Ua noi ʻia ʻo ia e haʻi i ka ʻōlelo hoʻohanohano ma kahi pāʻina hoʻomaha hana no kekahi kanaka āna i mahalo ai, a ua mālama koʻikoʻi ʻo ia i ia hana. ʻEhā kākau mua, no ia kanaka nā mea a pau. ʻO ka mea āna i hana ai i ka makahiki 2009 a ʻaʻohe mea ʻē aʻe i hana. ʻO ke ʻano o kāna alakaʻi ʻana i ka lumi me ka hoʻokiʻekiʻe ʻole i kona leo. ʻO ke kelepona āna i hana ai no kahi mea nānā ʻikepili ʻōpio i ʻike ʻole ai.
I kona hoʻi ʻana i ka home, ua ʻike ʻo ia hiki ʻole iā ia ke kākau i ia paukū nona iho. ʻAʻole no ka haʻahaʻa. He akamai loa ʻo ia i kāna hana a ʻike ʻo ia i kēlā. ʻAʻole wale nō ʻo ia i ʻike i nā huaʻōlelo he ʻumikumamālima a kekahi e hoʻohana ai.
He kūlana maʻamau kēlā no ke kanaka mākaukau, a hiki ke hoʻoponopono ʻia i loko o ka hapalua hola. Ke kākau ʻia nei ka ʻōlelo a nā kānaka e hoʻohana ai nou, hoʻokahi pule maʻamau i ka manawa. Hiki iā ʻoe ke ʻae i kona hoʻoulu wale ʻana, a i ʻole hiki iā ʻoe ke kākau i ke kākau mua a laila e hele e hoʻolilo iā ia i ʻoiaʻiʻo.
He aha ka ʻōlelo, a no ke aha he ʻumikumamālima huaʻōlelo?
ʻO ia ka lālani a kekahi mea ʻike iā ʻoe e hoʻohana ai e wehewehe iā ʻoe i ka wā ʻaʻole ʻoe i loko o ka lumi, a ʻo ka ʻumikumamālima ka palena e koi ai i kahi hoʻoholo maoli. Ke ʻae nei ka mea lōʻihi aʻe iā ʻoe e mālama i ʻekolu mea nui ʻaʻole ou, a ʻo ia pono ke ala e lilo ai nā ʻōlelo mikiona pilikino i mau paukū hiki ʻole i kekahi ke hoʻomanaʻo, me ka mea nāna i kākau.
Hana ka mana pōkole i kekahi mea hiki ʻole i ka mea lōʻihi. Pono ia e hiki ke haʻi ʻia. Inā hiki ʻole iā ʻoe ke haʻi i loko o hoʻokahi hanu, ʻaʻole loa ia e haʻi hou ʻia, a ʻo ka ʻōlelo i haʻi hou ʻole ʻia, ʻaʻole ia ka ʻōlelo a nā kānaka e hoʻohana ai nou. He palapala ia.
He mea kōkua ka ʻike ʻana i ka nui o ka pahuhopu. He ʻumikumamāiwa huaʻōlelo ka ʻōlelo "Ua hoʻolimalima ʻo ia i nā kānaka i hoʻolimalima ʻole ʻia e nā mea ʻē aʻe a ke alakaʻi nei ka hapalua o lākou i kēia manawa," a pono ia e ʻoki ʻia. He ʻewalu ka ʻōlelo "Ua haʻi ʻo ia i ka helu iā ʻoe i ka manawa mua, i kēlā me kēia manawa," a hiki iā ia ke lawe hou aʻe. Aia i loko o ia pae kahi mana maopopo no ʻoe a pōkole hoʻi e haʻi ʻia ma ka pākaukau. ʻO ia ka pahuhopu holoʻokoʻa, a ʻoi aku kona liʻiliʻi ma mua o kou manaʻo ma mua o kou hoʻomaka ʻana.
Aia nō hoʻi kahi hōʻike maikaʻi ʻaʻole ia he hana hoʻonani wale ke kākau ʻana e pili ana i kāu mau waiwai kumu. Ua ʻike ka nānā ʻana a Cohen lāua ʻo Sherman i ka hana hōʻoiaʻiʻo iā ʻoe iho ma ka Annual Review of Psychology, hiki i ke kākau pōkole e pili ana i nā waiwai pilikino ke hoʻomaikaʻi i nā hopena ma ka hoʻonaʻauao, ke olakino a me nā pilina, i kekahi manawa he mau mahina a he mau makahiki ma hope, no ka mea nui, hoʻololi ia i ke ʻano o ka heluhelu ʻana o ke kanaka i ke koʻikoʻi i mua ona. ʻO ka ʻumikumamālima huaʻōlelo, ʻo ia ia hana me ka hana i pili pū.
