. ʻAʻohe ʻōlelo mua no ko lāua maikaʻi, ʻo ia ka mana e pilikia ai nā mea a pau. ʻO ka mea like ka ʻiʻo holoʻokoʻa.
Loli pū nō ka helu hoʻomau, a loli ia no kou pōmaikaʻi. ʻO ke kanaka āu i hoʻolauna ai, hoʻomanaʻo ʻo ia iā ʻoe no nā makahiki, ʻoi aku ka lōʻihi ma mua o ke kanaka āu i hāʻawi ai i kāleka, a hoʻomanaʻo lākou iā ʻoe he mea waiwai, ʻaʻole he mea ʻimi pilina wale. Ua ʻike ʻo Gillian Sandstrom lāua ʻo Elizabeth Dunn, ʻo nā launa māmā me nā kānaka ma nā lihi o kahi pūnaewele, pili ia me kahi lā ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi a me ka manaʻo ikaika o ke kuleana, a ʻo ia ka wehewehe pololei o ka mea a hoʻokahi hoʻolauna e hāʻawi ai i ʻelua kānaka i ka manawa hoʻokahi.
Nā pūʻulu ʻekolu. He nīnau, ʻaʻole he kūlana hana. ʻElua kamaʻilio, a laila i ka home. A ma waena o ia mau mea, ʻelua inoa a me hoʻokahi mea like, i haʻi ʻia me ka leo, no nā kānaka ʻaʻole i noi mai iā ʻoe.
Nā kumu
- University of Essex Research Repository, The Liking Gap in Conversations: Do People Like Us More Than We Think?
- Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, Mistakenly Seeking Solitude
- University of Essex Research Repository, Social Interactions and Well-Being: The Surprising Power of Weak Ties