Nā ʻōlelo aʻo wikiwiki
- E hopu i ka leo ʻoi ma mua o kou pane ʻana iā ia.
- E ʻōlelo i ka mea āu e haʻi ai i kahi hoaaloha pilikia.
- He lima ma kou umauma, he hanu puka lōʻihi mālie.
E nānā i ka leo i loko o kou poʻo i ka manawa aʻe e hana hewa ai ʻoe. E poina i kahi inoa, e lele i kahi palena manawa, e ʻōlelo ʻi kekahi, e hoʻouna i ka waihona hewa. No ka nui o nā kānaka, lilo koke kēlā leo i anu. *Hana mau ʻoe i kēia. He aha kou pilikia. E hoʻopaʻa.* He leo ia āu e hoʻohana ʻole ai i kahi hoaaloha e pilikia ana, a kuhi ʻoe iā ia pololei iā ʻoe iho, i kou mau manawa ʻino loa, ke hiki ʻiā ʻoe.
ʻO ke aloha iā ʻoe iho ka hana o ka hoʻohaʻahaʻa ʻana i kēlā leo a pane iā ʻoe iho me he mea lā e pane ai i kekahi āu e mālama ai. ʻAʻole me kahi ʻōlelo hoʻoikaika. ʻAʻole ma ke kuhi ʻʻole o ka hewa. Me kahi pumehana wale nō, ka maikaʻi kumu like āu e hāʻawi ai i kekahi mea ʻē aʻe e hala paʻakikī ana.
Inā kani kēlā me he palupalu, e noho iki me mākou. ʻIke ka poʻe e aʻo i kēia i ke kūʻē. ʻAʻole ʻo ka lokomaikaʻi iā ʻoe iho e ʻiā ʻoe e palaualelo a hoʻokuʻu iā ʻoe i ke kuleana. Hana pinepine ia iā ʻoe i paʻa aku, hopohopo iki aku, a mākaukau aku e hoʻāʻo hou ma hope o kou hāʻule.
No ke aha e hoʻi hewa ai ka ʻoʻoleʻa iā ʻoe iho
Aia kahi moʻolelo i omo nui ʻʻia e kākou ma kahi: ʻo ka hoʻopiʻi iā ʻoe iho ke mīkini o ka hoʻomaikaʻi pono. Mālama mālie iā ʻoe iho a lilo ʻoe i palupalu. Mālama ʻoʻoleʻa iā ʻoe iho a noho ʻoi.
ʻO ka pilikia, ʻaʻole heluhelu kou kino iā ia pēlā. Pā ka kamaʻilio ʻoʻoleʻa iā ʻoe iho me he pilikia lā, a neʻe kahi lolo ma lalo o ka pilikia i ka pale, ka pūʻkaula like e mālama ana i ka pilikia maoli. Piʻi ke cortisol. Hoʻohaʻahaʻa ʻka noʻonoʻo. Hāmau ka ʻāpana ou e aʻo a hoʻoponopono pilikia ai ma ka manawa pono e pono ai ʻoe iā ia. No laila ʻaʻole ʻoe e ʻoi aku. Lilo ʻoe i liʻiliʻi aku, pale aku, a hiki aku ke hūnā i ka hewa a paʻa ma kahi o ka hoʻoponopono.
Hoʻouna ke aloha iā ʻoe iho i kahi hōʻailona ʻokoʻa. Ke pane ʻoe i kou ʻeha ponoʻī me ka mālama, heluhelu kou ʻōnaehana i ka palekana, ʻaʻole i ka pilikia. Mai kēlā wahi mālie aku, hiki iā ʻoe ke nānā i ka mea i hewa me ke kā ʻʻole, ʻo ia wale nō ke kūlana e hiki ai iā ʻoe ke hoʻololi i kekahi mea.
Māhele ka mea noʻonoʻo ʻo Kristin Neff, ka mea i hoʻolilo i nā mau makahiki e aʻo i kēia, i ke aloha iā ʻoe iho i ʻekolu ʻāpana. He pono ke ʻike no ka mea hoʻoponopono kēlā me kēia i kahi pahele kikoʻī.