Pehea wau e kākau ai i kaʻu me ke kani ʻoihana ʻole?
E kākau e pili ana i nā kānaka a me ka hana, ʻaʻole loa e pili ana i nā māhele. E ʻoki i kēlā me kēia huaʻōlelo e kapa ana i ke kūlana hana, i ka ʻoihana, a i kahi huaʻōlelo hōʻike āu e ʻike ai ma kahi loiloi hana, a ʻo ka mea e ola ana, kokoke ia i ka ʻōlelo ʻoiaʻiʻo.
Hōʻea ka hapa nui o nā kānaka ma laila me ʻekolu holo.
Ka holo mua, e kākau ʻino. E kākau i kekahi mea. He kākau mua ʻino maikaʻi ka ʻōlelo "He alakaʻi noʻonoʻo mua e alakaʻi ana i nā hopena hoʻololi," no ka mea, hōʻike ia i kāu mea i omo ai ma mua o kāu mea i koho ai.
Ka holo ʻelua, e hoʻokomo i kanaka. ʻO kahi ʻōlelo me ke kanaka ʻē ʻole i loko, he lālani palapala hana ia. He ʻōlelo maoli kēia: "Ua hoʻokō ʻo ia i ʻekolu ʻoihana a ʻaʻole ʻo ia i lawe i ka mahalo." He ʻōlelo maoli kēia: "Ua haʻi ʻo ia i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo i nā kānaka i ka manawa kūpono e hana ai lākou i kekahi mea." Kapa lāua ʻelua i kahi hana e ʻike ʻia e ka mea i loaʻa ai.
Ka holo ʻekolu, e ʻoki a hiki i ka ʻumikumamālima. Hoʻopiʻi kēlā me kēia huaʻōlelo āu e holoi ai i ke kumu kūʻai o nā mea e ola ana. E holoi mua i nā huaʻōlelo hōʻike, a laila i nā huaʻōlelo palena, a laila i ka hana.
E hana i hoʻokahi nānā hope. Hiki anei i kahi hoa hana ke haʻi i kēia nou me ka maka ʻoiaʻiʻo i kēia lā, a i loko wale nō paha o ka mana ou e ola ana ma hope o kēia makahiki aʻe? He waiwai nā pane ʻelua. ʻO ka mua, ua loaʻa iā ʻoe kahi wehewehe. ʻO ka lua, ua loaʻa iā ʻoe kahi pahuhopu, a ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o ia.
Pehea wau e nānā ai inā he ʻoiaʻiʻo maoli ia?
E nānā i ka mahina i hala, ʻaʻole i ka makahiki e hiki mai ana. E wehe i kāu kalena a me kāu mau leka i hoʻouna ʻia no nā pule ʻehā i hala a e kaha i kēlā me kēia manawa a kahi malihini e paʻa ana i kāu ʻōlelo e wānana ai, a laila e helu i ka pākēneka o kou mau hola hana i piha ia mau manawa.
ʻO ka makahiki aʻe kahi e peʻe ai nā kānaka. Kūlike ka hoʻolālā a kēlā me kēia kanaka no ka makahiki aʻe me kāna ʻōlelo, no ka mea, ʻaʻohe pilikia kaʻa o ka makahiki aʻe. He hōʻike ka mahina i hala. Aia i loko ka hālāwai āu i ʻae ai no ka maʻamau, ka mea āu i hana maikaʻi ai me ka noi ʻole ʻia, a me nā hola ʻelua āu i hāʻawi ai i kekahi me ke kākau ʻole ma kahi.
ʻOiai ʻoe i laila, e holo i kahi kolamu ʻelua: ʻo wai kaʻu i kōkua ai. E kapa i nā kānaka, ʻaʻole i nā papahana. ʻIke ka hapa nui o nā kānaka he piha aʻe kēia kolamu ma mua o ko lākou manaʻo a ʻaʻole loa i kākau ʻia, a he waiwai ka ʻike ʻana i kēlā, no ka mea, ʻo nā huaʻōlelo he ʻumikumamālima e ola ana no he ʻumi makahiki, pili pinepine lākou i kēlā kolamu ma mua o ka hana i puka.
Mai helu iā ʻoe iho mai loko mai o ka ʻumi ma kēia mau mea. He ana ka helu, a ʻo ka mea wale nō āu e pono ai mai ia mea, he helu hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻohālikelike me ka mahina aʻe. He kūlana hoʻomaka kūpono ka iwakālua pākēneka o kou mau hola e kuhikuhi ana i kāu ʻōlelo no ke kanaka me kahi hana maoli a me kahi kalena piha. ʻAʻole he pilikia ʻano kanaka ka ʻole pākēneka. He hopena hoʻonohonoho manawa ia, a ua ʻike mua ʻoe pehea e hoʻoponopono ai i ka hoʻonohonoho manawa.
He aha inā ʻaʻole kūlike ka mahina i hala me ka ʻōlelo?
A laila ua loaʻa iā ʻoe ka hapa waiwai, a ʻo ka hoʻoponopono, hoʻokahi hoʻololi kalena i kēia pule, ʻaʻole he ola hou. He pilikia hoʻonohonoho manawa kahi hakahaka o kekahi mau hola. He pilikia ʻōlelo kahi hakahaka o nā mea a pau, a ʻo ia hoʻi, ua kākau ʻoe i ka ʻōlelo āu e mahalo ai ma kahi o ka mea āu e pale ai.
ʻO ka hana a Sheldon lāua ʻo Elliot no ka kūlike o ka manaʻo ponoʻī, ʻo ia ke kumu e ʻoi aku ai ka waiwai o kēia ma mua o kona ʻike ʻia. ʻO nā pahuhopu e kūlike ana me ka mea a ke kanaka e waiwai maoli ai, loaʻa iā lākou ka ikaika hou aʻe a ʻoi aku ka hiki ke loaʻa, a hana ka loaʻa ʻana i ka mea ʻoi aku no ke kanaka ma mua o ka loaʻa ʻana o ke ʻano hōʻaiʻē. No laila ʻaʻole ka nānā ʻana he hana hoʻopaʻi. He nānā ia inā ke hoʻolilo nei ʻoe i kou ikaika nui i ka mea āu e koho ai inā ke koho maopopo nei ʻoe.
Inā he liʻiliʻi ka hakahaka, e neʻe i hoʻokahi manawa hana pinepine i kēia pule a e waiho i nā mea ʻē aʻe a pau. Inā he piha ka hakahaka, e kākau hou i ka ʻōlelo ma kahi o ke kalena, no ka mea, ʻo ka ʻōlelo hiki ʻole iā ʻoe ke noho i loko, he ala nani wale nō ia e ʻike ai ua hope ʻoe.
He kānāwai hoʻoholo nā huaʻōlelo he ʻumikumamālima, ʻaʻole he mele
Puka mai ka uku i ka manawa aʻe e noi mai ai kekahi i kekahi mea iā ʻoe. Hiki ʻole i ka hoʻolālā ʻelima makahiki ke kōkua iā ʻoe i ka hā o ke ʻauinalā, a hiki i ka ʻōlelo ʻumikumamālima huaʻōlelo, no ka mea, hiki iā ʻoe ke holo i kahi noi ma luna ona i loko o ʻelua kekona paha. Ke ʻae au i kēia, ʻoi aku anei ka ʻoiaʻiʻo o ka ʻōlelo a emi paha? ʻOi aku ka wikiwiki o kēlā ma mua o kekahi ʻōnaehana a hiki ke lawe ʻia ma nā hoʻoholo a pau āu e hana ai i kēia hapaha makahiki.
Ola nō hoʻi ia i ka hoʻololi hana, ka mea hiki ʻole i kahi hoʻolālā i kūkulu ʻia ma luna o ke kūlana hana. Neʻe nā hui, nā ʻoihana a me nā mea hoʻolimalima, a neʻe piha kahi ʻōlelo no ke ʻano o kāu mālama ʻana i nā kānaka a me kāu mea e koi ai. ʻO ia ke kumu kūpono e waiho ai nā huaʻōlelo he ʻumikumamālima i ka hana ma waho. Hoʻolimalima wale ʻia nā kūlana hana. Nou ka hana, a ʻo ka hana ka mea a kekahi e haʻi maoli ai nou ma kahi pāʻina he iwakālua makahiki mai kēia lā aku.
Maʻalahi loa hoʻi ka nalowale ʻana o nā huaʻōlelo he ʻumikumamālima i loko o kahi polokalamu memo, no laila e waiho iā lākou ma kahi kino. A laila e hoʻomau. ʻAʻole ka ʻōlelo he noi e hoʻolohi a e makemake i ka liʻiliʻi o kekahi mea. He kānana ia e ʻae ai iā ʻoe e ʻae ikaika aku i nā mea koʻikoʻi, no ʻelua ʻumi makahiki hou aʻe, me ka pilikia makahiki ʻole no ka nīnau inā i kuhikuhi ʻia kekahi o ia mau mea i kahi.
Nā Kumu
- Annual Review of Psychology, The psychology of change: self-affirmation and social psychological intervention
- Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Goal striving, need satisfaction, and longitudinal well-being: the self-concordance model