Ka lokomaikaʻi iā ʻoe iho ma kahi o ka hoʻopiʻi iā ʻoe iho
ʻO ka ʻāpana mua ka mea maʻalahi loa a paʻakikī loa: ka mālama ʻana iā ʻoe iho me ke ahonui like āu e hāʻawi ai i kahi hoaaloha. Ke hāʻule ʻoe, ʻo ka manaʻo mua ka hoʻonui aʻe. ʻO ka lokomaikaʻi iā ʻoe iho ke koho ʻʻia e hoʻomaʻalili ma kahi o ka hōʻino. ʻO ka ʻōlelo, ma ke kumu, *he paʻakikī kēia i kēia manawa, a e kū wau ma koʻu ʻaoʻao ʻoiai wau e hala ai.*
Ke kanaka like ma kahi o ka ʻʻ
Ke hewa nā mea, haʻi ka ʻeha i kahi wahaheʻe. Hāwanawana ia iā ʻoe ʻo ʻoe wale nō ka mea i ʻʻloa pēlā, ua paʻa nā mea ʻē aʻe a pau. ʻO ke kanaka like ka hoʻomanaʻo ʻana i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo: he ʻāpana ka hakakā, ka hāʻule, a me ka manaʻo ʻʻo ke kuʻikahi kanaka kaʻana like. ʻAʻole kekahi e pakele. ʻAʻole ʻoe i wāwahi ʻia ma kekahi ʻano pilikino. He kanaka ʻoe, e hana ana i ka mea a nā kānaka e hana ai, ʻo ia ka hāʻule i kekahi manawa.
Ka nānā ʻma kahi o ke ʻi loko ona
ʻO ka ʻāpana ʻakolu ka paʻa ʻana i kou mau manaʻo paʻakikī me ka pahu ʻole iā lākou a i ʻole ke ale ʻʻia e lākou. Kapa ʻoe i ka mea e hana nei. *Hilahila wau. Makaʻu wau ua hoʻoka ʻwau i nā kānaka.* Hoʻokuʻu ʻoe iā ia he ʻoiaʻiʻo me ka hoʻololi ʻole iā ia i kahi hoʻokolokolo o loko ʻelua hola. ʻO ka nānā ʻma ʻaneʻi, ʻo ia wale nō ka ʻike akāka ʻana i ka manaʻo i ʻole ai e holo i ka hōʻʻholoʻokoʻa.
ʻO ka mea ʻaʻole ia
Hihia kekahi mau mea me ke aloha iā ʻoe iho, no laila e wehe kākou iā lākou.
ʻAʻole ia he minamina iā ʻoe iho. ʻŌlelo ka minamina iā ʻoe iho *ʻwau, ʻʻkēia iaʻu wale nō* a hoʻopōkole i kou ao. ʻŌlelo ke aloha iā ʻoe iho *he paʻakikī kēia a hiki nā mea paʻakikī i nā mea a pau* a mālama iā ʻoe i pili.
ʻAʻole ia he hoʻokuʻu iā ʻoe iho mai ke kuleana. Hiki iā ʻoe ke ʻpiha ua hana ʻino ʻoe i kekahi mea a ʻaʻole hahau iā ʻoe iho no ia. ʻO ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, ʻo ka poʻe lokomaikaʻi aku iā lākou iho, lawe wikiwiki aku lākou i ke kuleana, no ka mea ʻaʻole ʻʻka ʻae ʻana i kahi hewa me he ʻōlelo make lā.
A ʻaʻole ia he like me ka mahalo iā ʻoe iho. Hilinaʻi pinepine ka mahalo iā ʻoe iho i ka ʻkūikawā a ma luna o ka awelika, ʻo ia hoʻi haʻalele pinepine ia iā ʻoe i nā lā āu e hāʻule ai. Aia ke aloha iā ʻoe iho ma kēlā mau lā maoli. ʻAʻole koi ia iā ʻoe e lanakila. Koi wale ia iā ʻoe e kanaka.
Pehea e kūkulu maoli ai
He akamai kēia, ʻo ia hoʻi ʻoi aku kona ikaika me ka hoʻomaʻamaʻa, ʻoiai ʻa ʻano maoli ʻole i ka wā mua. He mau mea e kōkua maoli ai:
- E hopu i ka leo. Hoʻomaka ka hana holoʻokoʻa me ka ʻike ʻana i ka haʻʻʻoi ʻoiai e hana ana. ʻAʻole hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻohaʻahaʻa i kahi leo āu e lohe ʻole ai. No kekahi mau lā, e hoʻolohe wale iā ia. ʻAʻole pono e hoʻoponopono i kekahi mea i kēia manawa.
- E nīnau i ka nīnau hoaaloha. Ke hopu ʻoe iā ʻoe iho i waena o ka hoʻonui, e paʻa a nīnau: he aha kaʻu e ʻōlelo ai i kahi hoaaloha ma kēia wahi maoli? ʻIke pinepine ʻoe. Puka maʻalahi nā ʻno nā mea ʻē aʻe. ʻO ka hana, ʻo ke kuhi ʻana iā lākou i loko.
- E kākau i kahi leka iā ʻoe iho. Manaʻo ʻo Harvard Health e kākau no kahi kūlana ʻeha me he mea lā no kekahi āu e aloha ai, me ka hoʻāhewa ʻole i kekahi, me ʻoe iho. ʻO ka kau ʻana iā ia ma ka pepa, hoʻolohi ia i ka wili a ʻi kahi leo lokomaikaʻi i kahi ʻōlelo. He helu nō kekahi mau ʻ.
- E hoʻohana i kou kino. ʻAʻole hiki iā ʻoe ke noʻonoʻo i kou ala i ka mālie ʻoiai paʻa kou kino. He lima ma kou umauma, he hanu puka lōʻihi, ka ʻai ʻana i kekahi mea, ka moe ʻana no ʻumi minuke. Haʻi kēia mau hana mālama kino liʻiliʻi i kou ʻōnaehana aʻalolo ua pau ka pilikia a hana i nā manaʻo lokomaikaʻi i maʻalahi aku ke kāhea.
- E hoʻāʻo i hoʻokahi ʻōlelo paʻa. E koho i kekahi mea maʻalahi a ʻoiaʻiʻo āu e hoʻi ai i kahi manawa paʻakikī. *He manawa paʻakikī kēia. Hiki nā manawa paʻakikī i nā kānaka a pau. E lokomaikaʻi iki paha wau iaʻu iho i kēia manawa.* Kani ia he ʻke kākau ʻia. I ka manawa, hana ia.
E hoʻomaka me hoʻokahi o kēia mau mea. ʻAʻole ʻo ka pahuhopu ka hoʻololi piha i kou kamaʻilio ʻana iā ʻoe iho a hiki i ka Pōʻalima. ʻO ka hoʻʻʻana i ka maʻamau kahiko i pinepine iki aku ma mua o ka pule i hala.
ʻAʻole he manaʻo nani wale nō
ʻOi aku ka paʻa o ka noiʻi ma ʻaneʻi ma mua o ka manaʻo o nā kānaka. Ma loko o nā haʻawina he nui, kū like ke aloha iā ʻoe iho kiʻekiʻe aku me ka hopohopo a me ke kaumaha haʻahaʻa aʻe, a hoʻʻnā papahana e aʻo ana iā ia i ke koʻikoʻi a me ke ʻano kaumaha. Ua ʻike kahi loiloi o nā papahana i hoʻokumu ʻia ma ke aloha iā ʻoe iho i kahi hoʻʻkoʻikoʻi o nā hōʻʻkoʻikoʻi ma hope o ka pilikia, me ka papahana lōʻihi aku e kōkua nui ai. ʻAʻole he lapaʻau kēia, a ʻaʻole ia he mana. He maʻamau hiki ke aʻo me kahi hopena maoli ma luna o kou ʻʻ.
ʻO kēlā ʻāpana hope ka mea koʻikoʻi loa. ʻAʻole ʻoe i paʻa me ka leo āu i ulu ai. Hiki ke aʻo hou ʻia ke ʻano āu e mālama ai iā ʻoe iho i kou mau minuke paʻakikī loa, mālie, e like me kekahi maʻamau.
I ka wā lawa ʻole ka lokomaikaʻi wale
He hana o kēlā me kēia lā ke aloha iā ʻoe iho, ʻaʻole he pani no ka mālama ke pono ʻoe i ka ʻoi aku. Inā ua paʻa ka leo ʻoʻoleʻa o loko i kekahi mea e kani ana me he inaina maoli iā ʻoe iho, inā ke noho nei ke ʻano kaumaha a i ʻole ka hopohopo ma kou mau lā me ka hoʻomaha ʻole, a i ʻole inā ke manaʻoiʻo nei ʻoe iā ʻoe iho e ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi ke hala ʻoe, e ʻoluʻolu e mālama i kēlā he hōʻailona e kāhea aku, ʻaʻole e pahu iho hoʻokahi. Hiki i kahi kauka a i ʻole kahi kauka noʻonoʻo ke kōkua ma nā ʻano hiki ʻole i kahi hana kākau, a aia kahi laina pilikia i kēlā me kēia hola e pono ai ʻoe i kahi kanaka e kamaʻilio ai i kēia manawa.
ʻAʻole he hāʻule o ke aloha iā ʻoe iho ke kāhea i ke kōkua. ʻO ia kekahi o nā mea lokomaikaʻi loa hiki iā ʻoe ke hana nou iho.
Nā kumu
- Harvard Health Publishing, 4 ways to boost your self-compassion
- Greater Good Science Center, UC Berkeley, The Three Components of Self-Compassion (Kristin Neff)
- Mindfulness (PMC), Investigating the Influence of Self-Compassion-Focused Interventions on Posttraumatic Stress: A Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis